Starin’ down at the exam sheet, I dunno what’s written there at all. Charles sits across from me almost waiting expectin’ me to get it. I clear my throat. This morning was a benchmark exam, whatever the fuck that was. If I’m gonna learn, I’m gonna need to know what I can and can’t do. Apparently I can’t really read to save my life. Of course, I know SOME things, but I’m s’posed to read all this aloud an’ I can’t.

“Professor, I can’t make heads ‘er tails of anything.” my cheeks heat up and I look away. He’s a real nice guy and I don’t want to make him hate me. But he just smiles and nods.

“That’s quite alright, Victor. Considering your background, it’s hard to believe you could get an education.” he seems okay with all of it so I won’t get thrown into a dungeon or anything like that.

His eyebrows furrow, “You’ve been thrown into-”

“Yeah, can I go now?” I let out a snarl, just reminding him to not go digging like he did before. Even if he wanted to help, it’s for my own good that I don’t think about it. Just move right on forward.

I’m tryin’ to learn how to read now, writing better. Lookin’ at a picture book just to try to figure out what it says. The library is huge, with high ceilings n’ windows. Smells like coffee an’ walnuts. Normal shelves, low shelves, floor t’ ceiling. This place has it all. I close the book with a happy little huff. I jus’ finished a little story about a corduroy wearin’ bear an’ his jelly sandwiches when I hear people whisperin’ about me.

“That’s him?”

“Yeah, look at how big he is!”

“Don’t stare!”

Rolling my eyes I say, “I can hear ya, y’know!” They move by me with a speed I haven’t really seen before when being around people. I mean yeah, I have fangs and claws, but I’m really not that scary, right?

Well, I am the son of one of the most terrifying mutants ever born so I can’t blame them for being so scared. I find somewhere outside that’s quiet. Closing my eyes, the old memories begin to play.

Let’s go back a while. I was seven, only a year or two out of my mother’s cabin and her death still fresh. Wandering the backroads of the Canadian wilderness with nothing but my instincts and the clothes on my back.

The horror was gonna hit me over the head soon but there was nothing much I knew for the first few months of being in that weird cell. All I could hear when the tranqs wore off was Hell Broke Luce. Tom Waits. Not bad but not what I’d listen to anymore. ‘Cause the man it belonged to is a guy we only knew as ‘Sarge.’

“We got a real treasure.” The formless mass that was the guy who took me from the wilderness said, his voice really faded from my brain fast, but this day… I’d never forget it.

“Really? What can he do?” Sarge knelt, eyes behind a pair of smarmy lookin’ Ray-Bans. His hair was shorn short and he smelled like watery cigarettes and whiskey if you mixed it up with motor oil.

Blood didn’t make it smell better at all.

He wore a really weird lookin’ suit. Like it was a fancy suit but patched up. Later on it was because my fellow gladiators tried escaping but he’d somehow get ‘em in the end. That same suit was on his body when I tore him a new one. His teeth were pearly white, but there was a weird one hanging out from the top lip. It’s like a fang, his sunglasses come off and his eyes are straight, an almost black color. He also had a beauty mark under his left eye. 

His eyes got stabbed out by my claws first thing.

The Beast never liked him. He gave me a nice smile and reached through the bars with somethin’ in his hand. It was a candy bar, something to make me like him. It was his hand I tore off first. But the thing is, back when I escaped from that horrible place, that damp n’ dark cell, and that too-hot arena… I never enjoyed it. I should’ve. His life fading in my arms never felt right. The others saw me drop his body like a stone.

I upchucked on the floor, little hands trembling and scared, did I enjoy that? The only thing I could do was stand with my bloody hands and stare down at Sarge’s body. That’s when it flashes to that weird white void again. Standing in front of me is Jean, her red hair billowing down as she leans in to look at me.

“Victor?”

I blink myself out of the void, “Jean! Sorry, I was…”

“Reminiscing?”

“Yeah, that.” I stand and smile, scratching the back of my head, “I know, really mature of me. How’d you know I was out here?”

She walks beside me, “Well, I have my ways. How’re you settling in?” There’s a moment where I realize there wasn’t really anything to keep me here.

“Well, I’m doin’ okay. It’s… it’s weird, y’know?” looking at her, I go quiet, “I shouldn’t toss this on ya, Jean. It’s not your problem…” 

Jean sighs, “Look, if it’s better to talk to me than it is Mr. Logan or the Professor like this. I'm fine with it.”

“But what about Scott?” I blurt, “You an’ him definitely have a thing goin’ and my history with gals isn’t too nice ‘cause my- Well, you get it.” Jean chuffs a little and then starts laughing. Heat dapples my cheeks and I can’t help but let out a chuckle too.

She and I head back towards the classrooms, Kurt and Remy also joining in with Anna and Jubilee also grouping up with Scott and Logan being at the classroom already. It’s your standard classroom with not a lot going on.

All I could feel with Scott is that glare of his. Like I’m not supposed to be near Jean. Or even here in general. Normally I’d puff up and snarl, make a big show of how I’m strong, but I can’t bring myself to have that soul in me anymore. Maybe I don’t belong here? These people are preparin’ for a war I don’t wanna be part of. They seem to be nice people at first glance, but deep down… I know they’re gonna hurt me. When they go, or when they die horribly ‘cause I didn’t run that far from them.

“I’ll see you later, Jean.” I say, walking back towards Charles’s office. See, instead of classes like I might get when I improve, I get therapy sessions to see what he has to work with. He looks up from his work with a kind smile and a warmth in his eyes.

“Ah, Victor. Come in.” he greets, rolling to the front of the desk as I sit down across from him. He silence, the whirring of the fans, the sunlight shining through the high windows and the door to Cerebro being on a wall nearby.

Charles clears his throat, “Now with my understanding, you’re a very instinctual person. Going with what your gut and instincts say.”

“Sure. Yeah.” I answer, “What’s new?”

“Well, let’s do some word associations.”

“Okay?” I cross my hands, my fingers pushing a little off the claws, he takes out that journal he was writing in when we met.

“Father.”

“Death, Anger, Asshole, Brutal.”

He scribbles, “Mother.”

“Sad. Lovely. Dead.”

Another scribbling, “Arena.”

“Tearing, Ripping, Rampaging…” I take a breath, “First…”

“First?”

“My first murders. I… I had to kill them. Sarge wouldn’t let me spare ‘em. I couldn’t take it anymore when I fought that girl with green hair. She… she looked so scared and… and I..”

“Do it! Do it, you Mutie freak!”

The girl, younger than I am or the same age as I was, nails poke out of my body. Long green hair matted with sweat and blood, eyes terrified. I remember my claws bein’ longer, fangs a nightmare, and my eyes wider than ever and bloodshot. I turned and pounced, even with the electricity dancing through my veins, burning me away. I couldn’t let myself kill another. So my hands destroyed him, blood raining onto the arena floor and chain link walls.

I throw my head back, “GYAAAARRRRRHHHH!” coming back to reality I’m standing with arms out to my sides, down and leaning back with that same roar. Charles looks up at me and there’s shock in his eyes.

“You remembered something.”

“Of course I did. You’re so shocked?” I can’t help but snarl that. I don’t want to remember that, and my roar was just trying to get some of that out. Trying to get that feeling of rage out of me. Charles and I stare at each other.

“I don’ belong anywhere, Charles. An’... an’ I’d like to head back to Canada. If… if that’s okay.” I admit, even if I barely gave it a chance. I want to consider my options. Either I face my father and die horribly, some group of mutant haters killing me, or some other third thing.

Charles looks disappointed, but his gaze softens. He smiles.

“As you wish, Victor. You may return if you wish anytime.” That’s when Logan steps in, almost shocked but I stand tall.

“Once I find what’s out there for me. I’ll come back.” I give him a smile, “It’s what I wanna do. An’ if I can’t find anythin’ I’ll be here.”

I turn and leave the halls of Xaiver’s school, the slight feelin’ of sadness coursing through me, a constant hit of it. Familiar. That’s what it is, a familiar feelin’. That glare of Scott’s just made me think that I’d just tear apart the team’s whole rhythm.

That or I’m just scared or I haven’t set yet. 

So I leave, there’s no bag to pack and nothing to bring. Just the clothes on my back. Just get to the city and figure out how to get home. I don’t even care about my father trackin’ me down anymore.

Mostly ‘cause I know I’d hurt them.

---

New York City is a beehive. Sound, drones and workers buzzing around the lights like frantic stuff made them all too important. The clouds hang above the buildings like the ceiling of a cave. The cars careen and roll by. The waves of noise and smell, sight and touch all crash into me. My mind registers too much at once. My claws grow sharper and longer, my instincts all go crazy. The streets are all loud and too much and too bright.

Screwing my eyes shut and gritting my teeth, there’s a weird feeling in me. A buzzing, a quick breath puffs through my chest. My claws grind against the concrete wall I’m pressed against. What in the hell was I thinking? I don’t know where I am, or what I want to be. I’m stuck. But then, something or someone breaks me out of that. There’s screaming, crying. The scent of something metallic, the sound of a voice booms out from the distance.

“Mutant detected. Commencing apprehension.” Even if I didn’t know what the hell I was hearing, I wanted to help. Even if it weren’t my problem, my body just… acts. Bounding off towards the scent and screams, the sound of the whirring monster.

I don’t even have a plan, what the fuck am I gonna do once I get there? Just get moving, Creed! Get moving and help! On all fours, I leap into the air, vaulting over a building and towards a big metal man. He’s too focused on whoever’s down there to notice me comin’ in. His mistake, really. He’s a red and black armored man with somethin’ that looks almost like that Stark Stuff but offbrand. Trask, I think that’s what his name was?

My pounce lands me with grinding claws against the metal, lookin’ down on a small group of other Mutants. They’re just kids. Messy clothes, just barely used powers, all of it. Digging in my claws, I slash away at the thing’s ‘shoulder blades’. That’s when it sends a huge pulse through its body, almost making me shocked off but I cling on as tight as my body’ll let me as it stiffens. But then, there’s a weird crunching sound, like metal scraping on metal. Or more like getting crunched.

Floating above me is a familiar face. Green eyes, light green hair, the same metallic scent. There’s a heavy slam and I’m thrown headlong before I smash through a window. Glass shards tear at my jacket, the warm metal taste of my blood courses through my mouth.

The girl floats in front of me, throwing up some scrap in front of us, she looks at me with a calm smile. There’s a four-clawed mark on her right shoulder, but she just focuses. A beam fires from the hand of the thing. It bends around the scrap, throwing stray energy towards other parts of the building, but I can’t just let it do as it wants! She’s telling me with her eyes to smoke the damn thing and I oblige, bounding forward with a wide smile on my face.

“Right!” I hit the air, claws raking up the robot’s palm and leaping off the finger and digging in on his face, “Get the others outta here, Green girl!” Despite the pain, my healing factor is working harder than it ever had before, and my body is trying to stop me.'

That’s when it booms, “Target on face, engage thrusters.” the bot launches off the ground, the girl in green watches as I’m almost splattered against the surface of the thing because of how fast it’s flying.

In those moments, everything fades, the city gets smaller and smaller, the bot flies faster and faster but I bust through its eye, tearing at the internals and biting at the face plating, going at it like a rabid animal. I don’t even remember what I hit, all I remember of what happened after was the searing pain, not feeling one of my arms, and everything goin’ dark. In the darkness, there’s the Beast. Whimpering and whining, almost looking like he’s guilty.

“Why’re ya so torn up?” I ask, “Issit about Jean and the others?”

The Beast nods, “Don’t worry big guy, we’re better off without them.”

He motions for earlier, “Yeah yeah, I know that was stupid a’ me.” He glares at me almost as if to say we didn’t give them much of a chance TO help us, we just up and left.

There’s voices and I can make out at least one of them.

“You’re lucky I managed to catch him, Lorna…” a cold, harsh toned voice states, it’s a girl’s voice. She sounds older than me so I guess she is. There’s another.

“Are you sure he’s the same beast that hurt you in that arena, sister?” a boy’s voice, still older than me. He’s got a weird vibe about him. He smells like burnt rubber an’ asphalt.

“Pietro, Wanda… I know you wanna protect me, but he… he protected me too.” There’s a soft warmth in that voice. My eyes open, slowly adjusting to the changes, my body’s going through the healing.

There she is. That girl. She’s got a smile on her lips, “Ah! You’re awake!” she gingerly grabs my right hand, “Are you comfortable?”

“Rrgh…” I growl, “W…water…” she passes a cup with a straw towards my lips and I take it, gently sipping at it and letting the cold goodness wash it’s way down my throat. In short, I’m in a kind of infirmary. 

The girl, Lorna, she smiles down at me, “How ironic that we ran into each other again.”

“Small world, Lorna.” I state with a slight smirk, “My name’s Victor.”

She squeezes my hand and I look down at it. It looks just normal, the other one too. I guess sleep really was good for my healing. I notice my jacket and shirt hanging over a chair, not torn but mended, and my jeans too.

“Thanks for your help, Victor.” she says, “That Sentinel was something else.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about those up in Canada. Seems like an American thing.” I look at her with a grin, “But we beat it’s tin can ass, right?”

“Well, I held it back, you tore it through the brain, and my sister handled the rest.” she lets go of my hand as there’s a soft scoff. A boy with silver hair in a green tracksuit with a lightning bolt on the front crosses his arms.

“Shall I leave the two of you alone so you can get whatever… this is out of your systems?” he motions with his hands at me and I glare at him.

“Who’s the silverhead?”

“That ‘silverhead’ is my big brother Pietro.” Lorna snips back, “And he’s the most stubborn man I know.”

“Hey! I’m standing right here!”

Lorna sticks her tongue out at him and he scoffs and leaves, “Don’t mind him, Victor. He’s just overprotective.”

“Gee, ain’t I lucky?” I laugh, “Still, where am I?”

“I’ll show you!” Lorna darts to her feet, I just now noticed she’s wearing a strange green costume with a silver circlet and accents, the circlet goes around her face with a winglike structure. Her hand grips mine tighter and slowly helps me out of the bed. Looking in the mirror I see my body.

Marred with scars where the burns from my Sentinel fight are. More slashes from the glass, and pocks from the bullets, the slits from the stab wounds. I pull on my shirt and jeans, my jacket too. 

“How long was I out, Lorna?”

“For a couple of days, really."

Lorna takes my hand again and leads me out of the room into a long hallway. There’re other mutants, wandering the halls, talking with others that have lab coats and doctor’s licenses. There’s a lot more to this place. The building is big, more like a repurposed warehouse. Lorna leads me gently through it with a smile on her face. She’s the same age as me, and well we’d fought before. I guess she believes in second chances.

The room is full of bunk beds, places to hang out, a TV to watch tuned to whatever people wanted. This was a shelter. A place meant to be safe. Lorna watches me with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. That same glimmer I saw the night I slaughtered Sarge. Freed the other mutants. That or I was just fed up about killing someone. But the room around us, it’s full of life. Far more of a home than I thought it’d be.

Lorna’s voice pipes up, “Welcome to Genosha. It’s a start up my father runs. It’s not much right now, but… one day he wants to make a country for mutants to all live together.”

That gives me pause, “Really? Wow…” I look around and I see so many people working together and there’s a man standing with a few others. One looks kinda like a Toad, and the other’s absolutely massive in the weight class department, and the third crosses towards us.

He’s wearing a plain black suit and has a mauve tie on. He looks serious and while being an old man there’s still some strength in him. Lorna hustles over and hugs him tightly.

“Oho! These old bones aren’t what they used to be, my dear Lorna!”

“Oh stop it, Dad! We have a guest!” she lets go and I step forward, “Father, this is Victor Creed Junior, the boy who saved me when I was taken up north all those years ago.” his expression is taut but he gives me a small smile.

“Hm.” he grunts, “Hungry, Mr. Creed?”

“Call me Victor. You know me?” I follow him towards the kitchens, he chuckles.

“Of course, I make it my business to know the major movers and shakers of the next generation of our kind. Lo and behold my precious little Lorna had encountered you and I just had to thank you for it.”

Lorna’s cheeks flush red and she looks away, he and her lead me towards a deeper part of the building that looks like a big kitchen and it smells like one.

He led me inside and to sit at a stool, “Come now, sit.”

I amble onto the stool and there’s a plate waiting for me. I sniff the food and there’s no poison in it. It’s weird that he’s been kind. I take a bite an’ it tastes like normal raw cut meat. He doesn’t sit down but he does pour some wine out for himself.

“Do you drink?” he asks.

“No, I don’t. You’re from Europe. I’m sixteen.” he doesn’t lose that smile and I’m ready to bail in seconds. There’s a closer way out so if this bastard doesn’t have a hard counter to my mutant powers I can run like hell.

“Yes I am, very observant of you.” the old man says, a knowing smile on his face, "Why fight so hard for something you don't want or believe in? What's in it for you?" His voice is tinged with a German accent.

"You really wanna know?" I growl, still watching him for any slip ups or revelations of his power so I can know what I’m up against.

"No, but I can assume that there's someone keeping you there. Someone who has your attention. Her name is... Jean?"

I rise, "Whaddya want with her?!" My claws pop out and I loom over him, “If yer gonna hurt my friend I swear t’god an’ his furies that-” he stops and raises his hands, calming me down a good bit.

That, and Lorna flinched at me rising all the sudden, and I scaled back a bit. I look at her fear and gulp my own back. I know I might need to run again.

"Nothing, nothing my boy. Just... it's such a basic reason. A reason so pure and innocent. Thinking of love. Fighting tooth and nail for it." He smiles and pats my arm, "I can relate, Victor."

His blue eyes shine, "Abandoned by both parents, chased around for sport by one of them, and now you're here. No idea how to navigate or act, or even if you want to follow my friend's pipe dream." his smile, his scent. 

He's got way more iron in him. The silver hair, the dark blue eyes, the commanding voice. I remember the stories I heard from the few mutants that DID help me get away from my Dad for a while. A liberator, the man who bent and crushed Auschwitz-Birkenau’s gate when he was just a boy. 

"You're..." I breathe excitement in my chest at meeting a living legend. It’s almost like meeting a president or a prime minister.

"I am Erik Lensherr, Victor Creed Jr. I mean you no harm. I was just wondering if you'd like to humor an old man's musings." he stands and beckons me to follow. Seeing as I had finished off the meat real fast.

"If you're here to convince me to join whatever boy's club y'got with my Dad in it, I'll pass." I snarl.

"Oh no, I had terminated Sabretooth from my ranks long ago. Unfortunately I couldn't come to retrieve you in time," he sighs and shakes his head.

"Why'd you want me?" I growl, "I'm the same as my father an' Mr. Logan."

"Ah, but that is where I must rebuke that notion. Where Charles and the other older mutants see an animal, I see a lost child. Very much like myself. No parents, no home, forced into a world where all I see are people standing by and watching us suffer." he gestures to an old Captain America poster.

"I had heard stories of their super soldier, of their 'Star Spangled Man with a Plan' early on in the war. Little did I know the hope of him coming to save us was just a lie." he warmly wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"Just like those cold, desolate nights in the Canadian frontier wishing you could have a home, a family, but every time you tried you found the ugly truth." he guides me to the railing overlooking the bay and the Statue of Liberty.

"This world suffers because of its lies, because no one ever sees the truth, all they do is divide and take. Take lives, take families, childhoods, warm shelters. Kills what it doesn't understand." he looks out at the statue.

"So many deaths for a lie."

He turns to me, "But you, Victor. You can let them all see the light, the ugly truth of the world plain as day. If you would just allow me to guide you and not shackle you." he draws me close.

"All that anger, all that rage inside you can become something beautiful. You can leave the name of your father, you can rise above where you were, and I can give you what you always wanted."

I let go, my claws out, "Nobody knows what I want. I don't even know what I want. How can you just say that you know?!"

“That is true…” Mr. Lensherr sighs, “Just consider my offer.” I turn and head back inside, but he pauses, his wise blue eyes looking at me.

“You’re in pain, and yet you soldier on. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

---

When I get outside, into the night air, breeze breathing softly through my long hair. My claws, still short. My fangs are still sharp. Everything is still so much and so loud. I close my eyes and strain back the tears. Eleven years. Eleven years of running, of hiding, of fighting. All I had was the Beast. He was there even when I was alone. I can’t die, I can’t let this all stop me. The lights glittering off the water blur, the buildings too.

Everything blurs and my knees give up. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know who I want to be. X-Man? Fighting for mutants? Hermit? I don’t know. Could I be happy? Could I eke out a new life? My eyes turn to molten flame, hot salty tears flow down my cheeks. But then there’s someone there. There’s someone holding onto me. Gentle, her cheek against my hair.

“There we go… let it out.” Lorna’s soft voice sounds like hope, “It’s okay, Victor…”

“I… I dunno what to… to do… I…” I sniffle, “I wanna be safe, I wanna live away from my Dad an’ an’ the fightin’... I hate it.”

Lorna hums, the night gently winding down as she holds me. I close my eyes and listen for her heartbeat. She’s not embarrassed but… but it still doesn’t feel right. Nothing does. The minute I get out of the School and the Sentinel shows up, the people, Lorna… What if it’s all a trick? What if she and Mr. Lensherr and her siblings are gonna hurt me? These are the questions I thought about as Lorna held me, gently listening to my shabby breaths heavy with grief.

I never got to grieve my mother, my lost childhood, none of it. So at least cryin’ in the arms of a friend was nice. She pulls back, holding me by the shoulders with a smile on her face.

“Better?” she asks, “Because crying all over my shirt’s…”

I step off, “Oh yeah, yeah… sorry. Never really… did that before. At least now. Back then I was-” she cuts me off with a quick peck on the forehead.

“You talk too much.” she says, inches from my face, “I’ll just give you some time to think this all over. You know where to find me, or I’ll come find you.”

“How will I know which is the right choice?”

She touches my cheek, “You’ll just know, Victor.”

In the end, I wander the city. Watching people living their lives free from everything I’ve been stuck with. The park bench I sit at is as good as anything to watch the time pass. But here’s the crossroads. Either I head back to the School and get drafted into a near endless war with my classmates and maybe have to hurt my new friend in the doing. Or I go with my new friend and her family to take back a random island and HOPE it isn’t blown up by humans.

I’m mullin’ it over when there’s a clunk of something next to me. Someone leans over with some bread and is spreading it for the birds as he as a six pack near him.

“Mr. Logan?!” I gasp, seeing the five foot three frame of my mentor sitting next to me. He glances over at me with a soft, almost jokey smirk.

“I’ve been where you are, bub.” he states, popping a can open and sipping at it, “Lost, confused. You have to decide your future but y’don’t know where to start. Choices are hard, and I could tell today that Jean was worried.”

“She was?” I breathe.

“It’s normal, Vic. She worries about everybody, but then she got joined by LeBeau. It was a whole thing Chuck had to calm everyone down about. Then we saw the Sentinel attack, and you goin’ for that flight an’ then-”

“Wait wait wait.” I raise a hand in a ‘hey wait’ motion, “You saw that?”

“Yeah. We did.”

Logan leans forward and grabs my shoulder, “Now’s the time to ask yourself what you want. What’s the benefits? What’s the downsides? All of it’s a twistin’ turnin’ thing that takes a bit to decide.”

“You saw that and refused to help? Me an’ my friend risked our lives for those people!” I snarl, “I got my arm blown off! They had to staple it back on!” My rage subsides.

“I ain’t smart, all I got are my claws an’ how to use ‘em. That’s it. I ain’t a hero, I just survive, what the fuck am I gonna do?” he squeezes my shoulder.

“If I were you, I’d do what you do best.” he says, “Both sides want’cha to choose, I’d say choose whichever one fits ya the most.”

In the end, it’s all there is. A choice. Either a hero or a revolutionary. A soldier or a freedom fighter. In the end… I gotta stand for something. So I stand up, shove my hands in my pockets, and look down at him.

I consider my options. The good is that the School is safe, well as far as I know. There’s a lot more going on too. I can get more of that education stuff. I don’t get stuck in some revolution or in constant battles, and I can take being monitored rather than just unleashed on some poor saps.

So I made my decision, and if Lorna wants to split hairs, I’d say bring it. Or maybe she’d switch sides and be another friend in the X-Men instead? I think that’s just wishful thinking as the kiss fades from my mind.

“Can… Can I at least start with you guys?”

Logan smirks, “You’re on.”

We shook on it.