cw;

I continued to stare up at Lady Azalea, the towering woman’s smile didn’t falter, and I felt a hot tingle of shame flood my entire body. Mortified, I tried to open my mouth to speak again, but I shut it again before another sound could escape past them. My shame refused to die down, as I had done something so debase and degrading as to Bark.

My eyes glued themselves to the floor, which gave me a glimpse of her long shapely legs and feet held within heeled shoes that only made her tower even more over me.

As the blissful feelings offered by the kiss and affection passed, a new emotion swelled up inside of me. Guilt.

Azalea was close with Lilia, that much was plain. And yet, we’d shared a kiss. After everything Lilia had done to help me, was this not a gross betrayal of their trust?

A soft hand rested under my chin and lifted my head up with a gentle force that I could not resist. She stared deeply into my eyes, her smirk having settled down into a gentle smile. “You’re such a cute little puppy~”

My head was a jumbled mess, and being this close to Lady Azalea was only making it harder for me to grasp at my scattered thoughts. My body wanted the touches to resume, for her to pat my head, and call me a good girl. My heart recoiled at the idea, overwhelmed as it was with my feelings of guilt and shame.

I don’t deserve it.

Lilia and Alder had been so kind to me, but ultimately it was much easier to just follow along with their instructions, and to obey. But now that I was feeling comfortable and my heart was exposed, I couldn’t escape the sinking feeling that all of this… was wasted on me.

Opening my eyes, I looked deep into her yellow ones, and gathered up my feelings, attempting to give them a voice. “P-Please, m-my Lady.”

She smiled widely to me, and her lovely fingers resumed rubbing at my ear. I let out an embarrassing little moan as she touched me again, and I winced as I realized she’d misunderstood the meaning behind my statement.

“Good girl. Thank you for voicing your needs~” Her teasing voice was like honeyed syrup in my sensitive ears, and it only intensified my feelings of guilt.

This feels so good, why is she doing this?

The continual assault of good feelings on my head were conflicting with my pit of self-hatred deep inside of me. I felt awful, not only for tricking her into giving me more attention, but also for what felt like fooling with someone else’s partner. My mind thought of Lilia, and her angelic smile, and how I was being intimate with someone she cared about. I just about felt like retching.

“You like this don’t you? You enjoy being treated like my puppy~” Her statement left no room for questioning, and as mushy as my brain was, I couldn’t muster one anyway. She seemed to take my silent blushing as a confirmation of her statement, and began to rub my other ear.

Azalea giggled, her smirk only growing with her confidence as she continued to tease my ears at just the right amount of pressure to leave me a blushing, drooling mess in her hands, whether I wanted to or not. “You’re such a good puppy for me. Aren’t you girl~?”

I’m not a good puppy.

I opened my mouth to speak, but her hands were already rubbing me again, and it became harder to piece together my scattered thoughts. My heart cried out in protest at the treatment, adamant that all of this was wasted on someone like me.

“Good girl! Such a good girl!” Her hands were now stroking and rubbing all over my head, and I felt the urge to surrender, to enjoy the treatment I was receiving. My heart could not accept the idea that I deserved this treatment, and my guilt only grew as she continued to spoil me.

“... Iris? Wh-Why are you crying?” Azalea’s honeyed voice was tinged with fear and concern, and it shook me out of my mental spiral.

I blinked, as hot tears flowed from my eyes, and I reached a hand up to gently touch my eyes, as they exposed the conflicted emotions in my heart. “I… I don't...”

Her arms wrapped tightly around me, and the feelings of guilt and anger swelled up, even stronger now. I grit my teeth and struggled against her embrace. The swirl of emotions responded to my magic, and formed an icy layer over my body where she was touching.

“Owch!” Azalea backed away as she stared at her finger, a small trickle of blood flowing from the spot where an icicle had pricked her.

I froze. Staring at her beautiful finger, mortified that I had caused her injury. The pit of guilt widened, and I felt myself fall into it. Ice shot up in sharp spikes around me to form a wall, as my emotions swirled out of my own control. I was distantly aware of shouting voices, but as the ice encased me, I became increasingly isolated from them.

That was fine though. I deserved to be alone.

My Uncle's face appeared before me, and as I reached out to him, he vanished into nothingness. My eyes turned downcast, knowing that in the end, I'd disappointed him.

I didn’t deserve friends. Or Love.

An image flashed through my mind, of a girl with red hair, a bright smile on her face. I reached out a hand, and she turned to walk away from me. As dejected feelings of sadness welled within me, I smiled to myself, and felt a single tear streak down my cheek. As the ice finished forming a barrier, the light dimmed and I closed my eyes, settling into my cocoon.

It was fine.

I only deserved isolation.

CRUNCH

I was jolted out of my abyss as I saw a gloved hand smash its way through the ice, surrounded by a layer of protective magic that I’d become increasingly familiar with.

“Iris, Control yourself!” Alder’s stern voice came through the hole that he had punched, bringing me back to the present. Another hand broke through, and the two in tandem broke open a larger hole, where I could see the face of the kindly butler.

“Remember your exercises Iris. Breathe.”

I grit my teeth, as my isolation was disrupted. “Leave me alone!” More icicles shot up in response, attempting to block him from my sight.

“We won't leave you alone Iris, we’re here for you!” Lilia’s high pitched tone was coming through from my left, as she melted down the ice with gouts of fire released from her outstretched hand.

I scowled as the tempest inside of me swirled, and my magic responded, releasing ice spikes that shot up to impede her blaze.. Why were they so insistent on this? “You don’t understand!”

“Then help us understand, Iris!” Alder’s voice echoed from the front.

“Tell us what’s wrong so we can help you!” Lilia’s voice sounded from the side.

My emotions faltered as they continued to show their kindness. I desperately wanted to accept it, to believe that they would continue to be accepting of me, even at this moment. The emotional storm swirled up again, and the words I wanted to say danced at the edge of my tongue. Through gritted teeth I forced them out in a shout. “Because I don’t deserve it!”

Azalea's voice echoed from further beyond the two servants, tinged with desperation and sympathy. "Of course you deserve help Iris!" An illusory copy of Azalea appeared in my cocoon, and she stared deeply into my eyes, expressing her care for me.

"We told you, we'll keep you safe. And that you never have to go back to that terrible school."

The wall of ice faltered in its integrity, as the combined efforts of Alder and Lilia finally broke it apart. My body braced itself for them to attack, but instead, they stood over me with gentle expressions on their faces. Alder reached out to me, and placed a hand on my head. "Breathe Iris. You're safe now."

I nodded, and took a deep breath of air as the final remnants of the ice fell away, melting into a puddle of water that became flooded with the tears that spilled from my face. I fell forward, and Lilia caught me in her arms, as tears left my body. Growing up, I'd never been able to cry, but today I could finally let them spill freely. Nobody said anything as I continued to cry out my pain, my fears and my loneliness.

When the tears finally stopped, Lilia spoke gently and stroked my hair. "There, better?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but vertigo suddenly overwhelmed me, and my vision went dark.

I’m sorry…

*

I watched as Lilia carried Iris out of the room, Alder closed the door behind her, and then he turned his attention to me. Despite the fact that I was a grown woman, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was somehow in trouble. My tail curled around my leg in a now familiar habit, and my eyes settled on the spot where Iris had stabbed my finger with the icicle. It wasn’t anything serious, but Lilia had insisted on bandaging it first.

Alder pushed up his glasses, and let out an exhausted sigh. “Would you mind telling me about what happened?”

I took another sip of my tea, which helped to settle my shaken nerves. It wasn’t like me to get like this, but the entire experience of Iris’ outburst had left me shaken. Did I make a mistake back there? “We went according to the plan. I revealed my true form to her, and she took that fairly well. A lot better than I expected.”

Alder sat down in the chair across from my desk and nodded his head. “I suspect that her ability to roll with the punches is less to do with her level headedness, and more to do with a lack of connection with her own state of being.”

I looked up to our housekeeper with a quizzical expression.

His expression turned grave as it returned to matters long since past. “It’s something I saw in a lot of students that came from particularly harsh families. Outwardly, they are fine, and seem to do well in their day to day studies. But underneath the surface they hide old wounds that they cannot share with others for fear of being ostracized by their peers.”

I stared down into my cup, and at my own reflection, wondering if the woman in the reflection might be hiding old wounds of her own. My gaze turned back to Alder. “But surely they must talk about their wounds with someone, how would they continue to function otherwise?”

Alder frowned, and shook his head again. “The Academy doesn’t allow for that. They seek to turn their students into tools for the Empire, and force them to fit a mold that they might not fit in. Especially sweet girls like Iris. It leaves them with little time to think about what's happening to them in the moment, and then they experience it all at once later on.”

I absorbed his words, and turned to look at the wide world beyond my own window. I’d never been trapped here, and before my parents passed away, we had gone on many trips. But in that moment, I felt like I truly did not know the world beyond my own walls. I certainly did not understand the world behind the eyes of our newest girl.

Shame rushed into me as I remembered sharing a kiss with the girl. I wasn’t entirely sure what had come over me in that moment, but I’d felt like sharing an intimate moment with Iris.

But did she feel the same way? I’d wanted to lavish her with attention, the poor girl seemed like she needed it, but had I done too much, too quickly for her to handle?

I took another sip of my tea, and turned back to my butler. “I think I might have pushed her too far. I gave her a lot of affection and… uhm…”

Alder’s sighs were becoming ever more weary as I continued to speak of past events. “What did you do, exactly?”

That shame flooded my cheeks with a crimson hue, and I felt my tail curl ever tighter around my leg. “I uhm… k-kissed her…” As I spoke the last word, my head turned away from him once again.

“You…” He leaned back in his chair, and rubbed his forehead before taking a deep breath. “Did she react badly after that?”

“N-No, that was when she barked and I started to pet her ears…”

Alder’s normally impassive expression was marked by something I’d never seen on his face before, complete and utter confusion. “My… My Lady, You can’t just…”

I crossed my arms and shook my head. “I know… I just thought that was what she needed. Then she started to cry, and I hugged her, and then… well you know the rest of it.” By the end of my story, I felt tears begin to spill.

The old butler handed me a handkerchief, and I blew my nose. He pushed up his glasses again, a cute little habit he’d had for as long as I knew him, and then nodded his head. “I believe I understand the situation now. The poor girl has been through a great deal, and I believe we should let her proceed at her own pace.”

I felt completely lost, as my attempts to console Iris had completely backfired. My mind kept going back to those words she shouted at the end. “Because I don’t deserve it!”

A shudder coursed its way through me, and I sipped my tea again. I didn’t understand why she felt that way, which gave me all the more reason to let Alder take care of her for now. “Alder, do… do you think she hates me now? Will she leave?”

Alder smiled at me, and shook his head. “I don’t believe she will leave, and I think it’s more likely that she harbors her hatred only for herself.”

I pondered that sentiment, and once again thought of how happy and cute she looked when she barked. In my soul, I felt like that was the key to understanding our wayward mage, after all that was the course her changes had been taking.

My resolve swelled up inside of me once again, and I nodded my head.

I swear to you Iris, we will make this a comfortable home for you.

Violet_Velvet

Thank you for reading Chapter 13 of Getting Comfortable! Oh wow, that one was a real doozy to write. I worked hard to keep it surprising, and not jarring. I hope I succeeded in that.