“I’m not here, this isn’t happening.”-Radiohead.
Laying in bed with her makes things quieter, a moment where I’m just cuddled up to my girlfriend with all the noise faded away. All of the past day’s worries are far away. All it was is peace and quiet.
Until…
My blood runs cold, and my memory has just been sold, my angel’s in the centerfold~!
“Mrrgh…” Nemuri groans, gently pushing me off, “Morning, baby…” she smiles and plants a kiss on my forehead, “Make me some breakfast.”
“You got it. What do you want?” I ask, “Rolled omelets? Maybe some rice? Natto?”
“Ew, you’re weird. Liking Natto?” she makes a face and laughs.
“Hey, you take one look at that and find it gross, I swallow it because I gotta.” I stretch and she watches my scarred skin pull with it, a soft gaze of worry burns into me. Getting up, she and I look at each other in the mirror. Messy hair, tired eyes, but I’m here. I made it. I’m safe.
“Look at us.”
“We made it…”
She grabs my hand, leaning against me with a bright, winning smile. The same smile that melted me down to a puddle every time I saw it. She wraps herself around me, arms over my chest, meeting at my waist.
She kisses my neck, “Mm… I love you, babe…”
“Love you too, Nemuri.” I answer, she lets me go and I head into the kitchen to get breakfast started. As it’s cooking, the shower hisses on in our room, Nemuri humming some David Bowie. I hum some J. Geil.
Cooking is easy to me, memories of my younger siblings chasing each other around as I cook, Fuyumi stopping, watching before Natsuo barrels past without pants on. Mom was mainly stuck with Shoto, so I couldn’t do much but try to take care of them because Dad couldn’t be bothered. The hair dryer goes and I plate up my breakfast and bowl it. For Nemuri I arrange it in a bento box for her. She needs her energy, no matter what. I’ll take care of her and make sure we both make it.
I close it up as Nemuri comes out in her hero suit, “Hey babe, I’ll be back earlier than usual. Just a photo shoot today for some brand. I might go on patrol though, so don’t worry.”
“Okay.” I answer, smiling, “I’ll pick up a few things for later then.” she kisses me, taking the box with her and heading out, leaving me and Sushi alone for the day. He looks up at me, gives me the ‘I love you’ eyes, and I move on. Cleaning the house, emptying the trash, normal chores that I’ve always done. But it’s different. No forced silence and no forced tiptoeing. Just working on making this place a little better. Of course, Nemuri always lived kind of sloppily, but she always had herself.
Now she has me.
Errands came easily enough, just get stuff for dinner and then move on back home to do some more housekeeping. That’s when my phone dings and I check it.
Nemi-Chan: Surprise~!
On the screen is her, laying on a prop bed, naked and winking at the camera, her luxurious hair spread on the pillows and well… is it wrong to say I found it super hot? I fumble around with my phone.
Looks goougnd.
Looks, you gndk.
Looks Good!
Fucking god, that took longer than I thought. I can just picture her now, laughing at how silly my texts are. How she loves me to her hero friends and how much she cares and how in love we are. At least I hope so. I hope she loves me. I put my phone away and focus on myself. We moved closer to where some of the hero schools are, including the one we were both alums of. The news plays on big screens where I am.
Hero news, stuff like that. New arrests, new deals, new news. Until… I see myself. Wreathed in flames fighting the Volcano Thieves last year. I have quite a few scars from them. But the anchor quickly moves on.
“Everyone knows the Shining Flame Hero, Enavant. But new details surrounding his sudden disappearance have just emerged,” he says, “We have a once-in-a-lifetime interview with the Hell Flame Hero, Endeavor with these details!”
The screen switches to him, sitting in a chair, extinguished but in a fancy suit. His interviewer begins, but it doesn’t matter. I’m staring up at my father, larger than he’s ever been, looking soft and even vulnerable.
“So, Mr. Todoroki, tell us about your relationship with Enavant. Or your son, Koyurei.” the anchor says. His voice echoing around me.
“He’s a bright young man, very driven and focused. As of late however he’s been having issues.” Dad’s voice thunders, “It’s been a rough few months for him considering his workload.”
I stand there, stock still. Then it starts. My breath wheezes out, my body moves before I can think, I run home. I just run home, panicking. Every screen has him on there, every voice is his.
“So what’s the reason behind his resignation?”
“We had gotten into an altercation,”
I run up the steps, my legs smacking into each other, falling and spilling across the steps. I lay there and grab my head, trying to banish the bad thoughts and the bad memories. Mom screaming, Touya dying in front of me, Dad ‘training’ me but just working through his grief the only way he knew how.
Hits.
Cuts.
Burns.
Snapping at me to get back up and taking more of those three. Just a constant replay as the screens continue to tell the lies that he actually cared.
“He had wanted to resign because he-”
“Was lazy!”
“Weak!”
“A waste of space!”
“Was stressed, and distracted by a woman he has been seeing.”
“A woman? How interesting!”
No. No no no. How the FUCK does he know about Nemuri?! I open the apartment door, Sushi flying back from it and scrambling under the bed. All I can think of is that someone told him, but I end up laying down on the bed.
“My son has been daring, and loves the applause.”
No, no. He’s wrong! I just wanted-
“To be honest, I’m glad he’s gone.”
Curled into a little ball, I close my eyes, remembering how he used to be. How everything used to be, but all I can do is lay here and panic. My mind putting words into his mouth, my mind telling me all he used to tell me. I turn off the TV, Sushi wandering out and mewing, settling himself at the end of the bed, purring and doing the ‘I love you’ eyes again. All I want is to make it all end. Just make it all stop. I want my life back, I want to live again.
I want to live.
I want to live.
I want to live.
Nemuri gets home, “Koyurei? Baby? I’m here.” her footsteps sound outside, the chill seeps into me, and I close my eyes again.
“Koyurei? Where are you?” she looks around and then she must’ve seen all the stuff on the floor. Light spills into the fridge, and I just say…
“I’m not here, this isn’t happening.”
Nemuri kneels, “Koyurei, look at me.” she places her hands gently on my shoulders, softly unfolding me from the fridge, “Okay, one… two…” she breathes with me.
“It’s okay, you’re safe. You’re here with me. It’s okay.”
“I’m not here.”
She starts grounding me. Just trying to get me out of the screaming and the crying, the second and third degree burns, the frost coating my arms and legs, everything caused me to remember. I want to sleep.
“You are. You are. What do you see?”
“You.”
“Feel?”
“You.”
“Smell?”
“Your quirk.”
Nemuri pulls me to my feet, gently guiding me to bed, sitting down and laying my head on her lap, “Koyurei, it’s okay.” she runs her hand through my hair. At that, tears sputter out of my eyes and I bury my face into her thighs.
“Shhh…”
“I’m so tired, Nemuri!” I howl, “I wanna… I wanna forget, I want it to be over!” dissolving back into the little boy who got smacked around and didn’t know why Dad would do that. Twenty two years old and I’m still in mourning for a childhood ripped away from me. Nemuri sits there, still running her hand through my hair. Still keeping me here. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to remember anymore. I close my eyes again and just surrender. Just look up at her.
“There we go.” she coos smiling, “I’m right here, Koyurei.”
“I know… I’m… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” I groan, everything just spiraling. Nemuri wraps her arms around me.
“No, no you’re not. This is coming out of nowhere but luckily I have my own friends in that arena. It’s a low blow,” she squeezes me and kisses me until I’m dizzy. I force out a laugh and she rocks me a little.
“See? It’s not that hard to laugh.”
Another forced smile and I lay there in her arms, just trying not to cry even more but at this rate I think Nemuri would want me to. So I do, just cry for a while in her arms. I’m okay. I’m safe. We’ll figure this out and everything is going to be okay.
I just hope I’m not lying to myself.
