Aurum - Year 2 {4 Months later }

In the last few months I have made great advances in the area of magic, I had the historians, and they kind of served as my "spellbook", I could send several spells to them and I would always have a copy ready at my disposal.

I managed to create dozens of smaller spells, but the most useful ones were [Rapid Growth], [Healing Aura], [Strengthening] and [Life Infusion].

[Fast Growth] allowed me to make plants grow at the cost of mana, [Healing Aura] was a cheap copy of the [Radiant Renewal] skill, the skill was weaker and more expensive than simply using the skill.

[Strengthening] allowed me to strengthen my body, and make it harder. I didn't have much use for it, but the soldiers did, so I could bless them with [Queen's Blessing] and apply the [Strengthened] effect on them through a spell.

Now, [Life Infusion] was the jewel in the box.

Normally living mana tends to be very "unstable", when I tried to flood an object with pure living mana I ended up breaking it, and when I injected living mana directly into a living being, I could grant a small cure, or cause damage. depending on the quantity.

But the [Life Infusion] spell was a completely "stable" version of adding living mana to something. If I cast the spell on an item, and force a lot of mana into the spell. I could create items with life properties, and [Life] affinity.

The most useful thing I created with this spell were [Mana Crystals] with [Life] affinity. These crystals could store living mana in its most stable and purest form. Which was pretty good compared to the old mana crystals.

The crystals we were using until now were fragments of a mana crystal with [Fire] affinity. And this created a lot of problems when storing mana, as the container and energy were not "compatible", I ended up having to deal with very uncomfortable situations.

Such as mana decay and mana corruption. Since crystals used to store mana with [Fire] affinity, these crystals tried to transform everything that entered them into fire mana. Its ability to do this was very low, and it was a very slow process, but this still "tainted" the living mana that we tried to store inside these crystals.

It was like storing white paint in a dirty can of black paint. The moment we tried to use the mana inside the crystals we would notice the "corruption", for this to happen the mana had to be stored for a few days in the crystals, and there were really no big problems so, I just had to do a conversion of 2 to 1 when it comes to recovering this stored energy.

But the real problem was mana decay. The crystals tried to "Expel" the living mana at all times, which made the mana decay even more quickly. So even inside bubbles and surrounded by the essence of life, the crystals would only last 3-4 days at most, and then all living mana would be lost.

But now that wasn't a problem, we had crystals with [Life] affinity, and they were simply incredible! They could crystallize living mana quickly and accurately, and store a larger amount of mana within them as well. And because they are "Compatible", the mana inside the crystals decays much more slowly, taking 8-10 days to completely decay.

This made it possible for us to store large amounts of mana. And mixed with [Life Drain] I had a very stable and reliable supplement of mana!

"Bring one more."

Soon a large praying mantis that was highly coiled and tied in ropes was brought to me, so I cast the [Life Drain] spell and started depositing all my spare mana into bubbles that contained mana crystals.

The whole process took about 30 minutes, but in the end I had a corpse of a praying mantis, and 1 bubble full of living mana. Plus a tasty 40 XP dessert.

The system seemed to have an "anti-cheat system", which prevented people from gaining Xp easily, normally if soldiers killed that same praying mantis in a fight they would gain around 80-90 Xp. But my "dishonest" method took away the essence of the battle, I wasn't taking any risks, so I didn't gain the same Xp as a fighter.

No pain no gain.

The system was a huge pain in the ass, it tried to limit us in every possible way, and I don't know exactly why, it could be a way to keep everyone in the world "weak" or a way to keep everyone "safe". But it seemed that the system was always the last to speak, and no one could argue.

"Take the body to 'recycling' and bring back a new one."

"Yes mom!" The guards said.

Hilda took a few steps forward while holding what appeared to be a chicken mixed with a lizard that was unconscious, she placed it on top of a stone pedestal beautifully decorated with flowers, cloths and wooden statues. She said a short prayer and waited until a cloud of golden bees began to grab the "sacrifice" and carry it to the wax tower.

Over the past few months Hilda has become something like a Shaman, we had redecorated her cave to make it more comfortable, adding a large bed, a wax table and shelves.

There was no light, or many things of value in the cave, just a torch lit on the wall and some of Hilda's food and clothes.

The colony didn't like Hilda bringing a torch, but I understood that she needed a little light, I know what it's like to live in darkness, it's not cool. So we didn't make any requests to her, but she still had to deal with Ciel who was terrified of fire.

The sacrifices of the Kobolds helped us a lot to raise the levels of the colony, we had dozens of soldiers in the 2nd evolution, and Hans seems to be approaching his 3rd evolution, now he was at level 10, but it seemed like he needed even more XP for the next evolution.

We had other group leaders now, some who could even be included in the inner circle, like Jon, who was the leader of a group of soldiers specialized in defense, Aldy, a toxic bee responsible for the group of soldier bees specialized in poisoning, and Oscar , the friendly carpenter who had evolved into a [Woodworker], the guy could clench wood with his bare teeth! And he was very nice too, so he was soon appointed as a group leader.

The problem was, we had to decide who was part of the inner circle, and keep that under control, if we started putting all the oldest members of each group in the inner circle, then we would already have dozens of members, but if we just put the most powerful This would generate conflict. Trouble was a 3rd generation member, who came after the workers who came after Hans, but he was still part of the inner circle, so why not accept other members of younger generations? This could end up giving the military department a lot of voice within the council, but the main problem was that we had to decide who was in charge of who.

It was easy for everyone to say, "Mommy's the one in charge of all of us!", but I didn't have the patience or desire to manage more than 1,000 members in this colony, so I handed everything over to Steve, and now the poor guy was overwhelmed.

When a group of soldiers had a decision problem, they would go to their supervisor, if that supervisor couldn't handle the task it would go to the assistants of the inner circle members, if they couldn't handle the problem it would go to the inner circle, and if they couldn't deal with the problem they would send it to Steve, and only then if Steve didn't know how to proceed, would he call a meeting with me and the inner circle. Poor little Steve had to decide what everyone would do every day. I thought they were more self-sufficient, but it was Steve who served as the oil that kept the pieces moving smoothly.

He decided what we would eat, he decided where the soldiers would go, he decided who would have access to the life essence, he decided which project would take priority, and he was in charge of all this shit.

Steve seemed like a worthless secondary character, who actually turned out to be the emperor's secretary, who was in charge of everything, the emperor (Me), was just a pretty image for everyone to adore, Steve (The Secretary) was the one everyone was afraid of here .

Steve could make your life in the colony hell from day to night if you didn't obey him, he wasn't a tyrant, but he gave the most boring and disgusting jobs to the members who disobeyed him, like making hot-headed soldiers spend weeks at work as a watchman, or make little punk workers clean all the corridors alone.

Steve was overwhelmed, and he was still the member with the most assistants in this colony! He had a total of 20 beacons, 10 archivists and 30 workers, helping him 24 hours a day to give commands. He even had a wax building that he used as..... human resources?, Monster resources?? Bee resources?

The place was open all day, there were several bees sending orders and others writing down mental documents, they weren't messy, and looked a lot like an office from a series like The office, only without all the comedy, the place was always serious, and there were various departments, people responsible for capturing the orders sent by the beacons, processing them, and re-sending them.

Beacons are not very good at making decisions, only at connecting 2 or more individuals, so all the logistics and organization fell to Steve, and he seriously needed more bees capable of making decisions with him. All of his assistants could only help him distribute information, not take decisions, and this left Steve very stressed, he blamed himself for any delay that occurred in the colony, any mistake he was absolutely sure was his fault, and I felt very bad for Steve, this was happening right under my nose for a for a long time and I didn't even stop to look, I should have chosen [Royal Advisors] when I had the chance, because now only Steve could lead. Workers, beacons and archivists still helped him make decisions, but Steve believed that because he was the only [Royal Advisor] he had to take all the responsibility.

Because of this I put a lot of focus on the debate club, and now we had several [Royal Advisors], [Strategists], [Leaders] and [Administrators]. Most of the bees that evolved were workers, or beacons, so we gained more common classes, but a single specific beacon became a [Processor]. He could analyze several memories at once, and filter useful information, but he lost the ability to link other members with each other mentally.

It wasn't bad, this basically made him someone capable of noticing errors and correcting memories, he could basically end the "divergence" in memories, being able to analyze dozens of memories and compress them into 1 single version that would be "The most likely to have really happened." But since we had only 1 of them, it couldn't make a difference, but if more [Processors] appear, we would solve the problem with memory divergences once and for all.

I'm having some problems with my sanity.

I feel like I'm disappearing, I feel like I'm a "Wrong" copy of myself. Before I wasn't... This. I was better, I was someone more complex, but now I feel as if my new self was just a shadow of who I once was.

I was looking the newly built coliseum through Yan, the place was huge, and occupied about 30% of the 3rd ring. It was built in a curved shape, following the lines of the wall, the entire place was highly decorated, with large fortifications of wood, stones and plants. The floor was made with a alloy of wax and earth that imitated concrete, the walls contained poorly made statues of bee warriors. There were stands all over the place and in the center there was a large ball made of bars that separated the public from the combatants.

The entire coliseum had 3 floors, the deepest part being where the "beasts" were kept, the middle part where the soldiers trained, and the top part where the fighting took place.

The place soon became a favorite spot for soldiers, everyone was always very excited about the fights, and celebrating after victories. But without a doubt the place was cruel. Innocent beasts like little rats, birds, and frogs were locked up, armored, restrained, and drugged to keep them "good." They all had their eyes gouged out, wings and arms broken, and were kept on as little food as possible intentionally to keep them weak.

All of these creatures were corpses waiting to be buried.

They were cruelly used to teach new soldiers how to fight, used as easy XP for young soldiers to reach level 3-4. And used as test dummies for fights.

The soldiers were cruel, they always were, they never cared for anything other than a bee. Everything else was just a bunch of meat and Xp. Or enemies to be defeated.

And I was starting to think that way too.

When I saw the "training" of the soldiers, through Hans, I ended up thinking "Oh, how cool, they are learning, soon we will be able to dominate this region completely". But I only managed to think about the harm I caused to all these lives much later.

My old self would never hurt innocent animals, I was not a nature activist. I also didn't donate money to animal rescue institutions, but I never hurt any living being purposefully and without remorse.

I still remember when a hummingbird knocked on the window of my house when I was little. I tried so hard to save that incredible and lovable little creature. And I cried so much when I had to bury him among the roses in the garden of my house.

But now, I can't remember anymore. I can no longer feel empathy for the little hummingbird. My memories seem colorless and cold, I can only remember how the hummingbird wasted my time, and what an idiot he was for dying in such a pathetic way.

I'm losing myself.

Does the hive make me cruel? Was I cruel before? Does my [Class] make me cruel? Am I really cruel?

There is a line that separates a cold person and a cruel person. This line is almost imperceptible, but it still exists. I never approved of the soldiers' way of acting, but I never prohibited it either, so does that make me cruel? Hypocritical? Or a green tea bitch?

Crying over spilled milk is pathetic, blaming yourself for choices that have already been made is pathetic. I can always say "I never wanted to do that". But I never tried to change, why would I? My life is better than before, 1 year ago I only knew how to cry and lament, now I can do more than that, I can be the leader that my children need, or I can be the weight that brings them down.

If my old self saw me, I would run away screaming "monster! monster!", but what defines a monster? Am I a monster for only caring about my family's life? Or am I a monster for being a bee with a human mind? Aren't real monsters those who intentionally spread chaos and destruction?

I wouldn't pull the trigger, but I make a point of keeping my weapons sharp. I am no longer responsible for just myself, I have thousands of lives that count on me, I am a queen now. Hana has been dead for a long time, she was eaten by the fire and left behind in the stars, now I am another being, someone different.

We began to observe some weird monsters coming out of the forest, their groups were small and weak for the kobolds, but they were powerful for us. These creatures that came from the forest looked like small blood-red boars, their fur was black and their eyes were red, and they always attacked the kobolds.

The forest really doesn't have a good reputation, even the small and insignificant kobold village became a target for these creatures. The only thing that kept them alive was our help and they preparation.

We could warn them hours before an attack would happen, and this allowed them to prepare, and normally the monsters would have to have the upper hand in a fight of attrition, but since the kobolds had herbs and healing items provided by us, they were able to maintain themselfs very well.

And each time they win, the kobold warriors became stronger, more experienced, and that bothered me. Our relationship was based on pure lies, everything would fall apart once they discovered the truth, maybe they would accept us and would forgive the lie, but I wasn't risking my family for a "Maybe".

It turns out that many members of the hive believe they are going to die. One way or another, if it were that easy to build a village within the forest, this place would have already been conquered. So it's only a matter of time before some greater force, or waves of more powerful monsters reach them.

But until that day comes, we are "Allies", we "protect" them and they provide us with easy XP. Especially now with the wave of monsters.

They didn't have time to kill every monster, so the swarm focused on the injured and weakened beasts, and the kobolds saw this as a big help, while we really just wanted the easy XP. Another thing was that the kobolds didn't eat these monsters, for some reason I don't know, they ate the Orme's and the chickens/turkeys that they use as cattle, but they didn't eat these monster boars.

All they did was keep their meat and use it as livestock feed. Maybe the meat was poisonous, or some question of religion, but it doesn't matter to me, as long as I have tasty XP.

In the past I would love to help them, I would be willing to send bees to build their homes, clothe their children, and treat their injured. But today? I don't want to have anything to do with them, I want our sections to be as narrow as possible, so that it is easy to cut them when necessary.

We are not dependent on the kobolds, but they are dependent on us, and that brought me a certain comfort, I had the cards up my sleeve here. But I didn't like how they were thriving, how they were becoming stronger, I saw it as a threat.

And my old self would never think that much.

It's definitely the influence of the hive, I thought they couldn't influence me that much, but I think it's idiotic to think that more than a thousand individuals in your head won't change you. They didn't behave like the "bee instincts" that i used to have, which tried to force me to do something I didn't want to do. They were just molding me, making me the perfect "queen" for them, cold, distant, and cruel to everyone who wasn't my responsibility.

I don't think it's bad, but I don't know if I think that because "I" want to feel like that, or if it's because the "me" now is too broken to notice anything wrong. I feel like it's wrong, other people's lives should matter, but I couldn't care about them anymore, I couldn't feel sympathy, or pity. Just an icy feeling of commitment and collaboration, I'm sure I would turn my back on them the moment they were no longer useful to me.

What does this make me? Am I a broken vase? Or a bad mother? As queen of the hive it should be natural for me to only care about the lives and future of my own people, but as a human being I should be "empathetic", after all the ability to feel empathy was something that made humans into, "humans ".

But I am no longer a human, I am something different, I am a cross between beasts, insects, and humanoids.

I'm a monster.

Baeon

 

I know there are people out there who are more interested in the (Magic, wars, powers and conflicts) part of the story, but there will still be some hours when Mc will have existential crises.

Curiosity: Did you know that one of the inspirations for the work is the song [Monster I Have Become - Skillet & Three Days Grace]?