I had nightmares.

They weren’t always the same, but they all had one thing in common: Goblins. More specifically, goblins killing me.

I wasn’t the only one. Most of the others, the ones who survived, had them; which wasn’t much to say since there weren’t many of us left. Lenin and Val, my friends, died. Zoran survived, though he wasn’t the same as before. None of us were, but it was easy to notice in his case, since he was pretty annoying before; now he was just trembling silently and not speaking a word like the rest of us.

I now had scars on my arm and legs, and an ugly one that covered most of my left cheek. No one made fun of me, though, since the fight left a mark on many. Zoran’s went from his nose, which had lost a piece, to the right ear. Adult gladiators had many, too.

They told us that it took much more time to make it look better than just heal it, and the Healers weren’t paid to make us “prettier”.

It was just another drop in the bucket at this point, and a small one at that, so I didn’t pay too much attention to it.

What I had to pay attention to, instead, was my next fight.

It seems that the bastard who made us fight was pissed that we couldn’t beat a goblin after a year of training, and now demanded we fight again after just a month.

The closer the day of the next fight came, the harder it was.

The lanistas pushed us harder and harder on our training but, regardless of how tired I was, when I went to bed at night the nightmares kept coming. I woke up, I cried, I went to sleep, and I woke up again. The training became almost torture after the sleepless night, but the physical fatigue and pain freed my mind, so I focused on it like never before.

A month passed quickly. I barely ate anything in the feast, and I couldn’t close my eyes that night.

When I entered the arena, I trembled.

I had a hard time taking in air, and my breathing became quick and shallow. I was sweating like crazy, and every step toward the cage intensified my fear, but there was nothing else to do. Nothing else I could do but fight; so I stepped forward.

I didn’t think I’d make it this time.

I’ll die. I’ll really die this time, I thought when the door to the cage opened.

It was the only thing I could think about until the goblin came out, then even those stopped.

“Hyaa-hya.” The high-pitched screeches that came out of its mouth, as he drew closer, reminded me of my dreams. I don’t remember much other than I looked at those little beady dark eyes coming closer as it sniffed the air while examining me.

It knew of my fear. I felt my head throbbing, it was like my nightmares came to life. I couldn’t think of anything. There was a weight on my chest.

Then it shrieked.

“HYAAAAAAAAA!” A loud, piercing shriek, trying to intimidate me. The same I heard the first time. One that tormented me every day for the past month.

And something inside me snapped.

Fury rose, and I let it out with a scream of my own.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” I shouted, jumping forward and swinging my sword madly.

Surprised, the goblin jumped back too late, and I opened a gash on its chest, but that was the only attack that landed. I didn’t care, though, and kept following him while slashing like a crazed man.

It didn’t keep dodging for long.

He had a big wound that was losing a lot of blood. It knew it was cornered, so it screeched and jumped towards me. I hit it on the side with one of my swings, but then he was on me.

I lost my sword as we tumbled on the ground hitting clawing and biting at each other.

How long that lasted, I don't remember, but some time later someone came to take me while I was hitting the dead body beneath me; I didn’t notice it was dead, and neither did I care. My anger still hadn't left me, and I struggled uselessly while they took me away.

Even after I calmed down later, the feeling never completely disappeared.

That night, I dreamed of killing goblins.

And I slept well.

I found out, the following day, that Zoran was dead too. I didn’t feel much. Anger was still burning. I didn’t know for what, but it was... maybe I just resented the world.

It wasn’t overpowering, but it was there, subtly accompanying me during my day, and making me lash out at the smallest thing.

Soon everyone just avoided me.

I didn’t want to be isolated. It wasn’t my fault I became like this.

I learned once again that life didn’t give a crap about my wishes. I could only keep going.

The next fights against the goblins went better. The anger helped, though I didn't lose my mind like the first time. I found out I got calmer as I killed them instead. So I came to a conclusion: I needed to kill goblins. Maybe the day I exterminated them, the anger would go away completely.

After overcoming my fears, it wasn’t too hard to deal with them.

Goblins were cautious unless they noticed you were weaker or scared. The best way to fight one was to fool it into thinking you were afraid and hit them as they jumped on you. The hard part was tricking them, since all I could feel when I saw one was anger, but then a well-placed swing took care of them easily.

When they saw that I could take them out too easily, they added one more. The difficulty rose dramatically. They were, after all, pack hunters, and knew how to coordinate well.

Fights then became riskier, but I watched, I learned, and I adapted. I found out I had a knack for observation. After a few bouts, I could even predict what they would do, sometimes. So they added more numbers and gave them tools like rocks and rods.

That was all I did. I trained and killed goblins. I had no wish to interact with people and didn’t bother to think about anything else. Sometimes I dreamed of a different life, but they were just fleeting thoughts.

I thought I’d live like that for a long time, but the change came suddenly.

“You’ve been sold to another school.” That was all they said, and I didn’t ask anything. I thought it would just be a change of location where I would start my routine all over again.

The voyage wasn’t pleasant. I was kept chained and could only get out once a day. I didn’t feel relieved from the fact that I didn’t have to train; I wanted to move.

There was a lot of time to think, but nothing to think about.

So I dreamed.

What would it be like to travel around by myself? What would I see? What is beyond those mountains? I thought every time I looked towards the horizon.

I would never know. I didn’t even know how to make up a good dream, but I tried. There was nothing else to do after all. I at least knew I’d kill goblins if I found them; of that I was certain.

Days and weeks passed, and soon I reached my destination: Seneza, the capital.

I didn’t see anything of the city from behind the carriage, and the school looked almost the same as the one I came from, if only a lot bigger and with more people.

I was ready to start my routine again when they said something that shocked me.

“What!? I’ll fight people!?!”