Chapter Notes: Yuri schoolgirl possession TG. Suicide flashbacks. Blood.

Click here to listen to the audiobook version.

 

 

 

The ride back to school is a bit awkward. This is partly because ghosts can't ride cars, so the three of you -- Aizawa-san, Tamamo-née, and yourself -- had to share Aizawa-san's body.

It's a bit crowded in there. You do your best to take up as little space as possible. Meanwhile, you sense that Aizawa-san is letting Tamamo-née process what's going on.

She's so embarrassed.

She just holds perfectly still in the backseat of the limo, in the kimono she was wearing when she had her breakdown, looking down at her cel-shaded hands and fidgeting with them.

Minato-senpai appears to be browsing the web on her notebook, while Ha-chan is in the seat next to you again but keeps looking up at Aizawa-san's face, as though trying to figure out if "Ai-chan" is still in there.

You try to give her a reassuring look, but the most you can manage is acknowledgment.

Tamamo-née clears your shared throat. "Uh, Minato ... senpai?"

Her eyes have stopped glowing for now, and her voice isn't doing the echoey thing anymore. She looks and sounds like nothing more than a nervous high school girl. Her tails are taking up the whole seat on the other side of you from Ha-chan, though.

"Yes?" Minato-senpai looks up.

Something about the way the setting sun outside lights her face and chest, and her long reddish-orange hair frames it, makes her look really sexually attractive.

Tamamo-née blushes and looks down at your feet. "I-I'm sorry. For calling you that. And for being a very rude houseguest."

You glance up to see her smile, surprisingly warmly. "No trouble at all," she says, and parts of you grow warm indeed.

There's someone else you need to apologize to, you think, interrupting where those thoughts might lead.

Tamamo-née winces. I'm sorry for letting you down, she thinks. And big sis, I'm ... sorry for defiling my memory of your body.

Hm, defiling my body sounds fun ~

Oh my goddess. Your shared ears flatten.

That's not who I meant, you think, and glance meaningfully over at Ha-chan.

She looks up at you, concerned.

O-oh. Tamamo-née takes a deep breath. "Um, Hazawa-san ... "

"You can call me Ha-chan, if you want."

" ... this is Tamamo." Your ears flatten again.

She smiles faintly. "It's still okay."

"I ... " She fidgets some more, and grips the silk kimono in both hands, before letting go so as not to wrinkle it.

Ha-chan puts her hand over yours, even though she knows it's Tamamo who's talking to her.

Tamamo-née squeezes her eyes shut, and tries not to cry. "'Sorry' doesn't even begin to cover it. What I said, and did, was terrible. Nothing can excuse it. Not seeing my big sister dead, right after we got here. Not even what happened to me the day before yesterday."

She is referring to her LGBTQ+ Free Company ganging up to tell her that she wasn't valid, and also the curb hitting her face.

"I was just ... I was so mad at the whole world. The cis people who hate trans women. The trans folk who hate me and my little sister, and say we're not real. I just wanted to hurt everyone, as much as I could. The unfair world that keeps hurting the people I care for. I didn't realize that I wasn't there anymore."

She's crying now, and you and Aizawa-san are crying with her.

"I don't deserve this place. I deserve none of it. It was a mistake to invite me here, when I'm so poisoned with hate and self-loathing. Just please don't hold that against my sisters ... okay?"

Ha-chan presses her handkerchief to your face again. "Okay," she says. "But honestly? I got mad at you, but I don't hate you either."

"That's also a mistake."

The limo pulls up to the side entrance. A moment later, the chauffeur opens the door for everyone. Minato-senpai waits for Ha-chan to help you outside, before coming up beside you and putting your other arm around her shoulder.

"I don't think it is a mistake," she says.

"Me neither," Ha-chan says.

"Same here," you say.

Tamamo-née sighs, as the five of you make your way to the entrance.

---

There's something familiar about this, you think, while being helped down the hall and doing your best to keep your balance.

Familiar, and almost comforting.

It feels like everything is back to normal, now that the three of you are together again.

Yes ... it's been so long since we've all shared a headspace, Aizawa-san says, and smiles.

Huh? you ask.

What? Tamamo-née thinks.

You don't remember? Your memories must be so confusing right now ...

That is an understatement, you think.

Don't worry, Aizawa-san thinks. I'll help explain.

Minato-senpai knocks on the door to the headmistress' office with her free hand.

There's a clatter from inside. "Ah! Please, do come in!"

Your friends open the door and help you into a spacious office, with a lot of bookshelves and a tiny desk by the windows. Behind it is a golden-haired, suit-jacketed woman who looks to be in her late twenties, and is smiling sheepishly up at you as she puts her 3DS away.

Her 3DS, with some kind of fox-ear hard case.

You're certain you know who this is, but the memory escapes you.

Tamamo-née remembers, though. "Oh my goddess," she says, blushing hard and looking down at the floor.

"Well, technically, yes ... " The headmistress puts a hand behind her head, embarrassed. "Um, do have a seat if you would!"

A trio of foxes run in from a side room, and in a puff of magical smoke they change into soft chairs with fox-ear backs.

You and Ha-chan exchange a confused look, before she and Minato-senpai help you sit down in the middle one. She and Ha-chan sit to either side of you, Ha-chan a little hesitantly and Minato-senpai as though this were perfectly normal.

The headmistress takes out a school notebook from her suit jacket, and plugs it into a dock on her desk. A holographic display turns on between you and her, and she swipes through a list of notifications before tapping on one. "So, Minato-senpai tells me that you're having trouble respawning?"

"Y-you could say that." Tamamo-née shifts uncomfortably in her seat, still staring down at your shared hands.

Who is this? you ask her.

Your eyes flick over the corner of her desk.

There isn't a nameplate there, but an ofuda. The wooden talisman of a particular major deity, associated with foxes and rice.

You had not realized this would escalate quite so far.

"Hm, I think I see the problem!" The headmistress taps on an entry with Aizawa-san's name on it, and spins the display around to face you. "It seems that the three of you are a median system."

"What is that?" you ask.

"Well, most people are singlets, where you have a single consciousness to a headspace."

There's that word, again.

"But sometimes people are part of plural systems, where there are multiple consciousnesses in the same body!" She taps a few buttons beside the display, and it shows a circle with three smaller circles inside of it.

"I see ... "

"The three of you, on the other hand, are a median system. That means that on some level you have a shared consciousness, but your personalities are distinct." She presses a button to advance the slide, and the three smaller circles overlap partway like a Venn diagram.

"It makes it a little difficult to indicate who's talking," Aizawa-san says, for your and Tamamo-née's benefit as well as the girls sitting next to you. "We always used different tones of voice, and different phrasing."

Her voice does sound more expressive and high-pitched than yours, you think.

And less nervous than mine, right now!

"That would explain why they didn't respawn in separate bodies, if they only had one body between them to begin with." Minato-senpai puts one hand to her chin, considering you. "Are they still a median system, though, if two of them were severed from their shared body?"

"Ah ... that is a good question! I think they're the only ones who can answer it though." The headmistress looks over to you, and you feel Tamamo-née shrink into your seat. "Would you three like to share the same body, still? Or should each of you get your own?"

"T-that's not exactly the question she asked," Tamamo-née stammers.

"I think it's a good one, though!" Ha-chan smiles at you.

"Would we still be in contact with each other?" Aizawa-san asks the headmistress. "As in, able to sense each other's thoughts and feelings?"

"Of course!" She nods. "If the three of you want that, that is."

"It's possible that this is a mistake," you say, slowly. Knowing that you don't deserve this kind of consideration.

"Oh dear goddess, absolutely." Tamamo-née puts a hand to your shared forehead, then immediately startles. "I-I mean, dear ... it's ... aggggh ... " She makes a gagging noise, back in her throat.

"It's okay, it's okay!" The headmistress waves both hands at you nervously, as though trying to deny a compliment. "Please, say whatever you like!"

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

"Why do you both think it's a mistake, though? Tamamo-chan? Ai-chan?"

You guess the school notebook automatically updates with preferred names. Or perhaps, being a goddess, she just intuitively knows.

Tamamo-née takes a deep breath, and stands up. "I am much, much too dangerous to be allowed to attend. I attacked and invalidated a room full of trans folk, I made a transphobic video on YouTube that nearly drove one student to kill herself, and I'm so mentally unstable that if something reminds me of the circumstances which led to my death I'm likely to snap."

You can sense how much courage it takes, for her to say that. But it also feels like she's given up on herself. Her only concern is for everyone else.

You don't understand why that is. Unlike you, she is obviously a person.

"Ah, I feel like what you did was understandable given the circumstances ... and I think you'll find that our mental health facilities are fairly comprehensive!" The headmistress puts one hand behind her head, embarrassed again. "I am so, so sorry for putting you in that situation, though ... "

"You ... what?"

She pulls up some more files related to you, and swipes them to all of your notebooks. "It's a bit complicated ... "

You take a look.

"The short version is, Aizawa-san is me. Basically." The headmistress' grin looks extremely embarrassed. "I'm sort of a median system too, just in a different way? And we like to explore different lifestyles and ways of life ... sometimes for frivolous reasons."

Aizawa-san raises her hand sheepishly. "I wanted to play video games, back when they were new."

"I know, right? Aren't they the best? I just love dating sims." The headmistress hugs her fox-eared 3DS, which squeaks not unlike a small animal. "But we made the serious mistake of sending her someplace that wasn't prepared for her ... so we looked for someone to help out. Someone sympathetic to lesbians, trans women, and people in oppressive patriarchal societies."

"Of course, I thought she was a demon possessing me at first." Aizawa-san puts a hand behind your shared head, and blushes.

Tamamo-née makes a face. "I was."

"No no no, you're not a demon!" The headmistress holds up her hands in protest again. "You're an innocent woman who was killed in cold blood, just like you said."

"Wait," you ask, looking down at your shared self. "You, Tamamo-no-Mae, were reincarnated as part of a median system?"

"It's really not that uncommon!" the headmistress tells you. "She just had a ... much less than pleasant experience. She got to feel what it's like when your headmate suddenly dies."

"She asked me to do it for her." Tamamo-née covers your shared face, trying not to cry in front of her goddess.

I am confused, you think. I remember the blood and the knife so vividly, from your dream.

Why do you think I was sitting in our big sister's desk chair, in it? It's because we were in the same body.

It was a visceral experience for me ... Aizawa-san thinks. I can only imagine it must have been worse for her.

"But it doesn't matter what I felt," Tamamo-née says, to Aizawa-san and the headmistress. Sniffling, and lowering her hands, and trying to regain her composure. "All that matters is that ... I'm a killer." She sniffles again. "I killed her, my note got my little sister killed, and my video almost killed Ha-chan."

Tamamo-née bows deeply, to her goddess.

"I ask that you please make the prudent decision, and remove me from this academy."

"It's possible that you would benefit from attending a different institution ... "

"S-so it is." Tamamo-née shuffles back awkwardly, and into her seat. "So it is."

She's trying so hard not to cry, right now.

Isn't this what she wanted?

"May I recommend one of our satellite schools?" The headmistress holds out a brochure, and Minato-senpai retrieves it and hands it to you.

Sniffling and with shaking hands, Tamamo-née tries to read it out loud. "T-Twenty-Four-Seven Hugs? 'For when words are no longer enough?'"

"Ooh, I've been there!" Ha-chan bounces in her seat. "It's basically a big cuddle pile!"

"Or an orgy, if you know the right people." Minato-senpai gives you a knowing smile.

"Huh?" Ha-chan blinks. "What's that?"

"T-this sounds so unsanitary." Tamamo-née is still shaking, trying to make her thumbs turn the pages. But far from being a mosh pit, the illustrations -- or are they photos? -- depict two or three anime girls at a time, sharing gentle skinship at school.

Giving someone a lap pillow at lunch break, and stroking her hair. Squeezing each other tight, in the hall outside of a classroom. Reading a book together, pressed up against each other, and sharing an intimate gaze.

It also mentions hot springs, beaches, and sleepovers.

"Naturally, all the things in that pamphlet are part of our curriculum here at the main campus as well." The headmistress entwines her fingers on top of her desk. "It's just that there's a lot less emphasis on learning formal school subjects, and a lot more on building trust and self-confidence via physical contact! You can move from one comforting scenario to the next almost immediately, just like if you were replaying scenes in a visual novel."

"O-of course," Tamamo-née says, and glances up at the headmistress' 3DS. She coughs. "That sounds somewhat ... labour-intensive."

"I volunteer there once a week." Minato-senpai gives you three that knowing smile again.

"I used to!" Ha-chan speaks up. "I can visit again if you're going to go there, Tamamo-chan!"

"How do you feel about three-way intimate sessions?"

Tamamo-née holds up the brochure to cover most of her face, blushing furiously and slumping down into her seat.

The headmistress claps her hands together. "Alright, it's settled! We'll have the nurse's office make you your ideal body, and you can start your life there tomorrow. Stay as long as you like!"

"As long as you need to." Minato-senpai gives you a more serious look, as she reaches over to put a hand on your knee.

"Feel free to visit the main campus whenever you want, or transfer your records back here when and if you feel up to it," the headmistress continues. "Okay?"

Tamamo-née starts crying again, and covers her whole face with the brochure. "Okay," she says, in between sobs. "Okay."

Ha-chan gives you her handkerchief again, and Tamamo-née sits up and blows your shared nose on it.

"There's just ... " Tamamo-née makes a heroic effort to regain her composure, enough to talk. "There's just one thing I want to know, I- ... Headmistress-sama."

"Yes?"

Another deep, shuddering breath. "Aizawa-san's getting her body back, and she's going to attend Inori Academy proper. Right?"

"If she feels that she's up for it! Aizawa-san?"

Your big sister blushes, at being addressed directly. "I'm so sorry for making a mess of things on my first day ... but I promise that if you'll have me, I'll do my best to fit in and not be afraid."

---

Somehow, you remember more clearly how that day went now.

She ran to the bathroom, in your shared body.

She ... handed Tamamo-née ... the knife? Your memory blurs at this thought.

You remember claws. Scratching. Blood.

Laughing and screaming and crying, smearing your soaked hands all over the mirror, as Tamamo-née broke from killing her a second time.

Then you woke up, on the cold bathroom floor. There was no blood, and no Aizawa-san.

You couldn't remember what happened. Everyone who was left in your headspace was blocking it out. Tamamo-née wanted to forget that she even existed.

Confused and disoriented, you looked in the mirror.

You and Tamamo-née resolved NEVER TO DO THIS AGAIN.

There was no way that either of you could handle the emotions, or realizations, involved.

Not when it had broken your big sister.

You started to walk out, in a disassociative trance. That wasn't you who died there, you decided. It was someone else.

But wait. You did not have a notebook.

You went back and got the "new girl's." Then you went to your classroom and introduced yourself.

Ha-chan was so proud of you.

---

People are talking around you. You're tuning out their words.

You're disassociating again.

"Tamamo-chan, are you alright?" Ha-chan waves a hand where you can see it.

You cough, even though you're not Tamamo-née anymore. "Um. Yes. I'm sorry."

Ha-chan looks a little confused. Perhaps because it sounded like you, just then.

"Did you have a question you wanted to ask?" the headmistress prompts you.

You know what it was, but you're having some trouble saying it. Tamamo-née isn't helping, either ... she and Aizawa-san are still shaken from reliving that memory alongside you. And you get the strong feeling that she wants you to be the one to say it.

Why? you ask.

No response.

You clear your shared throat. "This is the entity that everyone has decided to call 'Ai-chan.'"

Ha-chan giggles. "That's a lot of words to say 'Ai-chan,' Ai-chan!"

You aren't sure what is funny. "Yes," you say, and continue. "I, um ... Tamamo-née wishes to know what is to be done with me."

You, yourself, aren't looking forward to finding out.

"Ah! That's an interesting way of phrasing it ... do you think that you're going to be punished for what you did?" The headmistress gives you a curious look.

"I don't know. I just ... " You look over your shoulder, at the fox ears on the "chair" you are seated in. "Would I be correct in assuming that I am connected to you somehow, Headmistress-sama?"

"Oh, no! You don't remember?" She covers her mouth with both hands for a moment.

"I do not."

"You may have, um, asked if you can be one of my foxes." She smiles sheepishly, her hands clasped on top of the table.

"O-oh." You swallow.

"Yes, and I didn't ask you to do anything but be yourself, afterwards! You just ... seemed to have trouble with that advice."

"This is a lot to take in." You look up at the person whose name you remember, now. "What was I before I asked you that? Do you remember?"

"A natural part of their median system! You started out as a disassociative state, but as time went on you developed your own feelings and preferences."

Feelings? Preferences? You aren't sure you have either of those. "If you say so, Kami-sama."

"Ah, please, call me Headmistress!" Your goddess blushes. "Um, this was after your death, if that wasn't clear. Aizawa-san spent all that time in oblivion, but you became one of my foxes, and you spent lots of time with them. Miko there was one of your friends! Say hi, Miko!"

The chair raises an arm, which looks like a fox paw. "Konkon!" she says.

It's fox for "meow."

"I-I see." You are feeling a little unsettled by all this. "I am sorry, Headmistress-sama. I do not remember any of this."

"Ah, it's okay! Most people have trouble remembering their past lives! This is a place where that knowledge is shared between reincarnations, though, so don't be surprised if you start to remember things later."

You remember how natural it felt, to run naked into the school building and leap onto Ha-chan to stop her. Biting and pawing at her. Just like a fox pouncing a rabbit.

That ... really isn't something that should feel natural, you think, for someone who looks like a human. You blush.

"Hee, I think she remembers something right now!" Ha-chan kicks her feet in her chair. "What was it, Ai-chan?"

"M-maybe later." You blush more. You don't think it'd be a good idea to remind her of last night. "Headmistress-sama, I ... " Don't feel like I count as a person? Don't really feel like I deserve what the others are getting? "I understand if you need me to return to my duties, as one of your foxes."

"Ah, but what did I say your duties were, again?"

" ... to be myself."

You remember now that the Headmistress was never quite clear on that point.

"Right! So with that in mind, Ai-chan, what would you like to do?"

You don't remember ever giving an honest answer to that question.

Your whole life (lives?), you knew that it was a question that neurotypical (non-autistic) people asked. But there was usually an answer they wanted to hear, and they got upset if you didn't give the correct one. So what was it?

You're at a loss.

Tamamo-née talked a lot about what she "deserved," though. "What do you think I deserve, Headmistress-sama?"

"A medal," Minato-senpai says quietly.

"Hugs!" Ha-chan says. "But only if you want them."

"Ah, well, let's see ... " The headmistress tallies things off on her fingers. "You survived a whole day at school, even though the worst thing that could possibly happen did. You saved Ha-chan from making a terrible mistake, and giving in to despair. Then you talked down a nine-tailed foxwoman from doing the same to herself, even though she appeared to be threatening everyone!"

"How do you know all this?"

Her hand goes back behind her head. "Ah, well, I sort of have a connection to all of my foxes."

You wonder how deep that connection goes. Something tells you it's nothing to worry about, though, or you wouldn't have asked to become one.

"Anyway, what do you think you deserve, Ai-chan? Because if you want, say, your own ideal body with fox ears and tail, you've more than earned it. You can set the breast size yourself! And if you'd like any extras or special training, feel free to ask." She grins.

" ... what was that about breast size?"

Everyone but you laughs. Even Tamamo-née grins. This is awkward for you, because you don't know why this is funny.

It gives you a moment to think, though. Because maybe you don't know what you "want" to do, but you know Ha-chan has been so kind to you. So caring and understanding. And you know from her poem that she wants to have someone special to her, to share her school life with, in what Tamamo-née called "yuritopia."

Maybe she likes girls with larger breast sizes.

Maybe you do as well, a part of you suggests.

You take a deep breath, and everyone pauses to see what you have to say.

"I think I'd 'like' all of the above."

Ha-chan, Minato-senpai, and the headmistress all clap for you.

"And a Nintendo Switch."

Ha-chan pumps her hands in the air. "New clan member!"

You smile at her, and mean it.