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 The curtains were closed, and little light entered the bedroom, but I must have slept through the entire morning already, judging by the pool of droll on my pillow. Have I missed school?! Damn, of course Allicia didn’t have any alarms in her hikikomori bedroom, I should have thought about that…

 But when I was about to jump out of bed and hurry to get to school, I finally noticed it. There was something wrong… with my dick.

 “Oh, no…”, I whispered to myself, suddenly hyper-conscious of the position I ended up sleeping, with my dick in between my little sister’s legs… and the fact that the tip of my penis was covered in its own stick white secretion.

 I had come while dreaming about having sex with my sister.

 “T-To think sleeping with your sister would make you this excited… I didn’t imagine you were this kind of freak, big bro”, Alicia said, completely immobile in her position as I hugged her from behind.

 “No!”, I quickly untangled myself from my little sister, pressing my back against the wall. “This is just what they call ‘morning wood’, and it’s a totally normal physiological phenomenon, every man wakes up hard! It has nothing to do with you, I swear”, though I said that, it had been true that I dreamed about having sex with her, and now I had to cover the wet stain on my pajamas with a hand. The thought that I had actually gotten so excited by that dream was so shameful, I spiraled into darkest thoughts: “Aah… It’s over. My relationship with my little sister is over, and once I go to school I’ll be certainly kidnaped by men in a black van, and sold on the dark web as a femboy maid slave to a homophobic Russian man.”

 “I’m sure someone has already written something along those lines”, Allicia said, sitting up and tilting her head. “I’ll try to look it up later.”

 I couldn’t bear her pure, innocent eyes devoid of any evil looking at me, so I jumped out of the bed, and dashed straight to the exit.

 “I’ll make up for this, Allicia! Even if it costs me my life!”

 

 The first thing I did was to change underwear and pants. Then, prepared to school, but being already late, I decided there was no need to hurry, and so I went downstairs to make breakfast. The menu that day was bacon, eggs, and toast with butter with a glass of orange juice.

 I sighed, reading myself, and finally knocked on Allicia’s bedroom door.

 “Allicia, breakfast is ready.”

 “Urghm…”, she opened the door with her eyes half closed and drool running down her chin. Did she go to sleep once more once I left her bedroom? “Bring it here, I’ll eat with some YouTube.”

 “…Can’t you bring your phone downstairs and watch something while we eat together?”, I suggested. Then her eyes went wide, and her mouth gaped.

 “Oh. Yeah, I could do that!”, she seemed to finally realize that that was an option too. “I’ll just go use the bathroom really quickly, you can wait for me downstairs.”

 I moved to the kitchen, put the plates in place, and waited for my still half-asleep sister to come down. She sat before me, pulled her smartphone up, and started typing on it, before putting it horizontally against her glass of juice, and start eating while listening to the video.

 That wasn’t yet the ideal family breakfast I wanted to have we her, but when compared to just one week prior, all was good.

 Then, without an option, I started to listen to the YouTube video too.

 “>be me

>kissless, hugless, hoeless virgin wagie slave”

 Uh? What kind of content was she watching? Some kind of serious mental health-related thing?

 “> Have partial intestinal paralysis, so I need to take laxatives every day to shit

 > Big important presentation coming in the job

 > Whatever, I’m just the Financial Representative Assistant, basically just the guy who holds up the poster while Chad explains shit, but instead of a poster, since I’m not in high school anymore, I hold some files and, occasionally, snacks, water and coffee.”

 So, it was some kind of corporate report? A bit intrusive in its style of storytelling, but okay, I guess…?

 “>I’ll spend the whole day carrying papers and coffee up and down the office, so I don’t take my laxatives before work, as I would usually do, instead, I put them in my water bottle so I can go straight to the bathroom as soon as the meeting is over.

> Don’t want to explode with shit and die, after all.”

Okay, that definitely wasn’t a corporate report…

 “> Day goes as usual, Chad is selling the idea out to big wigs, I can see him getting hard as he notices that they are dancing on his palm.”

 What the fuck?!

 “> High with his own power, Chad decides to flex even more, and notices my water bottle, with my name written in it

> ’Hey, I need some water anon, to only drink coffee is bad for my health, after all’

> ’B-But that’s my water…’

> ’Don’t care, lol’

> He chugs the whole thing down like your mom swallows whole seas of semen.

> Not five minutes go by, and it starts

> thatsgonnabefun.jpg

> Chad lets out the loudest fart heard by man, so much air leaving his anus that his clothes are moved by it, inflating like in a cartoon.

> Silence.png

> Chad continues the presentation as if nothing had happened, the big wigs are as confused with the fart as they are impressed with his confidence.

> But I don’t take that medicine to fart only.

> Chad laudably shits his pants, and freezes in place, feces running down his legs and pooling in his shoes.

> The stench is indescribable, as if a rotting death elder god had just spawned into the room, and Chad doesn’t stop shitting himself

> Chad has gone pale, and is leaning against the table just to support himself as his legs shiver

> My face when Chad gets fired

> My face when I get promoted

> My face when I get to have my own personal cute pie secretary

> Later, virgins.”

 “Gyahaaa! Gyahahahahaha!”, Allicia laughed out loud, tears coming to her eyes as she slapped her knee repeatedly.

 “What… was that?”, I asked, mouth gaping.

 “An? Just a green text, a shitpost.”

 “I don’t know what either of those words mean…”

 “It’s… you know, a fake story, like a joke?”

 “…That’s it. You know what? I think we should consume some normal, stereotypical family content. Come with me”, having finished our dishes, I guided my little sister to the living room, and turned on the television. I had decided that it was okay to skip a day of school for the greater good.

 “Okay… But what are we going to see, then? Bazinga or something?”

 “Ah! How about this? It’s a series that was quite popular a few years ago. People say the ending was a little bit of a disappointment, but the majority of the series was pretty good… Game of Thrones!”

 I put the first episode on, and my little sister and I sat down on the sofa to watch it.