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@planktonfartsanddies 3 seconds ago
he’s probably ugly you know

 

---

 

 

 

The girl thing was the final straw.

One would think — in situations where disasters pile up like the eggs in your chicken breeding machine with hundreds of little ‘pops’ — you should take a step back and reflect. It’d surely be a perfect situation to delay whatever work you can safely delay, maybe take a few days off, and go for a walk, touch grass (blocks), and reconnect with some friends or family.

That week, I had decided — in my comprehensive understanding of my needs and wants — that I should not do that and just drown whatever stress and anxiety I had gained in a small amount of time with surplus work. I suppose I was hoping producing twice the usual weekly amount of content would leave my brain in the same state as a Minecraft world being blown up with too much TNT.

On that front, I could only claim victory, minus the explosive cacophony. The rest of the week I could only remember as frozen frames of each moment I’d stopped myself to eat or sleep.

And by Thursday — one day ahead of schedule — I had a new episode of my vanilla Let’s Play jam-packed with content and a pretty bad sleep debt.

It was late in the afternoon; an empty plastic bottle I had left on the window counter was angled perfectly so that a sliver of the winter sunlight could paint pretty geometric shapes on my wall, and I was scrubbing through my timeline, finding little editing errors and omissions.

I admit I was very proud of the timelapse I had prepared for this forty-third episode of my Let’s Play. As always, I’d tried to pick up a hitherto unused effect of my editing software. Without having ever felt the ground of any cinema school — or whatever place people go for gaining Premiere Pro mastery — my method to get to know my tools was to set myself one problem and find the appropriate solution. Here, my problem was trying to demonstrate the hellishness of the episode's main focus: a nether hub, a place that would connect all the different locations of my world. It was a fairly intricate network of tunnels I had to merge together in a coherent lobby. The mix of lava and pure black concrete delivered that techno-hell vibe I was going for perfectly. On the editing side, I opted for one of the ingame tunes as background — the appropriately named ‘Pigstep’ — and found the perfect editing trick to make it pop: the low rumble reverberating at regular intervals was the perfect occasion to play with the speed ramp effect. Each time the recurring musical motif came back, I’d accelerated the clip in accordance with the six-note riff. The fast-paced result I got was the ideal solution for my problem, this represented perfectly the infernal nature of my build. The timelapse felt like it had too many teeth. Well, it felt like it had teeth, period.

I wondered what effect I should try to work with next time. I wanted to give the ‘transform’ one a second chance; I think there’s more to it than—

Mandel was calling me.

I leaned back on my chair and rubbed my eyes. It was time to know if he figured out we lived in the same building. I was not that afraid, though: If he thought I was a girl, he probably had no clue what was going on.

I groaned and clicked to accept the call.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

“Screw…” He started. His tone didn’t bode well. “Are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Screw. You didn’t answer any of my messages for the past three days.”

“What?” I rapidly checked. “Oh yeah, it’s already been three days… Okay, that makes sense.”

“What’s gotten into you, man?”

“Sorry. I just needed to work on my next episode, big plans,” I sighed. “I could show you the build I’ve done, though. Wait a minute, I’ll share my screen—”

“Screw,” he said again.

“Huh?”

“I’m sure it’s absolutely amazing because — and mark my words — you are absolutely amazing at everything you do.” I felt my face warming up a little (probably the exhaustion playing tricks on my body). “But please, I need to know something first. Can you tell me how many hours you spent filming and editing today?”

Oh, that was easy. “About nine, I’d say. Maybe a little less so if you consider whether or not you count proof-watching while eating as real work. But yeah, from eight thirty to now… that’d be about nine hours.”

“And how do you feel after that?”

“I— I don’t know. I mean, I admit it’s a bit higher than usual, but the last few days were rough. I needed a creative outlet, you know?”

“Okay—”

“But, are you okay? Why do you care so much all of a sudden? I like working, I thought that was a well established fact! Did something happen?”

The same question had popped into my mind again: was he my neighbour or not? If so, did he know that? Should I just ask him, ‘hey Mandel, how was your day? Do you perchance live in the same city as me, in a crappy jenga-looking stack of flats?’ No, of course not. That was an awful idea. He shouldn’t know my location; I had to keep that mystery floating. And besides, there were no elements that could affirm without a doubt that Amaury was Mandel. But then again, maybe I could’ve just asked his name?

“I just… care," he replied. "I care a lot about you, Screw. And— And usually you answer my messages, even when you are deep down in a rabbit hole.”

“Fair,” I conceded. “A rabbit hole with a metre-thick concrete slab clogging the entrance.” 

He chuckled and mumbled a few words too quietly to be properly picked up by his microphone, then let out a heavy breath. “You’re passionate, that’s cool. But that’s not what I was getting at. You haven’t sent any messages on the CC Discord. I was just worried that Saturday’s event was slowly transforming you into an anxious pebble.”

“I don’t like new people. I don’t like when there are loads of people,” I reminded him.

“I know. And I just wanted to know how you feel about it.”

“Ugh. Yeah. Okay… I’m pebble, alright.”

He let out a husky chuckle full of compassion, and I have to concede it did not leave my mind unscathed. He had that way of laughing — ending with a little bit of vocal fry — that made your belly tingle and left you wondering if it sounded even better IRL.

“I figured that much.” He paused and got closer to his microphone. “Hey, Screw?”

“What?”

“Wanna play a game?”

“I mean, isn’t that what I did all day?”

“Nuh-huh. You worked. I think you’d benefit from playing something other than Minecraft, just this once.”

That was a dangerous idea. But depending on the choice of game, I could manage. I shut my eyes and sighed. “Okay, let’s give it a go…”

“Oh my god! This is big news. Hear ye, hear ye, everyone! The Minecrafter has decided to try something new, now please applaud with the help of your curved limbs!”

“Dork,” I snorted, then chewed on my thoughts for a second. “Erm, last time I played anything substantial other than Minecraft, it was probably a random flash game on Miniclip or something. So, do you have any recommendations? I guess you'd want to play something together?”

“Well, I always have game recommendations, especially for you.” 

“Moowh, you’re sweet.”

“I— I'm more partial to solo games, but it would be a delight to see you discover some of my favourites — like Life is Strange, or Gone Home, or Signalis. Have you heard about Signalis? It's very good. You will scream a lot on this one, though. Or Unpacking! That one's more chill. But, um, just so you know, they’re very gay…”

While he started listing other possibilities, I got up and started making tea, still listening carefully. He spoke about titles I’d never heard of before or only knew about because of a Let’s Play thumbnail of a YouTuber I watched (never clicked on them, though). 

When I had enough water in my kettle, I turned it on, came back to my seat, and started to idly play with a teabag. Tempting as the games he proposed were, I sensed a knot forming in my gut. Yes, I was twenty-two — an adult by all standards — thus you’d expect me to be way past the irrational fear of stories because they twist my brain to think about unpleasant realities, the ones that don’t exist (like watching anime because being so cute was realistically unachievable). Yet I couldn’t help but stay weirdly uncomfortable around fiction with cute characters. And I know it didn't make sense, but I was worried all the games he would propose would be like that.

I rolled my chair to my left, reaching for the kettle again (which had just clicked), poured hot water into a mug, put my teabag in it, and rolled back right to my desk. I was hoping Mandel would’ve recommended more gameplay-focused games, where everything is told through audio logs at most, but that was wishful thinking; the guy was a veritable narrative game connoisseur. So we compromised: I asked him about something more focused on skills, a platformer he liked, and he immediately recommended Celeste, a mountain hitching game about... self-forgiveness? He told me he was a day-one fan of that game and had finished it at a hundred percent on his livestreams.

I sipped my tea and accepted the proposition. Let’s climb the mountain! …as a girl. But hey, no game is perfect.

 

✦ ▶ ✦

 

We thought it best to fill our respective tummies first. It was time for a dinner break.

I’d decided to mix business with pleasure by eating noodles while doing my due diligence for the upcoming event, reading through some of the info on the CovenCraft Discord server.

Mind you, that was more easily said than done. I had joined the server, but I hadn’t clicked on it yet. While I admired them on some level, I didn’t know most of the people there. And that was a problem. Sharing a space with them wasn’t bothering me as much as them sharing a space with me, with Screw, with the weird shy guy, with Julien. And that fate was already sealed: I’d accepted the invitation, I would have to be perceived sooner or later. So, in order to maximise my chances of not breaking down the instant someone calls my name in voice chat, I had to familiarise myself with my new colleagues.

I started scrolling through the old messages posted in the #PvPSunday-that-will-actually-be-recorded-on-saturday-because-of-christianity channel for the last few days while munching my noodles like a cow would its grass.

 

—19 December 2023—

40bees _{19/12/2023 16:31}
@everyone
-> Sunday 31st will be the last sunday of December so that means… PvP sunday!
-> Because of christmas eve on sunday 24th, we’ll be recording on saturday 23rd. Plenty more time to edit your final videos!
-> As always, all CC members are invited
-> The poll has spoken: this month we’re welcoming @sonicScrew and @Mandel to the party, please treat them kindly! You can find their links in the pinned messages.
-> Recording session starts at 18:00 (this timestamp should adjust automagically to your timezone)
-> Rules:
• UHC (Ultra Hardcore: you cannot regenerate health without using a potion or a golden apple)
• Teams of 2
• Session of about 2 hours, that should be enough for a video of about 40 min in the end. (But you can also choose to divide the whole session into multiple episodes ofc)
• The world border will slowly shrink, everyone will be forced to reunite at the center of the map after 3h of game
• Loot tables are tweaked, diamond and gold ore generation is supercharged, and you’ll gain EXP more quickly.
• Last team standing wins!
• Good luck!

sofa_king _{19/12/2023 11:12}
Thank you so much, 40. I am looking forward to Saturday and meeting our new friends! :-)

✿Dulip✿ _{19/12/2023 11:21}
heyyyy
let’s goooo
battle royaleeeee babyyyyyy
Oh, the joys of 2015~
i prefer that much more than the towers map of last time tbh
i’m temaing with Justin

RockDivine _{19/12/2023 11:22}
Hell yeah

✿Dulip✿ _{19/12/2023 11:22}
teaming*

Mandel _{19/12/2023 12:54}
Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the invite, I’m looking forward to playing with you all.

sofa_king _{19/12/2023 13:02}
Hello Mandel, welcome to our little community.
I am a fan of your livestreams, I loved your last foray into speedrunning, you’re really good!

Mandel _{19/12/2023 13:02}
Aaa tysm!

RockDivine _{19/12/2023 13:03}
Hey man!

Mandel _{19/12/2023 13:03}
Hi Justin

orangetech _{19/12/2023 16:27}
have fun guys~

Learning that orangetech was still out there drew a little gasp out of me. He was the guy who taught me all the basics of redstone and plenty of little oddities of the game: how to teleport blocks, how to break bedrock, and collect it, or how to duplicate any item. He hadn't outright discovered all of that, but he had participated in the theory-crafting, and it was thanks to his videos that I knew about it. I could say without many doubts that he had been my favourite YouTuber.

✿Dulip✿ _{19/12/2023 16:27}
TEKKY.
COME BACK.

orangetech _{19/12/2023 16:30}
Sorry, still taking a break :(

✿Dulip✿ _{19/12/2023 16:30}
!!!

RockDivine _{19/12/2023 16:31}
It’s been over a year man

This message has been deleted by an admin

This message has been deleted by an admin

This message has been deleted by an admin

40bees _{19/12/2023 16:34}
Justin, please, we talked about this.
I’ve deleted your last messages, I hope orange didn’t see them.

✿Dulip✿ _{19/12/2023 16:36}
sorry, justin isn’t feeling great rn
i’m taking care of him don’t worryyy

I clicked away from the channel and felt an uncomfortable pressure in my chest. That was… kind of heavy with hidden meanings and secret histories. I didn’t want to dig deeper, though. It’s the kind of thing that chips away your soul the more you try to understand what happened. And it's certainly none of my business, I didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with anyone. Let's hope it wasn’t as bad as it looked.

When I was done with my noodles, I’d read through about a third of what had been written since last Sunday. I was happy to learn that orangetech was still alive and hoped I could learn more about his whereabouts, but didn’t want to breach his privacy. I wondered again if I could ask 40bees.

But my pause had to come to a close when Mandel called me again to play Celeste.

 

✦ ▶ ✦

 

Now here’s the kicker: my original fear may have been a bit silly. Because I had fun. That was really fun. And I even caught myself enjoying the story bits, too. Throw a Mandel making adorable noises of surprise and despair in this — according to whether I completed a level or failed it miserably — and you got me conquered.

As soon as I had finished the third level, Mandel showed me his speedrun of it. He had done it a few months ago when his viewers suggested he give speedrunning a go.

He shared the link to a replay of one his livestreams, and I watched it with rapt attention. When I saw him do genuinely impressive platformer tricks, I smirked. “Oh my gosh Mandel, you’re so good with your fingers~” My comedic timing was confirmed perfect when I heard him cough through his drink.

I didn’t immediately notice the silence that followed.

When I did, I stopped laughing, and a heavy feeling set itself in my stomach.

I went too far.

I gulped. “Um, sorry…”

He said nothing.

“I— I really shouldn't have said that—”

“Screw, are you flirting?”

“What. No! No, no, no, don’t worry, it’s just a joke, I’m so sorry—”

“Okay. Don’t worry, Screw, it’s me. I’m being weird. I’m the one who should apologise,” he sighed. “I wish I could explain, but it’s so complicated. I… I’m gonna take a break. I’ll be right back.”

He left the call before I could say anything.

Fuck.

I fucked it all. I took my headphones and threw them on my bed. The last few minutes were looping again and again in my mind. Why was I like this? I was so annoying! I had been pushing this joke again and again. Was it flirting? What is flirting?

I pushed my chair back and got up. The air in the room suddenly felt coarse. I felt my lungs longing for fresh air. I rushed to my door and stepped into the large shared balcony to be greeted with a cold breeze. My breath was forming little clouds in front of me. The moon was not exactly full, but sufficiently so that the railings were casting shadows on the street. It was drawing wonderful shapes of metal flowers and stems, and when I got close and put my elbows on it, I could see my shadow. 

I should cut my hair, I should buy glasses too — because squinting in order to properly see my silhouette was definitely not normal-eyed behaviour — I should take out the trash and dust my flat, I should buy a case for my phone, I don’t want to break it again, and I should take a fucking break.

A nearby door closed, and someone started sobbing quietly.