Hello guys! i'm finally back! i came back a bit earlier than expected but i'm not going to be able to upload as consistently at the moment. this chapter is very small, but i made it a bit heavy. I hope you like it! :D
If you comment i would really appreciate it!

Home.

Back home.

Home was always a difficult subject for me. I’ve had more houses in my life than homes. I’ve had more strangers than friends. I’ve had more adults than parents. Home never really felt like home to me. That warm comfort, peace and security never lasted long. It was there in my childhood, that I’m sure of, but the light just kept getting dimmer and dimmer as time passed. Eventually, it died out.

It was always so unpredictable. One day, that sea would be calm, but the next day the tide would threaten to swallow everyone near, the way my parents fought. It was like I saw them transform into monsters before my eyes. I didn’t recognize them in that moment. I was seven. I was seven and I felt like I was in the middle of a war. Just me against the whole world, nothing to defend myself, no one to care for me, just me.

Maybe I had learned to love myself enough to make up for all the people I’ve lost and the people I never had, but even that left. That little boy that lived in me, a part of my soul that still believed, that still hoped, died as time passed. The tide took him away and I became the tide. I became the anger, the misery, the rage and aggression. I became the oppression and isolation. I became a monster too. I became a monster to make up for the monsters I had lost. My body became my prison and my life became my punishment. I became my own monster. My hands began to tighten around my throat and I was the one killing myself, slowly, painfully.

I never understood what to do; how to calm the sea. So I just kept drowning. And eventually, I dropped so deep that everything was pitch black. I was left in the dark, abandoned and long forgotten. When I finally lost myself, nobody grieved for me except me. The world moved on, unfazed. But my world never moved. It was still and dead. That little boy held more light than the sun in my world. He was the sun. and what should a person do, when their sun is gone? How should a person live in the dark?

The sorrow and confusion became anger and chaos. I waged wars that I created, died by monsters I made. I came back by my wish and died by the same. I hurt and hurt and hurt and I kept hurting. I didn’t know what else to do. I killed me. I killed that boy. That poor innocent boy.

I’m sorry.

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