Old memories, both fond and vile. The sky screamed with thunder and Robert stared at his younger self as he ran through a field. One second he was stepping through a doorway, the next he was standing with Rufus on a decades-old case. The movie playing? The Life and Times of Robert 'Bobby' Singer. So often he had found himself in odd situations, emotions played vividly in his custard brain. A headshot of all things, at least he was going out like a champ.

As the reaper tailed his toes Bobby weaved through his legacy, both professional and familial. Some bad and some good, some wonderful. He lay in a hospital bed with Allie sitting gently beside him, offering herself as usual.

Despite reliving the past, Bobby still opted to keep the script the same.

"Don't talk to me about you being there for me when I wasn't there for you! I wasn't there to help you with your homework. I wasn't there to teach you how to drive. I wasn't there when your mum was dying. I wasn't there to see you graduate and I'm sure as shit not gonna be there to walk you down the aisle with how this is goin'. I missed out on everything. I wouldn't have even known if it wasn't for you showin' up on my doorstep 'bout my kid who was born 22 years ago. That's not a good thing Allie."

His eyes bore into his daughter's. "I know you're tryin' to protect me but it's time to stop. You can't protect everyone." The cycle. If only he'd known at the time that she never listened. Allie was stubborn, just like her dad.

"Dad...why are you saying this?" Alice shook her head, blonde waves jostling in the air. "It's okay. I get to have you now. It's not your fault, you didn't know about me." She leaned forward and let her head rest on her father's leg. "I love you. You're the best father I could ever have asked for, better than I ever dreamed of." She confessed with complete sincerity combined with a bit of anxiety over where the conversation was going.

A flash and then it was as if a fast-forward button was utilized until Dean sitting, taking his hand with full alert.

"Bobby...I...you know I can't..."

"She's your daughter. I'd never hurt her. Not ever."

Dean leaned forward in his seat, his gaze dropping to the floor. "You know I love her, Bobby. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. You know I would die for her. I would do anything to make her happy, to make her smile. Anything."

"She's the only thing in this world that I have that's good."

Bobby took a deep breath and let out a slow sigh. "Kid, I'm stuck here, it's been years and you still ain't done it."

Dean's eyes darted up within the old memory. "I will, Bobby. I'm gonna do it, I'll do it."

Back then Bobby had a shred of hope that the two would find some sort of life outside of death and destruction. Not only that, he hadn't seen Dean that hopeful in years. But the moment never came true and now he was dying without seeing his daughter happy, never witnessing her become... more than what the life did to people, what it was doing to her. All those years ago when she had shown up... she was bright, warm, a summer solstice of a girl. Now she was a woman and that light had begun to fade. Sometimes glimmers still showed but... Bobby realized that in allowing her to be independent, he'd inadvertently desolated her.

Regrets... he had a few. Over the years he'd resigned himself to letting go of his daughter and allowing her to live her own life. That had mainly begun during the fight between Lucifer and Michael, but Bobby still attempted to be a father. Not just to Allie either. Sam and Dean were his sons, not blood so the whole... matchmaking was acceptable. But really Robert had made a nice little hunter's family. John may have been their father, but he wasn't their dad. No. Bobby had taught them how to throw a ball, Bobby had shown Dean how to work on the Impala without goddamn yellin' at him at every turn like John had. He brought Sam to the movies. The entitlements that normal children had, Bobby gave to them. Why? Because he loved them, damnit! He'd do anything for them kids. No matter how old they got they were still his boys.

And Allie... when she had arrived the adjustment took time. A woman hadn't been in his home for a long, long time. Allie wanted to change things around and cook and clean and learn. Fuck all the learning! So many damn questions. The girl was like a goddamn sponge! But she was a smart cookie, and he was. He was old and weathered when they met but her intentions had been good. She wanted a daddy, and he found himself wanting a daughter that he never got to know. Allie didn't run. She stayed.

On countless days the young woman made her father proud. The female companion to the Winchesters was shit at poker and hell at keepin' demure. None of those things mattered, he loved them. Allie broke his damn heart over and over again, and he'd do it all over again.

With the thought of her, came the next memory. Just him and his daughter, talkin'. Poker night. Back in the early days.

"Do you have any aces?" Allie smiled a bit and leaned casually into the chair that held her up.

"Kid, ya' aren't supposed to tell me what you have. It's poker." Bobby actually took part in this one, enjoying the ability to reenact one of his fonder life achievements. A Sunday evening with his girl, no matter how old she was. Just like them boys, even if he hadn't known her as a child.

"What? I thought we were playing 'Go Fish'?"

"Why would I put money down on the table for Go Fish?" He barked in laughter with her.

"Even odds. Way better gambling than Poker."

"Not against you, Ms. No-Pokerface." He grinned, bringing his hand over his face and running it up and down to create different expressions behind his hands. "I have a 100% chance 'a winnin'."

"Yeah, well, I'm a Go Fish champ, actually. So. Get ready to lose the pot."

"I never agreed to Go Fish! Did you hear me agree to Go fish?"

He watched as Allie put on her cutest face to sway him, batting her lashes and giving a rather innocent look, doe-like eyes big and full of questioning approval. "Fine. No, I don't have any aces. Do you have any 7's?"

Bobby broke character for a moment and stared at her as she began to fade. They hadn't had a poker night in over a year. His kids were aging, busy, doing other things. They were saving the world and he was damn proud of that but... "No, no just a bit longer. Don't go, Al. Don't go." came from him as her beautiful, old, warm smile started to disappear away from his kitchen table. "Just another hand. One more hand. I don't care if we play Go Fish." The statement was small and almost needy as it came from the older man, though he knew his efforts were in vain. He needed to last long enough to get the information to the boys but... a few more minutes...

She disappeared anyway and he stood with dejected eyes. He knew. There wouldn't be much time, if any. He'd maybe get a few words out to the boys if he was lucky, maybe her too. But not enough. So while the last shimmer of her sat before him he started to sing the words of Father & Son under his breath, an ode to knowing he would go. He didn't want to go, but he had to. And if they had the connection he thought that they did, perhaps Allie would feel it, somehow.

 

 

Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy

To be calm when you've found something going on

But take your time, think a lot

Why, think of everything you've got

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not

 

 

His irises lined with tears as she turned to look at him one final time and their eyes met, her baby blues intermingling with his. He continued as if singing her the lullaby that he never got to when she was a child.

 

 

How can I try to explain? 'Cause when I do she turns away again

It's always been the same, same old story

From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen

Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away

I know, I have to go

 

 

The sound of shouting entered fluorescently lit hallways, the blonde perked up at the sound - eyes darting to the room where her family had rolled her father. That shout, it had been Dean's no doubt in her mind upon the reverberation off of the walls.

A cup of coffee lay in her hand and Allie looked at it for a second, memories filling her cerebral of John. Of the past... Sam... the moment was not easy to recall but when it did, her eyes widened and soon athletic legs were bounding through the hallways as the hospital signs passed by in slow motion until she rounded in through the door.

She'd only been gone for a few minutes. She didn't even have a bathroom break after they arrived. For hours she stood in that hall in case they were called. Just in case. She was gone for maybe ten minutes. Ten minutes! Upon arrival, his body was there. The hole was gauzed up and the look that Sam gave her, was indescribable.

Her body moved like a cheetah, anguish overflooded her until nothing else was left. Heart, Soul, Mind, all damned. Every bit of her faded below the ocean. The worst nightmare and yet everyone on earth would live it at some point. But she was only 29! Not even 30 and both of her parents were gone, she'd lost countless people, and she'd seen the worst fucking things that Earth could supply.

"Dad, Come on, no... don't do this to me, please. " the sobs that erupted from her could make angels cry as Allie slumped herself over her father's body. "Please, I have to talk to you! Please! I need to talk to you!" A runny nose instantly pressed into her dead parent's face and shivering of grave melancholy ensued.

"Dad, I have to fucking talk to you! " One last time. Just tell him that she loved him. That he was... the best dad. That no one compared and she was sorry, sorry for things that hadn't even happened yet or that she didn't understand, sorry for all the times that she didn't come home when she really wanted to, for the times that she didn't pick up the phone and call him before bed. Growing up meant regrets, so many regrets. "Please, Dad... Please ..." That awful, pathetic word kept coming. Over and over she ate her despair and vomited it back up for everyone to see, publicly. It felt like she was calling a phone that had been permanently disconnected.

Allie hadn't cried when her mother died.

Now she knew what people meant when they spoke of it - the pain. Immediate, visceral. Over the years she'd grown more acclimated with her emotions, yet now that felt like a black bull of which would surely impale her and note her hurt for all to see. "I... I need you. I don't want you to go, I'm not ready. Please we haven't had... it hasn't been long enough!"

Twenty-nine years on earth and only eight years of knowing her father. Best years of her life. He never tried to change her like others did, always accepted her personality. He helped her and carried her when she needed a bird to lift her into the sky above dark clouds. When the boys weren't there Bobby always was. She'd been a terrible daughter in comparison, always taking and never giving enough.

Between cries of anguish, Sam moved to wrap his large body around her, arms encasing her in understanding and empathy as her small form folded into his much larger stature. He couldn't offer any words for the moment. They were all hurting, all vulnerable and tired. Bobby was their dad, the closest thing they had ever gotten to a father. John wasn't half the man that Robert had been, and would always be, in their memories. "Shhh, Duck. Shhh.." He soothed into her ear as his own eyes pricked with unshed tears and his gaze fell on his older brother who seemed nearly at the breaking point. Sam's large hand weaved through her hair, recalling how she offered comfort to him throughout their years together, their travels. He nodded to Dean, silently letting the other Winchester brother know that it was okay for him to leave the room temporarily with the note that Bobby had given them.

Sam would take care of her, he'd hold her. That gentle, empathetic part of him still remained. Even when they were all hurting. "I love you, I love you. It's okay. It's okay." He'd say the words over and over again if they'd help console her - but he knew nothing would take away the raw pain, not really.

 

Ten minutes. and she missed it.