These week was good overall, lose my bike's key but got a pretty idea. Reading several manga, and tryng to write while my laziness is away.

The first point would be how funny (forgetful) of me to lose a key right on the election day, just to find it in my own pocket. How ridiculous, that i practically can't stop smiling all day.

Then my internet quota was out (thanks to porn), but i thankfully i could leach on my mother internet quota instead. Then i continue to read some manga on the net, reading the manga that give me the idea to write this in the first place (even though i have not read it at the time).

I got an idea for new story too, " the puppeteer's puppet" a story about a living puppet that try to bring happiness to everyone ( have an idea how to start, just not sure how the story should go).

What else should i talk about? Right i promise to talk about my immaginary girlfriend ( or you can call it waifu instead). Raga is her name, it mean body in my mother tongue. And she is a lamia, or atleast that was how i always see her.

By the way she is not some anime/ manga character, at least not one that i know. She start of as a nightmare for me, for i been having dream about getting chased by snake since i was in elementary school, it was scary at first but later it's not.

More like i was having fun being chased by a snake that was big enough to swallow a grown man whole, it was fun because i was getting pampered. Having the attention of someone precious.

I think i got it from reading a romance story( more psych type if i might say) it was about a boy that seek thrill in his life and an obsessive girl that want to be his number one, it remind me of highschool.

There is this girl that i (maybe) like, it start with me hearing people talk about this tomboy girl. For my curiousity i ( kind of) stalking her, and i seem to be too eager that i don't notice one of her friends catch me somehow.

Well not like i was hiding or anything, but i'm sure chat up with them when my friend (from midleschool) introduce us. Her name was Ara (disguised), it's first time i try to get close to someone ( conciously) and i might have been too oblivious of it.

That night i create a new character for her, to input her in my world. And it's smoothly done, too well that Raga ( unnamed at that time) kind of jealous and bugging me all the time that i can't finish her background.

Well that aside, now i'm aware what i really want is just some attention not from everyone, just from those that i care about. But being cared for by them make aware of their expectation, and it make me sick and afraid to face them.

Increasingly aware that other might see me as a failure, a trash, an annoying pest. I don't understand how people work, how emotion work, or why?

When i feel something like sadness, anger, fear, or feeling hurt. I all just disapear, like there is a bottomless abyss in my heart that eat away those feeling. And i... think i miss crying my heart out, crying because i'm sad or hurt.

I want it too, but i just can't, whenever i tried by looking for something emotional, the feeling is swelling up fast that it suffocate me, but when it's over it just disapear, like it was never there. But recently it's suceed.

When i remembering my past while putting my emotion together. When i write u-5. When i imagine.

At least she is there when no one is. I am glads i decide to create-include you in my world Raga.

Why is it suddenly about me. Well Raga is my nightmare( and sweet dream) she is about hmm... maybe better to shove it to another stories, because i have made a series of story just for her. So stay tuned.

By the way i'm having trouble in writing "daughter of chaos", stuck in chapter 3. I got two idea for it but... forget that. Do you like to read new P.O.V or stuck with the same pov that was mainly the problem, and chap1 and2 that doesn't connect at all. Guhhh.

I have been grumbling for sometime now. So see you next Chapie