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Dorley…the Final Frontier…

These are the voyages of Alan Malloy.

His continuing mission?

To expunge his toxic ways

To seek out a new life and a new identity.

To Boldly be Basemented like many men have been before!

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Stardate -290.136 – Programme Day Seventy Five

   That morning, I was woken up by someone knocking on my door. And it was still dark. One of the things I had brought up with Steph during our watch party was that it was annoying to have to check the clock on my computer to check the time. Yesterday evening, I had received a digital clock in the dumbwaiter, with a note from Steph asking if this was OK. The clock currently read 0300. Fucking hell, what the hell was this? There better be a good reason for Steph to wake me up this early. Although…Steph usually stopped knocking after a few raps on the steel door. And she generally also would have said something by now. Whoever it was kept frantically knocking on the door, and continued until I sluggishly stumbled over to the door, unlocked it, and pulled it open.

   “Ted? What are you doing here?” I asked, staring at the older boy, who was standing in my doorway looking slightly pained. “It’s three in the morning. Why are you-”

   “I need to talk to you in private, and I couldn’t wait any longer,” he said. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all, and his eyes were red. Had he been crying? Oh god, what the hell was it this time? Please don’t let this be another conspiracy thing, I was sure we’d moved past that phase. “Can I come in?”

   I rubbed my eyes, and stood to the side. “I mean, I’m awake now, so sure, come on in. Not like there’s a lot of time before we have to get up again anyway. And I doubt I’ll be able to get back to sleep now. Make yourself at home, and we can talk.”

   The room was still dark, but there was enough dim lighting to still see. I mean, it was a windowless basement, safety was still a concern even with a feminising torture basement. Ted carefully walked over to the bed, and sat down. I sat down beside him, and took a deep breath. OK, time to open the can of worms I already knew was lying in wait for me.

   “OK, buddy, what’s wrong this morning?” I asked. Strangely, he flinched when I said buddy. Oh god, was this…? “Ted…uh…you OK…? Did I say something wrong?”

   “No, you’re fine, sorry. It’s just…Alan…what would you say if I said I thought I was a girl?”

   My immediate thought was “Well fuck”. My second was “Why does this keep happening to me?”. The third was “My friend needs me, shut the fuck up asshole-part-of-my-brain before I lobotomize you with a brick wall and a fork”. What followed was a long exchange of profanities between me and myself as I tried to reign in my urge to scream into a pillow. Eventually, my urge to be a good friend won out. But only barely. Seriously, this kept happening to me. It seemed all the friends I ended up making ended up, at some point in our relationship, turning out to be trans. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it was like some omnipresent, all-powerful lifeform was deliberately fucking with me. I swear, if it turned out the Q were real, and I was the latest person to get the attention of Q, I was going to punch John De Lancie.

   I realised that while I’d been running through this, about a full minute of silence had elapsed. I should probably say something positive. Something supportive. Something profound.

   “Bwah?”

Smooth, Alan. Reeeal smooth.

   Ted frowned. “You OK? This isn’t the first time you’ve had someone tell you something like this. It’s not even the first time this week, Alan.”

   I blinked. “I know? But it’s, like, three in the morning. My brain feels like a Klingon embalmed it in bloodwine. And then a Romulan forced me to consume an entire pint of Romulan ale.”

   Ted laughed, before patting me on the back. “Nerd. But, yeah, I think I’m a girl. And I think I’ve always been.”

   “So, you’re trans then?” I asked, cocking my head. “This isn’t a Dorley-related response?”

   Ted shrugged. “I mean, I guess Dorley cracked my egg, but I think both Nessa and I were always trans. From what she’s told me, she also came to that realisation here. We always did both have…issues. But I guess trips to the basement can be very educational. That’s a rarity, if you could call something that.”

   I put my hand on my friend’s shoulder, and smiled at her. “Ted, I’m happy for you. Thanks for trusting me enough to come out to me, even if it was at, like, three in the morning. Have you told Katsuro or Ewan yet?”

   She shook her head. “You know how much of a heavy sleeper Ewan is, and Katsuro didn’t respond when I knocked on her door. I couldn’t even hear her snoring, so I’m not sure she’s in there right now. I haven’t even told Nessa yet, although she’ll probably know as soon as she sees the security footage, if she hasn’t already seen it. And…I…had other reasons for telling you before anyone else.”

    I wasn’t sure if it was just a trick of the dim light, but it almost looked like Ted was…blushing?

    “Ted? What do you mean by that?” I asked, feeling slightly like I was about to be punked. “It’s OK if you don’t want to tell m-”

   “I think I’m attracted to you.”

   My brain, only just having recovered from the first internal meltdown, began to suffer the mother of all warp core breaches. I wasn’t sure whether this was a joke, or if I had misheard something. There was no way that was true. That couldn’t be right. Ted couldn’t possibly be attracted to me. ME. THE NERD. TED. WHAT.

   “…I…uh…sorry, could you perhaps repeat that?” I said, blinking and staring at my friend, who was looking extremely flushed now. Her cheeks were almost glowing, the red clearly visible. Oh god, she was serious. Was I currently on drugs? Had Steph put hallucinogens in the hormone shot she gave me last night? Was I doped up on LSD right now? Ted continued, further reducing the chances of drug involvement.

   “I…uh…have a romantic attraction to you. Also Ewan, but I’m even more embarrassed to tell him. I’m pretty sure I’m bi as well? Or maybe I just don’t have a gender preference.”

   “Ted…I…uh…wow,” I said, still very much off guard. “I don’t think anyone’s said something like that to me before. I…I’m not sure how to process that.”

   “I mean, you’re a good person, you’re smart, and you’ve funny,” Ted explained. “Plus, you know, you’re not exactly the stereotype of a spotty, badly-groomed nerd. You’re…uh…attractive.”

   She was seemingly unable to meet my eyes. This…this had to be a dream, right? I was going to wake up in a moment, or this was going to devolve into another Star Trek dream and Picard was going to walk in and ask me to marry him or something.

   “Ted, I’m…flattered,” I said. “But…I don’t think I can be in a relationship at this point. With anyone. Not because I don’t like you, but because I’m not ready. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready. But if I do figure my shit out, you’ll be the first one to know. And, also, you know, I’ve never really thought about my sexual preferences. I mean, I definitely like girls- my first boner was for Jeri Ryan when I was thirteen…”

   “OK, I’ve heard enough!” said Ted, standing up very quickly and walking to the door. “I…uh…would like it if you didn’t tell anyone that I told you that. You know, the “I like you” bit. If you’re willing, I’d like some help telling everyone at breakfast. I’m not the best with telling large groups of people intimate things about myself.”

   “Of course, Ted,” I replied, smiling. “Anything for a friend. Before you go…have you figured out a name?”

   She paused as I walked up to open the door. “I don’t know. And I don’t know what to choose. I’m going to ask around at breakfast, actually. If you have any suggestions, or can brainstorm any…”

   I shook my head. “None right now, but I’ll be sure to come up with something in the next two and a half hours. Try to get some rest, Ted. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

   With that, I opened the door, and she left, smiling at me fondly as she left. I closed the door, and collapsed back against it. I had only one question right now.

   “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW??!!”

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Stardate -290.2708 – Programme Day Seventy Five

   “…so, yeah, I’m trans. Just like Katsuro.”

   There were smiles from both the sponsors and the rest of us intakes as Ted finished explaining her self-revelation. Nessa looked especially proud of her sister as she hugged her with one arm tightly. Arthur even gave a faint smile, but it was a sad one that seemed regretful. I didn’t know what was going on with him right now, but maybe he was himself an ‘egg’ as Ted and Katsuro had referred to being in the closet as being trans? I couldn’t equate that with his former persona of an angry, bitter, bigoted asshole…but Katsuro had pointed out that a lot of trans people lash out when they can’t be happy with themselves and feel like they can’t transition. Maybe that was what had been driving Arthur?

   “Well, this has been a…unusual intake,” remarked Maria, sitting over near Arthur at the far end of the table. “You lot seem to be almost racing each other to girlhood, even if some of you are far at the back of the pack. Ted, congratulations, and welcome to the sisterhood. Do you have a new name, or are you in the same boat as Katsuro and want to find a good one for yourself in due time? You don’t need to make a final decision by any means, or even make a decision at this point, so don’t worry too much about it.”

   “Actually, I’d like to hear if anyone has any suggestions,” said Ted, putting her arm behind her head nervously. “I came out to Alan earlier this morning to test the waters, and he said he’d think about a name, if he wants to start us off…”

   I shrugged. “Still thinking on it. In my defence, I only just got to the stage where I’m approximating being fully conscious. Ewan?”

   The older man blinked. “Uh…how about…Teddi?”

Ted made a face and shook her head violently. “God no. Anyone else?”

   “Terri?” suggested Steph. Ted gave this one more consideration, but again shook her head. Katsuro suggested Trisha, to which Ted shrugged, but shook her head once more. Soon, everyone was throwing out their own suggestions, most of which were quickly dismissed. By far the most popular suggestion- to everyone’s shock- was from Arthur, who suggested “Tasha”. I was left in the dust, still trying to think of a good one. I had one on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite wrangle what it was. Something that felt…appropriate. Soon though, things began to go downhill, and when Ewan suggested “Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way” (which nearly got him throttled by Pippa), Ted was looking like she was about to give the whole thing up as a failed experiment. Before she could call it, and I lost my chance to help my friend, I figured out what I’d been trying to think of.

   “Ted, how does ‘Tessa’ sound?” I asked, in a moment of silence. “It keeps your name in-line with you and Nessa’s old alliterative naming scheme, and it feels like it’d suit you, at least to me.”

   Ted mouthed the word, seemingly testing it out, before frowning. I felt a sudden panic that I’d made a bad choice, and that it was just as bad as the others. Then, she smiled broadly, and practically threw herself across the table to hug me.

   “It’s perfect!” Tessa said, hugging me. “Thank you so much, Alan!”

 “No problem,” I grunted, trying my best to hug her back awkwardly. “Wanted to give you a good one. Or the best one I could think of.”

   She released me, and slid back into her chair, grinning broadly at me. “I promise, I’ll do the same thing for you when you finally stop sitting on the fence. I’ll give you a good name, Alan.”

   I felt a weird sensation like a bunch of soda bubbles exploding up from inside my chest. It felt…nice? I guess? What the fuck was that feeling, and why did I feel like that when Tessa said something like that?

   “Tessa and Nessa,” remarked Katsuro. “Guess Sir Shrimpy outthought all of us for once. Didn’t think Alan had it in him.”

   “Who the fuck are you calling a shrimp?!” I exclaimed, annoyed. “I’ll have you know I’m just under five feet.”

   “Alan, how tall are you?” asked Steph. “In centimetres?”

 “One fifty,” I said defensively. “A meter and a half is nothing to snort at.”

“Alan…that’s barely over four eleven,” Indira said, her voice gentle. “You’re an inch above the point where you’d meet the requirements for suffering from dwarfism. Canonically, the dwarves from Lord of the Rings are only about five inches shorter on average than you.”

   “…look, I have…issues…with people calling me short,” I said, admitting defeat. “It was a constant thing in High School. I’m short, so what? I still outdid the six foot tall assholes who mocked me in my A-Levels. I got the highest results in maths and computer studies that my school had ever gotten, and last I checked, that record hadn’t been beaten. I was in the top twenty five percent of my graduating year for those test results, nationwide. I may be a shrimp, but I’m a fucking smart shrimp.”

   “Huh,” said Steph looking at her phone. “You’re actually the same height as the shortest Ferengi seen on Star Trek, namely Kol as played by Leslie Jordan. And you’re a whole inch shorter than the second shortest Ferengi, which would be Nog.”

   All of the intakes immediately looked at Steph as if she’d announced the basement was about to explode. Ewan buried his face in his palms, and groaned loudly, and Tessa looked very put off. What was their problem? She was comparing me to one of the coolest races in Star Trek. I wasn’t going to react badly, even if it was a height comparison that wasn’t exactly flattering. I mean, Quark was fucking awesome! And Nog had one of the best arcs on DS9. Hell, the Ferengi episode of Enterprise was one of the better episodes of the show! Even if, again, nobody seemed to agree with me on that front, and Christine had even asked if I had any sense of taste. I mean, the Ferengi interacting with Porthos was so cute, what was her issue?

   “Oh dear god,” said Katsuro, looking at Steph in annoyance. “Now you’ve set him off.”

   “Why would that annoy me?” I asked, looking at the other intakes as they stared at me in shock. “What? Why the looks?”

   “Holy shit…who are you, and where’s the real Alan?” said Ewan, staring at me. “You should be ranting and raving by now! What the fuck?”

   “Because she compared my height to a Ferengi?” I asked, confused. “I mean, she’s not wrong. And besides, the Ferengi may have had a rough introduction on The Next Generation, but they were one of the best parts of Deep Space Nine, especially Quark and his antics. I’m just happy she didn’t use the other notoriously short alien race as a comparison. Namely the Tellarites.”

   “Am I on drugs?” Katsuro wondered out loud, staring between me and Steph as if she thought this was some sort of prank. I looked around in confusion. The intakes were clearly shocked, but none of the sponsors seemed to be. In fact, a lot of them looked proud. What the fuck was going on?

   “Alan…Steph just made a Star Trek reference,” said Tessa, gaping. “In front of you. And you didn’t react. And you also said it wouldn’t annoy you. Are…are you alright? Are you sick?”

   “Just peachy,” I said, realising what the issue was. “I…uh…realised I was being a fucking idiot about woman liking sci-fi. There shouldn’t be an issue with that. Sorry, I assumed everyone knew. I guess it hadn’t come up recently. Should have said something.”

   “Wow,” said Ewan, blinking. “I was expecting you to take a lot longer to deal with your shit. Congrats, mate. I had you pegged as being at the back of the pack with Danny when it came to that sort of thing. Guess I was completely and utterly wrong.”

   “Woah, hang on,” I said, now gaping at him. “You seriously thought that Arthur- no offence big man- was doing better than me. And that I was still lagging behind in the same was as Danny.”

   Arthur grunted, but didn’t seem to care much about my comparison. I looked at the other intakes. No way. They hadn’t thought I was doing better with the sci-fi thing?

   “Seriously, what the fuck, I told you all that I watched The Matrix with Steph, right?” I said, not sure whether this was a prank or not. “You know that’s a sci-fi movie, right?”

   “I mean…uh…I thought it classified as an action movie,” admitted Katsuro. There were nods from the other intakes. “I didn’t think you’d classify it as being anything more than sci-fi flavoured.”

   “What the fuck kind of distinction is that?” I said, now very annoyed. Clearly I would have to explain what the definitions of sci-fi were. “I think I need to educate you lot on a few things…”

   “Oh god, here he goes…”

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Stardate -288.2537 – Programme Day Seventy Seven

   “Happy Birthday, Ewan!”

The other boy blinked as Tessa threw a bunch of confetti into the air as he walked into the dining room for breakfast. Everyone had gotten up early, and Nessa had procured confetti at Tessa’s request. Breakfast today even included scrambled eggs and baked beans. No bacon or sausages though, but you couldn’t have everything. Ewan brushed some confetti off his shoulder, and sat down.

   “Uh, thanks, I guess. I guess everyone’s here, huh?”

   It had been two days since she had come out, and we’d seen her fairly infrequently in the intervening time. Katsuro had been pretty spotty in her presence in the common areas, and Ewan swore he’d seen both of the girls being escorted out of the basement when he was walking back to his room to get a replacement shirt after he had a nosebleed and got blood down the front of it during a moment when we were both reading together. Danny had been reintroduced to the general population yesterday, and he seemed a lot less tense around Katsuro and Tessa now, although he did keep shooting them some very weird looks.

   Despite the fact that both of the girls had apparently been splitting their time between the basement and wherever the sponsors had been taking them, they were here with us this morning for breakfast, at least. All of us, the entire intake, was in the same room for what seemed like the first time in ages. And for once, there wasn’t a feeling at the back of my head like a brawl was about to break out. It seemed that Danny and Arthur no longer posed an immediate threat, although I still reminded myself to be on the lookout for any aggression aimed at my friends. Although, to be honest, there was not much I could do if they did decide to attack. I barely even came up to Danny’s upper chest, and Arthur was at least a full head taller than me. God, I hated being small for my gender and my age.

   “Happy birthday, mate,” I said, passing him a plain paper envelope. He took it, and looked at me quizzically. “I managed to get Steph to get me a card to give you. Unfortunately, she couldn’t source a present on short notice, so…yeah, this is all I could get while stuck in the Feminising Torture Basement.”

   He smiled, and opened up the envelope. Tessa and Katsuro also passed over their own envelopes, smiling. Damn, I thought I’d been the only one with the foresight to do that. Still, they were girls, and they were meant to have better emotional intelligence? I think? I don’t know where I read that, or if it applied for trans women. All of the cards were generic “happy birthday!” cards, but Ewan still seemed to be happy with what we’d been able to get.

   “Thanks, guys. Didn’t even expect to get a card, to be honest, let alone a special breakfast.”

“Well,” said Nessa, who was tag-teaming with Pippa to watch us this morning. “We aren’t totally heartless. Ewan’s been doing good, and you’ve all made surprising progress in the short time you’ve been here, so consider it a reward for all of you, and a birthday present for Ewan. Now, dig in, the food’s getting cold.”

   As we all dug into the food, I felt a sense of contentment I hadn’t felt for a long time. Today was a good day to be alive. That was for sure. Hell, it’d even be a good day to die, not that this was likely to happen.

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   “So, how’s the rocks?” Steph said into the phone, getting a distorted cackle in response from the other end. “You having fun, Beth?”

   “You know it!” came her girlfriend’s response over the satellite connection. “Wish you weren’t busy with work; you should see the views up here. The Alps are absolutely beautiful. Oh, and there’s plenty of fascinating rocks. Not that I can spend much time appreciating the view. You wouldn’t believe how much supervision even university students require. Seriously, some of these guys make the intakes you’re handling look tame.”

   “Beth!” hissed Steph. “Opsec!”

   She only got laughter in response. “Girl, relax, I’m the only person around for at least a kilometre. I managed to convince the convenor to let me go find somewhere to make a call. You wouldn’t believe the sort of rocks up here! There’s so many good things to find at this altitude! Like, just this morning, I found…”

   “Beth, you so much as bring up a single rock-related thing on this call,” Steph warned. “And you’ll find me waiting for you with an obsidian knife and a baseball bat.”

   There was more laughter. “Ooh scary. Say, did you know that Obsidian is extremely rich in silica- it’s about 65 to 80 percent silicates, actually- is low in water, and has a chemical composition similar to rhyolite. Ooh, and it’s also-”

   “Oh, quiet, you,” Steph said, chuckling. “You know when you’ll be back?”

“Another two days, and we’ll start hiking back to the pickup point. Then it’s just a day’s travel back across the channel by train. I’ll be back at Dorley by the end of the week, don’t you worry your cute little ass any. Anyway, enough about me. How’s that kid you’ve got in the basement going? Alan, or whatever?”

   “Beth, for the love of fuck, Opsec!” Steph exclaimed exasperatedly. “He’s doing great. He’s made great progress in the last three months. Actually got a dinner planned for him and his colleagues. It’s his friend’s birthday, so we have a surprise for them.”

   “Oh?”

Steph smiled. “Yeah. You think steak sounds good for dinner?”

   “Jesus Fuck, why didn’t we get steak dinners when we were…uh…in the same line of work. Christ, you know what I mean, I fucking hate having to maintain Opsec.”

   “Well,” Steph said, smiling. “You did piss of Maria a lot when you were still here. I think she prefers the arsonist to you, actually. At least he doesn’t have a smarmy mouth and an overactive sex drive.”

   “First, fuck you, you like my sex drive. And secondly, what were you saying about Opsec, like, ten seconds ago?”

   “Love you too, Beth,” said Steph, grinning. “See you when you get back.”

With that, Steph hung up. This was going to be a good day. Right?

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