Elizabethy 13th Queen of the kingdom had long ago been turned into a cyborg. She was propelled forward through the skies by her jet-pack. Killin Hood controlled her actions covertly via a remote controller. He sped through the skies himself in his chopper. He was too far away to have the permanent control that he desired. He struggled mightily with a signal that was so wonky.
“Sir, we have located the target and juice on a farm. Do you want us to attack now or wait?” asked the static voice over the banana phone.
“Wait for now, but if I don’t get back to you in an hour, send in the zombies,” instructed Killin Hood.
“Yes sir.”
Meanwhile Edward was in fully monstrous form. He roamed the streets of Capital City where he continued stalking and eating unsuspecting young prey of legal drinking age. His monster mind was no longer capable of thinking long term beyond instant hits of dopamine. His fuze had reached the end of its burn and his top would soon explode. The taser was out of juice doing nothing when he tried to amp himself up to keep living. He aimed for the top of a pole carrying an electric line. The block went out dark, as his synthetic heart was put in by a wicked witch kicked back into gear. Edward whistled down a dead street re-energized.
The ancient apartment building in the crime filled district was lit. He let himself into the entry that smelled of roaches past the sleeping host, secured behind a defensive barrier. The stairs were covered in crap as his heavy feet shook the building with every step. A man taking a break from painting saw him and bolted onto the fire escape. Edward continued singing to himself as he clobbered down the hallway. He pushed open his room dragging the victim after him.
An hour later the water boiled away his latest catch. His fancy business shoes stuck out of the steaming pot, as the rice cooked in a separate pan beside it. The apartment had no furniture and only had his guitar resting in the corner without an amp to power it. There was a knock on the door.
“I’ll be right there,” said Edward, removing the leather shoes and pushing the meat into the boiling pot so the lid would close.
He flicked a switch activating his hook spinning in place and grinding up the evidence like a garbage disposal. The knocking on the door intensified into a frenzy.
“Oh knock it off, I'll be right there,’ said Edward, opening the pantry.
He grabbed hold of the allspice, MSG, garlic salt, cinnamon sticks, and a splash of apple cider vinegar. It was all added to the dish and now the door was to be answered. He walked through the desolate dump of an apartment. The living room table was covered in menthol cigarette butts and empty light beer cans. The couch had been spotted like swiss cheese and the bed still hadn't been made from the previous tenant so he threw em out the window. This was a desperate state of affairs acquired with cash on a short term basis. The entry was caked in cobwebs, exposed insulation and crystal residue that occasionally peeled off him just like skin. He was dropping little scales every time he slowly morphed further along the evolutionary line into an ever growing monstrosity. The door exploded into nothing.
“It’s time to put you down. King's orders,” shrieked Queen Elizabethy on the other side.
She flew at him while activating her flashing crystal belt. A multi-colored high powered laser shined brightly and sliced through the building like butter. The roof started collapsing while the building shook. There went Edward's chances of escaping as a brick smacked him in the noggin.. Elizabethy cut the floor bending that side on a precipice and he started slipping. Her monster spawn went smashing out the window and the lights went out.
“Haha game over,” laughed Killin Hood into the microphone built into his bride's remote controller.
He pushed down hard on the joystick and the right trigger advancing his wife forward while her chainsaw revved into overdrive. She smashed through two walls and apart the dining room table in the next room grinding anything else that got in the way. The window was broken just like her. She approached and looked down to confirm the kill. A line started whirring as it was hauled in quickly.
“Wham!”
Edward zipped back inside on his hook punching her. She sawed a hole in the floor that smelled of sweet sawdust and mesothelioma before falling to the next floor revving chainsaw to repeat the cutting process. Edward aimed at a spoonful of dinner with his spare hand and fired at another tall building in the surrounding cityscape with his hook. After three more mouthfuls he zipped after his launched anchor.
“Grrrrr..,” growled Killin Hood, unable to stop the saw from operating from afar.
“25 minutes until we get back to the city outskirts,” said the helicopter pilot.
“Good it will be the final showdown for this family,” said Killin Hood, cracking his knuckles one by one.
The markets were mostly closed at night except for a single vendor that served breakfast. Edward’s hook rang a bell above as he descended onto the square. The pidgins dove for cover with the rats. He broke apart the top of a closed stall that flattened upon landing. The people ran for cover of the nearby buildings screaming.
“Grrrrr,” growled Edward, lumbering forward.
His hook was going to get him places including the dam. He aimed and shot a line as far overhead as this portion of the kingdom it would go. This would get the new King’s attention and draw him out, then they could fight mono on monopoly. His launcher exploded with a cloud of stinky puss and all he could do was laugh to stop the hurting inside.
Edward went hurtling towards the hydroelectric power plant. He stopped the chain of hauling mid air activating his magnetic shield. It yanked him downward right towards the cased electrical crystal batteries the dam powered. His hook left dangling above as his hardened skeleton impacted the casing. He was fading fast again and needed to be shocked immediately. Edward beat on the warning labels of high voltage in a tantrum.
“FUCK not like this. I need my juice,” he screamed.
A jetpack soared over the dam bringing in the Queen who had caught up.
“Daddy will be home soon to clean up the house in person but momma will give capital punishment now,” Killin Hood spoke through her installed microphone.
Her belt started powering up.
“Zaaaaap!”
The dam was blasted. The water began flowing from cracks slowly growing in size. Edward was hit with enough electricity to fry 125 elephants. His hide was burned beyond recognition. His skeleton was smoking and his eyes glowing like a tactical nuke. Whatever remained living within him was being fried away to the core.
Meanwhile Killin Hood's chopper descended into the area. He divided his attention between the window and his toy on the ground. This kill of the final brat was a long time coming. What a fool he had been following his ego in thinking he could leave anything alive as a slave. Going forward it would only be zombies and cyborgs who would have those privileges. His special ops commando peeled back the cabin door just like a banana. Killin Hood took control of the chopper gunner killstreak mounted onboard.
“Honey you’re on your own voon the ground over and out hahaha,” he laughed, pulling the trigger.
The rotating barrels of the big gun began spinning up. The dam was salted with holes from the lead being launched downstream. The chopper changed direction and Edward was peppered with bullets some bounced off his most hard body parts. The pain crippled him as the dam burst above him covering him in liquid. Thousands of gallons of water swept forward knocking the Queen out of the sky. The chopper narrowly avoided getting dragged down by the waves. The water's current ran away fast taking a row of houses in its path. The alarms blared as the newly crowned King glared down his scope above glowing red hot barrels.
“Boss, let's hope that this is the end of this bad act,” said the pilot, following with a nervous laugh.
“Let’s keep focused on the task at hand,” scolded Killin Hood.
Edward emerged for air from below the surface triggering Killin Hood to start shooting. The magnetic defensive shield went back online reflecting bullets bouncing backwards towards their shooters.
“Gurgle,” gasped a knight onboard, holding an impacted throat.
The monster descended back below the surface of the water. A dead body fell from the helicopter belly flopping a big splash in ringing armor. The co-pilot had also been hit, but the pilot was holding steady for the moment.
“We need to get out of here now,” said the pilot.
“Negative gets me lower,” said Killin Hood, turning the nozzle, and unfolding something he screwed together. “HAHA his shields may repel bullets, but my flamethrower is a different animal.”
The chopper pattroled lower to the stagnant waters, something popped up, and was promptly engulfed in flames.
“What’s going on?” Asked Elizabethy calmly, unaware the heat had melted some of her face.
“Hey bitch get back underwater you brainless grrr. Sigh gotta do everything yourself,” seethed Killin Hood, turning down the gas to set his flame broiler down on the now empty seat.
He grabbed the controller and almost broke it raging like a toddler. He eventually calmed enough to send his cyborg wife back underwater where she was safe from friendly fire.
“Thunk!”
The dashboard lit up with alarms.
“We’ve been hooked,” cried the pilot, struggling to keep control.
A line hauled Edward sideways out of the water straight to the underside of the chopper. He reached up a hand that was burned off by liquid magma shot from Killin Hood. It also burned holes in the floor on the vehicle slowly gaining altitude.
“Yooow!” Cried Edward holding a melting hand showing skeleton bones.
“You die now” taunted through the cracks in the floor separating opponents.
The metal groaned as the hook pulled out a big chunk of the chopper. Killin Hood shot a stream of flames through to the other side catching the nearby high rise rooftop garden on fire. Edward laughed as he shot out the blades spinning overhead. The chain connected to the hook spun out of control coiling around the rotor. The chopper crashed into the rooftop pool while the pilot was impaled to the seat with both halves of a blade. The occupants dragged underwater strapped into the helicopter.
A crown showed above the waterline near where it said no diving. Something precocious was tossed onto dry ground. A man pulled himself onto the patio after a remote controller. He limped forward, and tumbled over a metal poolside table. He collapsed in a puddle bruised, battered and struggling for breath.
The pool had become a gray mix of oil, gas, and blood. The empty tail rotors were the only part of the iceberg remaining above the surface. The water’s bubbles began intensifying.
“Get back creature, I’m afraid I made a grave mistake not immediately killing you,” said the man dripping wet, with a singed mustache.
“Hahahaha I win,” sputtered the waters parting away from the monster emerging.
Edward aiming his hook.
“Not so fast!” Shrieked Elizabethy the 13th flying over in her jet-pack.
Her chainsaw revved into battle as she landed next to the pool. Edward stepped into battle on the other side and taunted with his hand.
“We aren’t related anymore, so I have no qualms about disrespecting your corpse,” he said.
“Off with his head honey,” yelled her husband from the sidelines.
The sparks flew as the saw dug into the hook. Killin Hood dumped water out of the controller in the background trying to get it to work. He pushed down the trigger all the way as her belt began to shine. Killin Hood ducked as the flying hook smashed apart the roof above him raining bricks pulled out from above.
Elizabethy fought her former child while the belt began humming as it charged up. Edward pushed down as the cut went towards her side. The saw cut out a small piece of her intestine while the fighting continued. The belt blasted him with the combined energy of all twelve crystals. His chest took the heat while the saw cut off his good arm.
“AAAAA,” cried Edward, as the hook limply hit the ground.
The blood leaked from the body of the opponent now unarmed. The chainsaw was redirected towards the neck by the puppet master. He laughed pressing the button that directed his wife to begin sawing the neck off Edward. The severed head fell to the floor beside the hook. The mutated body fell backwards towards the smoking pool.
“Splash,”
“Well well I ain’t the loser that’s business taken care of. Hey honey what do you say for dinner out on the town we just painted red?” said Killin Hood, dusting himself off.
“How about pizza,” she said.
“Crack!”
The hook’s magnet upgrade had gone haywire after being hacked off. The Queen’s belt was also magnetic sucking in the device. It flew back to it and impaled the zillion crystal belt that sputtered with electricity being overloaded. She was beginning to smoke more than the downed helicopter.
A defense shield popped throwing parts towards the moons before the belt started shooting random blasts of mixed up elements threatening an unstable reaction as the sky lit rainbow colors. Killin Hood was smacked against the wall and knocked out cold with a follow up blast of ice. A farc portal was ripped open in another random blast launching forward before it sucked him inside.
The winds started picking up and crackling as a tornado formed from the spare air while fire balls shot out sparking like fireworks. The Queen was beginning to overheat as the combined super crystal continued raining down random spells on the city that burned.
“Hurry up before it's too late,” a voice scolded from the side.
Two undead leprechauns were picked up by the wind and smacked into each other. One of them saw the severed head and grabbed it after getting up from the fall. They sprinted back across the roof, but one of the leprechauns was blown off.
“I've got it Nancy, but Mickey took a tumble,” yelled Ratom, tossing her Edward’s head.
“No time we will find him later, let's go revive him,” said Nancy, taking the leprechaun's hand that guided her into her own portal.
Outside on the roof the Queen was awash in a rainbow of colors. Her special belt rumbled as it emitted too much energy to handle. Her hair sizzled, while her cyborg helmet sparked, and screamed. A massive vortex was beginning to form in her core. The energy twisted off her arms, legs and head. It sucked everything in, and then exploded in a massive blast of nuclear energy taking out blocks of the city. There was nothing remaining of the Queen and as far as the kingdom knew. It was the same story for the other two lost rulers with everyone a loser.
