Bunisher War Journal: War is Hec

The world is soft and warm. Cuddles around every corner and a smile on everyone’s face. It’s a war zone out there, and only the cutest survive. It’s a good thing that this Commander is the cutest son of a bun there is.

This Commander arrived in this world nameless, devoid of personality. A blank plush ready to be filled by her life and experiences. Drawn by the song of the Mother of Fluff, our shepherd and true goddess, this Commander was unable to resist. She claimed this Commander, named this Commander, and gave purpose. For the longest time this Commander’s identity was formless, wild, and free crashing against a sea of shared consciousness. It was bliss, and although there are days when this Commander wishes to return to the simplicity of the SoulSea, it has created its own New Bliss.

When the Great Chaos came and the cracks appeared in our Dreamspace, I did not heed the call of flesh. Some were drawn to the idea of sentience, while others remained in the swirling shared consciousness. Others still simply had the bad luck to be drifting near the initial Fault when it formed, yanking them into a world far beyond their understanding. This Commander’s heart breaks for them, but there is salvation. Mom will help. The Mother of Fluff’s song will sooth their weary souls and they will find themselves enveloped in the warmth of her presence. 

It was not long after the Great Chaos that the formless residents of the SoulSea began to hear their songs. Pleas for help, demands for strength, hymns, and dirges- the songs were another invitation. An invitation to bond with the Muses who gave voice to the voiceless and to lend them precious essence. The songs were pretty, sure, but otherwise unremarkable. This Commander was unmoved, unsure if there would ever be a song that would capture its attention long enough. Nor did this Commander fall prey to the lust for power that continued to deplete the population of the SoulSea.

It is hard to put the call of the Mother of Fluff into words. This Commander didn’t hear her initially as a song, but instead more a warm presence. It had to stop itself and circle back to see whether the brief feeling that shot through its very core was no fluke. The lyrics of her song were quiet, hesitant, and unsure of herself. It is no wonder that others in the SoulSea did not immediately flock to Mother, for this Commander almost ignored the quiet gentle plea for acceptance. This was not the song that one expects to steal their heart. But once this Commander finally attuned itself to the thrum of their prayer, it knew that its time in the SoulSea was over.

This Commander let the song pour into its form, rushing to the source of the melody through the current of existence. The song itself grew louder and louder, pulling and stretching this Commander into a new shape. A shape to fulfill the desires of their Mother, whatever she needed most. 

When This Commander breached the Plane between worlds, it was not with great force but instead a casual inevitability. This Commander’s Goddess had reached out for help, and this Commander heeded the call. There was no other place for it to be than by Her side. 

One element of Being that this Commander did not expect was the fact that their essence no longer was untethered in the void. Instead, it was chained to a crude facsimile of some native creature that must have been favored by their Goddess. They were the first to lend their energy to their Goddess. Their first to hear her song. And thus, they must be her favorite among creatures. They had to be. 

The body that they resided in was comfortable. By shifting the weight of the plush limbs of the faux-being this Commander was able to get closer to its Goddess. A crude method of transportation, yet easily understandable enough. Movement was natural enough, and this Commander took a tentative step closer to its reason for existing. Their reason for being in this plane. By getting closer though, this Commander was unable to take in the whole visage of their Mother, but that issue was quickly solved. By changing the angle of this Commander’s viewing capabilities, it could see the true majesty of the one that captured their loyalty.

The Mother of Fluff loomed over this Commander, her height commanding both attention and respect. The Commander waited to be acknowledged by her Goddess. And waited. And waited. Its Goddess was muttering to herself and did not even realize that her song had called this Commander into her presence. Worry and apprehension clouded Mother’s eyes, something that this Commander truly could not tolerate. It waited for one more moment until this Commander decided that it was tired of waiting. The Mother of Fluff was wearing something soft and silky, and this Commander decided that the best approach would be to gently make her aware of its presence. 

It felt blasphemous, to assume that this Commander could touch its Goddess, but to exist in the same space and simply wait until it was noticed by Mother was too much of a burden on its new life. It had existed on this plane for only a brief moment in time, yet it already wanted so much. It needed the warmth and embrace of its Mother’s song.

The first time this Commander touched its Mother’s skirt, it languished in the feeling of its paw touching the material. The SoulSea is a realm of idea, concepts and identity broiling and combining in an eternal swirling dance. The material of the Goddess’s cloth had presence and weight in this Commander’s hand and responded to this Commander’s gentle tug. It took multiple repetitions of the pulling action, but eventually this Commander felt the full weight of its Goddess’s attention. She turned to look down at this Commander and the strength of the song almost caused this Commander to fall to its knees. The Goddess stared, momentarily confused, before rearranging its face into what this Commander assumed was a positive response.

It was in this moment, when this Commander was picked up by its Mother, that it realized how glad it was that it heard the beckoning call of the song. It knew that there was no force on this Plane that could keep them separate from this moment, and it internally vowed to protect the Mother of Fluff with its entire being. 

“You look all prepared and official, like a little soldier in a war against Syn. If you’re gonna help me in the fight, I think I’m going to call you Commander Bun. Do you like that name, cutie?” The words came out of its Mother’s mouth and this Commander realized that the sounds had a distinct meaning that it understood.

It had a name. 

It had a name. 

She had given it a name. 

It had a purpose. And a name. It can’t forget that. Commander Bun. The words themselves were nonsense. But what they signified, that it was its own unique being that belonged to its Goddess. As it basked in the song of its Mother, clinging desperately to the undercurrent of hope and kindness that bled through her powerful magics, Commander Bun promised itself that it would do what it could to spread this feeling to as many of the lost entities of the SoulSea as possible. They needed to experience the same light. The same love. And it would do anything in this Plane in order to help its Goddess spread her song.

Now

“Okay so I need you to run that by me, just one more time.” Gera’s face blazed as she took in the words from her partner. She had taken a step away to grab something even stronger to drink, but she was still just as flustered as before. She had asked for a Dragon’s Hoard, but even more fucked up. The Tabby simply nodded and poured pretty much every kind of liquor into an even larger plastic treasure chest. Gera didn’t even want to think about how much this was going to cost her. The drink was good. Ridiculously sweet to cover up the harsh bite of the various liquors mish-mashed together. Despite the whiplash of the flavor experience, Gera was barely distracted from the building fire of yearning that, paired with the alcohol, told her that she was not just desirable but truly wanted by her crush. “You… You really signed up for the Muses because-”

“Because I wanted to meet other queer ladies and it was less cringe than goin’ to, like, a lesbian knitting circle. No offense to those ladies, obviously. Knitting is badass. I just can’t knit. Too much focus required.” Marz waved her hand like this was all just a simple misunderstanding. 

The eternal hall monitor inside Gera’s head raged away, “But why specifically the Eternal Muses? Why would you put your life on the line as a magical girl if you just wanted to get laid?” 

“Do you know a queer woman in their 20s or 30s who didn’t have a Sailor Moon phase? Magical girls are hot. My parents thought it was cute that I wanted to watch a show about female friendship or whatever, but we all know that it was one big extended polycule.” Marz smiled again, and Gera’s brains scrambled just for a moment. “Queer chicks dig magical girls. Its in our nature. Everyone wants Madoka and Homura to bone. Its inherent in the genre.”

“Well… I can’t really argue with you about girls, um, liking magical girls. But I do think they work better as friends. It’s a little too toxic otherwise.” 

Marz shook her head. “Gera, Gera, Gera. Have you ever considered the true joy that comes from when two women who have caused each other pain give each other smooches? It’s one of the most beautiful things on Earth. Besides you, of course.” 

“IncomprehensibleScrambledofLettersKeySmashKeySmash,” blurted the blushing Muse of Fluff.

“Did you just… audibly key smash at me? God you are such a bottom. You’ve got to use your words, sweetie.” Marz’s hand was on her shoulder now. Oh God they were sitting so close together, she could smell the alcohol on her breath. Marz’s scent enveloped Gera and made her head spin. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any cuter, you just keep surprising me.”

Gera had to regain ground in this conversation. It was over. It was so over. She wanted to just give in and flirt back, that’s why they were at dinner after all! But what if someone found out that Marz wasn’t a magical girl for the right reasons. Were there even right reasons? Yes, Gera wanted to help people, but she couldn’t really say that the only thing that guided her decision was pure altruism. She wanted to help as much as possible, but at the same time she remembered being that sad and lonely man staring at the Eternal Muse app hoping for a change. She remembered imagining what it would feel like to wear a skirt as cute as the Muse of Tides. She wanted to have the grace and charm of the Muse of Tea. She wanted an escape, and the magic of the Eternal Muses provided that.

“But… What if Eternity finds out that you became a Muse just so you could hook up with girls.” The worst thing that could happen was Marz getting kicked out of the Eternal Muses. Sure, there was nothing telling Gera that that would happen. They had amazing metrics together. But anything was a possibility. Gera shuddered just thinking about not having the large snarky lass at her side. If only she could find the right way to say it to make Marz understand just how much it worried her to be without her. “Wouldn’t they just… fire you? I feel like it would be a big news story, a lot of right-wing press are basically looking for any reason to attack the Eternal Muses now that the Muse of Trains came out as a lesbian.”

“Pfft. Nah fuck that. I think most of the Eternity people are scared shitless of me. And besides, if they fire me, they fire me. What are they going to do? Take away my magic?” Marz rolled her eyes.

“Yes! Yeah! Absolutely. Like a miiiillion percent. Yes, that is absolutely what they could do.” Gera threw her hands up in the air, how could Marz be so casual about this? “They gave us the magic, so what is going to stop Eternity from just taking it away?” She was starting to spiral, she knew it. But if her magic was gone, what would happen to her body? She couldn’t go back. Sure, she could just transition normally, she had the knowledge and the money now to make that a possibility. But the idea of not seeing her true self in the mirror hurt her more than any SynBeast fang or claw.

“They can’t,” said Marz.

“You don’t know that though!” Gera shouted, acting on pure animal instinct and fear. “I don’t even know if Eternity knows what they can or can’t do.”

“Gera, after you accept a request to fight a SynBeast, do you use your app at all?” 

Gera wanted to respond but took a moment to really think about it. She used the map function, sure. But after she found her quarry, she went straight into tactics mode and entrusted all her plushies with carrying out her commands. She only went back to the Muse app to report the successful end of a fight. So that meant… That meant….

“Oh my God. The powers don’t come from Eternity anymore?” It was obvious, right? She even had to explain her powerset in her first few meetings with her Brand Manager when her VODs started blowing up.

Marz shook her head. “I think all their tech did was let us tap into some broader magical source out there. Whatever it was they were fucking with that got the SynBeasts. That’s… that’s my tinfoil hat theory at least. But I-”

“Oh I so fucking quit then!” Gera shouted to the whole bar, drawing a few quick glances from the crowd. That seemed to be a familiar enough phrase for the bar’s normal clientele. 

It was the larger magical girl’s turn to look shocked, Gera giggled at the blank expectant look on Marz’s face. “What? That makes no sense. You love helping people. You were like, born to be a magical girl. You are such a Girl Scout that I am kind of mad at the universe for never giving you a chance to be the treacle sweet Girl Scout you were born to be.”

“H-Hey, meanie. Stop trying to blush during my big moment!” Gera pouted which only made the cheeky grin on her crush’s face grow even bigger. “I can’t continue making ridiculous amounts of money for the corporation that caused this whole issue in the first place. There were only two things keeping me going as an Eternal Muse, you and the worry that quitting would kill the Fluff Battalion. Now that I am pretty sure they’re all safe, the only thing keeping me a Muse is you. Marz, would you like to quit with me? We could help people in such a better way without focusing on profit! And we could control our own image and take advantage of the weird fucked up microcelebrity status we have.”

It could have been the alcohol, but Gera finally understood why Marz seemed to tease her at every opportunity. Gera got to see her crush blush crimson as Marz tried desperately to avoid eye contact. Eventually the markswoman was composed enough to actually reply. “I think, wow Fluffy, that’s just. That’s the hottest thing anyone has every said to me. Yes. Yes I absolutely want to quit with you.”

“Hell yeah?” 

“Hell yeah.” 

“Well how about we, um…” Gera trailed off for a second, momentarily second guessing herself before she decided to just continue riding her boozed-up surge of confidence. “How about we close out and go back to your place to debrief. We’ve just made a big decision and I’m sure we could strategize how to best tell Eternity we’re out of here.”

The response was almost instantaneous. “Oh? Oh! Yes. Yes, yes, we absolutely should, you’re right. We are partners, after all. We need to make sure we’re fully open and, uh, take responsibility for each other. It’s a good thing that I closed us both out so we could order a ride to my place at any time.”

“Seriously?” Gera tilted her head to the side, her fine motor skills slowed by the dreaded Dragon’s Hoard. Marz nodded, sticking out her tongue in such a cheeky way that Gera just wanted to lean forward and give it a nibble. Just to show this stinky sniper who was boss. While Gera was thinking that, she realized her mouth was moving on autopilot and she let the words “God, I love you” slip out. 

“I love you too, nerd.” Was all Marz had to say in response before she found a much better use for that mouth.

Then

Gera whistled out a quick tune to grab the attention of Spike Seagull and Madoka Crabica, if this strategy was going to work, she needed expert coordination from her plushes on land and sea. Commander Bun and the Witch from Furcury were doing an excellent job corralling the blazing Bull SynBeast away from the buildings and towards the river that ran through town. It was the size of a truck and any errant attack could do major damage to any of the small businesses that lined this strip of shops. 

The Muse of Fluff scanned around, looking still for her new partner. She didn’t even have a chance to check their name, her emails from corporate just gave her some vague details. The one thing that they did stress was that her new partner would be extremely reliable. Yet through most of the combat they were nowhere to be seen. Gera assumed that whoever she was, she had to be busy. Anyone who saw that there was a SynBeast attack would drop anything and go save the day! 

Even without a partner, Gera was incredibly proud of how she was handling the fight. She wasn’t sure if it was the nature of her magic, or just an increase in her power, but after every fight she seemed to gain another plush follower who was just as cute and useful as Commander Bun. The first new addition, an adorable lil black and white plush fox, popped into reality as soon as they handled the cunning Fox SynBeast who was making a massive mess out of a downtown Arby’s dumpster. Gera immediately named her Vulpine the III and scooped her up in her arms for a relaxing post battle hug. The new creature seemed surprised at first, but quickly leaned into the affection. 

That was probably Gera’s favorite part of fighting SynBeasts. Every single fight she would get a stuffed recreation of whatever creature she just handled in combat. And every time she gave them love and affection. It was getting a little cramped in her apartment now, and all the little things were insistent on sleeping in the same room as her. Her roommate had been cool about her becoming a Muse, but Gera could definitely tell that things were getting a little too weird for them. Fortunately, things were looking up financially and she was finally going to be able to afford a place all to herself! She wasn’t making enough money to buy a house but had enough to have her very own apartment. Gera couldn’t wait to savor living alone. 

Well… Living alone with her 17 sentient stuffed animals.

She was beginning to build herself a bit of a reputation, too. At first some of her fight highlights were making it into Top 10 Muse Moves, and next thing you know all the social media accounts listed on her muse profile were flooded with friend requests. Gera accepted them all, obviously, it was the polite thing to do. She even had a meeting with a “brand manager” soon, whatever that was. Only the Muses with high selling VODs got positive attention from Eternity itself! She would be seen as a role model to give hope to people everywhere!

None of that hypothetical hope mattered though if Gera couldn’t keep people safe right here, right now. Joanne Wick, the miniature pistol wielding stuffed Otter, was laying down suppressing fire in order to give Bun enough space to wrap up the fight. Most of the creatures in her arsenal came with some kind of weapon, but not Bun. Bun was all primal rage and claws, in their earliest fights together Bun would fling herself in the way of whatever opponent faced her down. The size differential between the shifting, horrifying void creatures that were the SynBeast and the stuffed animal seemed to make little difference to the rabbit. The bunny took on any challenge and worked her fluffy little tail off to keep Gera safe.

It took some time to figure out how to best handle combat, but Gera realized eventually that her hundreds of hours in tactics games were finally paying off for something besides an extremely in depth understanding of the back catalogue of Paradox Interactive. Using a pair of knitting needles as batons, Gera would direct orders to her plush troops. Every instruction in and of itself was a spell, buffing whatever action that they were to take as long as they followed Gera’s command. As the numbers of her troops grew, so too did her tactical decision-making speed.

With the additions of air and water units, Gera began creating plans for quick takedown of any variety of SynBeast archetype. The bull was fire aligned, so putting out the purple and green flames that eerily crept along the creatures spine was the first order of business. After that disposal would be easy. . . Hopefully.

After one more feint to the left, Commander Bun dashed towards the rampaging SynBeast. Gera’s heart lurched as she hoped that her plan would work, she couldn’t take losing Bun. “Alright Bun! We’ve got them on the ropes. Let’s go with plan Surf and Turf as soon as it gets close enough.” The stuffed plush looked back at her, button eyes glinting in the off-putting light as she gave Gera a slight nod. The bull was closing in on Bun, tilting its head down and aiming a glinting rust-colored horn right at the stuffed rabbit’s stomach. Or at least, where the stomach was a moment ago. With a flash of speed, Bun dodged and planted her feet firmly into the ground. 

There was a low thud as the rabbit’s soft paws collided with the bull’s horn. Bun had done it! Without wasting any time Gera roared her order and felt her magic flowing into Commander Bun. “Alright, around the world suplex Bun! Aim for the river and let’s make Smokey the Bear proud!” 

For a brief moment Gera worried that she and Bun weren’t strong enough. That the bull was moving too fast and all that would be left was a Looney Tunes style rabbit pancake on the concrete. But then with a roar the bull found itself air bound, its redirected momentum launching it off into the river. Gera pumped her fist in the air and ran over to the water to deliver her next set of directions.

“Madoka Crabica, let your arrows ring true! Blast that bull into the sky! Get ready Spike Seagull, we’re relying on you to set up the finishing blow!” The magic coursed through her body again and she carved arcane sigils through the air as she buffed her troops. This probably wasn’t necessary, but it would look great on the VOD. 

For a second all that could be seen on the water was the thrashing of the bull as it tried to make its way back to shore. Before it could move any further, pink bubbles began bursting up to the surface. Before the creature even realized what was happening, a spout of pink water blasted it up into the sky right into the waiting talons of her stuffed Seagull. Taking advantage again of the heavy animal’s momentum, the gull dove down in a dizzying spiral.

And there, waiting right back on Earth was Commander Bun ready with the knockout punch. “You know what to do, Commander. DP on wakeup!” She poured her all into this scream, if this wasn’t a knockout blow, Gera wasn’t sure what would be. Right before the SynBeast hit the ground, Bun launched into a roaring uppercut and was rewarded with the meaty one-two thud of contact. Fist. Ground. Over. When the rubble cleared, all that remained in the crater was the brand-new bull plush. 

As had become routine, Gera made sure her newest stuffed friend go the biggest hug possible before she turned to the rest of them. “You did amazing, everyone. I am so proud of each and every one of you. Tonight, when we get home, everyone gets a big scoop of ice cream and an extra long bath. How does that sound!?” Gera knew that it was too much to expect them to talk in response, but from the excited looks on their stuffed faces she could tell that that they were excited. She had gotten better at picking up the nonverbal cues and personalities of her charges. Gera had also learned that they all loved hugs after a well fought battle, so she began her rounds and as always saved her first hug for their newest recruit.

“You did really good. Sorry I couldn’t be as helpful as possible, but you seemed like you had it handled.” A new voice started the Muse of Fluff out of her snuggly embrace. Gera looked up to see a lanky red head with a pixie cut bound off the roof of a building and come crashing to the ground. Laughing, the ginger did her best jack-in-the-box impersonation and bounced up to her feet, slinging a sniper rifle as large as she was over her shoulder. As she made her way over to Gera and her troops, the little ones tensed as if getting ready for another fight. This was a magical girl? This scruffy punk brushing dirt off her tactical dress without a care in the world?

“At ease girls, she’s on our side.” One by one her plushies calmed down, well all except for Commander Bun who still stood between the two Muses with her arms raised in a protective pose. Gera rolled her eyes at bun’s theatrics and scooped her up, squeezing her close to keep the critter from scrambling out of her arms. “At least I think you’re on our side, right? And where the heck were you? That was a two-and-a-half-star level threat! Anything above two stars needs to be dealt with in pairs.” Here she was getting annoyed with Bun for getting mad at the new person and here she was getting just as heated. “You left me out to dry! You.. You…. Jerkface!”

If the woman was at all fazed by the vicious words that Gera had slung her way, she must be real tough. Instead, the new girl just gave an easygoing smile as she looked back and forth between the squirming Commander Bun and Gera. “Wow they really like you, that’s so cute. Are you, like, their mommy or something?” The new magical girl grinned at Gera’s indignant squeak. “Oh my gosh and that was cute too. Oh wait, shoot, you asked a question. Multiple questions. Right. Yeah, I’m on your side. I’m the Muse of High-Power Rifles. Some guys in corporate messaged me to let me know that I was pairing up with you for a while. It’s gonna ‘soften up my image to make me more acceptable in foreign markets’ or whatever.”

The redhead paused for a moment, and then must have realized that she still didn’t finish answering Gera’s questions. “Right, well I did get here late. My bad. By the time I got to the initial spot, y’all had already bounced. So, I was retracing the fight over the rooftops to find a good shootin’ place. By the time I caught up y’all pretty much had it handled so I just played backup. Sorry again, I’ll get here a little faster next time. Now that I’ve seen you fight in person I can more easily follow your path of plush carnage.”

Gera smiled; Her frustration with HP (High-Power Rifle was just way too long a name to say) was pretty quickly forgotten upon realizing who she was paired with. She had admittedly only skimmed the email, but they told her that her new partner had an excellent record of finishing missions with minimum damage to the surrounding area. 

And HP had been making waves for a little while on a few of the Muse fanpages. There weren’t any pictures of her readily available, but she was known for her flawless fight record and accuracy. It looks like the Eternity Corporation wasn’t lying when they said Gera would like her new partner, at least. They really did listen to her concerns about keeping the average person safe after all! A sharpshooter would be able to provide even more support for her growing power and help keep vital civilian areas safe! She beamed at the excellent news! Sure, the new girl seemed a little rough around the edges, but Gera had a feeling that they’d soon be getting along just fine.

“Well, I’m the Muse of Fluff, but you can just call me Gera! If we’re going to work together, you’re going to need to get to know the whole crew.” She swept her arms out to gesture at her plush friends. “They totally love hugs, but if that’s asking too much you can always just give them a pet as I introduce them. It’ll help them realize that you’re my friend.”

“Oh? I’m your friend now? You move fast, Ms. Fluff.” 

“You’d be surprised at how fast I can move!” Gera did an excited little spin and finished with a flourish. “And together I bet we can become even more than friends. If you’re as good as your reputation says, I think we’ll be amazing partners!”

“You know, I have a reputation for being a bit of a partner hopper. If you want me to stick around, you’re going to need to keep my attention, Fluffy. When I get bored, I ask corporate to pair me up with someone new.” 

Gera titled her head up to look her new partner in the eyes. This was a challenge. She didn’t think that Gera could keep up with her even after Gera took that two-and-a-half-star threat down? Well, that was fine. She’d prove her wrong. “Well then, I guess I will just have to keep you entertained then.”

“I guess so. You’re already proving to be much more fun than I expected.” HP took a step closer, closing the gap between her and Gera. With a gentle teasing tone, the woman pointed at Commander Bun, resting comfortably in Gera’s arms. “It appears that you have, like, twenty million stuffed animals so let’s start the introductions with this one so we’re not here all night, huh?”