DetectiveRed

Oh chapter three? So soon? It can't be?

I wasn’t sure why I started crying. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t seem mad that I had taken his body. Instead, he seemed happy to see me. Before I could think about it I was in his arms, or more accurately my arms. It’s a weird experience being hugged by your own body. 

“It’s okay Alex,” he said. Him saying that with my old voice was weird. On a guy, it sounded so warm and kind, like he was trying to comfort a girl. It only made me sob more. He was so warm and so much more confident in my body than I had ever been. “Okay, Alex we are gonna have to move before more people start arriving.”

I nodded and he grabbed my hand. It was hard to quantify how much I had shrunk until I was in front of my old body. Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to it but he seemed to tower over me, yet he didn’t seem scary.  He began walking out to the courtyard and I followed. I was incredibly conscious of the fact that he was holding my hand, and I had to stop myself from blushing. Why was he so warm? 

“So your parents had a talk to me this morning about you wanting to be a girl,” he started. “I’m guessing you’re like me?” he said casually. He seemed so confident. It freaked me out that he could talk about me being trans so casually.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I looked through your stuff and I found your binder. I don’t know your name. I’m sorry,” I stumbled out.

“Okay, first of all, I can understand searching my stuff,” he started. “You were confused, it’s okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t go through your stuff.” I blushed. I know I didn’t have anything to hide, aside from my transness, which he already knew about, but it was still embarrassing thinking about him looking at the few cute things I had. “Also my name is Adrian. Do you want me to keep calling you Alex?”

“Alex is fine,” I mumbled. I still hadn’t thought of a new name. I didn’t mind my current one yet, it was neutral. The biggest change would be from Alexander to Alexis or Alexandra or any other more feminine variation of Alex. 

“Okay, Alex, I’m just going to ask this straight up. Do you want to stay like this?”

I almost didn’t believe it. If I hadn’t found his binder I would have thought he was mocking me. Staying like this was a dream come true. A body I didn’t hate, that didn’t slowly change into something more and more terrifying every day. I nodded. 

“Good, then we need to tell our friends.” I winced. If I was honest, I didn’t have any friends to tell this too. When I’d realised what was wrong with me, I tried to avoid talking to people. I knew if people saw the real me they would be disgusted. My parents had drilled that into me.  “I’ll need you to talk to my friends. They should come up to you at recess. We’ll meet up here. Is there anyone I should look out for?”

I shook my head.

“Oh,” I couldn’t tell if he was worried or if he just pitied me. He was showing more expression than I used to. “Well, I guess you’ll be meeting my friends, they’ll be more than happy to help a trans girl out.”

I couldn’t pretend to be someone like Adrian. He was so relaxed. I didn’t know how one could be like that after dealing with my parents. His parents hadn’t even talked to me at all, was that why? Did he have no reason to be scared of them? I wished I could be like that.

When class started I would sit where he sat, answer to his dead name and try to get as much work done as possible. If I could manage to focus. Adrian promised he would do the same with a reassuring smile. We walked back to class together, only just getting back before the bell went for homeroom to start. Almost immediately the teacher started calling roll. I was waiting for Brown, it would be early. I just had to prepare.

“Rachel Brown?” 

“Here.” Wow, my voice was pretty. Keeping my mouth shut was my specialty. I had only been able to mumble early. Was this what I sounded like? Adrian didn’t sound like this when he was in this body. How come it sounded pretty? Maybe I could pull off this faking it thing. I just had to see how Adrian would handle this. The teacher continued calling out names. 

“Alex Taylor?”

“Here.” he called, reminding me that I was not Alex right now. It was weird seeing a smile on that face. Everytime I tried to smile I just felt ugly. Like a liar and a fake. Somehow this guy was able to make it look good. It was odd how my body and face looked so much better on him than they ever did on me. That was probably a weird thing to think. Heck, this was confusing.

Trying to focus in class was difficult. I hardly remembered what we were being taught. I’m not sure anyone can blame me though. There was this weird feeling I got every time someone referred to me as a girl. It was a weird euphoria that was undercut by the feeling of being a disgusting liar who didn’t deserve what was probably a miracle. 

“Hey, Adrian. You look a little under the weather. Are you okay?” one of his friends asked. I think her name was Joan. She was pretty. Do you know how hard it is to talk to pretty people when you haven’t talked to anyone in a while? It’s really hard! She wasn’t the only one there either! I recognised Callum and a person who’s name I could never remember since people called them different things. Why did I smell lavender?

“Please come with me,” I managed to squeak. I awkwardly stood up and tried to puff out my chest to seem more confident than I really was. I needed to get to Adrian, he could explain better than I could. Speed walking to the meeting place seemed like a good idea. I didn’t want his friends to notice something was up before Adrian had the chance to explain. Adrian stood there confidently, he smiled as he watched me approach. It was still weird seeing my own face smiling.

I ran ahead of his friends and over to him. 

“I’m freaking out. Are you sure you can explain it to them?” I said. He seemed so kind. My eyes had never looked like that before.

“I’m sure I can, do you need to stand behind me or something? They aren’t scary people but they can be quite full-on,” he asked.

I nodded and got into position. I didn’t want to explain. Adrian knew how to talk to people. My dad would be happy to call Adrian his son. 

“Hey, Alex, why is--” One of his friends, I think their name was Sam? Maybe? shuddered. “Rachel behind you?” I could see Adrian tense up. 

“Okay, this is going to be hard to explain. I’m Adrian,” he said it so matter-of-factly. “And behind me is Alex.”

I waved from behind him. I knew they wouldn’t believe us. It was too insane to have actually happened.

“Remember when I told y’all I was going to come out? Long story short it didn’t go well. They took my phone and turned off the internet. I wished I could just be a guy and then this happened. I woke up in her body.” As he recounted the story, I realised how similar it was to mine. 

“Okay, what do you mean by her?” Sam asked. “Wasn’t Alex a guy?”

I figured it was my turn to talk as much as I didn’t want to.

“I had a kinda similar experience. I tried to tell my parents. I tried to tell them I wanted to be a girl and it didn’t go well,” I felt like I was going to sob just from remembering it. I didn’t want to remember how my dad had looked at me, or the words he had said before sending me to my room. I couldn’t think about it again. “I just wished that I could be a girl.” I retreated behind Adrian again. I felt like I was going to cry. I’d had a hard time crying since puberty started and my parents started cracking down on any behaviour they perceived as feminine.

“From what I’ve seen she’s pretty shy, I hope you can get used to that personality with my face,” he laughed. Why was he so nonchalant? “I know it’s hard to believe but trust me. I’m Adrian. I just have a dick now.” It was my turn to feel tense. I knew it wasn’t my body anymore but hearing about my old anatomy made me cringe. “Also she’ll be hanging out with us from now on. She seems pretty nice.”

Being around these people seemed scary. They all knew this body as Adrian.  I didn’t even know if they would believe us. I wouldn’t believe myself.