"The MACHINES enslaved us. The VAMPIRES saved us."

That's what the commoners say about us. Pretty sure it's what Dad said to Mom when they were courting. My ancestors fought and died for your descendants. Now we and our honestly fucked up Church rule Christendom, asking only for your hot blood. (Sometimes also your hot blondes. That's really more a me thing.)

Hi, I'm Katriona. Dhampir. Disaster. Dyke. Girl of my own dreams. Dad was a commoner and Mom was a Noble, so everybody called me a bastard. Things got worse when I turned out to be a bitch.

This is the story of the weirdest part of my life. And how I found the love of it. My best friend hates the title, but I haven't met her yet.

So let's start with a bunch of murder....