We sit down on a bench on the cliff overlooking the sea. The sky is as clear as it gets, and there’s practically no waves. Liz lays her head on my shoulder while Violet stretches and puts her arms on the backrest of the bench. We sit like that for a while, quietly, just enjoying the atmosphere, the cool air, the light of the full moon. I feel at peace. Any adrenaline or anxiety that was in my blood as we faced the Tau Eta Epsilon girls is gone. I chuckle, mask in hand, my thumb running across its edge. “Do you think I’ve got a future as a vigilante? Black Rose Raven has a nice ring to it.”
Violet punches my shoulder. “As if you weren’t fucking nearly pissing yourself throughout the whole thing we just pulled off.”
“Oh do shut up, I’m trying your ‘joke to cope’ thing,” I shoot back, leaning on the bench so that I can look up at the sky. I lift the mask up and gaze at the night sky through its eye holes. “I don’t think I’ll miss the closet.”
“Well, that’s an unexpected tangent if I’ve ever heard one, but do go on.”
I smile shyly at Violet’s remark. “Well, I was afraid to come out because I was all alone, but now I have you two! And I have Moss as well, kind of.” I pull both of them into a hug. “Indulge me in my queer found family trope for at least a bit.”
Liz clears her throat. “I’d, I’d really like to, but…” She looks down, her expression worried. “I can feel my task is done. I’m, you, you know, a Revenant-type ghost. I think.” She phases out of the hug so as to pace in front of us. “At least that’s how that feels. I came back not for unfinished business, but for revenge, and now the revenge is done and I have no reason to stay here and and and what if, what if I fade away now what if I don’t get to stay what if I finally have someplace I’m wanted someplace I belong and I’m going to have that taken away!” Liz is shivering so much that she looks more like a misty mirage than a physical presence.
I jump off the bench, pulling her into another hug. “I won’t let that happen. I can’t let that happen. Not now that I actually know you!”
We’re both crying. Violet joins the hug and coos at both of us. “Hey, hey, girls, hey, it’ll be okay, it’ll all work out.” To all of our surprise despite the completely clear sky a snowflake falls between the three of us. Violet sighs. “Liz, have you got a bucket list?”
“Wh-what? Why?” Liz trembles, looking right at Violet.
“If, and that’s a huge fucking if, this is your last howeverlong on Earth, well… I figure we might as well make it the best howeverlong it can be.” Violet’s smile is somber. Bittersweet. Neither of us wants to admit it as an option.
Liz ponders the question for a bit. More snowflakes fall. “Prom.” She finally says after a good while. She has a bittersweet smile herself.
“Elaborate?” Violet asks, her tone sporting a hint of surprise.
“I, I never got to go to prom. Nobody asked me out, and I didn’t have friends to go with.”
“Me neither, Liz.” I say, looking directly at her. I tangle my fingers up with hers.
“Honestly it’s overhyped, you show up, you spike the punch, you fuck your date behind the bleachers and go home.” Violet’s comment has us stare daggers at her. “Buuuuut a small prom sounds doable. You put on fancy outfits, I spike the punch, Top DJs, it’ll be a blast!”
I sigh, the kind of sigh you sigh when a friend makes a bad pun. I grab hold of Liz’s other hand and feel my cheeks grow warm. “W-wait, Violet, aren’t we dating now?”
“Wow, I bare my heart to her and she asks if we’re dating. Yeah we are, you fucking dork, so go ahead and ask Liz out, you pussy!” Violet slaps my back and steps away so as to give me space.
“Right, uhm.” My cheeks burn, I can’t look directly at Liz, but I’m still holding her hands. “God, why is this so hard?” Because when Violet fucked me it was her offering stuff to me. I got to be passive. Now I have to be the active one. The one to ask. And although I know for certain Liz won’t reject me, it is still terrifying to imagine she might. You can’t want things as a trans woman, all of your desires get pathologized and criminalized no matter how innocent or harmless.
I take a few deep breaths. “Lizdoyouwanttogotopromwithme?”
“Yes, Kat, I do.” Her answer brings relief. I laugh and rest my forehead against hers. She laughs. I am once again surprised by how warm she feels. For a moment the Moon feels brighter. And I allow myself to forget that I’m holding hands with a girl who might have mere minutes left on this Earth. That I will never see her again.
“Hey you two, not to bust into your tender moment but we should probably get inside and actually do this fucking thing, alright?” Violet violently record scratches the moment and nudges us towards my place.
Top stands proudly and handsomely next to my computer while sporting a very dashing bowtie. Violet sits next to her on the moved aside couch, a glass of booze in hand. “Wow, Top, turn it down, why don’t ya, you’re showing up everybody else at this prom,” she says, still wearing most of her Vampire Prince costume. Her saber hangs on the coat rack and her jacket is unbuttoned. Top simply baps Violet’s cheek in her endless grace.
“Not dapper enough, I think, she’s missing a matching tophat!” Moss contributes from their seat next to Violet.
“Any hat Top wears is, by definition, a Top Hat.” Violet shoots back, and Top chirps proudly.
“Sorry, I didn’t have dancing lessons.” The dress I wear now is much less elaborate than my costume. Liz looks stunning in hers. It helps when you can conjure one up when needed.
“Do, do you think I did?” We both laugh at that, doing our best to slow dance to the song Top picked. Neither of us really leads, and neither of us follows. We just move to the rhythm. I would have stepped on Liz’s toes a few times already, had she not decided to forego high heels. And feet. And her legs. She is simply floating with the classic ghost tail.
“I don’t want this moment to end. I don’t want to lose you, now that you’re in my life. It’s unfair that this could be the last time we ever see each other.” I look at Liz as I say my piece. She smiles, reaches for my face and pulls me down for a quick kiss.
“You know, I, I think I’d be happy if this is how I’m leaving. Having fun, surrounded by people that care about me and love me for who I am, not for who they want me to be.” There are tears in both our eyes. We stop moving and hug each other tight, as if holding on would keep Liz here, keep her grounded, allow her to spend the time I have left on this Earth with me.
The music stops. I feel soft fur rubbing against my leg. I feel another arm around me. “You sappy fucks got me weeping too.” Violet rests her head against our heads.
“I’m not letting go. I’m not letting you go. I failed to keep you here once already, I’m not failing again. Please stay. Please.”
It is difficult to tell how long we stand there. It could be seconds. It could be hours. What I know for sure is that at no moment does my hold on Liz loosen. She stays in my arms. “Kat?” Liz says, in the most gentle voice possible.
“Mhmm?” I respond, nonverbal from all my tears.
“We should probably go lay down.” Liz continues. I nod. All three of us pile into my bed. But I can’t fall asleep. My thoughts are plagued by the idea of waking up to Liz no longer being there. To having a Liz shaped hole left in my heart due to her forced departure.
But when I wake up, she’s floating above me, the biggest grin I’ve ever seen plastered on her face. “You’re still here,” I say with the most pleasantly surprised tone I can muster.
“I’m still here.”
“How?”
Liz flies a bit up and closes her eyes. A couple intangible chains manifest, connecting her heart to mine, and Violet’s, and Top’s. “It’s you. I’m here thanks to you. I came back thanks to you. I get to stay as long as you want me to.”
I leap up and hug her, scaring both Top who was laying on top of me and Violet. “Please don’t you ever scare me like that!”
Liz laughs. “I promise.” Violet wipes the sleep out of her eyes and Top grumpily yawns. “I just wish it hadn’t taken my death to get this.”
“We all do Liz, now get the fuck back into bed I’m not ready to wake up yet.” Violet yawns out, steals the blanket and turns to face the wall. Liz kisses her cheek.
“I know you’re glad I’m still here.”
“No comment, the slut has sleepy bitch syndrome good night.”
I think there's something wonderful about all the moments that get undercut in this story?
Like, okay, wish fulfillment is *fun*, we've read way too many wish-fulfill-y stories to deny that, but life is also weird and kind of messed up and has very little respect for things we care about, like emotional fulfillment. So it's a kind of affirmation that Kat's first time having s*x in earnest ends with dorky uns*xiness, that the defeat of the Tau Eta Epsilon murderers ends with clichéd Christmas music, and that Liz's time on earth surviving the fulfillment of her revenge ends with Violet being grumpy about waking up early.
It's fine that Violet wants to go back to sleep. Liz will still be there in the morning.
oh thank f*ck I was really scared by the middle too mzvbckhg
Honestly, Violet's line doesn't undermine anything. The whole story has been about being messy and human. Having the last line of the story proper be a messy, human moment is perfect.