Hugo

"Why… why didn't you… save me…"

I could do nothing as I saw that sight played in front of me yet again. 

The little girl—there was always the little girl—dying without me being able to do anything to thwart it. 

Sometimes she would die with her heart pierced by a blade from behind. Sometimes she would melt like a candle under a searing light. And sometimes, she would shatter into a million pieces of frost and ice.

Every time, there would be nothing I could do to stop it.

And every time, she would look at me, judging me like the worthless man that I was.

But now, it was different.

Her visage had changed. 

It transformed into a form I was all too familiar with.

Erika.

H-huh? What? Why is she—

“You are a failure, big brother. Always has been. Always will be.”

Stop it.

“You have failed me. You have failed Big Sis. And now you’ve failed her as well.”

Stop it!

“All you can do is run away. So go on ahead. Kill yourself. Just like you did in your old life.”

STOP IT!

"Aah!"

“Haah… haah… haah… haah…”

Cold sweat drenched my clothes. Tears dampened my cheeks. There was even some snot crawling out of my nose.

The only thing that saved me from complete humiliation was my dry shorts. I still remembered wetting myself every time I had those nightmares two years ago.

Erika… goddamnit! I punched the mattress under me. 

Luckily, my fist didn’t hit the sleeping woman beside me instead.

It was Felicia.

“Urghh… urghh…”

A low mumble escaped her lips. Looking closer, casting a tiny fire spell on my finger to illuminate the darkness, I could see tears under her closed eyelids. Gently, I wiped them with my other index finger.

She too had been having nightmares. And every time she would mumble “Forgive me… forgive me…” over and over. She said she dreamt of everyone she had disappointed and betrayed, from Leila to her parents and brothers.

And so, here we are, two sinners sharing a tent together. I know it would hurt Sherry if she saw me in this state, but I had no choice. I had to comfort her, and she insisted on comforting me back.

It had been a month since that tragedy happened, and yet, none of us could really move on from it.

No, there is no moving on from this. We’ll carry this cross to our graves.

I gazed at her sleeping face. It was contorted with fear and anguish before, but now, after I wiped her tears and patted her head, it returned to a peaceful one.

I sighed. I really am falling for her.

Though to be honest, I’m not even sure if this feeling I have is one of love. I simply wish to comfort her to the end of her days, to make her happy, not to be tormented by nightmares like this. 

I also wished for her to regain the confidence that she once had. Thanks to her perceived failure, she readily offered her body to me, saying that I shouldn’t hesitate in using her for my comfort. I refused, of course, not because I had no desire to, far from it, but because she believed her body to be sinful and worthless. And I would be a disgusting human being, more than I already am, at the very least, if I were to take advantage of that weakness.

And so, we only cuddled together every night, nothing more, nothing less. Well, I might have squeezed her breasts a couple times, or even peeked at her cherry red nipples, but other than that, we had a clean relationship.

Our goal now was to get off this continent as quickly as we could, before the Church could catch up to us. With the remaining funds I had in my wallet, I should be able to procure two tickets to the Demon Continent once we arrived at Vermouth. And while we were in said port town, it would be nice if I could buy her a new staff. She needed a way to defend herself. Even though it would be expensive, it was an expenditure I would gladly fund, even against her will.

"Mmm…"

Suddenly, she stirred, her eyes fluttering open.

"M-Milord… You're awake. Having nightmares again?"

"A-ah, yes, just a bit."

"Come here then."

With a smile, she raised her arms and brought my head down to her bosom. I didn't resist. I let her carry me into her warm, fragrant bosom. Ever since she could find wild flowers that she could use to make perfumes, she would always wear it at all times even when she slept. I wasn't dense. She did it because she wanted to be more attractive to me.

"Shh, it's alright, it's alright." She patted my head.

This feels… nice… and warm… and fluffy…

Sleepiness soon overtook me. I no longer cared about the shamelessness of being treated like a child by her. I drifted off to dreamworld, and this time, without any nightmares plaguing it.

It was working. Her warmth and motherly touch were the light that comforted me in the dark. And, according to her, my warmth did the same to her, which gladdened my heart as I wanted to repay the favor.

Without realizing it, I had let her crawl into my heart.

Heh, so much for being faithful to Sherry.

-----------

Our route took us northeast as the port town was in that direction. As a precaution, we opted not to take the road other travelers would take (Viridian Road), opting instead to make our way through the hills. Sure, we traded off some speed by doing so, but it was better than being caught in the middle of the road by a bunch of Church soldiers. On the road, we had gained some information about how the Church was sending soldiers to the Demon Continent as there were riding tensions between the human city-states and the demon-ruled territories.

"If I have to guess, the Inquisitor and her subordinates were originally part of said force." Felicia surmised.

Speaking of the Demon Continent, I had to set aside some time every day to learn the Demon Tongue, since it was the main language there (in the demon-controlled territories anyway). Felicia became my teacher, something she took great delight in, as she had learned the language in preparation for her future travel there.

We arrived at Vermouth with minimal problems in the road, just a couple of monsters I could easily take care of. Though Felicia was displeased she could do nothing to help me. Really, her personality now is like a 180 degree switch from her old one. Makes me wonder if her old personality is just her acting tough, and this new Felicia is her true, vulnerable side. Haah, that only makes me want to protect her even more.

As the only port town to the Demon Continent, this level of business was as to be expected. It was only advantageous to us since it meant we could easily slip by the crowd without anyone giving any thoughts about us. We looked around for a bit, wanting to know if there were any bounties on our heads. There weren’t any posters on us, it seemed, but we didn’t dare checking the Adventurer’s Guild since the adventurers there would make the connection immediately if we did have a bounty on us. Even with hair dyes and a disguise, the risk was simply too great.

And so, we promptly made our way to the docks. To our luck, a passenger ship was departing to the Demon Continent right on that night. I didn't hesitate. I put a substantial amount of my coins to buy two tickets, for myself and Felicia, who stood there beside me as I spoke to the quartermaster.

"You two are going to share a room, are you not? Or else you have to pay extra." The ticket lady asked.

"Yes, we'll share," Felicia answered with a smile before I could respond.

"Wonderful!" She clasped her hands together. "I would be sad if lovers like you sleep in your own bunks!"

L-lovers?

Ah, I suppose we could be seen that way to strangers. We don't look alike so we can't be siblings.

After receiving our tickets, and the instructions on how to board our ship, we made our way back to the market we had passed before. We intended to sell our horse wagon, and, if we're lucky, purchase a staff for Felicia. For the former, it didn't take long until we found a willing buyer, a dwarf with a thick white beard that obscured his face. For the latter, however, we had to go around the market a lot longer, as most of the staves we found were of poor quality or just fake entirely. Like any other open markets in this world, the only protection from fraud was the buyer's own cleverness. Felicia insisted that giving her a cheap staff was acceptable but I disagreed, arguing that it would be troublesome for me too if her staff were to break mid-fight one day. In the end, we settled with a pitch-black staff with a purple crystal on the top, sold by a lamia woman who promptly declared it was the fitting staff for her. She said she could tell that Felicia’s specialization was Dark magic, so she sold her a staff fitting for a dark mage. She tried to sell me a staff as well, a wind-aspected one, but I refused, saying I just didn’t have the funds to afford two staves (which was true).

"I-I can't possibly accept this! T-this staff—i-it's too much for me!" Felicia protested.

"See? Told you your price is too expensive." I smirked towards the lamia.

"Oh please, you already cornered me that much with all your bargaining. How dare you pretend to be a hapless kid just to get a cheaper price?” She scowled. “How shameless.”

“Well, then it can’t be helped.” I shrugged, turning back to face Felicia. “Just accept it. I need you to be at your best if we’re going to cross the Demon Continent after all.”

“T-thank you! Thank you so much, Milord! I-I promise, I will take care of this staff for as long as I live!”

An annoyed huff came out from the lamia. “A grown woman fawning over a little kid. Bah, humans,” I heard her whisper under her breath.

When the sun was beginning to set, we made our way to the docks, praying they wouldn't catch us before we boarded. To be frank, since I saw barely any Church knights walking around, I had a hunch the news of our deeds had not reached here yet. Not to mention that the Church had their own ship so there shouldn't be any Church knights onboard ours. So I was pretty optimistic of our chances.

There was a long line of people boarding the ship as they had to check our tickets one by one. Well, I said "tickets" but they were more like tokens, special coins that you gave before you were allowed to board. There was no name or any other identification on it, so a thief could just steal one and board the ship. Quite a lousy system, in my opinion.

I noticed how there were quite a lot of demons in the line, along with other nonhuman races like elves (light and dark), beastmen, and even gnomes. I even saw some of them working as part of the ship's crew. Huh, I guess this town is relatively open-minded compared to the rest of the Holy Continent.

Oh, normally, I would ogle all the exotic women on the line, but for some reason, I just don't have the urge to do so. Sure, monster girls were never really my thing to my old self, but that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate the dark-skinned elf lady over there who wore only a leather bikini with some boots and a cape. If I had to guess, it's because I've gotten used to Felicia's sexy body since we slept together for so long. I no longer blushed whenever my face got buried in her chest or when I saw a glimpse of her nipples. 

Eventually, after waiting for what felt like an eternity, we boarded the ship. We made our way to our room as quickly as we could, wanting to be seen as little as possible.

Our room was tiny, with no furniture other than a small bed and a reading table+chair. It was the cheapest private room I could afford. There was a cheaper option, where you shared one big room with other passengers, but once again, we wanted to be out of sight as much as we could.

"Milord, I don't mind if I were to sleep on the floor. Two of us on this bed would be too cramped, no?"

"It's fine." I smiled. "In fact, I should be the one sleeping on the floor."

"N-no, I can't possibly make you do that! Not when you've given me so much!"

“Then we’ll just have to sleep together again then. Like usual.”

Thinking about it, my old self could never have been this bold. It’s true what they said. The more you interact with a girl, the more you have the confidence to say things like this with a straight face.

...What’s that? Sherry wouldn’t be happy? Of course she wouldn’t. But frankly, I started to have the feeling I shouldn’t be putting in so much of my hopes and dreams towards her, not when I have a hot older lady near me like this who also yearned for my affection. Sure, I made a promise with her, but I had broken that a long time ago, ever since Fiora forced a kiss with me. And besides…

She probably wouldn’t want to be with a loser like me anyway.

----------

Our trip through the sea started uneventful. We kept to our room most of the time, only leaving to use the communal bathroom and to eat. The bathroom was easy enough, since it was placed just at the end of our corridor. But to eat, we had to go to the mess hall and ate there just like the rest of the passengers. Thus, we were forced to dye our hair and use fake names whenever someone nosy tried to start a conversation with us. It's a shame, really. I wanted to be out there on the deck, watching the wide blue sea, maybe climbing all the way up to the observation post with my magic. This world actually had quite the unique geography to it. The people here already knew their earth was round (as they should, since the ancient Greeks could figure that out), but they could never explore the other half of the world, as there was this thing called the Endfog that would swallow any ships that entered it. Said Endfog circled the entire known world. Many scholars had speculated what could lie beyond it, from a number of continents just like ours to the afterlife itself, but no one really knew for sure.

I spent my days reading the books I had brought with me. And that naturally caught Felicia's attention.

"Milord, if I might ask, what is the book you're perusing?"

"Oh, this?" I was then resting on the bed while she sat on the small wooden chair. "It's just a storybook. Thought I already trained my Demon Tongue well enough.

"A storybook?" She smiled as she stood up. "What's it about?"

"It's about the story of a genius kid mage who goes around having adventures. It's written by someone from the Magocracy so you know what to expect."

"Oh?" Her interest perked up. "Anyone who isn't a mage is portrayed as inferior?"

"Yep." I chuckled. "Although…" I trailed off, looking away with a sigh.

"Although?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I guess… you can say I'm jealous of the main character. I know, I know—it's a silly thing to feel, but he's a bit like me in many ways, or rather, I wish I could be more like him."

Felicia paused, seemingly taken aback by what I said, before she sat down on the bed beside me.

"Why?"

"Well…"

I then told her the summary of the plot so far—how the main character was the son of a duke close to the king, granting him the privilege of making the young princess be his childhood friend. And of course, in no time at all, he made her be fond of him with his magic tricks, to the point of her willingly sleeping with him (non-sexually, of course). And of course, the king was completely fine with it. After all, the main character had foiled a kidnapping plot that threatened her daughter (that whole event also made said daughter grow even fonder of him).

"And you are jealous of him?"

"Yeah, a bit." I smiled wryly.

"Is it because of the princess?" She frowned, turning her head away. "You know, Fantine was quite fond of you. Her eyes all sparked when she first spoke to me about your visit.”

“Ah, her.” Fantine Falsythe Fiania, the sole princess of the Fiania Kingdom. The very incarnate of the stereotypical princess. “I guess so.” I still remembered that moment clearly, when she lifted her dress to show her glorious frilly silk panties. “It’s not just about a princess being fond of you though.”

“Then what is it, Milord? Tell me what you desire.” She crawled forward on the bed. Her face was now really close to mine and I could see a glimpse of her nipples peeking out from her loose dress.

I looked away. “It’s just that… he’s a much more responsible person than I am. Smarter too. He managed to foil the princess' assassination, discovered the duke who was responsible, and told the king his plan to punish him without causing a civil war. And he did all that when he was around my age. No wonder the king happily arranged his marriage to the princess."

Felicia retreated, a frown displayed on her face. Crossing her arms, she replied, "You know it's just a fictional story, right? A Magocracy propaganda. It's not real. You can't compare yourself to an idealized character like that."

"I know." I smiled wryly. “But still, I want to be someone like that.” I looked away. “Not a failure who ran away from his promise; who let a little girl die on his watch.”

I stood up, announcing my need to go to the latrines before leaving the room. In truth, I didn't really need it. I just wanted to stop the conversation from heading down that direction again. I would tell her I was a worthless man, she would say that I wasn't and that she was the worthless one, I would say she was wrong, and so on and so forth.

When I returned, she was sitting on the bed, reading the book I was reading. Noticing my appearance, she put aside the book and stared at me with a surprisingly firm look.

"If you want to be more of a responsible man like him, then you should follow his lead with the bandit girl."

Eh?

"He took her in as his second wife. He didn't just abandon her because he already had the princess, especially after she confessed how much she loved him ever since he saved her. S-so, you should take me as your second wife as well." Redness crept into her cheeks.

...Ah, I get it.

The bandit girl turned into banditry because of the tyrannical regional lord who demanded an unreasonable amount of tax from his subjects. And so, to feed her family and village, she turned to banditry, until one day, the protagonist is sent to subjugate her. Instead of executing her on the spot, he opted to spare her, knowing the truth of her circumstances. He even petitioned for a reduced sentence. However, the court would have none of it, as any banditry is punished by death, so the only option he had was to make her part of his household, granting her immunity from such a punishment.

That's… not quite the same as Felicia's circumstances though.

I sighed. "You know, unlike him, I don't have to marry you to protect you."

Hearing that, a switch seemingly flipped inside her head, turning her blushing face into a furious one.

"No!" She yelled. "I won't settle for that! Do you think I would ever be happy, being at your side every day for the rest of my life but not being able to touch you in the slightest? Do you think I would be at peace knowing that every night you're laying down with another woman while I have to sleep on my own? No! I would rather die than to live like that!"

Oh boy, her eyes are tearing up. I really chose the wrong words, didn't I?

"You saved my life—made me stay in this wretched world a little while longer! And you stole my heart as well! Take responsibility! Make me happy! just like you said you would!"

Her body was now shaking and tears were trickling down her cheeks.

"If not, then you should've left me to die instead!"

The old me here would probably say something thoughtless like "it's not my fault you fell for me!", which is true, technically speaking. But only a bastard with no empathy to others would say that to a crying girl.

I have made my choice to make Felicia be part of my life. And it seemed there really was no other choice than to make her my wife, if I were to make her happy. She was right. I wouldn't be able to bear it if I had to stay with a girl I like while her husband nailed her in bed every night.

I shouldn't have said that. What a stupid, insensitive thing to say, Hugo. This is why you can't get any girls in your previous life.

I walked up and hugged her as tightly as I could. I was still not as tall as her but I was quickly catching up. The tip of my twelve-year old self's head now reached her nose.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." I whispered before releasing her, putting my hands on her shoulders as I stared right into her eyes. "I promise. Once we meet Sherry, I'll ask her to allow you to be my second wife."

"And if she doesn't want to?"

"I'll kneel and beg if I have to."

"Even after that?"

I paused.

"You… won't choose me over her." She averted her gaze.

"N-no, I wasn't saying—"

"It's fine." She forced a smile, taking down my hands from her shoulders. "I understand. From your story about her, she seems to be a much better person than me. You two will be a good match."

"And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom."

I could do nothing as she left the room.

I rested my face in my palm. Damn it, Hugo! You messed up again!

When she returned, she didn't say anything about our conversation from before. And I hadn't the courage to bring it up either.

I didn't have it—the answer for her question. What would I do if Sherry remained stubborn and refused to allow Felicia into our household?

I sighed. This is the problem with having harems in real life. No sane woman would want to share their husband with another.

That night, for the first time since we started cuddling together, once I was asleep, she released me from her embrace and opted to sleep on the floor instead.