WARNING: may contain Spoilers.
TL:DR Go to poll at the bottom of page, thanks for reading! \ ^v^ /
Okay! Here is the thing. People are probably freaking out that I gave up on this thing or I switched over to my other book or whatever. ¡ >_>
Which is somewhat true. £~£
But the reality is; is that I had this one, and like eight other stories, rolling around in my head for some time. Or all of them at the same time. And they were all fighting to get out.
I had some minor writer’s block at a piece of dialogue for this next chapter of Demon Lord a pygmy goblin’s tale… (Not its name, to lazy to copy-pasta).
Anyways!
I can’t get the dialogue to flow like it should in my head. And that is a mixture of three things fault.
1: I just am having trouble getting these characters to have chemistry. And I think the problem is that they don’t. They did once upon a time in my draft of this story. But not anymore. Which comes to the second problem.
2: This story, is like a continual W.I.P. Which is fun! But it also writes itself most of the time, which means it can change on me in the middle of my writing it. Like it did now. Two characters I had originally planned together…. Just don’t mesh anymore… I don’t like them together. They don’t like each other together. The STORY doesn’t like them together. And on to problem three as well.
3: You guys. Many have come saying that they like Brenna, just not as next love interest, and I… have to agree. She was a character that fit better with cold (pretending) Heartless Crystaria before in the draft. But that was once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away!
Now she just doesn’t mesh with her at all… HMPH…
Now here is the thing, I could probably make this still work, but it will take extra time, more chapters, and some bits of forced interactions. Then we can be back on coarse.
But the problem I am having is… that since this is an ever evolving story… there has come, let us say, an opportunity, for a third candidate of Crystaria love interest.
So! I beseech you guys!
I think I am still going to take a break from this. Work on polishing up previous chapters. (P.S. go back and reread the old stuff some time, been working on them. P.P.S. I haven’t done ALL of them yet, just the first few). While also trying to just help make this next two or so chapters flow more naturally. While also working on the new hotness of mine!
If you haven’t seen! I started a new book!
Elemental Convergence.
It is so good! I am loving how it is going. And this is following along with my notes, almost perfectly! Almost no deviations to the story so far!
(Yes! This is a shameless plug for my new book. SHUT UP! But it is also a cry for help).
I need you guys, to help me decide. Because I am on the fence really. I can make it work either way.
The polls name really says it all.
I asked you guys in a poll a long time ago with a question that really did not change the story as a whole. And this doesn’t… or rather, shouldn’t either.
But again, Brenna is being a little bitch to me right now, being a square peg that won’t go into a round hole!
What?! That is how my mind looks at it! Shut up! «_«!
But as always, thank you all so much for reading this. I am going to be taking a break from it for at the least two to three weeks.
And thank you all so much for reading my books. I am big fan and thankful to every single one of my reads!
Your writing slave, Phraye.
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Brenna? (Original) Votes: 13 39.4%
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New Girl? (New Hotness) Votes: 21 63.6%
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Cheese? (Just plain Ol’hungry) Votes: 8 24.2%
@Phraye To be honest, I went back and reread the end of ch.33, the god-talk, and when I saw-
"Now? Who will be the useful and suitable gift for my daughter…" It pondered as it looked over things from above.
- I became kind of concerned that this implied that the new love interest is, at least in some way, god-sent.... which was a disappointing thought, that Crystaria, ruined in the way that she is, could only look forward to a love interest ordained for her, rather than something genuine...
And I think that's the biggest problem, people (at least in my disgustingly humble opinion) want something genuine for Crystaria, considering the absolutely insane number of people around her who see her as a means to an end... and Brenna doesn't fit that bill by virtue of her place in the story, as both the link to the elves, and someone who benefits from Crystaria....
If you want to write a love interest... just make it someone who doesn't seek to gain anything from it, or via some form of compulsion be it divine or emotional... as hard as that must be in this HORRIBLY realistic fantasy world...
But, and I think this is the biggest thing... Crystaria still hates herself physically, and I think (again this is only my assumption), that that is the biggest romance roadblock in the story at present... because the love interest then has the dilemma of either ignoring it and hoping it goes away in time, or having to help Crysta through it, both of which can be handled poorly in the writing of....
OR, and this is my opinion on it, it needs to be solved before Crysta is really... deserving of a love interest. If you cannot at the very least be ok with who you are, do you DESERVE someome who loves what you yourself hate? Because that sounds incredibly toxic to build a relationship on. I may hate Athena for stepping away instead of stepping in, worsening the problem rather than attempting to fix it. But falling in love with the parts of a person who hates those part of themselves? What happens if they manage to fix or get rid of those parts? Then what is your relationship built on? Would Athena have loved a human Crystaria? Or would it have broken down...
That's how I see it... thanks for your time, and your hard work, Phraye
Very well put.
The biggest problems I have with what you wrote… is that I can't say a darned thing without it being a spoiler in someway or form!
…….I guess the least of them is… something I only vaguely hinted at in that very same God talk segment.
If you want a small spoiler, just send me a yes or no, then I will reply to ya.
But if you can figure out my cryptic hint inside that gods talk page. Then things might start to make sense. If not, And you just NEED to know. I will tell you.
@Phraye well shoot, lemme go put eyes on it again and see if my poor little brain can decipher something out of it, then I'll see if I really want to know the deep lore that may or may not determine my future of reading this story
@RaelDeer I will warn you! It is very subtle and cryptic! I made sure that i hid it behind something that was done, and you probably won’t guess it even if you read it a few times!
So please! Don’t strain your eyes to much! I need them to read my stories! Lol! Jk!
@Phraye wait... waaaait.... WAITWAIT WAIT
IF I'M RIGHT (And i might not be cos I got alcohol in me)
For everyone not named Phraye, don't read this:
Crystaria was never supposed to be a goblin... the Spell the imprisoned god is talking about isn't the one in the chapter that Crystaria cast, it's her summoning, and the "side effect that caused her so much pain"..... was goblinisation..... oh my god....
Also Crystaria is a demigod more than demon lord?
For the first time I'll use one of these:
You need not confirm or deny
@RaelDeer for, RaelDeer's eyes only… or if you are just cheater, hehe…
Really, really close! But not quite. Most people look at that and think the same thing, that it has something to do with that spell and things. But that was the red herring I threw in. It actually goes back to the beginning, when the Gods of Light and Dark God are introduced.
The dark god. Is a god of chaos and change.
That is the hint in their talk. What did it do?! It just basically said, f*ck it. And instead of doing things as ordained, just cast a 100 sided die out and said, "LET CHAOS RAIN."
The spell problem, as it were. Is just a mix of a certain couple of unfortunate circumstances, that I won't say what for yet. But what spell didn't work. I mentioned already. Crystaria tried to change herself back into a Hooman, and the spell backlashed; knocking her the f*ck out! They just felt bad because of that spell hurting her like that, because of the circumstances.
@Phraye hmmmmmmm, I see...
To be honest, the way I read that... flippancy, was less "Forget what I was doing, yolo" and more "eeny meeny miny.... I can't be bothered choosing"
Or putting it another way-
The way you describe it, it seems that she WAS planning to do (or for IT to do) something, but instead she just... cast it out to do whatever it will do with no plan anymore.
The way I READ it, she was trying to select a person, place, or thing, to affect with whatever it is she was doing, but couldn't be bothered actually picking and just shot it out at random.
Or a third, even simpler way to say it
Random chaos sent randomly vs Selected chaos chosen randomly
I think I'm losing my point.... anyway, good to be wrong I guess
@RaelDeer You’re not… Necessarily wrong. Because it kinda was an “eeny meeny miny moe” thing, but also wasn’t. It was like that when it was looking, (P.S. chaos is fluid, VERY gender fluid, no wrong descriptor for them), for someone at first.
But then decided to just put a drop of its now free power out into the world.
Just to see what happens.
@Phraye ah, a blend of the two... Got it...
Seemed very focused of female specific terms in the god-talk, but I guess they were just doing a bit, for the sake of things...
But yeah, all in all, you've managed to keep me interested, though there have been a few "Thin Ice" moments.... perhaps I'll check out your new novel.... after it gets a few more chapters... I do so hate starting something new only to not have enough to keep my poor brain interested long enough for the hooks to sink in...
@RaelDeer That is fair. I would do the same. But I can almost promise you I will have the first book of this one finished by either Tuesday or Wednesday.
It is not a long first book for that series. sh*t kicks off it book two, if I have to estimate, now that I am working on chapter 8 ATM… I am guessing 8 to ten more chapters… if that?! (But as we know, I am bad at estimating chapters).
And I am sorry about the thin ice moments… kinda. It is just how the story went. No need to tell me which they were, I know…
They were touch and go for me as well.
@Phraye look at least you didn't put in a male love interest, even as a joke... which I have discovered is apparently acceptable in the GL tag as long as it's only one man in a 99% female harem....
Not to name names but if you know you know... scribblehub has been about a 60% disappointing experience so far
@RaelDeer Sigh. Sadly I hear you…
Only one story of mine has a heterosexual love story to it. And it is, based off of some weird plot I thought of back in high-school while playing RE:1,2, and code V.
@Phraye at this point I really only trust QuietValerie and pynkbites to deliver stories that are well written, compelling without being TOO cliche'd or contrived, and that have good, healthy romances and relationships.... sure it's basically escapism fantasy but... who doesn't wanna be happy...
Still not sure about you though, maybe a few more novels and you can go on my "trusted SH authors" list~
We'll see
@RaelDeer I won't lie to you. My stories will tend to be all HE kinda of books, no tragic ends.
But! They all have that, "Darkest night, before the brightest dawn!" Thing going for them. Lots of struggles and maybe some very surreal life problems to them.
I took a page out of one of my favorite director's playbooks. He said one time: "That if the gag didn't make me laugh, I didn't put it into my movie."
Same goes for me. If I can't connect or feel from my characters, I am not going to write the story.
If they are just 2D people on pages that don't make me feel emotions. Then I am not interested.
@RaelDeer And P.S. pynkbites! KYYYAAA! I love their work! So good!
Have you ever read a book called: The Reincarnated Vampire Just Wants To Enjoy Her New Life, by Ninetail_furball ?! KYA!
It is not a yuri, but it is a fluffy wuffy adorable mess of goo that I love!
@Phraye Entirely fair... and I can't fault you on that... hell I'm reading R.A.T.H. at the moment for lack of finding anything more interesting to fill my time
I've just consumed a massive library of JP, CH, and KR novels, webnovels, manga, manhua and manhwa in the last few years, and at the end of the day, I'm tired of the drab, dreary, and downright depressing truths of reality... I don't mind conflicts, struggles, character developments and all that stuff that makes stories worth enjoying (the odd power fantasy excluded), but at this point the thing I seek most in a novel is... freedom from the foul harshness of the reality we all endure...
I make exceptions obviously, all in hopes of finding those sparks of vicarious joy... but to quote MY favourite director, the legend Yoko Taro
"I've always felt that it didn't feel right for me when a protagonist goes through a storyline where they're killing a lot of enemies, and at the very end of the story he ends up kissing the heroine, and that's where you end the game."
I can't stand romance, the fulfilment of, being the end of the story... two characters getting together should never be where the story ends, it is the worst kind of ending... some might call it a happy ending but... is it? Really? What if they break up a week later, you'll never know... love is fickle that way... as anyone who has had failed relationships can attest to...
I'm probably rambling now and I fully intend to blame alcohol
@Phraye i haven't read that, no... I might consider it, perhaps.... I just have an insatiable thirst for lesbian romance and non-romance is low on my reading priority list..... even lower still is anything hetero....
@RaelDeer No! I agree with that! I am going to add that to my list!
And thankfully, all of my romances of Couples in my books start off either in the beginning or middle of the story, then ends with HE.
I also think that, unless it is a story like Rurouni Kenshin, it is not acceptable to place the romance, AKA, love interests getting together, at the very end!
That is just a cheap thrill! Or a lame pay-off!
I think Gosick, the anime gets a pass though.
@RaelDeer It is not hetero per-se, it is more that the character is like Asexual.
It is a gender-bender. He goes to she. And she is like, eww to it all after that. Which I feel personally.
@Phraye I will never forgive "Domestic Girlfriend" and "Quintessential Quintuplets" and "Nisekoi" for wasting my time and life when I bothered reading/watching them.... they drove me away from hetero romances even for entertainment... I'll stick to stuff like "Citrus" and "Asagao to Kase-san"
To avoid creating another post that is splitting our conversation into two reply chains I'll add this here:
Why is there like a 70% statistic of things in the GL tag also being gender bender.... and only a fraction of those being about trans people... dysphoria isn't fun, and I just don't think a lot of people know or appreciate how hard it is to hate yourself on a biological level.... like at this point, I almost consider "Gender bender" to be a red flag if the "transgender" tag isn't also there... and a MASSIVE red flag if the "Futanari" tag IS there
@RaelDeer I agree, it is somewhat enjoyable at times… but most of the time it is just a cheap way to introduce a female that has a penis… or a sick way to just make it a po*n… listen people… I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll but the best part of a woman, is the lack of penis.
And also Citrus! Asagao to Kase-san! KYA!!! I love those! More of at fan of Asagao to Kase-san!
Sexy is nice, but fluff! Is where it is at! Love and that tingling sensation you get at watching two people just be merrily and happily in love?! KKKYYYYYAAAA!
Nya nya! Have you read? Bocchi Kaibutsu to Moumoku Shoujo? AKA, beauty and the beast girl?! KKKYYYYAAAAA! Loads of fluff! And the author also made their own doujinshi of the story that is canon! It is great!
@Phraye Neji deserves godhood for Beauty and the Beast Girl, yes, I've read it. The Doujin too.
As for futanari... it has its place... it does, and yknow, the opportunity for pregnancy in GL (barring magic or science or any other kind of special girl-only breedin) is great... but honestly I'd prefer it to be natural.. not a convenient thing that pops up so the author who clearly has no idea how lesbian s*x works gets a "get out of jail free" on writing lesbian sex... it can be an interesting character trait, depending on how it's used... but having it be a skill in litrpgs or, a convenient function of shapeshifting or... whatever, that can come and go (pun intended) as it pleases is... cheap
Write more natural futanari characters goddamnit! Or better yet, transgirls... since they're less rare... not all of us are lucky enough to magically or scientifically get the full package, most of us have to just settle with breasts... and not all of us are d*ck haters...
My girlfriend has no interest in losing hers, she doesn't feel the need
@RaelDeer I don't hate d*cks… just have a strong preference for no d*cks. But yeah, totally get what you're saying.
@Phraye oh no I didn't mean you, I just meant that, in a lot of cases, authors kinda write the "Traditional" trans experience the one that makes people like me and my girlfriend feel we aren't "Trans" enough
Yknow, life is in slow motion, the thought of using/touching your d*ck is sickening, suicidal, etc. The trans experience.
Not everyone is like that, not all trans girls feel they need bottom surgery, and are fine with using what they have, which, honestly, if you're gonna write GL, is far more realistic to come across than an honest to god futanari.... but I digress, this is waaaaaaaaay off topic at this point, heh...
@RaelDeer Ah! I kinda caught on to what you meant by that before: I was mostly inferring that, (not defending), if you asked me, while I don’t mind them, and think it is sexy o-natural. It is more my speed to just go with a girl with a vagina.
@Phraye oh yeah, no fault in that, hell, most trans lesbians probably would prefer a girl with a vagina, but, as a big purple man once said, reality is often disappointing...