"From today onwards, you are a lamp," I declared as I pointed at the rotund, flesh-colored mini-shoggoth in the corner of my living room, and it let out a happy 'nyuu' sound, that kind of reminded me of a cat's meow, but wasn't quite right.

It hopped in place without taking its one large eye off me for a moment, and after waving a pair of its stubby tentacles around in a fashion that vaguely reminded me of a salute, it abruptly disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by a simple standing lamp mirroring the one in the other end of the room. I waited for a beat, then used my Far Sight to check, just to be sure, but the peculiar inter-connected red dot was still in front of me, meaning I could still use it for Phasing in.

"Looks good. Remember, you can move around when nobody's home, but don't make a mess, and don't come upstairs even if you hear weird noises. Are we clear?"

I've got no answer. But then again, I was talking to a lamp, so I had no idea what I was expecting.

Anyhow, since my experimental anchor was in place, I turned around and gestured for the giggling mini-miko to come over to my side.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm just happy that ue-sama is getting along with Pudding-kun," she answered as she tottered over from the couch, holding Cal in one hand and her sword maintenance kit in the other.

"If you want to look at it that way, be my guest," I answered, wrapped a phantom limb around her, and a moment later, we reappeared in the reception room of the underground base. Incidentally, it now also had an instance of 'Pudding-kun' hanging on the wall, disguised as a nice autumn landscape painting, serving as my new anchor point. This way, we no longer needed to have one of the Fauns standing around the teleport closet, just in case I needed to bring someone over without prior notice.

The moment we arrived, I more or less pushed Ichiko into the main hall and told her, "Take care of Cal for me. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning."

"Don't worry, ue-sama! It's Cal-san's scheduled weekly maintenance day, so I will make sure to clean them properly!"

"Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

Without waiting for her to respond, I closed the metal door behind me and Phased home right away. Then I let out a pent-up breath I've been holding in for quite a while.

I was finally alone in the house, not counting the disguised tiny shoggoth, of course. I had already ferried my sisters over to the base a while ago, where they would spend the night. Of course, they were curious about the reason why, but I kept my mouth shut. Even so, I didn't exactly have to force them, as Penny was quite excited about Snowy sleeping over at 'her place'.

Putting my knightlier sister and her weirdness aside for the moment, I headed upstairs and entered my room. I liked to keep things tidy in general, but today I paid extra attention to the small details. For a start, I made sure to clean up the whole place, from the carpets to the shelves, even though there wasn't much the invisible ninja maids didn't already take care of. I also changed the sheets to brand new ones, turned up the thermostat a few degrees, brought over a couple of extra pillows, just in case, and I even went ahead and lit a couple of scented candles for the sake of ambiance.

Still, it never hurt to be thorough, so I went through my checklist again. The bed was good, so that's a check. I also showered and brushed my teeth, so that's a check as well. Inside the nightstand, I had already prepared everything needed for the night, so that was a check too. All things considered, I was about as ready as I could get. Now, the only things missing were my girlfriends, but last I checked, they were already on their way in the Dracis family's limousine, so I figured they should be arriving any minute now.

After walking over to the window, I took a glance outside, but couldn't see much. It was well after nine in the evening, and it's been snowing ever since the school's Christmas Ball began in the late afternoon, blanketing the whole street in white while also obscuring my vision.

Speaking of which, the ball was a little underwhelming after the Draconian banquet, but it was tradition, and Elly was really looking forward to it. Naturally, I fulfilled my boyfriendly duties and accompanied her for a dance, and she kept dragging me around the dance floor about as much as I expected. Judy was considerably less enthusiastic about things, mainly because she had sore muscles after the performance on the day before, so we only danced a single round and let her sit the rest of the ball out. Afterwards I also took Snowy and Penny to the dance floor, but that was just a brotherly obligation.

As for the rest of the guys, for one reason or another, Josh and Angie didn't announce their relationship-upgrade, but I had a feeling everyone already had a good idea about the two of them even without an official announcement. It probably had to do with how close the Celestial girl was sticking to her childhood pal, as well as some clear signs of jealously. Or rather, clearer than usual.

While on the subject, since the ball was only for the students of Blue Cherry High, it meant Mike couldn't attend it. As such, for some inexplicable reason that the girls found completely obvious, Joshua had to pick up the slacks and dance with the class rep so that she wouldn't remain a wallflower. Then, since Snowy didn't have a partner either, he had to dance with her too. In the end, he ended up dancing with practically everyone in our group of friends.

Well, save for Penny, who categorically refused, so at the end of the day she only danced with me and Snowy. I have no idea about the latter, but I imagined it was another of those 'caught in the moment' things, and it prompted Elly to try and convince Judy to dance with her as well. It started something of a fad among the placeholder girls afterwards, but that's neither here nor there.

But back to Josh: between each round with one of the girls, he also danced with Angie once, so it meant he was on the dance floor for something like six or seven rounds. Credit where credit's due, the guy was a trooper, especially considering how hard the jealous Celestial girl was trying to stomp on his feet by the end of it. I suppose some things just never change.

More importantly, after doing the bare minimum, the extended Dunning family (meaning me, my sisters, and my girlfriends) quietly retreated from the ball, citing certain prior appointments. We took advantage of the princess's access to a limo to get us home, after which Judy left along with her, ostensibly to return the dress she borrowed from her wardrobe, and I had Ichiko quietly move from her shadow to mine. Once we got home and my sisters changed out of their ball gowns, I quickly ferried them over to the base, took a mini-shoggoth back, then delivered the little miko on the final trip, and thus we were back to the present.

This day was about as tiresome as I expected, but it was far from over. In fact, the biggest hurdle was still ahead of me, and it made me quite worried. As for why I was worried, I seriously couldn't tell, but human psychology was both a mysterious final frontier and one enormous bitch. Seriously, how come I was more nervous right now than when I was facing off against a freaking Chimera? What kind of sense did that make?

Maybe I should make myself a cup of hot tea, I mused? I was pretty sure I had some chamomile tea in the kitchen cupboard, and I've heard that was good for the nerves. At the very least, the process would hopefully occupy my mind and… wait. If I drank something now, wouldn't that mean that I'd have to wash my teeth again afterwards? Would it? Would the girls even mind?

My worries ended up completely pointless, as while I was vacillating, a familiar long car turned the corner and came to a stop in front of my home.

"Oh boy. Here we go," I muttered under my breath as I turned on my heel to head downstairs and let the girls in.

"Look, Leo!" the princess exclaimed and held out her hand to me the moment I opened the door. On closer look, she a couple of large snow-flakes resting on her gloved palm, so I figured she was trying to draw my attention to those.

"I see. We're going to have a white Christmas this year," I responded and got out of the way, eliciting a couple of excited giggles from my draconic girlfriend. Well, at least one of us wasn't nervous.

"Hi, Chief. Emese told me to give you these cookies," Judy stated in a deadpan voice and handed a whole basket over to me, followed by a shallow sigh. "She's almost as bad about the holiday as my mother."

My dear assistant looked more tired than anything, so… make that two, I supposed.

"I'll put these down somewhere."

"We'll be with you in a moment," Judy told me while peeling herself out of her winter coat.

"Ah? Isn't it warmer in here than usual?" the princess commented on the side as she took off her fur coat, revealing an unexpectedly form-fitting woolen sweater underneath. It hugged her lines quite snugly, and…

Shaking my head, I quickly headed for the kitchen and put the basket onto the counter. I needed to keep a cool head. This was an important day, and I had to be on the top of my game. I couldn't afford to come off as trying too hard, or worse yet, creepy. Act natural, Leo. Natural.

Once I got my frayed nerves under control, I returned to the living room, where the girls were already waiting for me. I tried my best to act nonchalant and ask, "So, what's the plan? Do you want to watch a movie first, or cuddle, or…?"

"No, Chief," Judy answered with unnecessary solemnity. "We have to get down to business as soon as possible. The longer we wait, the more likely it is that we could get interrupted by some kind of silly development."

"R-Right. Let's get to b-business!" the princess echoed her while putting up a brave front, but it meant little when she was turning red to the tips of her ears.

"Are you sure? I even had a fun romantic comedy in mind," I noted, by Judy had none of it.

"Hush, Chief. We're taking the lead here. I hope you don't have any objections."

"I…"

"Good. Now, go to your room while we refresh ourselves."

Before I could ask what she even meant by that, my dear assistant pushed me towards the stairs. A moment later, she was joined by the princess as well, so I couldn't resist, even if I tried. Not that I really wanted to, so in the end I obediently headed upstairs.

Once I was back in my room, I closed the door behind me and sat down onto my bed. As I listened, I could hear the bathroom door opening and closing, and the girls walking up and down outside, and while I was tempted to Far Glance at them, I had a feeling it was a bad idea that would only get me even more nervous.

As such, I took a deep breath and went through my checklist again.

Bed? Still fine.

Thermostat? Still set to balmy.

Candles? Still burning.

Miscellaneous bits and pieces related to recreational reproductive endeavours?

"Actually, let's check them again, just to be sure," I whispered as I slid over to the nightstand and took a look inside.

In preparation for today's activities, I stocked up on everything we could potentially need well ahead of time. Hydration was important, so I had about a dozen bottles of mineral waters, ice teas, and fruit juices stored in the back. Beside those, I had a box of tissues, a packet of wet wipes, and a clean towel for various levels of cleanup. All of it seemed to be in order, so I moved on to the more sensitive items in the drawer.

First and foremost, I had seven different packets of condoms. Extra thin, extra-large, ridged, bumpy, and a couple of other configurations with 'For her pleasure!' plastered on the front of the packaging in a bright yellow font. Since I obviously never used any of these, I had no idea which one would be the best to 'wear' tonight, so I just bought one of each and hoped we could figure things out together.

Staying on the topic of contraceptives, I also bought a box of morning-after pills, just to be on the safe side. They were surprisingly easy to get, and since the drug store was run by an old placeholder lady, I didn't even get any odd looks. It had 'Plan B' written on the box, which is what it literally was.

As for the rest of the drawer, it was filled with five bottles of 'lubricants'. They were different brands and, more importantly, different flavors. I knew Elly liked strawberries and watermelons, so I made sure to grab those, but in retrospect, it might not have been as bright of an idea as I first thought.

I mean, it's one thing to like sweet stuff, but it didn't mean one would like to taste it while doing the horizontal hokey-pokey. Not to mention, there was a very high chance there wouldn't be any activity involving mouths today, so maybe the whole thing was a waste of time and money to begin with? And now that I took a better look, the heck is this? Is this flavored like crème brûlée? Why did I buy this one? Strawberry and watermelon make some sense, but why did I think this was a good idea? And what's this? Salted caramel? What was I thinking!?

Though… maybe they'll like it? At the very least, it should be a novel experience; as if things wouldn't be new and unfamiliar enough already. But then again, they might find it weird, and I didn't want to start things off weird. Should I leave the question of flavors until after we're already in the mood? But wait, what if they won't like any of them? Shit, I should've bought a bottle without any extra flavoring, just in case. Did we have anything at home we could use as a replacement in the—?

"Good evening, master!" / "We are at your service."

The chaotic thoughts swirling in my head came to a sudden and screeching halt the moment the door was abruptly thrown open by the girls. My eyes opened wide in surprise, but then a long beat later something shifted in my brain, like flipping a switch, and I let out a long sigh.

"Thanks, girls. I really needed that."

My words took my girlfriends visibly aback. I had no idea what they were expecting, but it apparently wasn't this.

"You're welcome?" the princess responded a touch uncertainly, but then she quickly followed it up with, "Wait, why are you thanking us again?"

"You have no idea how much you helped me just now. I was all nervous and jittery, but then you showed up in those clothes, and now I'm only annoyed, which is a million times more preferable," I told them with a wide smile, and then followed it up with another sigh. "Seriously though, what the heck is up with these maid costumes? I already told you I don't have a maid fetish."

"Yes, but you also admitted that they had a small effect on you when we're wearing them," Judy told me, with completely unwarranted confidence. "In love and war, every little advantage has to be grasped."

"That's right!" Elly exclaimed with her fingers clenched into fists in front of her chest. "This is war!"

"No, I'm fairly sure it's not," I pointed out, but she was too worked up to listen.

On the other hand, I was feeling surprisingly clear-headed at the moment. The shock of the two of them showing up like that was really quite effective at knocking me out of my nervous spiral. One deep breath later I leveled my gaze on my girlfriends, and beckoned them to come over to my side.

Looking closer, these were probably the exact same costumes they were wearing the first time they ambushed me a couple of months ago. While I purposefully wasn't paying too much attention to them back then, I had to admit they looked damn charming in them, and in the case of Elly, the cut of the outfit really emphasized her curves. As for Judy, her maid outfit was going for a cuter design, which… well, didn't suit her perfectly, but I was never going to say that out loud. Maybe if she went for a more serious head-maid kind of look, it would've fit her demeanor better, but on the flip side, this style made her look smaller and more adorable, so it was hard to make a final judgment.

While I pondered about this, the two of them arrived in front of me, and I gestured for them to sit down. They did so, and a short pause later I could hear Judy grumble, "This isn't nearly as passionate as I expected."

"Oh, hush, you," I whispered as I put my hand around her waist, pulled her closer, and lightly kissed her exposed neck. "If you wanted something more passionate right off the bat, you should've come in wearing lingerie or something."

"Actually, you look fairly passionate from where I'm sitting," the princess commented on the other side, so I pulled her closer too.

"It's just your imagination."

Saying so, I leaned over to her side and gave her a deep kiss.

"Wait a moment. We are the ones who are supposed to be on the offensive," Judy declared out of the blue, and she pulled on me. We both fell backwards and ended up lying on our backs, and since I was still kissing Elly at the time, I ended up dragging her along too.

"You're right!" the princess declared, even though she was so red it looked like she was going to blow a fuse at any second. When she noticed I was staring at her face, she somehow flushed even harder, and suddenly closed in on me, locking our lips together again.

"Hey! My turn!" my dear assistant called out and leaned over me, pressing her chest against mine and grabbing my head before giving me a kiss as well.

She indulged herself for quite a while, during which Elly stuck even closer to me and entwined our legs together. Once Judy finished, I could finally take a breath, and ask the question that's been on my mind for a while.

"Speaking of turns, who's going first?"

My girlfriends paused, as if the question took them completely by surprise, and shared an odd glance between each other.

"I knew we forgot something," Judy muttered, and the princess followed her up with a series of awkward giggles. Then, as if they had rehearsed it ahead of time, the two of them sat up at the exact same moment and faced each other.

"Rock-paper-scissors?"

"Best out of three."

"Sure! Loser has to turn off the lights!"

"I'm fine with that."

And thus began the most intense game of roshambo in history. As for me, I kept lying on my back, stared at the ceiling, and wondered why I was ever nervous in the first place? Ignoring the passionate cries of 'Rock!' and 'Damn, it's a tie again…' in the background, I closed my eyes, and decided to stop worrying and just go with the flow. After all, even if I messed up a bit here or there, it wasn't like I could make our first time any weirder than this…