The wait for Sunday was a painful one. I slipped into Miyako’s shoes like they were my own (they technically were.) I went to school, attended classes, ate with Reina’s family, and slept in their home. I learnt how to wear a bra properly and look after myself because she wouldn’t shut up about it. Reina was thinking that this would be permanent.

We woke up early. I picked out a casual outfit and put on my jacket. I still wasn’t confident enough to rock some of the more feminine things inside the wardrobe. It would be pants and shirts for me until I mustered up the courage.

The shrine didn’t receive many visitors. Between a pair of overgrown bushes, up a long, poorly maintained path under dulled red arches. It scared away tourists – and the townspeople too. To be truthful it didn’t matter what time of day we visited. If there was somebody there, we would simply wait for them to leave.

But there was nobody there.

Me and Reina trudged up the long stairway. It was obscene to think that I’d been dragged here a week ago. It felt like an entire lifetime since then. The shrine was dilapidated. A small wooden building that was once the pride of the town. It was a wonder that any god would choose to reside here – if gods had a choice.

To be honest I was sceptical. What had happened was unbelievable, but I still didn’t believe that Reina was in contact with a god. Part of me went just to see if it was true. I didn’t think through my questions before we got there.

“They should be here.”

“So how do you speak to this god of yours?”

Reina walked to the donation box at the front of the building. She pulled out a coin and tossed it through the wooden poles that guarded it from thieving hands. There was nobody working here to retrieve the money or use it for maintenance. So perhaps it was for the god’s benefit, or as a display of dedication.

I followed suit and pulled out my own coin, donating it to the unused box. Reina walked past it and up to the stone steps that led into the building. She knelt down, dusting away the refuse from the ground. One her knees she closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. “Pray, focus, reach out to them. I will tell them that you wish to speak with them.”

I shuffled over and took a place next to her. The stone tiles were hard on my knees. I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes. I was taken back to a time when I went to the shrine on New Year’s Day, back when my parents were still around. I always looked forward to it. But when they died and I moved away, I stopped going. The shrine was in such a poor state anyway – there were no celebrations here.

My mind drifted and I found myself inside of a visible darkness. Not the darkness you experience when you close your eyes tight – the kind when you enter a dark room. The subtle colours of black that indicated my eyes trying to adjust. The wind and the sun, I couldn’t feel it anymore.

My first meeting with god was civilian.

In a moment, something appeared in the darkness. A pair of seats. Upon one was a young-looking man with long red hair, tied into a braid. He was wearing a traditional yukata, decorated with a golden flowers that danced and flowed. Without a word I approached him and took the seat opposite.

He didn’t break the silence. I waited and waited, but he never spoke.

“Are you a god?” I asked.

“Yes,” he responded. He spoke is an esoteric way, a form of our shared language that had not been spoken for hundreds of years. It was enough for me to understand.

“You look normal.”

“What were you expecting? A flaming bush, a black bull? I am a god, yet I am merely another of man’s creations. You perceive me as I am – a mere man. A man granted power. I was not birthed, I was seen, by ancestors thousands of years before you were born. I am eternal, yet before then I was nothing. A man’s adoration is a blessing upon itself. Without sight I will not be.”

I didn’t understand what he meant. “Are you the one that Reina spoke to?”

He nodded, “Reina, is that her name? She confides with me in many things. Yes, Reina is the one who speaks to me. She told me about you. Do you wish to speak with me?”

I twiddled my fingers, being put on the spot like that…

“Why did you do this?”

He smirked, “Why did I do?”

“Why did you turn me into Reina’s sister?”

“Because she wished for it.”

“Is a god allowed to lie?” I pressed on, “You didn’t just do this because she asked. You changed something. The poetic irony was enough to tell me that.”

“I am a god as seen by man; I embody many of their faults.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“While we embody many faults – we also embody what constitutes a man. Generosity, kindness, and most importantly fondness. I bestowed a blessing upon my only follower. Not only that, but I helped two mortals with one stroke of my brush! Truly a masterpiece of efficient miracle making…”

“There’s a game to this, you made my friend say something a few days ago.”

“I merely suggested a topic of discussion. Do you think that your reformation has ended? That the hard work has been done?”

“Why don’t you just tell me?”

The god shrugged, “Would you listen? The best lessons are the ones you learn yourself. Would you not reject my thesis out of hand if you had not realized it yourself? To spoil the game, as you might say. Perceived as an act of malice.”

“Not telling me anything is pretty malicious.”

“Would you not reject my point?”

“I don’t like the idea of you changing people’s memories.”

“I did not alter your friend’s memories. I merely used what I knew about him to push him in a certain direction. I knew that his parents would turn off the television at eight PM, as they do every night, and that he was interested in watching. So I merely drained the batteries on their television remote – thus, they left it on allowing him to watch unobstructed. You and he talk every morning during homeroom.”

“And Reina’s parents?”

“The acceptance of change is an extension of their free will. An unconscious decision was made the moment that Reina’s wish was granted. In such a sense, if I had asked them directly, they would have given me permission. There is one force beyond our control, and that is a mortal’s free will. I may not impart upon any mortal what they do not desire themselves.”

“When since did I want to become a girl?”

“You would have agreed.”

“…”

“I know everything about you. Perhaps more than you know yourself.”

“Shut up,” I spat bitterly. His words settled into my stomach and made me feel deeply, truly ill.

“I am not a judge of character, and I mean no offense. The point stands. I may nudge a friend or seek the permission to reshape reality. In the end, we have deviated from the original topic. What is this game?”

“What is it?”

“It’s not a realization if I tell you. Let me keep things simple – I know everything about this town and the mortals who live in it. Like a tree of many branches that spreads before me, I may predict what will happen in the future. They are not certain, yet they are more accurate than not. Mortals cannot avoid their own behaviour, in a sense.”

 “Even me? What about free will?”

“Free will is freedom from god’s intervention. Not freedom from yourself. A mortal is shaped by their parents, their home, who they are and what they experience. They will behave a certain way for a certain reason. I know those reasons, and I know what they are likely to do.

“In the coming days, several things will happen to close friends…”

“The people in my club?”

“…I will not say more. The game is for you to realize. But remember this, the lives of mortals are not a mere game. Act with respect to others; even I am a speck of dust beneath the feet of greater giants still. When you have an answer, come, and pray to me again. I will waive the fee,” he smiled.

Before I could demand more, I found myself back in the courtyard where me and Reina were kneeled next to each other. She looked at me with concern, “Are you okay Miyako? You looked out of it for a second there.”

“How long have we been here?”

“Only a minute.”

The conversation had been much longer. “No, I’m fine.”

“Did you see them?”

“Yes, now I have more questions than before.” I sighed and stood up, dusting the dirt off my pants.

“Hm. I didn’t get to see him…”

“Are you jealous?”

“He is just a voice.”

“What? He had a body and everything.”

Reina shook her head, “I have never seen him. Only heard his voice.”

Maybe this was the “perception” stuff that he was talking about? Reina thought of god as something larger than her. A voice in the void, while I didn’t think much of Shinto after my parents died. To me he was merely another person to speak with, a man with a strange sense in fashion.

His words were cryptic, but I got the basics of it. It did little to calm my fears of having my mind messed with by a higher power – but even he seemed to understand that. He described himself as a speck of dust, his way of assuring me that such a thing was not exclusive to mortals I supposed. The power of free will was something that I couldn’t grasp – could such a simple thing protect me?

“What do we do now?” Reina asked.

“He clearly has something in mind for me. I’ll have to come back later when whatever this is… is over with.”

“No, I mean, what should we do now? We have the rest of Sunday to ourselves.” Meet with a Shinto god, and this girl is already on to the next thing. She was remarkable in many ways. “I should take you shopping.”

“Will you stop asking me if I come with you?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, let’s go.”

With our Sunday meeting with god over, we hopped on the bus downtown.