“Oh my god, is that you!?”

An excitable girl from my class had ambushed me the moment I entered the doors for our morning homeroom session. I’d never spoken to her before. The usual separation between the boys and girls of the class was something that everyone accepted. But that was the old me. New me was very much a girl – so it was open season for every stranger in the room to get up in my face and start demanding answers from me.

“Huh?” My brain’s few remaining neurons got together and forced a name through my mouth, “Naomi?” She was always a whirlwind of gossip and colourful accessories. A dull person would describe her as overly friendly.

“I didn’t know you had such a great voice; it totally blew up!” She held out her phone, and in a repeat of the situation that had gotten me into such trouble originally, someone had recorded me and the club during our set at the restaurant. I blushed and avoided eye contact.

“Don’t say that…”

Naomi smiled and patted my shoulder, “Don’t start blushing, I’m not teasing you.”

“I know, it’s just embarrassing. I thought nobody would even bother to record it.” I glanced down at her phone screen, “How many people saw that?” I dreaded the answer.

Naomi laughed, “Not as many as your last little video. It got a few thousand likes, by the way – didn’t the principal like, totally blow up at you about that?”

“No. He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing.”

“Huh. He always looks like he’s about to bust a vein…”

“Who even recorded us?” I pulled her phone-holding hand over to me and looked at the screenname, but it was nothing that I recognized. A stranger who’d visited with his family and just decided to take a little home movie with him. “I should charge them for that.”

“I know right? Didn’t you get super rich from all the people sharing your fight?”

My mind flashed to the compound that my new family inhabited, “…I’m already well off.”

Naomi took a moment to process my response, “Oh yeah! Still, you should sue all those talk shows or something.”

“I’m trying to attract less attention here.”

“Hey Naomi, you showing her the video?” Another girl droned, clearly tired of the topic.

Naomi locked her phone and swivelled away, “Yeah, chill out. See you later Miya!” I gave her a little wave and collapsed into my seat. The anxiety I was feeling about it wasn’t new, but it wasn’t welcome. How could I get up on stage like that when the thought of people who know me seeing it filled me with such fear?

Although, I knew that it was nothing compared to Shinsuke. I arrived at the clubroom second and sat right in front of the door was our bassist. I nearly bowled him over. There was an awkward silence that only ended as he plucked at the strings.

Twang.

I didn’t say anything. I put down my bag and pulled out my own chair. A minute passed. Twang.

“Say it.”

I clenched the wooden backboard tight, so tight that my knuckles turned white. Shinsuke had a way of putting me on edge with just one turn of phrase like that. I didn’t want to play this stupid game with him. It was too serious for that. “Say what?”

Twang. “You know.” He leaned back slightly, the curtain of hair that hid his eyes parting slightly, “About the bruises.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Well, aren’t you going to act all concerned?”

“I am concerned, obviously.”

“So why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know Shinsuke, did you want me to air your dirty laundry in front of everyone without asking? Oh hello Shinsuke, nice bruises, did your Dad cause those?” He twitched, the ever unflappable Shinsuke flinched. “You aren’t comfortable with this, why did you bring it up?”

“You think you know what’s happening with my family?”

“Do you think I’m some kind of fucking idiot Shinsuke? I thought you knew us better than that.” Shinsuke seemed put off by my harsh language. “Unless you feel like telling me the story, which I assume you don’t. Because you only brought it up with me because I saw the… bruises.”

Shinsuke chewed on his pick. I was praying for the others to bust through the door and give me an escape from this conversation. I was starting to sweat. I was covered with pins and needles. “I’m sorry.”

Shinsuke sighed, “Why are you apologizing to me?”

“What do you mean? What I just said was messed up. I’m sorry.”

Twang. “I don’t know what I wanted you to say.”

“Do you want my help? Because I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

“No.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? They’re my family. I can’t just live on the streets.” I crossed my arms and stared at the ceiling.

“That’s how it works isn’t it? They hold everything over you so you can’t reveal the problem. You can’t tell the police. You can’t go to extended family. Not that I know anything about it.”

Twang.

“I’m not going to say anything unless you want me to Shinsuke. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Why though?”

“…Do you want my help?”

There was a pregnant pause. Shinsuke’s face screwed up as he considered my offer, over and over again in his mind. I knew what the answer would be. It was all about what was waiting for him on the other side. I didn’t know. Was his mother complicit in it? He didn’t have any siblings to step in and defend him. He shook his head and looked back down to the ground.

It wasn’t my place to do something that he didn’t want. I wasn’t god. I couldn’t see into his heart and decide in that moment what he really wanted. I could only listen to his word. I wanted so badly to run to the nearest authority figure and tell them – but for Shinsuke, enduring the abuse of his own family was more comforting than a future without them.

The door opened and Johnny charged in, Kei slithering behind him. The conversation was over as quickly as it had started. I felt like my mother had walked in on me cranking one out, but there was no evidence to conceal so I performed an uncomfortable shuffle in my chair. “Hey Reina, did you see that post? We blew up! Suddenly I’m getting calls from all over.”

“They connected the videos, together didn’t they?”

Johnny cringed, “Maybe?”

“God help me.”

“The comments were very flattering,” Kei droned. “Mostly towards you.”

“No time to complain now, Johnny was riding that marketability train to its natural conclusion.”

“Basing the entire damn band around you?” he sighed.

“Hey, I never said I was going to do this permanently.”

“Nah,” Johnny declared, “Veto.”

“Veto?”

Kei shrugged, “Since it went so well, Johnny says he’s going to focus on his guitar playing for now.”

“Sounds more like he’s on strike.”

He giggled, “Yeah, I like that more. I’m on strike!”

“I don’t have the voice for punk you know.”

“Total bull, there are loads of good bands with female leads.” Johnny picked up the guitar and stole my seat. Johnny had an abrasive way of dealing with other people, this being the latest example. He was forceful to a fault. I couldn’t help but think about the rapid change in tone between my convo with Shinsuke and this one…

“Next time, you should show some skin.”

“Over my dead body.”

Reina could sense that something was wrong with me. She saw right through me as soon as I passed through the door to the house. “Is something wrong Miya? You look sad.”

“There’s a lot wrong but not much I can do about it.” I peeled off my school shoes and put them away. The well-polished floors in the house showed every little piece of dirt. Reina followed me to my room, insistent on hearing a proper answer from me. “I don’t deserve any of this.”

Reina pulled out a cushion and knelt on the floor. “I already told you Miya, it is of no concern whether you deserve anything. You should not dwell on your own misery if you can help it.” I crossed my legs and sat opposite her.

“I would have been okay, maybe.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know. It could have been worse.”

“But it didn’t have to be worse.”

“…It’s one of my friends, I don’t know what’s wrong exactly. But he doesn’t want any help with it, but he also kinda’ does.”

“Hm.” Reina had a strange look about her when I said it. At the time I didn’t know why, but in retrospect it was as subtle as a brick to the back of my skull. What a shameless hypocrite I was. I’d juxtaposed my own refusal of assistance with his. I didn’t think about that though, I was too worried about Shinsuke. He’d gone home after the club period had ended and I’d started thinking about what was happening at his house when we weren’t there.

“Why doesn’t that god help him out? Shoot some magic his way?”

“Because it’s just as you said, your friend does not desire help. Without his consent he cannot interfere in his life.”

“Psh, like he’d even help out anyway.”

“Yes, I’m afraid you might be correct. Perhaps he saw assisting the both of us as an effective use of his power?”

“He said that he has his own biases. He helped us because you asked, and you visited his shrine even though it was in such a bad way.”

Reina nodded. Before we could continue Natsume knocked on the door and slid it open, peering inside. “Oh, you two are here. Did you have a good day at school.”

“Yes.”

“Sure.”

She looked at my messy room with a frown, “How did I give birth to such a disparate pair of daughters…”

“Life’s complicated,” I shrugged.

“Dinner is nearly ready.”

“Of course,” Reina smiled. Natsume slid the door shut and disappeared down the long corridors of the house. “Miyako, there are a lot of reasons why someone might refuse your help. They might fear what lies beyond, or they may not believe that they deserve it. They may even believe that their suffering is normal.”

I pushed out with my legs and kicked the floor with the back of my heel, “What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m not going to tell you to stay silent, but perhaps this isn’t a problem that you can fix.”

I stood up and stretched out my body. She was right as usual. This was something for the police, or a therapist, not me. To be honest I didn’t know much about Shinsuke outside of what he did in the club. But he was still a friend. I wasn’t going to let him endure it alone.

DWS

Hello! Sorry for taking so long to update the story. I've been pretty busy lately with a real life project that isn't writing related and that's been taking a lot of my energy so to speak. Thank you for reading as usual. By the way, I started a Ko-Fi account for donations. If you enjoy the story consider sending me a few bucks.