At the rate that things were going, I was fully anticipating that my heart would give out by the age of thirty. I’d experienced more drama in the past three months of being Miyako than I ever had in some seventeen plus years of being Hideki. It wasn’t because I’d turned into a young woman, trying to adjust to a new life. I’d just become more perceptive of the things happening around me, and more active in addressing them.

But Shinsuke’s case was something that was not fixed so easily. He had his own will that I didn’t want to interfere with. But as a friend I couldn’t stand back and let him live with an abusive family. What could I offer him that he couldn’t do himself? He could go forward to the teachers, get the police involved, but he didn’t want to.

My inner turmoil had worked its way into my lyrics. What Dad had said was true, spontaneous art was the most powerful. I’d churned out several original concepts within days of Matoi’s confirmation of our next concert. Writing down some words on a page and getting the others to agree to the sound were two different challenges though. Everybody had their own opinion of what sounded good.

This had nothing to do with why I was stood in the aisle in the local convenience store. Mom had pulled me away from my work to help her with the shopping, which was odd. She usually preferred to do it herself. There wasn’t much for an extra person to do. Did she just want my company? She was the member of the family I’d spent the least time with. Or to put it another way, she was the quietest member of the family. I didn’t know much about her that I’d learned naturally.

The memories that god had given me told me everything that Miyako knew, there was no problem with me fitting in around her. She was a traditional person. She looked after the house and cooked the meals. I knew that she used to have a job of her own before she married Dad. Despite that she wasn’t the kind of woman to sit back at whittle away the day doing nothing in particular. Her hands were always moving, always working on something.

My hands were not moving. I was staring at the produce like a zombie.

“Miyako, let’s find something nice for dinner.”

I trailed her through the rest of the store. She picked out the usual items with precision and practice. “Why did you bring me along?”

“I’m getting on in years, why would I not ask my daughter for help?” She smiled pleasantly at me. A mother’s smile always contained an implicit threat though. She paid for the shopping and handed off half of the bags to me. It was no effort for me to carry them, but I was still curious. It was a ten-minute walk back to our house from the store. So it was her time to strike.

“How are things going at school?”

“Fine. Matoi is doing a lot for the club right now.”

“I never had the chance to talk to you about the incident. Your father insisted that we leave it alone – that you were level-headed enough to know what we thought.”

“I know. It was stupid.”

“Don’t tell your father, but I think you did the right thing. But the right choice isn’t always the one that people look on favourably. My family gave me so much trouble for working when I was younger. They wanted me to marry a family friend’s son.”

“What changed?”

“I met your father. At the time I wanted my independence, but that isn’t to say that people cannot change. After having you and Reina looking after our home became much more appealing, perhaps because it’s a choice rather than something that was forced on me.”

“Those kinds of people don’t learn. They just think they can mess around with people all the time.”

She laughed, “Sometimes I wonder if you and Reina are really twins. You’ve become so different ever since you started school.”

“She inherited all of your grace and charm.”

“You have plenty of charm on your own.”

“Still no grace?”

“Would you like me to say that you have grace?”

“No. Not really.”

“Don’t go thinking that you need to match her. You know how your father feels about it.”

“He hated it when we wore matching clothes.”

“Hmph, it was just for a cute photo. That man is a mystery to me sometimes.” We stopped by the lights as we waited for the cars to pass, “I think you and Reina have gotten a lot closer recently.”

“She just took more of an interest in me.”

“I think it’s nice. Being close with your siblings is important.”

We walked past the shrine. I felt like an imposter whenever I talked to these two. Dad just seemed to take my more masculine side in stride, but the way that Mom singled out all the ways that I was different struck me at the core. It made me want to conform, to be more like Reina. But that would mean discarding the Hideki part of me – and I didn’t want to discard my grandmother’s memory like that. She raised me for years. I wanted to pay her back somehow.

But I didn’t know where she was. The adjustments that he’d made to my life had made her disappear. If she was gone, I didn’t know where her grave was. I doubted that he’d do something as drastic as bringing a dead person back to life. A matter of perspective – some would argue that changing an entire town’s collective memory was just as bad.

“Here we are, safe and sound.”

“This isn’t going to become a regular thing is it? I was busy.”

“Oh no. I just wanted to have a talk, teach you a new life skill,” she pulled off her shoes and swapped them for her inside pair.

“Going down to the store is pretty self-explanatory, I’d think.”

“I just want you to know, me and your father do love you. Don’t ever think that you have to change for our sake.”

“…I won’t,” I smiled a fake smile as she headed to the storeroom to unload the spoils. Her words were meant to be a comfort, but they made me feel worse than anything else.

DWS

Again, uploaded a week early on patreon! I've been keeping a pretty tight schedule on these chapters. Please do tell me what you think, positive or negative. I'm very receptive to what people think.