Chapter One Hundred and Ninety-Nine - Ashes, Ashes, They All Fall Down

I squinted my eyes to prevent the ash from blinding me as I threw a handful of the grey-ish stuff ahead of me.

The draugr it hit twitched as the ash covered its skin and bones, then began to melt into it like some sort of acid in one of those old action movies.

The ash didn’t destroy the monsters right away. Where it touched them, it would melt them a bit, but it did hurt them a whole lot. Flesh turned to dust, and that dust, in turn, made the bones and skin and rotten muscles around it turn into more dust. It wasn’t completely effective, and the melting effect would end soon after contact with the ash, but it did slow the draugr down.

Better yet, they didn’t reinforce the big boss draugr in the middle when they died.

The undead just before me raised his axe and stumbled forwards, intent to shave my ears off even if he was melting a little, so I hopped forward and bunny-kicked him in the chest, sending him reeling back.

Awen, who had coated her hammer and bolts in ash already, fired into the undead’s side. The bolt wobbled in place as the flesh and bones around it melted a bit.

“Nice!” I called back. I picked up my spade, the flat of which I’d patted down with ash already, and swung it hard into the draugr’s face. The undead crashed to the floor while my spade shook post-bonk.

I backed up before the draugr could kick my legs out from under me, then took a moment to look around. There were a lot of piles of dust where undead had been, but few undead left. Bastion was taking his time with one of them, being the only one in our group that didn’t use the ash since... well, he really didn’t need to. Other than the one Amaryllis had stuck with a bunch of wires, there weren’t any undead left.

“Is that it?” I asked.

Amaryllis casually stabbed her puppet in the back, then let it fall to the ground. “I suppose so. You should finish that one off, it’s starting to stand up.”

I moved up to the draugr before me, stepped on the haft of its axe to stop it from raising it, then bonked it hard on the head again. The undead started to turn to dust a moment later.

I paused, taking a deep breath. “Whoa, I’m pooped,” I said.

On the podium behind me, Carrot was pretty much working alone against the boss. She still had a bunch of energy left, if the way she juked and danced was any indication, and she was using that to bug the draugr lord between delivering heavy blows. The other buns were relaxing a little and watching the spectacle.

Doing a dungeon when you were so much stronger felt almost like cheating.

“They didn’t just train in this dungeon, right?” I asked Amaryllis.

“I doubt it. I don’t know what classes they have, but this place gives me the impression that it would push them more towards an undead class of some sort or another. I figure they train in a few dungeons.”

I nodded. That made sense. The buns were strong, really strong. Well, these buns were. Maybe the ones in Hopsalot weren’t quite on their level, but somehow I doubted that all of the guard buns were much weaker.

Carrot landed the final blow, an axe kick that ended with her heel crushing the draugr lord’s head into the ground with a dull thwump that made the whole mausoleum rumble.

“Done!” Carrot cheered.

I clapped. “Nice work!”

My friends slumped a bit, and honestly, I felt like joining them. I had a few muscles that were on the sore side, and even though we’d had lunch and such not too long ago, I was ready for another snack. Maybe some water too. It was fairly warm in the room, what with all the torches, and my armour was sticking to me in all the yuckiest ways.

I didn’t want to use up too much mana, so I kept it down to a low simmer across my whole body. It at least got rid of some of the ash clinging to me.

“Well done everyone,” Momma said. “Peter, could you grab that key? I think we’ll take a breather, then keep on moving. I would like to end all of this in a timely manner.”

“Awa,” Awen complained as she flopped down onto the steps leading up to the boss’s coffin. “I don’t know if I can take more of this. I’m tired all over.”

I trudged over next to her and sat down too. We used each other’s shoulders as places to rest. “It’s okay,” I said. “Think of all the experience we’re gaining.”

I think that clued Mister Menu in, because I got a happy little ding just after saying so.

Ding! Congratulations, you have shoveled fourteen (14) Servant of the Draugr Lord of Newbinning, level 13, off the mortal coil! Bonus Exp was granted for entrenching a monster above your level! EXP reduced for fighting as a group!

I leaned forwards just a little, expecting the next message. Mister Menu didn’t disappoint.

Bing Bong! Congratulations, your Cinnamon Bun Bun class has reached level 12!
Health + 5
Resilience +5
You have gained: One Class Point

I nodded and leaned forwards a little, even as the slow tingle of a level up started to grow in my tummy.

Bing Bong! Congratulations, your Wonderlander class has reached level 4!
Health +5
Resilience +5
You have gained: One Class Point
You have gained: One Class Skill Slot

Yes! I whooped and pulled Awen into a tight-tight hug.

She laughed and returned the hug. “I got a level up too,” she said. “Still nothing for my Glass Mage.”

“That’s because you’re not using it enough,” Amaryllis sniffed most haughtily. She looked flushed and happy though, so I guessed she’d gone up a level or two as well.

“I think I’m at the same level as you,” I said to my harpy friend.

“Really now?” she asked. I could read that glimmer in her eyes. She was thinking very competitive thoughts.

I nodded, which coincidentally had me rubbing my cheek atop Awen’s head. “Yeah. And when we met I was a few levels lower. I think maybe you’re a bit slow.” I giggled at the look she gave me, like someone who really had to use a washroom.

“We’ll see about that,” she huffed.

Mister Menu had more good news for me.

Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Way of the Mystic Bun skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!
Rank C Costs one Class Point!

That was really nice. As soon as I got my Cleaning to the next rank, that was the skill I’d invest in.

Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Archeology skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!
Rank E is a Free Rank!

And that was a skill I’d nearly forgotten I had. It was a cool skill, but for the moment not one that was all that useful.

Archeology - Rank E
The Ability to find and discover long lost secrets. Your ability to uncover the long-forgotten truth has grown sharper.

Neat, and I bet it would be awesome at higher ranks, but for now, it was a strange skill to have. Well, I wouldn’t complain.

“Mister Menu, can I see my stats page, please?” I asked the air.

“Are you talking to... the World?” Amaryllis asked. “Are you a child?”

“At heart I am, yes,” I said.

I was progressing along nicely! A bit more effort and Cleaning would be at Rank S! I couldn’t wait to see what that would do.

“Are you girls ready to head out?” A voice from above asked.

I tilted my head back until my ears booped someone’s knees and looked up into Carrot’s wide, inquisitive eyes. “Yeah, I think so,” I said. “This wasn’t the final boss, right?”

“Nope! Three more floors. Well, two, then the final boss,” she said. “But don’t worry. This boss is the most annoying one. He does drop nice loot!”

I bounced to my feet, then helped Awen up. “Show us the loot!”

The loot, as it turned out, was not as impressive as I’d expected from Carrot. There was a sword. Short and surprisingly plain. That was from one of the draugr. It was a very viking-y sword. Not my sort of thing, and no one in my group seemed that keen on it.

A breastplate, one that was a bit rusty already. A hat with some horns, but it only gave the Plunder skill when I tried it on. Not my thing. And, the item dropped by the boss itself. It was long, made of bright steel with delicate engravings. The end had a bejeweled cap that sparkled in the torch light.

“What is it?” I asked as I poked the... thing.

“It’s a snuffer,” Amaryllis said. “For extinguishing torches and lamps.”

I blinked. “It’s a very fancy snuffer,” I said. “But, um, why?”

The buns only had shrugs in reply. “We mostly use the steel for nails and some armour and such,” Buster said. “It’s fairly good material.”

“I have a very nice bed lamp made from about a dozen of those little caps all arranged together,” Momma said. “It’s quite pretty.”

“Well okay then,” I said. I supposed no matter how shiny and jewel-encrusted something was, if it didn’t have a use, then it wasn’t worth all that much at the end of the day. “Are we heading over to the next floor now?” I asked.

There was some easy agreement at that, and so the whole lot of us left the mausoleum as a group. It had been a tough fight, but all in all, not really that much of a challenge. I probably shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I expected a little... more, somehow.

Oh well. I told myself it was for the best. It did show that I needed to practice a bit more, and that I still had a long way to go until I was as strong as someone like Bastion or the buns.

The next wall had a big gate in it, one with a padlock by its middle. I supposed that the key from the boss was meant to unlock that, but it really wasn’t necessary.

The gate, made of wood reinforced by thick metal bands, was torn asunder, with a huge root poking through and leaving a passage more than wide enough for any one of us to wiggle through.

“Well, that was a waste,” Carrot said.

Peter nodded. “Feels like it. I should have scouted ahead.”

“Nothing for it,” Momma said. “Now, what should we be expecting on the other side?”

“Dead Knights, Dread Knights, and at the very end,” Peter said. “The last boss of this old dungeon. The Dreaded Dead Knight.”

I giggled, which earned me a stern look from the ninja-bun. “He’s a formidable opponent.”

Carrot joined in my laughter.

It only got worse when Peter grumbled and Momma pat him consolingly between the ears. “There, there,” she said.

It was to the sound of inappropriate giggles that we moved onto the final floors of this strange, dead dungeon.