I would see Lissa again on Wednesday at our second class session, which had two less students on our side and three less on the other side (no one I knew). Let the attrition begin…

Lissa crept closer to chat with me during breaks and before class but she enjoyed the back row too much to give it up, same with me for the middle. The second class involved a lot of theoretical discussion, some accounts (in both written and video form) of the experience of the imitation device as well as plenty of precautionary notices, and a lot about “gender politics” as well as terms which verged on the abstract.

Not to say they weren’t explained but the explanations spiraled into other definitions which even seemed to cycle back on themselves. I leaned against the cushioned wall and lazily jotted down notes. It wasn’t till towards the end of the long discussion that it was revealed we didn’t even need to remember most of this but to rather just “keep it in mind” to help with our self-studies. It also meant we would have several more turns at gender sociology and explorations of outside cultures, enclaves, and other preexisting frames that scientists tried to apply to the Kinrae.

For me, I let it all be absorbed as I sat. Actually, that was a bit too optimistic. I let the words bounce around and off me. Students beside me were religiously taking precise notes in shorthand about everything said, discussed, or pointed out in the text (which wasn’t required yet for discussion but mine was in the mail from the online bookstore).

I still had the tickle of a cough left over from the morning. I often got that because my mouth felt strangely dry when I woke up. It would usually pass with breakfast but not this time. I hoped it didn’t mean anything. This was too early in a class quarter for getting sick, although no time was convenient. The end of the session before Christmas break was the worst but I managed to hold it off and only catch a cold for a few days. Allison dressed up as a satin Santa and made hot soup for me.

A couple long sips from my water helped reassure me that it was nothing. Still, I considered canceling Thursday with Lissa because I didn’t want to get her or Quilla sick. At the end of class, she scoffed at the idea, threatening me with mega-doses of Vitamin C.

Thankfully, my cough passed as the day went along, likely intimidated by Lissa’s piercing gaze.

Thursday worked out perfectly because Malcolm was staying home after classes, Allison had grocery shopping and a long shift at the bath and body store where she…he worked part-time, and Clayton had a meet-up with a friend in the military who promised to sell him “materials” which no one could purchase elsewhere. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or terrified. But my evening was wide open.

I took the bus in front of the college across town to where Lissa lived. I admired the new theater at my stop, I’d never had a chance to go and the prices were out of my range but I’d heard plenty about the plush seats, fancy foods, and late showings with a wide range of microbrews served during the independent, arthouse fare. I’d heard about nothing else during my film history course a quarter ago.

All the restaurants were unfamiliar to me, opened since the revitalization of this side of town. I smiled at the candy store and lingered at the frozen yogurt shop. A band tuned up in front of a high-end restaurant with pipes snaking on the ceiling and a line out the door. I passed a Chinese restaurant I remembered visiting long ago with...family. The owner was a kindly old lady who always called me “big boy”. Her food was greasy but amazing. The place had passed through at least a dozen hands since then. I felt a pulse of melancholy about how many things were different now.

I gazed at the new museum down the way which I’d only visited once. I watched the people coming and going from the county library. It was just another street up and over to Lissa’s house. Her area wasn’t too old. The park her house faced was one of the nicest in the area with a large soccer field and a scenic view of the lower valley. I stopped a moment to gawk before heading the rest of the way.

Like all the houses in the tract, Lissa’s one-story house had various tones of earthen-brown with white trim and terra cotta roof tiles. The front walkway was the longest on the block, with enough room for several wicker chairs and plants. I just needed to knock once before she answered, waving at me and pushing a drink in a plastic cup into my hands. It smelled fruity but non-alcoholic.

Lissa noticed my sniffing and remarked, “It’s just punch. We can be a little more adventurous when Quilla has gone to bed. For now, the burgers.” I left my shoes by the door and followed Lissa into the kitchen, where Quilla was seated at the table. She wore a dark-purple ninja outfit that covered her body and most of her face. Her long, auburn locks spilled out the back.

Quilla who, if my mental count was right, had to be five by now, waved covertly at me and said softly, “Hi, Sean…I am veggie ninja.”

I glanced at Lissa, who sipped from her own cup of punch. She went over to the stove, where plumes of smoke billowed out, and turned the burgers. I noticed they looked unusual.

Lissa served out a “veggie” burger for Quilla and a “buffalo” burger for herself. “Veggie” fries and normal, potato ones came next. I decided to go with the same thing Lissa was having, which she cooked up medium for me.

I had to wonder about the genesis of all this. The food was easily explained by Lissa working at a health food store. She added, “Employee discount on clearance items. It’s good for a bit but then no one will buy it if it gets too close to the date. It’s still good and even better at half-price, especially with what we usually charge.”

I got a bit of soy cheese over the patty and a whole-grain bun. It definitely wasn’t the sort of thing I would usually eat but it worked. Quilla had to peel back her mask for her burger. She started it with combat gusto, slicing with her teeth. Then, slowly, her enthusiasm waned. She looked at it with a sour expression, sighed, and solemnly said, “Veggie ninja quits.”

Lissa rested her hand on her chin and pronounced, “And so ends the brief-but-storied adventures. I would hope veggie ninja retired will still respect the honor of fresh veggies…”

Quilla bowed her head. “Aye…but veggie ninja no like burger veggie.”

By sleight of hand, Lissa produced a burger for Quilla which was more to her liking. She kicked her legs up under the table and leaned back in her chair with a smile. I couldn’t help but smile too.

At this point in the meal, I was clued into the whole veggie ninja thing. It was part something from a book Quilla read and part something Lissa had encouraged on her own. An assassin who consumed all vegetables with her force of will. Or at least those veggies not in burger form. When she was done, Quilla hopped up and set about cleaning her plate in the sink. Then she bowed to me and said, “I am needed in the Kingdom of Veggie, Sean! Namaste!” And she was gone.

Lissa swirled her punch and noted, “I’m working on what it’ll be next. She’s still well into pirates but I think a mix of science and magic might be fun. She thinks she can put a bit of stuff, like a clock, inside building blocks and give it the right shape and it becomes a robot. Next Christmas, she’s definitely getting a real robot kit like I’ve seen online.”

All I could do was lean back and say, “She’s really amazing. I can’t even remember myself at that age.”

Raising an eyebrow, Lissa asked, “Really? You don’t remember being six?”

Off by a year. I sighed. I remembered I was six but there wasn’t much I could pick out of it. It wasn’t a fun time in my life. I told Lissa as much. Family. My health growing up. Monetary troubles. I tried not to think too much of the time before I moved in with my uncle.

Lissa laid her hands on the table. “That sucks. But then my childhood wasn’t exactly fun either. And my teen years didn’t get better. And then I just barreled into Michael at the end of them.” She gave a wry smirk. I dipped my fries and ate slowly. I wasn’t sure what to offer. She cleared her throat and quipped, “Well, that was a dumb thing for me to say. How about we talk about religion next?”

I bowed my head and assured her, “It’s fine. I know that Michael is still on your mind. I just…I just want you to know I didn’t feel intimidated by him, despite all the stuff he said to me.” And it was a lot.

Lissa twirled a fry. “I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I mean I was always intimidated by him, like a moth drawn by a flame. It just took too long for me to realize our extremes didn’t balance out by being together. They just got worse. And it’s over and he’s happy and I am so very happy, and I have Quilla. But…”

She groaned and remarked, “This is becoming laying-stuff-on-my-friend therapy, isn’t it?” I shrugged and assured her I didn’t mind. She continued, “I’ve taken to yelling ‘asshole’ under my breath when I get irritated. The only swear I can’t get mom mode to suppress for me. It’s too cathartic. But Quilla knows it’s not a word for her, it’s a word for mom. And she’s also figured it’s a word about Michael because she’ll reflexively ask if it’s about ‘dad’.”

Between her words, Lissa offered to cook something else if I was still hungry. I asked for a few more fries to keep her occupied. By the time they were ready, she put the question to me, “Am I a bad mom for making Michael like that for her?” It wasn’t a question I could answer but I let Lissa talk till she seemed to come to an ending.

After that, I asked her, “You said you’re both happier. All happier. Right?”

She nodded and I held out my hand. She shrugged and remarked, “But I’m still worried that I’m fudging up Quilla. I love my daughter. I know Michael will support her, but he never really was interested in her. But what’s gonna happen? I mean I barely know jack…I’ve proven that in so many ways to so many people…” She trailed off and pressed her lips together.

I leaned across the table and told her clearly, “I’ve come to visit all these times and I know it would be completely fantastic to have you for a mom if I were in Quilla’s shoes.”

I dunno if I said the right thing but Lissa relaxed a bit and seemed to let her worries slide as she announced, “And now for an absolute non-sequitur…what kind of boobs would you prefer as an anime girl?”

I offered up a grimace, but Lissa wouldn’t take that for an answer. So, I asked her, “What happened to Quilla’s war against salt?”

She swiftly replied, “It’s still in progress but the ninja thing captivated her today. Plus, veggies keep her away from the ‘evils’ of salt and whatnot. And ninja powers allow her to hide away from shakers. So, what about your future boobs?”

I thought about the posters I had on my walls. Some, I didn’t want to look like. Not that it would matter, since we were tied to whatever the appearances were of the volunteers recorded in the device. I gave this for my answer.

Lissa snorted and waved a hand. “Yeah yeah…but…if you had any choice? Tell me your ideal.” Her expression was calm, and her eyes seemed genuinely curious. She wasn’t asking to tease me. Well, just to tease me. I was able to keep myself from stammering and held my head down, but I couldn’t delay answering forever.

“Well, first of all, there’s a lot of things to take into consideration. I mean, I don’t know what my feelings will be to what seems like a good idea in my head when I’m wearing it as a body. I think…mostly, if I’m going to be altered by the thing then I want to make sure that it’s clear I’m changed and there’s no confusion.”

With a nod, Lissa parsed that as, “You don’t want to just look like a girly boy like your roommate. Got it. So big enough to show but you don’t sound like you want to be flashy about it…then you definitely don’t want to be as big as my friend from work who does inventory.”

I wasn’t sure who Lissa meant but that didn’t keep her from continuing, “Oh and by the way, that reminds me, same friend posted her boobs in various ways on a photo feed because random, risqué comments amuse her. Then, one day, she found out that news sites and even one TV network had used one of the cleaner images as a stock photo for breast-reduction surgery. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be annoyed. So just be careful what you put out there if you’re into posting photos online….once you start using the device.”

The thought never really occurred to me. I had a few photos online, but they were mostly event photos for friends and stuff for my uncle to see when I didn’t get a chance to call him. Still, I acknowledged Lissa’s warning and promised to “be careful”. She gave me a motherly nod and then smirked, asking again, “So...these ‘not too much but enough to show’ boobs of yours…what will they be like?”

I hadn’t gotten out of her question. I sighed and figured I would have to resort to hand motions. I cupped myself while clearing my throat and stretched my hands out slightly. I had no idea what I was doing but I made sure not to stretch out too far and make myself look like a perv.

Lissa shrugged and offered, “For me…I’m gonna at least try on the biggest fun buns I can manage with the best figure. Then I’ll work on what feels comfortable from there, but I figure I’ll upsize myself a little bit.” I didn’t have any problems with how Lissa’s chest looked. It took me a moment to find the words, “You look lovely as you are.”

That earned a little flick of the tongue from Lissa and a recount of the details of what happens to parts of the female body after pregnancy, capped by, “I like my body. My body’s trials are me but why not slip into something else for a while and see how it feels?”

I agreed with her and offered that was what I was getting out of it as well. Which wasn’t what I said to Allison, but Lissa was satisfied with that answer.

From there, the games portion of the night started without much prelude. A few card games. A boardgame. And finished off with a matching word game with a short bout of two truths and a lie, which was mostly about ways Lissa could mess around with me and I could completely flounder at fibbing. Quilla came in towards the end with her purple top and jeans. She denied being a ninja but let slip in coded messages that she was undercover as a little girl. She looked cute with her long hair tied back and resting like a little crinkly, furry pet across her shoulders.

Her blue eyes were so calmly wide that they made me think of the Kinrae and matched well with the subtle orange of her hair. She had Michael’s chin, which looked better on her than him, but she had all of Lissa’s coy mannerisms and cleverness in her gaze. She beat me at a few rounds with compelling stories.

When the games were done, Lissa unveiled a horror DVD title I didn’t know, rented from a nearby supermarket kiosk. Quilla begged to stay up to see it. I knew that Lissa let her watch all sorts of scary movies but this one looked to be quite inappropriate for her age.

We made our way over to the living room with the huge, consuming corduroy couch in front of Lissa’s big TV. She had an over-air antenna, but no cable box and I knew she had a few video streaming services connected through a small device to the side. Lissa got cable for Quilla for a time just because she was curious but, as Lissa told me, Quilla couldn’t stand it.

Quilla camped out on the floor with the blanket off her bed wrapped around her and a big, plush bear behind her head. Lissa and I had a blanket of our own. I settled into one end of the couch and Lissa the other with the blanket spread over us. I sipped a bit of sparkling water while Lissa nursed a soda. We had the lights off with only some spill light from Quilla’s room down the hall and a small light in the kitchen. The light of the screen tinted the walls behind us.

It only took ten minutes before Quilla decided the movie was not for her and she stealthily snuck out of the showing in full ninja mode. Not too long after that, the vodka came out. I let Lissa take the first round by herself and then shared in a nice mixed drink which wasn’t too heavy.

The movie itself was definitely not the best thing I’d ever seen. Although it had a budget and a few actors I recognized. Lissa got in a few predictive quips about which characters would be the first to die. I placed my bet on the plucky, chubby jokester.

Some parts of the movie reminded me of an alien invasion film I’d seen a while ago with Allison. That one was the most unabashed “be afraid of the Kinrae” propaganda I’d ever seen. This was at least better than that. I mentioned this to Lissa, who’d seen it too, and she immediately got the giggles.

She quoted one of the lines, “What is the true color of freedom!? We must not give in to the brightness hiding in darkness cloaked in a lie of friendship!” And then we were off. The film we were watching filtered to the background as better dialogue came out of us during a gun battle and a scene after.

“I’m gonna paint your rear with freedom! And bullets! Freedom bullets!”

“You better watch out! I’m slowly dragging myself towards you! Cower in fear of my crawling!”

“Trees! I hate trees! I won’t stop shooting until all the trees are dead! GAAAAH!”

“Actually, these strange monsters are responsible for famine in Africa…so they are worse than us but no…please continue your message about the evils of humanity.”

“Darn…I need to say that again and louder!…I didn’t spray enough sweat and manliness all over the walls!”

The gratuitous explosions made it hard to keep up with anything remaining of the horror elements. I figured Lissa would’ve just clicked it off at that point, but it was campy enough to keep going. Another round of drinks helped to make it more tolerable as well.

I didn’t notice it till halfway through the film, but we had each drifted from our respective ends of the couch towards one another. Not close enough to touch but it was obvious. It helped with passing drinks and the middle of the couch was more comfortable than the ends. I smelled an orange and floral fragrance on Lissa which was wafting towards me. I looked towards Quilla’s room. The door was closed.

During a dull part of the film, Lissa went to get some pita crackers and hummus. Both were just spicy enough to be interesting. When she sat back down, she did so right next to me. I could feel a little of her warmth.

Part of me was wondering if I should be taking a hint, at the same time I was concerned about Quilla for all the reasons Lissa had mentioned to me. As well, I liked Lissa a lot, but I didn’t want to cross a line, especially with all the other feelings I had balanced in my head. Of course, I had no idea how to express this to Lissa and I didn’t want to do something like spring for the edge of the couch. As sweat was starting to accumulate around my neck, I missed Lissa’s hand reaching out towards me.

My eyes widened as her hand loomed before my face and she suddenly…beeped my nose. With a chuckle, she gave me a hug and said, “You’re adorable! Can’t wait to see how you’ll look as a Kinrae.”

She retreated to a comfortable dip in the couch and I found one nearby myself. And that was it.

The film was long enough that by the time we got to the third act I could hear Lissa slowly snoring with her head dipped back and her mouth collecting an edge of drool. My eyes were bleary, and I kept blinking for a long time. Even a pitched action piece couldn’t wake Lissa and it only made me dart my eyes open for short spells.

Before I knew it, the credits were scrolling past with some gothic, breathy ballad playing. I nudged Lissa and she eventually cleared her throat and sat up. Checking the time revealed it was kinda late for the bus. Rubbing at her eyes, Lissa offered to drive me back to my house. I considered her offer, but I’d stayed over on the couch on movie and game night more than once (although often with Michael hovering around).

Before anything else, Lissa checked up on Quilla and made sure she was ready for bed. I passed the time with the extras on the DVD and checking out how the film ended (it wasn’t worth it).

Lissa offered me a pillow and the blanket was already on the couch. I took a quick shower and changed into my same clothes. Lissa followed me and changed into a lovely pair of soft, TARDIS-covered flannel pants and a blue tank-top. She blew her nose a few times, rubbed at her even more disheveled hair, and told me, “Sleep well. I can offer you some breakfast in the morning, but I’ll be driving Quilla to school so you might be better off with the bus, unless you’re willing to wait.”

I told her, “We’ll see in the morning.”

She gave me a quick wave of her hand and headed off to her bedroom. I eased into the couch and flicked off the light next to me. The calm of the house was what always surprised me, and it was even more noticeable with Michael gone. My uncle’s house, despite its relative stillness, had a nighttime trickle of sounds either from my night-owl uncle puttering about or the rafters settling from the heat of the day. And the campus house always held the sound of some roommate awake at some hour.

The stillness pounded in my head a bit, so I tried to wind down with random thoughts. I still had no clear notion of what I would do for clothing when I got the imitation device. That was actually something I should’ve pondered with Lissa; she might at least get some amusement from it. I knew the device had default clothing from the volunteer. I could buy clothing, but it would be regular cloth and not anime-type stuff. Then my mind went to a memory of shops that tried to replicate the pastel look of the Kinrae to sell clothes to them. I wondered if any of those were still in business.

My thoughts that followed were a blur as I finally found the buzz of a bug zapper filtering from a neighboring house to listen to as I drifted off to sleep.

I had a dream about the sea, rich foam kicking up with each wave. I figured I was on a beach, but I didn’t see it. The waves crested higher and higher, splashing where I was. I began to feel a pull each time the wave drew back even though I didn’t feel like I was standing in the water. I slipped deeper and deeper into the sea. It slid around and past me. It enveloped me until it felt like it had consumed me.

I woke with Quilla staring at me from the table in front of the couch. She had on her school clothes with the ninja mask from last night. I yawned and she darted back. I tried to say, “Good morning” but it was muffled by my raw throat into a vague growl. Quilla gasped and darted away. I tried to sit up, but I was more content just slumping back into the couch. Nice, warm couch. Big and comfortable.

A minute later, Lissa was looming above me with a smirk on her face and her arms folded. She was dressed almost as nicely as when she went to class. I liked her hat. It reminded me of a cross between a flapper girl hat and some kind of a fedora with a glossy, gray look. I muttered about her hat until she snorted her amusement and said, “Try it on.”

The hat dropped across my face, bringing back night. I puffed at it to push it off, but it stubbornly remained. With a weak groan, I couldn’t muster the energy to lift an arm to pluck it off, so I let it stay. The smell of Lissa’s perfume coated my nose. It tickled but I didn’t sneeze.

I could hear that she was still amused but she just walked away, back to the kitchen from the sound of it. Echoes of clinking silverware and plastic cups on the table. If I wanted breakfast, all I had to do was lift myself out of the couch. Such a small thing but I couldn’t gather the will.

Half-sleep drifted back to me. I couldn’t be sure what I was imagining and what was real. I was sure I heard Lissa singing a song about ninjas. Something was steaming. Then quick feet. I could tell Quilla stopped to look at me even as she picked up a heavy bag.

Suddenly, the light flashed in my eyes as Lissa plucked the hat off my face and replaced it on her head. She quipped, “Thanks for keeping it warm. If you want breakfast, there’s something in the microwave. If you leave, remember to lock the door. I won’t be back for a while. Or just sleep…lucky bug.”

I offered a wave and grunted to clear my throat. Part of me wanted to be cooler than I was. Be up and about and chatting with the both of them. But my eyes were so heavy that even the lingering scents of breakfast couldn’t lift me out of the deep, warm couch cushions.

Quilla left with her heavy little blue backpack dragging behind her. Lissa shut the door and locked it. I sighed to myself.

A look at the clock told me it wasn’t as late as I worried and a check of a window told me the sun was only threatening, not at full bloom. It took me ten minutes to nudge myself up from the warm pit and into a sitting position on the couch. Trying to extract myself from the blanket was even harder. I folded it up and made my way to the bathroom.

Aside from a morning dog barking and the occasional pass of a car on the street, everything was still. After a trip to the bathroom, I stopped by Quilla’s room and pushed open the door. I’d seen her room once before when she was showing off all her books. It was more organized than any kid’s room had any right to be. She had a drawing table and a stuffed animals table and an area for all the little toys and trinkets she’d made on her own. Her costumes were on something like a hat rack to one side of the room. Everything was so girly. I could never imagine that kind of room growing up.

At the end of the hall was the master bedroom. Lissa’s bedroom. What used to be Michael’s office was just opposite it and looked to be in a state of transition. I peered into Lissa’s bedroom with no intent to go inside. It was nice. She’d already made her bed. She had an improvised bookshelf to one side and a long closet area and a black table in the corner. Curiosity drew my attention to the black table. I could see a photo album opened in the middle of it.

I approached the album and noticed it was on a set of photos from Michael and Lissa’s wedding. A picture of Lissa laughing as she sliced through the cake. Michael stood stoically beside her. Another with them kissing, Lissa’s arms wrapped around Michael’s neck. She had her eyes closed, his were open. I glanced quickly past a random photo of Lissa in a satin, black dress and lying on a bed, making a suggestive motion towards the camera.

I turned around. For a quick moment, I feared that Lissa would be standing there with a disapproving look on her face, sternly telling me to leave. She didn’t arrive till after I’d eaten lukewarm hash browns with a bit of scrambled eggs and ham and had a long drink of orange juice.

She stretched her arms in the hallway and looked at me seated at the couch. Her first question was, “Did you like the black dress?”

I drew my legs back, which I already knew was too much of a tell. She chuckled and admitted, “I know how much you like to look around. And wasn’t it rather obviously left open?”

That earned her a little pout from me. She went to the bedroom and returned with the album under her arm. She settled right next to me and opened it to a random page. She added, “Hope you liked breakfast. And so far as this…yeah, I was looking through it. It wasn’t just there to be tempting.”

I opened my mouth to find words like, “I’m sorry” but Lissa wasn’t interested. She pointed out all the embarrassing photos, such as her sweating like crazy on a family trip when Quilla was a baby. I noticed she dug her nails across Michael’s solemn face. She finished by flipping towards the end and pointing out a photo she had of me. I didn’t know she’d taken it.

She explained it was last year’s summer barbecue under the stars. There were several family friends along with me. She snapped the photo as I was glancing towards a group of her girlfriends seated under Quilla’s tree. Lissa traced my face and looked me in the eye.

She said simply, “I’m adding a picture of you as an anime girl as soon as I can. I know you’ll be smiling because I’m only adding smiling pictures to this book from now on.”

There was so much inside my head I could’ve said, might’ve said, but none of my words would’ve been as clear as what I told Allison. My heart racing in my ears, I told her, “I’m in love with…being an anime girl.”

I didn’t mean that pause but I could feel it as I spoke. Lissa’s eyes turned to me and she was silent for a clear moment before answering, “And you’ll make a lovely one. And so will I.” She turned to a set of blank pages. “This is where all our anime girl pictures are going to go. So, you better get ready, girl.” She gave me a wink which eased my tension and let me share in a calm smile.