Zzzzzz… zzzz… zzz- *WHAP*

Fena growled in frustration as the horsefly mysteriously slipped through her fingers yet again. It was a crafty little bugger; far cleverer than its brethren of mosquitos and gnats who made up for their stupidity in sheer number.  

“Godsdamned-” 

*WHAP* 

“What the HELL!!”

Fena’s temperamental grey mare, Eselin, twitched her ears in irritation and yanked her head from side to side. She was in just as foul a mood as her rider; the dust and sweat from the sweltering heat had baked themselves into a nasty hair cake in her mane, and the swarm of flies gorged themselves on the edge of her eyes and nose. 

To be fair, they had plenty of other reasons to be grumpy. The caravan of carriages had been travelling for just over a week and was already three days behind schedule, thanks to its precious charge. Fena had known plenty of spoiled, foul tempered and selfish children before, but if they were handing out prizes the Princess would have won them all. Whenever it was Fena’s turn to ride in the princess’ carriage, the girl would do literally nothing but complain. She whined endlessly, about how the weather was too hot, too cold, too humid or too breezy. The maids were always lazy and the guards were always useless. She even had the nerve to complain about the other mercenaries to Fena’s face, and no doubt complained about Fena to her co-workers when it was their turn in the carriage. 

Once the Princess grew tired of that, she would whine endlessly about how selfish and rude her friends were. According to her, their goodbyes were bland and uninspired, and they probably only wanted to be friends with her for her money. Privately Fena agreed with this last assessment - it was highly unlikely anyone would want to be friends with this girl.  

The Princess’s whining would inevitably turn into ‘breaks’ that stretched on for ages. Even Rosewell’s pleading and the groans of every single other person in the procession could not stop her; the ‘breaks’ could number anywhere between five to ten a day, each one eating into their schedule like the princess wolfing down the cake she was served. The hot sun didn’t help matters either; they had spent the last three days travelling through open fields of wheat without a single cloud in the sky. A sight beautiful at first, but quickly grew awful as the heatstroke began to set in.

And as if matters weren't already bad enough, Fena's period decided that now was the perfect time to come knocking. Her’s tended to be somewhat irregular, and the poor timing meant she found herself constantly having to shoving new rags down her pants every time they stopped. At the very least the Princess’s ‘breaks’ helped in this regard, but the nasty cramps combined with her saddle sores made for a Fena who was fully prepared to kill anything that even looked at her the wrong way. 

 

 

zzzzZZZzzz...zzzzZZzzz...zzZZZZZzz- *WHAP*  “Fuck!”

“Ferdorald,” groaned Fena. The Crow was currently seated behind her, sunning itself above Eselin’s tail and carefully ignoring her. 

“Ferdorald… Ferdorald!”

“...”

“Or was it Fedora? Fedora?”

“That’s not my name!” exploded the Crow.

“So? It’s close enough.”

“Why you-! You do realize I’m your only friend right?!” came its indignant response from behind. 

“Ha, so that’s what you call it.”

“Wha-?! What else would you call me then?!”

“Hmmm…” Fena paused, seriously contemplating it for a moment. “Stalker? Do you want me to call you that?”

“Seriously?! No!! Call me-” The Crow stopped. “Oh hell, why do I even bother…” 

Fena shrugged, disinterested. “Can’t you eat some of these hell-spawn flying around?”

The Crow stared up at Fena’s back, giving her a stink eye she couldn’t see. 

“What am I, a fly swatter? No thank you.”

“Don’t Crows eat practically anything? I’ve seen you pluck eyeballs out of week old corpses.”

The Crow sniffed, turning its beak into the air. “I have standards.”

“You’re bloody useless,” Fena snapped back as she tried to swat another fly out of the air. 

They were riding at the very front of the caravan, nearly a hundred feet ahead of everyone else. Fena had little patience for the mindless chatter and snickering of the other adventurers, mostly directed at her and the mercenaries. Not that being alone with her thoughts up here was much better.

 

A few moments of silence passed, broken only by Fena’s occasional swearing and fruitless slaps.

“Y’know, you call me useless but I kinda feel like that’s a bit unfair. Where would you be without me?” eventually asked the Crow. It fluttered its wings and hopped up onto her shoulder, tilting its head to get a better look at Fena’s face. 

Fena didn’t answer, but her frown darkened.  

“‘Cause as far as I can tell, we’re heading right back into the lion’s mouth without a plan, without allies and without even a clue of what we’re trying to accomplish.” The Crow nipped Fena’s ear, drawing a drop of blood as it did so. “And when we end up trapped in a dungeon being experimented on for the rest of our lives, it’ll be your fault.”

“I. Know.” Fena practically snarled in response. “But what do you want me to do? Turn my back on those kids? Pretend they don’t exist while they suffer the way I did? Even if I don’t have a plan right now, it’s better than ignoring them. Besides, you’re the one who rushed me into this! If I had more time then-”

“Oh, no. No, nonono. Don’t pin this on me sweetheart.” The Crow’s voice rose sharply in irritation. “This was your choice, and I’m just pointing out all of the flaws in your genius master plan. Such as, the fact that it doesn’t exis-!!” Its voice cut off with a squawk as Fena’s hand shot up and seized the Crow by the neck. She shook it, her expression twisted into one of fury. 

“What the hell are you talking about?!! I may not have a clue about what I’m doing but you’re not a damned spectator!! All you do is whine and complain, but you never help! Not until it's convenient!!”

Fena’s grip unconsciously tightened as she spoke, her hand squeezing the Crow’s neck as it squawked. But just when it seemed about to break, the Crow suddenly slipped from her grasp as if it had turned to putty. It slid between her fingers and reformed to the Crow’s normal shape so quickly that Fena would have thought she was insane if she hadn’t been holding it. One moment it was in her hand, the next seated on Eselin’s mane in front of her.  

As she stared at it in shock, it gave her a look full of pity. Its head shook sadly as it spoke.

“I really wish you could see that I’m just trying to help. I know your issues; better than you know them yourself. I’m not a magic bird- I can’t give you the answers. All I can do is tell you when you’re making a mistake.”

Fena dipped her gaze, her head rapidly cooling as she realized what she had done. Yet again, she lashed out violently. Hot shame replaced hot anger as she cursed herself. 

“Why do you keep pushing people away? Do you not want help?”

Fena refused to raise her gaze. 

“No… it's because you know the truth. You know you hurt anyone who gets too close. But it’s okay.”

The Crow hopped closer, tilting its head into her line of sight. 

“It’s okay, because I’m here. Nothing can hurt me. I’ll make sure you’re not alone. No matter what happens, I’ll always be the one who stays by your side.”

Fena’s hand trembled as she hesitantly reached out to stroke the Crow’s head. But the bird did not shy away, instead leaning into her touch. 

“I-I-... I know.”

“It’s okay…  ,” it repeated. “Even when everyone else leaves you… you still have me.”

Fena sniffed and hurriedly wiped her eyes as a painful surge of gratitude washed through her. Even though they constantly drove each other crazy, the Crow had never left her. It had been with her since the day her entire world had collapsed out from under her. It was the one thing she hadn’t lost - the only thing that stuck by her side when everyone else had thrown her to the wolves. And despite her endless failings, despite the fact she should have died long ago, it had stayed through everything. She knew she’d be lost without it. 

“Y-yes. Thank you. I, umm… sorry, I just got some dust in my eye…”

The Crow snorted sarcastically. “Suuuuure. Tell you what; I'll scout ahead, see if I can spot anything interesting.”

Fena nodded as she pulled out a handkerchief and blew her nose as the bird fluttered away. But as it left, a sudden and mysterious wave of physical exhaustion washed over Fena. She suddenly felt like she had cried for three days instead of a few seconds, and she found herself tipping ever so slowly forward in her saddle.  

 

“Are you doing alright up here?”

Fena jolted up at the unexpected voice, spinning around to see Antony riding up behind her atop his extremely friendly black warhorse. She hurriedly ducked her head, quickly wiping her face again to make sure there weren’t any remaining tears. The last thing she needed right now was sympathy. 

“What do you want?”

“Just wanted to check in… is your ear bleeding?”

At the reminder Fena quickly wiped off the small amount of blood with the handkerchief and shook her head in dismissal. 

“It’s just a bug bite. See, it’s already healing.”

“Ah… yeah, the flies are really awful. If we had a breeze it would be much better but…” Antony gave her a worried glance. He could sense something was wrong, but wasn’t sure exactly what.

Fena didn’t give him any hints, ignoring his open statement and urging Eselin to walk a little bit faster. Antony did the same, keeping pace with her in silence for a few minutes as he sought a way to start a conversation. 

“Say… umm is everything going okay with you? I can’t help but feel like you’ve been avoiding us over the last few days…”

“I’m fine,” answered Fena in a curt tone.

“Really? Because you seem… upset? Is there something bothering you? Maybe I can help.”

 

Fena looked back at him, annoyance spread out across her face. She didn’t need this interrogation, nor the cheap attempts to win her over. Casual conversation was already a pain, but Antony’s dogged attempts to befriend her were starting to get annoying. Fortunately her time at the Black Kitten had taught her a guaranteed way to get rid of a man’s interest. 

“You really want to know?”

Antony nodded eagerly. 

“I’m on the rag.”

“Huh?” An expression of confusion raced across Antony’s face. “What does that mean?”

“The rag? Strawberry week? I’ve been touched by the crow?” Antony’s confusion only deepened as Fena began listing off euphemisms. “Aunty Flo has come to visit?”

“What, she’s come all the way out here?” He looked around, as if searching for an old woman hiding in the grass. 

Fena sighed. “Really? Period! I’m on my period!”

“O-oh.”

Fena looked away blushing, annoyed that she had to say it explicitly. Menstruation was a topic that was taboo for conversation, even amongst women. It was utterly embarrassing to confess, but at least Antony would be so disgusted with her he’d leave her alone. No-one wanted to be around a woman openly willing to admit her impurities. 

“Sorry to hear that. Umm, do you maybe want to ride in the wagon instead?”

Fena looked back at him in shock, her ears in utter disbelief. Antony looked embarrassed and even a little shy, but nowhere to be found was the anger and disgust she had grown used to. 

“What?” she asked stupidly.

“I just thought, sitting in the saddle all day must be pretty painful. If you like I can lead Eselin while you rest in the carriage.”

“Eh? Y-you’re not disgusted?”

“No?” He looked a little puzzled. “I mean, it's a pretty normal thing for women right?”

Fena continued to stare at him with her mouth hanging open, befuddled by his reaction. It was something she had never even thought possible from a man. 

“Wha- How? How do you even know about them?”

“Ah,” Antony scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well Anweiran cavalcades can get pretty cramped at times, and having grown up with two other sisters I learned pretty quickly how not to piss them off.” He gave an awkward chuckle. “Not to mention Anweiran culture is kind of obsessed with raising a family, so everyone learns about that sort of thing.”

“Hah?!” Now it was Fena’s turn to feel embarrassed. Despite having lived at the Black Kitten for so long, it still felt strange to her to hear a man talk about sex. 

 “Do you mean… what do you mean by that?”

“Oh, well…” Antony scratching moved the base of his horns as his blush deepened slightly. “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but for Anweirans it’s really difficult to have a child. Because of that, in most Cavalcades it's really important to the elders that you get married and start trying for kids as soon as you become an adult. My family had a lot of influence because my mother gave birth to three kids… and my siblings and I were expected to do the same. It’s...kind of why I ended up leaving.”

Fena looked at him in surprise. Despite his embarrassed tone, it was obviously an important topic for him and it lit a spark of curiosity in her. 

“Did you not want to get married?”

“No, I… it’s not like there was a lack of interest but I grew tired of it, you know? The constant nagging, the matchmaking and just the whole social aspect of it all. I love my parents dearly, but they’re not really the smartest people. So why does everyone come to them for guidance on how to repair a wagon wheel? Just because they were really good at having kids, it’s like they’re the experts on everything! It just seems so… stupid to me.”

Fena nodded awkwardly. The idea that fertility determined social status wasn’t a totally alien concept to her; in a lot of ways it was similar to how nobility treated marriage. To them, continuing their family line was the most important thing, and once they had their heir the rest were just spares. But the idea that the quantity of children one had could determine one’s social status definitely felt strange. 

 

“It’s not all bad though,” said Antony, his gaze now wandering over the long grass of the fields surrounding them. His expression looked lonely, almost melancholic. “Children are loved by the whole cavalcade and greatly prized. Families are also quite closely knit; there’s always a huge celebration for every successful birth. It’s a beautiful community. I just… I just wish I could have the choice, y’know? The chance to decide whether I want that life or not.”

Fena nodded again, but more subdued this time. She had given up on that question long ago, and had no answers to offer. 

“Does that mean you’re open to the idea though?”

At this, Antony shrugged. “I don’t know. I won’t lie, I’ve been keeping my eye out for potential… partners, but I already told you that most people just want a quick fling.” He sighed. “As for the people I am attracted to… well I think I have a bit of a saviour complex I have to sort out first.”

“Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places. I’ve met plenty of men interested in long term relationships,” said Fena. “A little too interested,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“What about you then?” A look of intimate curiosity leapt onto his face. “Surely someone has caught your eye at some point.”

Fena’s heart jolted in panic as she spoke. “No, there’s no one. And there never will be.”

“Really? I saw the way you’ve been looking at Anna during the past few days.”

“Anna?” asked Fena, confused. The small round face of the summoner flashed through her mind, causing her face to grow oddly flushed. “What do you mean? She’s a woman.”

“So what? Surely you must have learned about that sort of thing when you stayed at the Black Kitten?” 

Fena’s face grew even more heated as she blushed at his implication. “Certainly not. I’m not interested in that sort of thing anyways- stop laughing! Even if I was, I prefer men!”

Antony cackled from atop his horse, the traces of loneliness long gone from his face. “You certainly are the dishonest type! Well, it’s fine to swing both ways,” he ended with a cheeky wink. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” huffed Fena, but the face of Anna flashed through her mind once again. There was something about the girl’s honest, eager nature that drew Fena to her in a way she couldn’t quite explain. But she refused to admit it was a romantic attraction- that sort of thing was impossible for her after all. Not after what she had been through. 

“She’s just- I don’t know, she just reminds me a bit about myself…”

Antony’s eyebrows rose at this, giving her an expression of absolute disbelief. “Yourself? Cheerful, friendly you?”

Fena swatted at him but she missed as the horses drifted apart. “Not now, idiot. I wasn’t always like this; you wouldn’t recognize me if you had met me five years prior.”

“Oh?” Antony leaned forward, curious. “What were you like then?”

Fena sighed. “Stupid and naive, not to mention far more talkative than I am now.”

“Oh come one, tell me more!”

But Fena merely shook her head in response and urged Eselin into a trot, escaping. Antony also squeezed his legs, trying to keep up.

“That’s not fair! You can’t just tease me like that and run away!”

“I’ve already spilled more than I wanted to! Why do you care anyways!?”

“Well I-” Antony’s words sputtered to a halt as Fena’s horse suddenly stopped. “I just want to get to know you better!”

Fena turned in the saddle to look at him, her face reverting back to a cold expression. “For what purpose? To find a mate? Sorry, but I’m really not interested.” She clicked her tongue again, urging Eselin forward again - but the headstrong horse ignored her this time. 

“N-no… I just want to make friends…" Antony flushed, in frustration and embarrassment. He wasn't lying; he really did want to be her friend, but he couldn't help but feel that there was something more that drew him to Fena's rough and broken personality.  He sighed. “Fena I-”

“Friends?” Fena cut him off. “No. I don’t do friends. It’s a responsibility I have no interest in; at the very most we’re coworkers.”

“Why not? It’s not like you have anything to lose,” asked Antony, puzzled. 

“I have plenty to lose. Time, energy, love, and trust,” Fena’s expression turned dark again as she spoke. “People are inherently selfish. There’s no point in investing in a friendship if they’ll abandon you when things get tough. In the end, the only thing people really care about are themselves. Even this bloody horse has her own priorities.” She clicked her tongue in anger again, kicking and squeezing her legs. But despite her efforts the stubborn animal refused to budge. 

“Come on! Move, you ass!”

Antony sighed. “That’s a ridiculously nihilistic perspective to have… and one I think you know is untrue.”

“It’s served me well enough so far. Now are you going to leave me alone?”

“Fena…”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

"Fena-!"

"Just leave me alone already!"

“No, Fena! Look!”

 

Fena looked up to see Antony staring intently down the road. She followed his gaze, staring until she spotted it; a dark but distinct shape, rustling in the tall grass nearly seventy-five metres ahead. 

She frowned. “What are you fussing about? It's just… a… deer....” 

It was at that moment that Fena realized that Eselin, her fussy, temperamental horse who loved nothing more than to prance about, was standing stock-still, her ears pressed flat against her head. Fena could feel the horse’s muscles quivering in terror; a pure, instinctual terror that overpowered any creature’s logic entirely.  

Fena looked at the deer again, more closely this time. It was difficult to make out at such a distance but as it began moving closer at a strange, jerky pace, Fena began to feel more and more uncomfortable. There was something strangely uncomfortable about it; a certain wrongness that was difficult to describe. But as it grew closer, she was able to make out more and more features. Features that caused her heart to race, her own muscles trembling in fear and anticipation as they remembered an agony they had suffered not so long ago. It was a sight that brought her both overwhelming terror and... the strangest sense of relief. 

The creature that was once a deer turned its head to stare directly at her with red eyes of pure insanity. It opened its jaws to an impossible width, releasing an unholy screech of horror as black bile poured from them.