Part 9 – Finite
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Part 9 - Finite
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Looking down, nothing blocked my view. This doesn't just happen! Tits don't just suddenly disappear.
As I tried to wrap my head around this, I felt a shooting pain in my groin. It was pressing, pulling, and bulging unnaturally. Geez, that felt freaking weird.
My hair was still long but now it seemed crinkly, curly, and much denser than usual. It was also receding and the color was fading. Instead of the full ginger I knew, it was a tinted, rusty-brown.
I heard a quick knock on the front door.
"Is everything okay? Are you there?" Lina's soft voice barely reached me.
Get up! Get up now! But my body didn't move how it was supposed to. It felt vividly raw in some places and numb in others, like I'd scorched all my nerves.
Stumble out of bed! Figure out these legs later! The room whirled and tipped. Push!
I should've been running but I was barely moving from the side of the bed. It was so strange not to feel my tits moving and tugging ever-presently on my collarbone. And then swelling between my legs.
The rug clung to my feet like Velcro. I had to pull them free with each step. Too much to drink. The doorway felt like a looming gatekeeper. I staggered back but braced myself. I was getting to the door, even if it killed me!
I made it around the blockades of furniture but the knocks stopped. Slamming hands-first, I unlocked the deadbolt and wedged it open. It kept sliding back but I saw through the opening to the walkway.
"LINA!" My voice circled four feet in front of me, trapped.
Lina walked away, her head turned. I called as loudly as I could, but my throat was dry and worn. She had to hear me! Please, Lina! Come back.
She receded around a bush, her bright, pink scrubs vanishing into the morning mists.
"COME BACK!"
Gaah! I plopped on the bed, falling like my legs had collapsed from under me. But I'd just tensed and jerked them.
What...on Earth? This was not my bed. It was Babs' bed.
I sat up from the sheets. A throbbing tenderness prodded my left eyebrow. Lina, I'd dreamed about Lina.
But she wasn't here. Nor was Babs. I touched the pillows behind me. Wet but warm. I'd been crying. No, Babs was crying.
My clothes. A normal, blue top and long, gray pants I usually wore to bed. But not in this soft and slightly-scattered bed. Getting up, I wandered around the room. My work clothes were not here but my shoes, keys, and wallet were. I slipped the shoes on and grabbed the rest.
Looking over Babs' living room, my mind reeled. I was here. I pinched my arm hard. It hurt and nothing changed.
I was John Bellmore but, if I trusted a heaping gob of thoughts sitting in my head, I had been Barbara Finnacker. Totally, utterly her in every single way.
Like the wildest, most visceral, consuming dream I'd ever felt. Every moment existed and still persisted in my head. Babs flirting with Greg. Greg waking up as Lina. Going shopping, talking, eating, and hanging out. Working day after day. Lina's pink scrubs. That bum Babs was sure was me. A video game competition. Noontime at the pool. Drinks and tears. A life I felt and knew utterly and totally but had no control over. Like a first-person movie telling someone else's story. I wasn't even a hidden watcher. I was just Babs and now I was me. But I remembered that....all that. Geez...
I had to sit down. No. I had to get out of here. There was another Babs, the real Babs, and this was her home. How could I explain this? I checked to make sure nothing else of mine was somehow left for me and peeked out the door.
Calm, clear morning. Still early. Checking a clock, this still would've been breakfast time for Babs. I set the deadbolt and shut the door behind me. There was no one on the walkway.
Looking around the bushes, I caught sight of my ancient, green sedan parked in a guest spot. How did it get here? The tender spot grew sore thinking about it.
But inside I found my flip phone and every ounce of crap I left inside, like my sleeved tennis racket from college.
I scrolled the black-and-white menu. It was the last Friday of the month. Or someone had set my phone seven days ahead. Checking further soon wiped out that possibility. There were six days I hadn't been a part of. Not even my phone showed any calls during that time. Deep breath...
Nah, forget that. Freak out! I made a bet with Greg that I wouldn't let go of my...drinks and I lost. So I became a...copy of Barbara? Then Greg lost trying to resist a redhead like Babs. Like I...was.
But she did that. She did all that. Right? Geez. This thing. This whole thing. I could easily see her point about bets and who/whatever took charge of them.
But Greg. Had he been returned too or was that Lina still out there? I didn't have to wait long as a cab pulled into a guest spot on the other side of the lot and a familiar blond stepped out.
I slipped out of my car and crept around the pathway. She went up to Babs' door and knocked. No answer, obviously. Although, I wouldn't put it past reality to just materialize or teleport a Babs to greet her.
Rubbing my scruffy chin, I stepped lightly towards her. She turned when I was a few feet away. She was gorgeous. So petite but with a chest I found hard to avoid, even in scrubs. A lean figure, luscious hair, and amazing blue eyes. All that did nothing for Babs physically, so it was nice to know I got my feelings back.
At the same time, I had to remind myself this was my buddy, Greg, under the same bet consequences I felt. Maybe.
I raised a hand as a peace offering and tried a simple, "Hi, Lina."
Her mouth dangled for a moment before she blinked, gave a half-smile, and responded, "My gosh! John!...Uhh, what are you doing here?"
At least my sleeping clothes were close enough to something normal people might wear outside not to invite comparisons to a certain space-traveling, towel-carrying Brit. Although Babs, the once numb-legged book-reader, would probably be more likely to notice. But the point was I had no good answer to her question. I had to say something though.
"I'm not entirely sure...of a lot of stuff. Some things happened."
She fiddled with the bracelets on her wrists and looked away before glancing back. "Well, as far as I know, you seemed to be missing this last week. So...people were concerned about where you were."
"Yeah. I've...uhh...gathered that much. So far as I know, I had a really unusual couple of days. I've learned a lot and had some unique experiences. Some good. Some...not. But I got through it...Lina, I've been a complete and total bum." I nearly held back each word. I weighed them, measured them, and spoke them carefully.
Lina's eyes widened as she said softly, "My gosh. Babs concluded that but I wasn't sure. Are you okay?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I screwed up, Lina, long before this past week. I've hurt you and I was afraid to tell you why because I was terrified what you might think of me."
She frowned with a bewildered look. "I...scare you? What?"
I swallowed. "Lina, you are the sexiest girl I have ever met in my life. Everything about you is sexy, especially the fact you have to go to the bathroom a lot..." My face felt so hot and my body felt so woozy I was afraid I might pass out right there.
I had to look away, if only for an instant. I wanted to swallow those words. I wanted to bury them and turn back the moment. But, darn it, there it was.
When I finally looked at Lina, her mouth hung open and her whole face was redder than I had ever seen it. Softly, she responded, "You...like that I...pee? Umm..."
No point stopping now. "I love it. It's the biggest turn-on for me. Not the pee itself but that you have to go. Holding it back and folding your legs. Fighting against the urge. I remember every time I've seen you have to go. It is...and you are...the hottest thing I can imagine..." I stopped short of saying more because my returned bits were starting to wake up just by talking about it.
As for Lina, her bright cheeks didn't fade as she managed, "You think I'm the sexiest...hottest...that that...all that is sexy?"
I nodded vigorously. "You're adorable for all that too. Even bringing it up is really...something for me. I wanted you to know that. Even if you still hate me for hiding it or if you hate me for being perverted with a gross fetish, it's okay. I don't want you to hurt because I was afraid to explain."
I stretched my arms at my sides with the palms open. Everything out there. It didn't even matter to me this Lina was a copy, an identical twin made from her cousin's dumb bet. This was still Lina. She deserved to know how I felt, no matter how weird, no matter if she ran away, no matter what came next.
As I held my breath in anticipation, she pressed her lips together, gazed down at her hands, and said, "Well...umm...wow. That does explain...stuff. And it's funny but being around you makes me so nervous. Usually. Such that I feel like I really have to go. Heh, feedback loop..."
My heart still pounded and certain parts were benefiting from that blood flow. At least she wasn't running away. "I really wanted to go to dinner with you. But it was a sit-down place which really topped off the water glasses. I realized that and thought about it and the fear of ruining things made me ruin them anyway. I'm so sorry I didn't come clean about my reasons but it felt better just to forget I ever asked you out."
She frowned and swallowed. "I didn't forget though....It hurt, a lot. In high school, I faced so much trouble and torment about...my weaknesses and I thought and felt the worst about it."
With my hands together, I begged, "I will make it up to you. All of it, in whatever ways I can. I will not cause you even an iota of pain or fear ever again, I swear it on my life!"
Her frown softened. "You don't owe me a debt. I just hoped we might be friends...a-and maybe more. But understanding now is a huge relief and...it's really weird to think that anyone could think of me like that but it's a nice kind of weird. Heh..."
She took a step towards me. "I mean...I thought only Babs had that sort of sway over...that sort of thing but..." Her face flashed with a smirk. "But if...oh gosh, I really need to go pee. It just struck me...gosh..." She added a squirm with her knees together.
For a moment, I was worried she was actually in a bad spot but I'd seen enough of her to know when she really had to go. Not that my bits could tell the difference. They were about to put me in a bad spot.
"Uhh, Lina. You..."
"I just had a full water bottle on the way over...ooooh. I dunno if I can hold it." She did an anxious prance and trapped her hands between her knees. Oh, I was screwed.
She hopped closer. Despite her feint, she still wore the bright blush. "I have such a small bladder. I need to pee sooo baaa...ack!" Her hopping while clinging to her scrub-clad legs set her off-balance. She staggered towards me with her hand darting straight out. Her grip was low, reaching for my hip. She missed.
I was able to steady her by the shoulder, but I could feel her soft, delicate fingers graze my tent on the way to my thigh. She pulled her hand away promptly, but not as quickly as I thought she might. Looking away with a gulp, her blush bloomed again.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry. I...shouldn't have done that. I...oh gosh. Now I may really have to go..." She gave a gallows chuckle and took a deep breath. There were no restrooms nearby with Babs' door deadlocked, but I knew of a liquor market down the road a short ways.
Fortunately, she gathered her composure and assured me she was alright before burying me with apologies and finishing, "That was totally inappropriate of me. Even if it was an accident, I shouldn't have started...all that."
"A beautiful girl wanted to turn me on. No harm done." Not even both hands clutching her face could hide the redness.
I heard a little squeak as she mouthed the word 'beautiful' to herself. She cleared her throat. "My goodness. What would Babs say about all this? She sho...err, she really encouraged me to break out of my fears and stresses this past week. Wow, if she were here right now...but her apartment seems empty." She peeked around and gave one last, half-hearted knock on the door.
Deep breath. I made a promise. Careful words. "Last I can say I know, wasn't Babs headed upstate this week for her mom's wedding? Greg gave her Monday through Friday off."
With a little nod, Lina pressed a finger to her lip. "She told me that but she changed her plans because you and Greg went missing. She filled in at the OWL and left you a voicemail. And I filled in too! See my scrubs? It's been great! But we kinda had a fight last night, although I dunno what I did. And when I tried her phone today it said that whole jazz with 'this line is no longer in service'. I'm so confused. But you're back at least!"
The shimmer in her radiant blue eyes as she met mine, despite the uncertainty on her face and the embarrassment fading from her cheeks, warmed me. I told her, "Greg is fine. I can assure you of that. Very embarrassed and confused about the situation but he's alright."
The faint lines of tension faded. Her eyes widened and her mouth dipped open. "You're sure? You know? Greg...Greg's okay? Did he become my double and go to BlizzCon? Was that it?"
I flashed a little smile. "You're very quick and astute, Lina. Yeah, Greg is okay and we've spoken but I expect he will need a lot of time to recover from everything that's happened this past week. I can relate."
Lina took a deep breath, which quivered in her throat. She took another, as though she just realized she could. With the next, her eyes scrunched and she chuckled faintly as she shook her head. "It's...oh my God...It's Greg. It's okay. I'm okay. I knew it. I'm Angelina Rose Owlswatter. I'm...okay. God, thank you."
She clasped her hands together in front of her, as though in prayer, and took a long, comfortable breath before continuing, "Oh, John, you don't know what it means to hear that. This week has been so crazy. It messed with my head and oh God...I am the happiest...the most relaxed in my life since...well, since ever. Not even when I finished one-hundred-percenting Mega Man 10 or other stressful stuff. I'm okay...I am Angelina *FUCKING* Rose Owlswatter! Yeaaah! Wooo...oh gosh, there are probably still people sleeping around here..." She placed an "oops" hand over her mouth as she looked around in all directions. Thankfully, it was just the two of us to be surprised by the loud swear that slipped out of her gentle, lovely lips.
And she was, same as I was Barbara Finnacker. It was strange to think about now. Even stranger were all the feelings I had for her. In a way, she was my friend Greg, and likely would be him again soon. In another, she was the girl Babs had conflicted emotions about because she replaced her man. And now, she was the woman I *wanted*...so badly, for everything about her. As Babs might say, I wanted to fuck her into next week.
But it was...complicated. And, with original Babs and Lina surely on their way back to Frostwell and so many challenging questions ahead, things looked to get crazier. But I enjoyed the little respite as Lina grinned and rubbed her bracelets together.
Of course, the respite only lasted as long as it took to realize how much time we'd spent chatting. Lina frowned and inquired. "Do you have your car? I took a cab. Should've done the ALPH but I wanted to get here fast."
I led her over to it. She sighed. "I'm gonna be so glad when I get my car back. Greg took it to the airport, so I hope he still has it safe and sound." I offered up a shrug but encouragement that, "I'm sure that will work out. Meanwhile, I promise to be your driver for wherever you need to go." Shame my car was an embarrassment.
She looked around in the passenger seat and remarked, "Wow, being turned into a bum really did a number on it." Nope, that was just normal me. I had cleaned it before for our failed date, but it lasted less than a week in that state.
At least she had a comfortable area to sit and set her bags down. but any other passengers were going to be frustrated. Turning onto the street, I asked her, "Did you have breakfast?" I noticed her chest shifting as we went over a bump but I did my best not to stare.
She shook her head and reached into her scrub pocket. "I was thinking of making something for Babs or using some leftovers but I wasn't sure. She took care of me the whole week, better than my mom. I already made breakfast for her the other day and it turned out okay. Maybe it would've helped to do it again but I dunno. I just really hope she's okay and nothing bad happened."
From her pocket, she pulled out the golden hairpin and clutched it tightly. I remarked, "That's really pretty."
She nodded to herself. "Babs got it for me when we went shopping earlier in the week. It means a lot to me. We had a great week but something happened last night and...Babs just changed. It was like her fire and energy suddenly quit. I wanna know she's alright."
I assured her, "Babs is a tough lady. She kicks butt all the time. She can make it through whatever comes her way. Don't you worry."
Lina nodded with a faint smile and slipped the pin in her hair to hold her drifting lock in place. "I know. But it still feels scary. However, this is my Triforce of Courage, a symbol of all the strength Babs showed me. With it, I can be strong and brave like that too."
She took a deep breath and repeated softly, "Let me be brave. Please, God, let me be brave..."
I added, "Your own fire and energy is really sexy." She flashed her teeth. "Awww. Thanks. I'm working on it little by little."
My stomach gave a bitter, angry gurgle as I returned to the issue, "So, breakfast. I'll pick up some Chick-Fil-A on the way. You just tell me what you'd like."
She looked over at me then away. "Uhh...anything with eggs would be fine. Not too much meat. I haven't really been to them but whatever they have with eggs and veggies."
I hadn't really been either. The nearest was a weird one because, according to the local paper, some guy made a bet he could open one in the area. He lost the bet, but the company still brought him on and he eventually made it happen like he vowed.
Naturally, it was hard not to mull on the consequences of lost bets with Lina sitting beside me. I lived as Babs for nearly a week. Why? What did it prove? She filled in for the other Babs. She worked hard. She had some fun. Then, she poofed into me with just this odd set of memories. Lina was next and Greg would know the same. What were we supposed to do? Was there a lesson in all this with how the forces responsible for the bet played it out? We had deferred the consequences to them, so it was their decision. A few profane sentiments from Babs bubbled up in my thoughts.
The drive-thru was busy, even with two lines. I rested back against my seat, glanced at her, and noted, "It definitely makes me think of a Triforce. That's cool."
Lina smiled with her head bowed. "Thanks. As I remember, the first thing we talked about when Greg introduced us was Zelda. I was looking forward to Breath of the Wild and I just rambled for like an hour about it. When I played it, unfortunately, the game felt a little soured from thinking of you. But I feel a lot better now!"
I still apologized to her but she waved her hand, assured me, and smiled. While we crawled up, Lina took out her phone, the same cheapie one she bought earlier in the week, and tried Babs a few times. She even searched for the Finnackers upstate and back in the Southwest but came up empty.
I got Lina a hashed browns scramble and the Greek yogurt parfait along with some juice. For myself, I chose a breakfast sandwich and some coffee. She offered to pay me back after hearing the price but she accepted, without concern, when I told her it was fine.
Deb was already loitering outside the OWL when we pulled up. Crap. We would be opening late. Her wide eyes watched us the whole time, like a meth-addicted bird.
With delight before breakfast, Lina revealed the contents of her bag of handhelds. I listened diligently as she explained what she had been doing all week with loaners. I made all the appropriate signs of curiosity to give the impression this was a first reaction. She rolled through the joys of each game she'd picked out. Then, as we were eating, she regaled me with stories of Babs' home-cooked food.
I got in a few appropriate laughs and she avoided the meaty preoccupations I knew so well from her mentor.
Babs was still foremost on her mind as the doors unlocked and the first patients walked through. She raised her head to every flash of red or woman in heels, glasses, or business attire.
I had to steel myself to the fact I was situated behind her and could often see her bending over and crouching.
The sexiest woman I could imagine and I had to survive a whole workday with her so near I could almost taste her lavender body mist. I avoided going for Babs' hand cream. I'd already run through so much of her supply.
My only refuge was the distraction of calls. The ladies at certain offices used a higher pitch than when talking to Babs. They gave me softer answers as to whether something would get done in time or they had a copy of a printout. I pressed them with mixed results. Some acted like saints but others still fought with me as much as Babs. On the whole, I got about the same amount done. Unfortunately, my handwriting still had that annoying slant I'd been trying to kick since fourth grade compared to Babs' impeccable script.
Deb haunted me during the lulls. She peppered me with little questions about Babs which I honestly didn't have time for because I was still a productive co-worker short. In a moment of annoyance, I flattened my mouth, stared at her blankly and recited, "They know, Debra. They know...about you. They are watching." Then, I calmly turned my head back around and resumed work. She prodded me with harsh words about taunting her.
I wore my regular face. I spoke with a steady calm that I had no idea what she was talking about. Did I say anything to her just a minute before? Don't be ridiculous, Deb. I was too busy working for silly stuff like that.
I couldn't say she bought it but Greg's still-empty office and the mysterious absence of Babs made her retreat to her area and pace for a while.
Good enough for me to get a little peace.
Deb didn't bother Lina. I wouldn't let her.
Lina just loaned out her games to whoever wanted them and beamed warmly as people played. Geez, she was so hot all the damn time, even when just sitting there or standing with her hands in front of her.
Her figure, with her subtly-rounded, defined backside, showed through her scrubs. But, clearest of all, I saw the skill at her job and cleverness in each task she wielded with an infectious smile.
If I were given a definite, supernatural choice right at that moment between keeping her permanently or restoring the status quo, it would have been unbearable.
At the same time, if someone else decided that I would stop existing and Babs got a twin as feisty as her then I would've screamed that I wanted to live. I wanted to be here. I wanted to exist. No degree of being flooded with the reality of a sexually-ravenous but strongly-maternal redhead made me want to cede myself. There were plenty of interesting and educational memories inside me but that was enough.
Still, I wanted to do all the things with Lina I'd done several times back in college with full-figured, also-ravenous Colleen. I wanted to make up for lost dates and lost opportunities. I wanted to make her feel good.
But it wasn't as simple as what any of us wanted. Babs figured that out too. Every bet is finite but every bet has consequences, whether you win or lose.
Lina worked hard but always had kind words. She greeted those she recognized from earlier in the week by name. No Lily or that boy but still plenty of nice people who treated her as a friend. There were a fair share of morons and jerks, but she handled them coolly.
When lunch hour arrived far too quickly, Lina brought the last of the paperwork over and asked, "Do you know where Greg is right now? I wanna give him a big hug, rib him a lot, and see if he at least took a bunch of pics of the Con."
Deep breath. "I do but he wouldn't want you to see him in his current state. Too many worries. A few concerns but he'll be fine soon."
She held onto a skeptical squint but nodded. "I guess. Wow though...For a week, I had a twin sister. But I never got to meet her. He's always been my closest family. And he got even closer. Although, if he got everything...totally everything...from being me then that's kinda embarrassing, like having all your private thoughts mind-read. I could see why he'd want to take a breather. He can purge all my weirdest thoughts from his memory, heh." She added a flutter of a blush.
Yup. All the phallic feelings Babs left me? Definitely too much info there. However, I offered, "I doubt he'll be able to retain everything. Plus, he's an honorable guy so anything he picked up from being a duplicate of you would certainly remain private."
She plopped into the other office chair. "Kinda heady to consider. He thought he was me. He lived as me. He went across the country as me. He probably scored some sweet swag as me. He lived a faux life and now it's over. Remembering all that and it being gone would be trippy. But I hope he remembers lots of good stuff, even umm..."
Lina gulped and nodded slowly while correcting, "...You're right. He needs time. I can't imagine what he's going through but please tell him he always has my love and gratitude, when you get the chance to speak to him again."
I promised her that and I noted, "It's lunchtime. Would you like to go on a lunch date together?"
She clasped her hands at her lean stomach, looked down at them, and asked with a smirk, "What about all the complications of going out with the sexiest girl you can imagine?"
"There's a tiny Chinese takeout place at the end of the strip. No bathroom. No water servers. Fresh veggie choices. Like three tables. Great food. It'll be fun."
She giggled and brushed the unpinned parts of her hair back. "Alright. Let me get ready first." She walked around the side to the office restroom. Long breath out. This would be fine. Surely...
In one of the many bags Lina brought with her, she had a few changes of clothes. She explained without prompting, "Babs and I attended a full-on video game competition at The Salty Lemon not far from here. But we got back late and I didn't have any work clothes, so I made sure to be prepared today."
My heart thundered at a glimpse of the swimsuit from yesterday, but she was going for the windbreaker. The fog had cleared but it was still a cool day with the warm grasp from yesterday fading to the first touches of winter. My sleep clothes were enough for me.
I locked up the office. Lina waited for me near the sidewalk and kicked pine cones across the little dips in the pavement.
As I stood beside her, she reached out a hand. Had she and Babs held hands like this? No, not like this. Her fingers felt warm and long, despite her dainty hands. She had a flexible, firm grip. Her bracelets tickled my wrist. Looking me in the eye, she pointed out, "Since it's a date, this is okay, right?"
No complaints from me about holding hands. Her touch sent a shiver down the small of my back. Thankfully, the important bits were docile at the moment. Walking along, I reminded myself to take smaller strides for her, especially since she was in no hurry. Her hand rocked with mine as we maneuvered across the old pavement.
I lingered slightly to appreciate the swing of her hips as she walked. I imagined her in a snug pair of jeans but stopped there. Restraint. Which was easy to tell myself. Funny thing though, I'd seen her in less (even naked) but that was Babs. It didn't translate the same for me.
Easing ahead, Lina held the door for me. The place was quiet. Aside from the young lady at the cash register in a red, long-sleeved cheongsam and a cook in the back, there was just a stout, balding man reading a small section of a newspaper.
We took the table with two chairs along the near wall. The chairs were glossy, very polished wood. Lina had to anchor herself to the wall to keep from sliding off due to her scrubs. We shared the menu as she asked, "Anything you'd recommend here?" I only ever ordered cashew chicken when I was hungry and egg drop soup when I was sick.
I told her what I knew and she smiled. After sifting through the menu for a bit, she decided upon the "Eggplant Delicious Long Precious Veggie Tofu". I went with the usual. As part of the lunch special, we were both served the egg drop in fancy little bowls with a side of white rice. No water but Lina got a can of carbonated fruit juice for later.
As we ate, I revisited the familiar topic of video games. She elaborated to me on The Salty Lemon, describing the whole setup, mentioning the nice people, and glossing over some "jerks". I played my part, expressing smiles, raising eyebrows, and asking obvious questions.
Lina curled up with her legs perched on the little bar around the bottom of her chair. "It's why I'm a little irked Greg got to go to California for a full convention but not as much as I expected because I had my own special night. And I had a whole week full of special experiences, including this one." I just clung to what smiles I had left inside me.
She rested her head against the wall, even though it was a hard, rough stucco, as she finished her soup. "I'd rather have the rest of my life like this than an adventurous week off somewhere exciting. Although, I do hope Greg wasn't too adventurous with my finances. Babs let me dip into the OWL's emergency cash as a temp because Greg had my accounts and cards."
I assured her I could do the same for her work today. In total, she would only use up a third of that cash. Nothing to worry about. She looked across the table and wobbled a smile on her face.
We talked a little about conventions before our food arrived on ornate-looking plates. I'd never seen them before because I only ever ordered takeout but they presented the food a lot nicer than those unfolding boxes.
"Ever consider cosplay?" Lina pressed her fork into an eggplant slice covered with heavy, brown sauce.
I could easily say I had not. Not seriously. Back in college, Greg wanted a wig that reminded him of a character from Soul Calibur 2. Lina giggled as she knew exactly which one. But no, I never got far with it and I admitted as much to her.
"I have always wanted to dress up as Rosalina. Style my hair. Get my nails done, for the first time in forever, with little stars. Have a homemade, plush Lum to cradle. Twirl a lot. I've even gotten so far as searching online for patterns and places that sell materials. But I would get scared because I'd be the center of attention in a crowd and something might get messed up. So I just put it off. But I'm gonna do it. The next Great Lakes gaming convention, I'm going all in!" She gave a little swirl, like her fork was the character's wand, before spearing a piece of tofu.
Outwardly, I showed a half-cracked grin and a prompt nod of encouragement. Inwardly, I felt a clawing, nauseating panic. I pushed it away with the last shot of my soup and a large piece of chicken.
Lina continued, "We could both go. I've been to several conventions alone and, while you feel a sense of community, it can be so daunting. I wanna share the experience with a friend. Oh! And, while it would be a long-shot, I have been introducing Babs to gaming this week. We could definitely find a fun character she could do who suits her. For you, I dunno if you know the Ys series and Adol Christin..."
I'd heard of it and the character she meant. She thought aloud about everything I'd need to pull it off.
In my head, I could see Lina day after day in the OWL, ironing out the loaner system. I could see Greg surprising her as she hugged him so vigorously he fell over. I could see Babs apologizing for upsetting her. I could see Lina showered with compliments for her cosplay. I could see her kicking so much butt in a larger competition and winning a free console as she trembled with glee. I could see us together as man and woman in the most intimate ways while she laughed at little thoughts Babs had seeded within her. Further, I could see her pregnant and content, planning and dreaming. Her children. Her life. Her future. Denied...
Not her. Not this Lina. Not possible. Forever a dream. A happy thought about to slip away but I held it for as long as it had left.
After lunch, we took our time walking back, still holding hands. The air was crisp but humid, barely jostled by the sun at its slanted apex. Fallen waves of orange and yellow leaves curled and crunched past our feet. I asked old questions Babs already had answers to.
Lina was consistent, about the agonies of family and the joys of pets.
Right before the door, she paused and looked up with her eyes scrunched shut to the sun. She rocked her arm in mine and pronounced, "Just a little solar recharge. I used to stand in the sun all the time as a kid with my head up like this. Just feeling the hot red of the back of my eyelids. The little swirls of light and dark. I was wrapped up and comforted, even on the coldest day."
I took the moment to just look at her, not lingering on any particular aspect. I witnessed the whole of her with her hair and scrubs beaming against her brilliant skin. She put her free hand up, smiled, and added, "Of course, I burned a lot too. So, I could only do it for a little while."
Back inside, she lingered beside me till our tasks drew us apart. But, once she was done, she returned to check on me. I didn't remember anyone who came in. I didn't remember how many times I had to ask the same blasted questions about documentation. I didn't even remember all the people who asked for Babs or Greg over the phone. I remembered Lina making every guest feel welcome with a little piece of gaming, a few minutes of care, or a call to confirm to those worried and waiting that everything was alright.
She was the absolute sexiest then and I had to spend a few times in the restroom trying not to piss up the walls.
And it was over. The last paperwork was written up. The last records were transcribed and corrected. The last calls were responded to. The last bills were filed. For the week.
Lina eased back in her chair, massaging her left shoulder as she asked, "Do you put up spooky decorations for Halloween? The library has an ancient papercraft witch that they put up after Labor Day. It must be decades old and it hasn't been dusted once. There are some cauldrons around the kids' area, along with lots of bats and a howling wolf. The tower has all the jack-o-lanterns. It's a fun place to go up alone with the Wi-Fi signal. Although, it could be fun with someone else too..." She smiled and gave me a quick look.
Not lately but, apparently, Archie had always been big on Halloween. Babs told me tales of an animatronic spider the size of a dog hanging from the ceiling. It fell and took some ceiling tiles down with it, wrecking the motor. So, Archie added it to his lawn decorations, placing it upside-down with an oversized bug-swatter looming over it.
Lina giggled and nodded, adding. "And, a couple years ago, someone planted one of those bird-frightening plastic owls above the spider, as though it had slain it. Archie thought it was perfect. Owl and swatter. He also tells the best version of how our family name came to be. Or at least the funniest version."
Lina darted around the office and pointed out places where we could put stuff up. "It's a little late but it would be nice to have a few things to get into the season. Gosh, it's been so long since I had a proper Halloween. Dad sometimes took me around the neighborhood. I went a few times as a farmer with my outfit from square dancing in elementary. But I really remember this one year right before college..."
She settled back in her seat and took a deep breath. "I was walking home and this long willow branch fell off in front of me. I picked it up. Near the very bottom was rotted, probably why it dropped. It looked so cool. It was taller than me and straight with a little curve to it. I had no idea what I was doing but I carefully polished it for several days while leaving some parts natural because they were creepier like that. And so, I had a sorcery stick. To go with it, I used one of my gray jackets and some makeup and eyeliner. I was a creepy witch or something and I gave away candy like that. No one above five was intimidated but it was fun."
Her smile waned as she continued, "The next day, I was gonna finish it completely and maybe do something else fun with it but I couldn't find it anywhere. It was a trash day. Mom said she thought it was garbage, so she cut it up and threw it away..."
She swallowed and shook her head. "Eh. Doesn't matter what happened the next day. I had fun that night. Heh."
Heading to the restroom after that (steady...), Lina took her bag of clothes and one of her handhelds. I rubbed my eyes. The front door of the office unlocked and swung open.
I sat up and watched as Barbara Finnacker made her way down the hall and over to me. "Hey. Just got back and checking in. Any other survivors? Is Greg alright?"
I slipped on my easy smile for Babs and remarked, "It was a crazy week. I just...you have my deepest admiration for everything you do..." She smirked from that and glanced around.
Crap. Couldn't look to check on Lina in the bathroom. Instead, I focused on my table and said somberly, "About Greg though..."
She turned all her attention to me and set her hands on the desk. "What happened? Where is he?"
Deep sigh. "It's like he's a completely-different person since you left. Existential fears. Crying. Lost confidence. Not as strong. I stuck with him the whole week and through at least one hangover. I saw so much uncertainty and some begging. But I think Greg finished the week better than he started it. You just really should wait till Monday to see him as he would want to be seen."
Babs leaned back and declared, "God, I never knew me being gone would have that sort of effect on him. Fuck. Well, thanks for taking care of him. Sorry I didn't call to check in. I got really pissed-off at my old-ass phone and...accidentally drop-kicked it through a thirty-story window around the time of the rehearsal. Mom got so mad I didn't have a phone. It was great." She chuckled and folded her arms. Some part of me was very satisfied to hear that and a little jealous.
I listened as Babs relayed the high points of the wedding, especially the open bar and the fight her mom got into with her new stepdad five minutes after the vows.
She finished, "One of the screens there had on something called 'esports'. I was just drunk enough to find it entertaining. Oh shit, I should've had the bartender put on wrestling. But that was the shitshow part of the week. Seeing my great-uncle and cousins was awesome. I went to this water park with Edith. We ate some great food and I was blown away by a surprise gift from my great-uncle. It was life-changing. But, God, I need a shower from the drive. Again, just checking in. Greg is okay though?" She clung to my shoulder with her gaze serious and unwavering.
I calmly assured her, "Greg is fine. I took care of everything. Everything should be worked out with the weekend. See you on Monday."
Babs relaxed but kept a frown of concern. She waved glumly and slipped back out the front, locking it again with her key before leaving.
A moment later, the bathroom door clicked and Lina emerged. She looked down the hallway and over at me, asking, "Was that Babs? It sounded like her, but I was afraid to just pop out."
How much had she heard? I nodded and told Lina, "She just wanted to make sure everyone was okay. She faced some stresses but also relief related to family. She took quite a drive today. I know she would never want to worry you but there were phone issues, so she couldn't do anything about it."
To my relief, Lina just caught a few clear words through the door. Greg. Esports. Water park. "Sounds like she mentioned our week. And she isn't mad, thank goodness. I still would've liked to talk to her but she's probably worn out. I can try her landline tomorrow."
Cutting it real close, you cheeky, Babs-profanity bet-keepers...
With that little moment over, I had a chance to appreciate the clothes Lina had changed into from her scrubs. A simple, short-sleeved white top with a single, Half-Life 3 lambda over the left side. Her chest made the logo really...pop. Below she had on a pair of blue, drawstring cotton pants which dipped tantalizingly-low to reveal a midriff.
With a wide smile, she pointed between me and her and remarked, "We totally match now!" She was right. Even though my pants were more a pale gray and the blue of my top was no match for the tone she sported from the waist down.
Grinning, she poked the logo gently, cleared her throat, and asked, "So...have you ever played Half-Life?"
Babs definitely rubbed off on her. "I...have some experience. I bought everything by Valve in the last summer sale."
She raised a pale eyebrow. "Ooh? What's your...Steam library like?"
"Bigger than I could ever possibly...fully use."
Leaning against the desk, she teased, "I'll be the judge of that. I'll see how you handle your...joystick. Greg told me you dabble in retro, especially Playstation 2. It has a huge library...the biggest of any...hehheh...hehehehe..." She turned away and just barely stifled her giggles.
I let myself laugh too. She wiped at her eyes and noted, "Oh, woo. As I said before, I had quite an interesting week of learning with Babs. And I'd also like to learn more about you, if you're willing to share."
Glancing down, I sighed. "We...just started talking today for the first time in a long while. I'm glad I got the opportunity to tell you stuff I was afraid to admit for so long and I'm relieved you're alright with it all. I just...it's been a long week. So..."
She reached over and touched my hand. "I know. But I also know what I want. I want to play some games with you, John. Please?"
My body was ready to follow her anywhere but my mind had those worrying thoughts. The ticking clock. The truth of who she was. The near-lies and omissions I spun.
But, Babs-profanity, I really wanted to play games with her, no matter what the results were. She beamed when I agreed and gathered up her stuff.
The drive to my apartment was shorter than the trek to Babs' place. Along the way, I picked up a half-veggie, half-supreme pizza, salad, breadsticks, and a liter bottle of Faygo in a flavor Lina wanted.
Compared to my car, I felt rather proud of my apartment. There were a few papers stacked along the counter past the entryway but it was otherwise cozy and organized. A nice, suede couch stretched out before my PC area and PS2 collection.
A quick check of the fridge revealed a few casualties from my time away. Some cheese which was old even last week and leftover egg salad which should've been put out of its misery long ago with a flamethrower. Fortunately, I just bought eggs right before all this.
But food wasn't really on Lina's mind as she crossed her legs on the shag carpet and skimmed gleefully through each and every game.
"Arc the Lad! My gosh! I was looking all over the state for weeks before I found a copy of this. So fun! Also, this is a nice setup but I feel you get the best results from a quality CRT with S-video. Component, the five connector one, also looks pretty decent for the era even on flat panels. I've seen some converter devices provide a clearer, sharper image but they can wash out the colors and produce rampant aliasing. Emulation is also an option as well as finding a PS3 with hardware backwards-compatibility. But I...heh...digress."
I enjoyed her digressions. I did have a CRT but it needed to be repaired. Eventually, it would have a section off to the side where the retro titles could grow. Lina gave a few recommendations for what should go where while she pulled up some online posts of her collection. I reacted with smiles and questions.
Soon, she returned to sifting through my collection. She picked out five titles and set everything up. It had been a long time since Greg stopped over to play. She handled it all delicately, unraveling the controllers and placing the first disk on the slide-out tray.
The cords were much shorter than they seemed in college. We had to scoot the couch closer to feel comfortable. First up was Twisted Metal: Black. It was the first game of the generation I ever played at a kiosk, back when such things weren't just a neglected afterthought at a store.
We leveled a whole neighborhood with our weapons and launched through the air at each other. Lina kept her controller in her lap and giggled every time the rumble function kicked in. I was rusty, running away and trying to strafe her on the sly but she slaughtered me for several rounds. I did win a few on a warehouse map.
As the matches went on, I noticed her closing the distance between us on the couch. Eventually, we were touching hips.
She was warm against my warmth. Feeling her sweet-smelling shape sitting comfortably against me was an immense distraction which propelled her to several victories.
After that, we stopped to eat but she didn't go far from my side. Her lavender scent, with gentle perspiration like a light mist, quickened my pulse.
Next up was one of the wrestling games Greg always insisted on playing back in college. Bombastic attacks and swift button mashings brought her squirming and rolling around next to me.
It was not fair but I held my own. She mouthed some of the character names with a grumble of annoyance. I asked what was wrong. She explained, "It's been too long since I played this. Gosh, I told Babs a whole bunch of wrestler names when she asked but I screwed them up. Stupid..."
I assured her it would be fine as she piledrove me into the ground then bent my leg over her head to pin me. We slammed each other over and over, going harder.
We were each focused. I was getting used to her presence, even though I was sweating an embarrassing amount. Right as I was about to nail her with a leg, I felt something warm, soft, and wet on my cheek. Turning, I was not prepared for her lips to meet mine.
I'd kissed Lucy and Colleen many times. It'd been exciting, fun, and a little weird. This was like being hit by a wave. My lower bits were delirious and aching. Her tongue pressed in my mouth and she wrapped an arm around to hold me. Vaguely, I realized she had pressed the start button to pause the game.
Her controller fell away and mine joined hers. The kisses were ravenous, as insistent on victory as her gameplay had been. Her body edged towards my lap without settling in. The whole area was like a grenade about to go off. I flowed with her lips, trying to kiss back just as strongly.
Slowly, she pulled back and looked at me with a blissful smile.
She confessed, "I think you're really sexy too. I've thought about you a lot and I've...I've gotten off thinking of you. A lot...A loooot...from your hair, to your lean body, to hazy stuff in my imagination which Babs helped me see clearly."
Her hands roamed over me, eventually settling in my lap. As adeptly as any other joystick she'd wielded so far, she had a hold on me. She smiled and traced me. I was not going to last long like this. I was amazed it had survived without going nuts already.
Lina prodded my waistband and eased herself fully onto my lap. She gave a gasp and I felt pushed to the edge by her on top of me. With a quick kiss, she whispered, "I have to pee so bad."
RIP. Totally and completely RIP. Objectively, Babs' getting off was better but this was mine, all mine and it was with the woman I loved.
As I eased down, Lina stood and looked rather satisfied with herself, like she'd just won a very intimate match.
Catching my breath, I went to the bedroom to change. Lina crept into the adjoining restroom, giving me a little aftershock as she shut the door behind her. This was not how I expected my Friday evening to go, not from this morning, certainly not from a week ago.
I took a deep breath, steadied myself, and walked over to the closed restroom door. When Lina emerged, she noticed me and grinned. I clasped her hand and slipped behind her. I wrapped my hands around her waist and whispered, "You are so sexy, Lina, that words fail me. Whoever hurts you, including me, is a fool. Whoever has witnessed your beauty and doesn't crave your smile will never understand the joys they're missing."
She squirmed and led my hands upward, to the warm, soft swells above. I was gentle but persistent. The sounds she made, small but rising, brought my bits to tiredly nudge her soft backside. She leaned into it and urged herself to the same edge she'd taken me.
Lina turned and looked at me with fire burning in her gaze, a flame to rival Babs. That moment could've gone so many ways but the tension in her body relaxed. She needed another trip to the bathroom and a slight change but she returned with ease, flashing a wink as she remarked, "That's enough fun for one night."
The games were pretty much done and she'd beaten me at the most physical competition. We sprawled out on the couch, Lina leaning against me (just out of range of my lap), and enjoyed a random movie on streaming.
She snickered halfway through a slice of pizza she grabbed with a meaty hunk of sausage on it and asked, "Sooo...does this mean we're a couple now?"
Deep breath. "Does that make you happy?" She nodded eagerly against me. I proclaimed, "Me too. I love your sexy, tiny bladder. I love your skillful joystick play. I love your beautiful hair, your radiant bliss, your soft body. And I want to be with you...every single day we have together." We shared another lingering, deep kiss.
Her heartbeat felt so tiny but thunderous against me. It slowed as she dipped her eyes. Gently, she whispered, "Thank you. Thank you so much. It feels good. So good. So nice..."
She relaxed against me with her eyes drooping under the weight of the day. "I never...could imagine a day like this. Beautiful. So beautiful. I had no idea...that sharing and being with someone else, who wanted to be with me, could ever be for me..."
I stroked her hair. My hand grazed a tear on the way down. She smiled and murmured, "No matter what happens, I'm happy...and grateful. No matter what..." Her head dipped with those little snores Babs described so vividly.
I turned the sound down, even though there was no sign it would rouse Lina. This was how it happened. This was how she was made. This was how she would be unmade. In dreams.
I wanted to get her a blanket. but she clung to me so closely that I couldn't release myself without dropping her to the couch. So, I stayed there and kissed her on the head.
It wasn't fair. Dammit, it was not fair. She had a right to exist. She had a right to see what would be next for her. To witness a bewildering morning where she and Greg woke to find each other. To feel gleeful as she shared all her discoveries with her twin. And hobo eggs. Enough for everyone.
I swallowed with a rough sickness in my throat. She would never know what and why. That was on me, for the rest of my life. My choice.
Mercy.
6
I'll miss Other Barbara. She was the best. Feels like we're getting close to a bitter end.