Finale – Terminus
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Finale - Terminus
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It was for the best, I told myself. I had vivid memories of her existential terror till she blocked the video from her thoughts and found excuses. She wouldn't have believed my word alone anyway.
Sitting there, I was gripped by a sudden, overriding thought. How did I know I was who I was? Babs thought she knew. Poof. I could wake up from bed tomorrow to find I actually was Lina, she was me, and there was no BlizzCon or extra Lina. Absurdly reaching, but I didn't know anything for certain. I just had silly hopes.
No. I had more. There was another Lina out there, one returning home from California. I hurt her, really hurt her, because I was afraid. I had no idea if she would forgive me or find the same joys at work and in life as her twin. Greg could tell her though! Greg could share the possibilities at her feet. And maybe leave out some parts of this day....
Oh well, our friendship had been through plenty. Just one more thing.
Eventually, the weight of it all crashed on my shoulders too. We could've just stayed there but Lina and Greg both deserved restful sleep. So, I adjusted my arms underneath her and felt my back seize up as I tried to lift. This always looked so easy and romantic in movies.
Slipping out and leaving plenty of supporting pillows behind, I wrapped a blanket to brace my back and finally managed to get her in my arms. Holding her was easy. The hard part was realizing I hadn't peeled back the bed covers for her. Glaring at them didn't help.
Pawing and dragging them as my arms lost feeling finally achieved the rough, intended effect.
She still seemed asleep as I set the covers around her snuggly. Brushing her hair again, I slipped the golden hairpin from her head and cradled it gently. Would this disappear too? I put it away safely in a drawer nearby.
I refused to take a shower despite the lingering presence around my bits. I would stay with her. No lost time. No distractions. I slipped under the covers and leaned close. Her snore was so soft it sounded like folding sheets. It was relaxing, peaceful. I listened as long as I could. I stayed till the night drew me down into uneventful slumber.
-----
I gave a sharp breath through my nose upon waking and immediately looked next to me. Lina was still there.
I frowned. It had been seven days, a full week. The light tickled at the drapes. The morning was as early as any I spent as Babs. Was something wrong? Before I could wonder further, Lina began to change.
Her legs stretched out under the covers. Her hair drew in, pressing out rough scruff. The face was similar but had a man's contours. The rest of her swelled and broadened with the beef Babs so adored, though she wasn't here to 'enjoy' it. An alumni sweater for our college stretched over his thick shoulders. Soon, a raspy whistle through his nose replaced Lina's soft sound. She was gone. Greg was back.
I arranged the covers around Greg and made my way to the restroom. I slapped water on my face. What would I say? What could I say? Well, I could explain to him how when I was Babs I really was a different person and it was obviously the same for him.
As I was setting things up in the kitchen, I heard a grunt and some rustling from the bedroom. I approached and leaned against the doorway. Greg squinted and cleared his throat to speak, "Hey, man. Damn. What...time is it?"
I told him what the clock said as he stretched out his limbs. Then, I asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"
Rubbing at his side, he sat up and looked around. "I remember...I was uhhh..."
I braced.
"I remember...The Red Lass. And uhh...you and our bet. Sorry for teasing. Did I win?"
....What?
I swallowed and told him, "I'm not sure. What do you remember after that?"
He cleared his throat again. Greg had small but easy tells when he was nervous. He had them all over his face as he noted, "Well, you must've left at some point but I ran into Babs there and...we had a great talk. Very personal though and umm, we had a nice evening together at my place. A nice Friday evening."
He was the boss, saying Babs was all over him would be a problem. Besides, he wasn't the sort to kiss and tell. Deep breath. "What about after that?"
Looking around, he rubbed his disheveled hair and repeated my question to himself. "I remember falling asleep in my bed. But...this isn't my bed? What? What happened, John? Where's Babs?" No trace of nerves. No deception. Just sincere, concerned questions. He had no idea.
I gripped the door frame. Words left my head. After a breath, I managed, "Everything is fine. You had...way too much to drink. Babs is okay. You grab a shower and I'll make breakfast. Are hobo eggs alright?"
He lingered on the bed but nodded with a look of concern. "Yeah. That's fine, man. I'll get washed up. Although, do I even have a change of clothes?"
Nope. In the other room, in the place of Lina's bags, there was Greg's coat, phone, keys, and wallet. He staggered off the bed with a cough. "I'll figure it out and change back at home. It's Saturday, right?"
I confirmed the day of the week but also gave the number. Greg stared at me with his mouth open. I handed him his phone as he shook his head and rubbed his eyes with a pitiful groan. "What the fuck...how...a week? What the hell happened to me?"
"You definitely had too much, man."
Greg accepted this with a whimper, dragged himself into the bathroom, and shut the door.
I staggered back against the wall.
No. Nononono...please fucking no! You EVIL FUCKING LIMP DICK ASS SUCKING COCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS! NO! It....NO! You don't just get to erase an entire person because she was made from one of your fucking bets you accepted! You took the responsibility! We put ourselves in your hands! We trusted you with your terms. You have to be fair! You can't destroy life!
Well, you did just that! You fucking destroyed a beautiful life, you fucks! How could you?! How fucking could you...NO! Fucking NO! You bring her back right now with every second of her life, hopes, and dreams intact and whole! RIGHT NOW!
I pressed my fist to the wall. I nearly drove it right through. My hot tears were angry and raw. I carried Babs' torch to burn down their fucking bullshit. But I could do nothing.
So, why did I remember? Why did I get to keep the memories? You sadistic fucks! Why did I get to remember the brief, brilliant lives of a Babs and Lina when the world would forget? I smacked my thigh as hard as I could. Again! I hit it again and again till there were tingles in my fist and leg. Fuck...
Deep breath. The hairpin in the dresser! I ran over and pulled it open. There it was in all its two dollar, Wal-Mart glory. I turned it over. Not a single stray hair remained. No remnant. Was this mercy or cruelty?
The shower turned on in the bathroom. Breakfast. Like Babs promised Greg, only a week late. I cooked angry and somehow didn't burn myself. There were no onions, but I had everything else. Having the memory of Babs' cooking skill didn't help any more than having the memory of her skillful penmanship. I did well enough.
Toweling off his hair, Greg slipped on the same shirt and smiled at the food. "Thanks, man. I owe you...a whole bunch from the sound of things."
I passed him his plate and asked, "Had hobo eggs before?"
He took several scoops before pausing to say, "Oh yeah! Lots. Not lately, but they're great."
I cradled a cup of tea and ate slowly as he plowed through his food. I could tell him everything. I could just let it all go. Was that what they wanted? Was that what I wanted?
Greg swallowed his juice and asked, "So, how the heck did I blackout for a whole week? Did I do anything...umm, I didn't embarrass myself did I? Was it drugs? Aww man, that's gotta be it. You don't lose a whole week from just alcohol." He panted and grimaced.
I assured him, "You didn't take any drugs. Best as I can tell, your memory loss is the result of the bet we made."
He muffled a swear with his hand and dipped his head with a sigh of relief. "I guess I lost then. So just, umm, me uhh feeling things for redheads and all that. For you, I hope it wasn't too rough. It was a stupid bet. I'm sorry I roped you into it and screwed up your whole week." He weakly picked at his food and sighed.
I leaned on the table. "It was a week unlike any other in my life but it wasn't screwed up. It was a week I will never forget."
Greg raised his eyebrows. "Shame I can't remember. And you're absolutely sure I didn't hurt anyone or do anything bad?"
"Absolutely sure. I can rightly say you were incredibly adorable this past week. You did things I never expected were possible for you."
Greg gave me a look. "Adorable? Well, that's not so bad. I can live with adorable. I wore a stuffed, pink bra for that breast cancer charity."
I'd forgotten about that. I missed it due to exams. I covered my mouth with my hand and resisted saying all the stuff I was thinking. Instead, I told him, "There is an important message I want to give you. Just between you and me though. No one else."
He leaned back with raised eyebrows and took a long breath. "Sounds serious. Alright. No one else. What is it?"
Deep breath.
"Lina wants you to know she loves you so much. She appreciates, with all her heart, everything you've done for her. From the smallest thing to helping her survive high school. And I want to tell you how sorry I am that I blew her off for that date. I know you've said before that it's okay but I intend to make things right with her, I promise."
Greg listened with wide eyes and leaned back with a swallow. "I know. I mean we don't get to talk as much as I'd like to...but I know. We're both so busy. I want her to work at the OWL so we can be together more but..." He gestured to me. "I care about both of you, man. If you can make things right, please do. I've tried hard not to pick sides. And just to check, she's okay? I didn't mess up her life or lose my lunch on her or anything, right?"
I nodded and assured him, "Lina is fine. Lina is great. Last I heard...she was at BlizzCon."
Greg clasped his fuzzy cheeks and chuckled. "Ohhh, man. She must've had the time of her life. That's so great to hear. The way you put it at first, I felt so sick. I was scared you were about to tell me she was dead or dying or something. What a relief!"
I kept on a calm, friendly grin and apologized for how I said it. But I had said it for a Lina who was no more, who wanted her most beloved family member to know what he meant to her. I hope that's enough, Lina.
After Greg finished eating, he noticed the game boxes on the floor. Looking through them, he chuckled and pointed. "We used to play this all the time in college. I was pretty good with Cassandra. Wanna do a quick match?"
I swallowed roughly and shook my head. "Sorry. I'm not feeling it today. Raincheck." He nodded vigorously. "You're right. Bad idea. Crazy week. Sorry for everything sucky I put you through from the bet onward this past week. You know that's not me."
He offered his hand and I took it as we pulled into a big hug. He gave me three gentle pats on the back before saying, "I'll see you on Monday. Have a good one, man."
And so he left with everything the bet-holders gave him back, fiddling with his phone and jacket as he waved and carefully shut the door behind him.
Soon after he left, I picked up my phone. Lina's number had been in there for a while. Just one press....I sighed through my nose and set the phone down on the table.
I put the games back on the shelf in alphabetical order. I rinsed off our plates. I considered stripping the bed to wash the sheets but I left them alone for now. I took a long-delayed shower, standing under the stream for a while before cleaning. I changed into an outfit much like the one I had on.
I stared at the phone and stretched. Instead of going to the call options, I opened up an old game and played a few rounds against myself. I circled through the ones installed until I lost the urge to play. I plugged the phone in to recharge.
Turning away, I sifted through my fridge. I drank a beer which I'd left open despite how nasty it felt going down. I sorted everything based on usage. I consolidated a few things. I put aside stuff from the freezer which would be good to use next for lunch and supper. I plopped down beside the phone.
Maybe she wasn't even home yet. She would have her phone with her though. She'd pick up and ask who it was.
"This is John Bellmore, the guy who broke your heart. The guy who bailed on our first date because he was afraid he'd mess his pants just sitting beside you. The guy who never called after that and passed an excuse through Greg to you. The guy who always goes for the broken girls. Can I watch you scamper to the toilet?"
I pressed the phone to my face and clenched my teeth. I told Greg I would make it right. Goddamn coward. I'd already done it once. But this was for keeps. If I fucked up this time, no do-overs.
But this was over the phone. I couldn't do it like that. She deserved the chance to slap me. I put the phone down and left it there.
I played the games we didn't get to. I went out shopping for fresh groceries. I might've seen someone with purple eyes, but I wasn't paying attention.
The weekend both crawled and flew past me. Hours slipped by as I counted them.
The world didn't end. No one called me. Not Greg, Lina, Babs, or anyone else. The days passed with abject normalcy.
And so I woke, prepared, and dressed on Monday as though it were any random week. It was the coldest morning of the season so far. The temperature was below freezing with the sun up. Warm coat time. I gassed up my car on the way and threaded through the early traffic. I pulled into the same parking spot in the back, checked the staff door, opened it with my key, and made my way inside.
"Something is wrong! Let me get a sample!"
Babs elbowed against a quivering Deb who held a pair of tweezers in her hand.
"Calm your fucking shit, Deb! There are no aliens!"
Greg had sore spots on his raised hands and a grimace on his face.
I blinked until Babs noticed me and called, "Get her off me!"
Deb whirled around. "You! You were missing too! And you said they knew! What do they know?!"
She came at me with her tweezers, rambling that there were multiple implants just under the skin of abductees. I acted quickly and used the nearest clipboard to bat the tweezers out of her hand. As she scrambled for them, Babs snagged and tossed them behind the filing cabinet.
Deb dug her nails into the depths of her hair and muttered, "I'm not crazy. Not crazy. The stories were right. They were right. They watch us all the time. They control everything. I...am not crazy!...You! You were working here all last week! You know! Tell them I'm not crazy!"
I was looking around to make sure there was nothing else she might pick up to use as a weapon. I figured she was talking to Babs until I heard a soft, familiar voice answer, "Umm...I'm really sorry, but I've never worked here."
Lina. She stood in the hallway with wide-eyed confusion. She wore a large jacket with a wooly fringe around the hood. She folded her hands in front of her skirt with tights underneath.
Deb scratched at her legs and howled, "They got you too. They got everyone. We're all next! You're next! Run! Don't let them take over! They watch everything!" She bolted out the back door, nearly cracking the glass.
Once peace had returned, I looked around at everyone in the room and said simply, "Morning", with a raised hand.
Babs returned the gesture with a groan and told Greg, "We should consider that her official resignation."
Greg agreed, "Yeah, damn. I'll get on the line with the agency, I guess. Hey, Lina, glad you could stop by! You doing okay?"
Lina nodded and held the collar of her coat. "Yeah. I was surprised you called me this weekend. It was nice to hear from you. Just uhh..." Her eyes darted to me before dipping down.
Babs smiled and folded her arms. "Good to see you too, Lina. It's been too long. Speaking of calls, I got a call about you on Saturday after I got back."
Frowning and lowering her hood, Lina rubbed her gloved hands together and asked, "W-what? Why would you get a call about me? From Greg, you mean?"
Babs shook her head. "No. It was from the pub just down the street from where I live. They had me as the contact for you and they said you won a Nintendoooo...Swish or something?"
Lina's eyes widened. "My gosh! A Switch?! I won a Switch? Serious?" She gave a little grin and took a step towards Babs.
With a nod, Babs amended, "Yeah, Switch. I was skeptical at first. So, I grilled them to make sure it wasn't a scam. I went over to the pub and talked to the owner. It was the weirdest thing though. They had a video game competition last week and you apparently won some end of the night raffle."
Rubbing her cheek, Lina noted, "I...was nowhere near Frostwell last week. I was in California at a game convention. So, that would be impossible. It must be a mistake..."
I casually listened while holding onto a calm expression and doing and saying nothing suspicious. Greg rubbed his eyebrows and shook his head as he asked Babs, "So, what did you do?"
Babs turned up her hands. "Their camera system is only on a 48-hour loop so there was no proof of what he said. He was as bewildered as I was but gracious and gave me the thing for Lina. Do you wa..."
Lina bounded forward and nodded. "Yes!...umm...yes, please. I mean, if you have no use for it. That would be neat."
Babs chuckled and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. "All yours. I can pick it up at my place around lunchtime. Also, wow, that makes three weird things lately, if you want to count Deb finally losing that last thread in her head."
Frowning, I chimed in, "What was the other thing?"
Babs grinned. "You juuust missed it. Before Deb lost her mind seeing Greg, I walked up to the office and this guy in a gray suit came over and said his name is John Haysee and that I changed his life. Immediately, he just grabbed me in this bear hug. He cried through this story of being homeless with health problems. Last week, he remembered me telling him he was a good man and all sorts of stuff. I gave him a ride and he found his way to people who got him some help. He even got hired for a job. I didn't have the heart to tell him he had the wrong person because I was not here either last week."
Sighing and shaking her head, Babs proclaimed, "But, hey, life is weird like that. And our blood person is running for her bunker."
Lina looked lost as she turned to gaze back down the hall to the front door. Her eyes avoided me as she asked Greg, "So, what else...did you want to talk about?"
He took a deep breath, pressed his hands together, and said, "I don't remember last week but I am so sorry if I did anything out of character to anyone here. Anyone." His eyes flicked over toward Babs and me. "As well, I was given some very beautiful words from a good friend, an apologetic friend, who wants to tell you a few things." His hand gestured towards me.
Aww, crap. Well, no more putting it off. Lina stuck her gloved hands in her coat pockets. The golden hairpin was inside my pocket, underneath my wallet.
She approached, edging along the side of the desk. Greg cleared his throat and asked to speak with Babs a moment. They went off to the lounge.
"Hi, Lina. You look good."
"Thanks." Her jaw was tight. She glanced at my face every so often but mostly kept her eyes down.
"Did you have a safe trip?"
"Yeah..."
"Did you get any nice swag?"
She clasped her hands in front of her. "I...I'm not sure what's going on here. What...why did Greg want us to talk?"
I leaned on my chair. I swallowed. "Lina, I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you when we were first getting to know each other..."
She held a hand up. "I...I can't. I'm...sorry too. I appreciate the apology but I can't...it's just..." Her words were ragged but soft.
Deep fucking breath. "Lina. This last week I spoke to a girl who felt just like you. She'd been through a lot. Parents who were either absent in times of illness or who treated her like a problem instead of a scared little kid. Classmates in high school who regarded her as an embarrassment. Friends who broke her things and boys who broke her heart. She opened my eyes, Lina. I was a piece of shit. I was a fucking bum. I screwed up...because you are so beautiful. You are amazing and I am so stupid for not telling you that truth every single instant I see you."
She listened quietly, with her head down and her arms dangling. She sniffled. "Poor girl but she's not me..."
"I know but I also know you've been through so much. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, Lina. Your presence, everything about you, is so overwhelming that I lose myself around you. It's like trying to stand before and glimpse the sun."
I worried words were failing me but I hoped I was doing my best. She shifted a little but didn't raise her face. Mad? Sad? Confused? I didn't know what else to say.
I approached her carefully. She flinched but didn't run away. I said softly but clearly, "You are Angelina Rose Owlswatter and you are the most beautiful, sexy, wonderful person I could ever know. If we had just a moment, a day, a week, or a thousand years...I promise to be by your side, to never run away scared, and to love you as you deserve...always." I staggered through the finish, tears dragging my words down with desperation. Please understand, Lina. Please believe me...please!
Her hands trembled as hair fell over her eyes. She slid a finger across her face and quietly whimpered with soft, gasping breaths. Carefully, she looked up. Tears streamed down her face. "...H-how could anyone...ever love me like t-that?"
I pulled myself beside her and whispered, "Happily."
She grabbed my shoulder and pressed her face against it. She blubbered and squeaked words of appreciation and uncertainty. I held her and rubbed her back gently. I told her that I loved her, no matter what.
As she caught her breath between sobs that eased from mournful to relieved, she finally looked at me with those big, gorgeous blue eyes and, ever so gently, tried a kiss on the edge of my lips.
She gave a little gasp that sounded like a hiccup. She turned away from me with her blush spilling all over her cheeks. I touched her shoulders and smiled as I reminded her, "Beautiful." She reacted with more embarrassment, so much so she squeaked an apology about needing to use the restroom.
My bits reacted, as they would, but I just went with it. I loved everything about Lina and so did my whole body.
Lina turned the corner to head to the back. A moment later, she cried, "My gosh!"
When I joined her, we were both staring at Greg and Babs sharing a long, feisty kiss. Babs' hands roamed all over the place. When they finally let go, Greg stammered a few sounds as Babs bit her lip like she was ready for round two.
Eventually, Greg broke through with a cough and asked, "Your eyes are red. You okay, Lina?"
She swallowed, glanced at me, and quietly told Greg, "Yeah. Actually, I am. And be right back..."
I looked over at Babs and Greg. Babs couldn't keep her eyes and hands from searching little parts of him and he seemed like he was about to pass out. I advised them, "So, stuff has happened. I can relate but the important thing to remember is we open like...five minutes ago."
Greg clapped his hands and nodded vigorously. "Right! Start the day! Everything is great! Yeah! Let's do this! Questions later! Woooooo...."
We had quite a crowd. Bless Chaos Mondays. I helped Babs with paperwork as she explained, "He thought I was at The Cherry Lass the Friday before last, when he gave me the time off. I told him, yeah, briefly. I decided to stop by before heading out. But I wasn't into drinking alone, so I left pretty early. I mostly stuck to the garden. But he had these really hot fantasies or something..." She glanced at nearby kids with their parents and resisted saying more.
She finished, "And then, I just went for it. Like I've always wanted. It was scary at first but fantastic." She wore a dreamy grin I could relate to.
Returning to my desk, I sighed and glared at Deb's empty station. Greg slipped back into his usual, professional decorum and noted that he'd left a message with the agency about Deb's "behavior" and received word they would be addressing the issue. But, he qualified that, "It could take a few days or a week."
Lina returned from down the hallway. I caught her gaze from far off. She was smiling at me. As she got closer, she looked away but still smiled with the occasional, quick glance.
"Lina! Cousin! Let's go bowling! I mean...let me hire you!" Greg turned and beamed at her as he put on an exaggerated, Eastern European accent.
Her face dipped and she stared. "Wait...what? Huh? For what? And did you just drop another GTA IV reference on me like last night?" She pouted slightly.
Using his hands vigorously, Greg explained, "Our blood draw lady is...probably halfway to Canada. We need help. I know you. Come on. You can wear pink scrubs. I know you'll look awesome in pink scrubs."
I narrowed my eyes at Greg. Hmm... Probably a coincidence.
Lina wobbled but steadied herself as she glanced at me. I gave her a warm smile. She groaned. "I...don't know anything about drawing blood. I could hurt someone."
Babs assured her, "It's actually pretty simple. I had a friend where I grew up who did it as part of her high school classes. I've picked up enough from watching Deb that I can get you started...though legally you would need a number of certified hours. But we can figure something out, okay? Hey, how about when I pick up your prize, you come with me and we can eat somewhere and talk about what you'd need to do?"
Lina looked around. She whimpered. "I dunno. I have my job at the library and I've never done this and..."
From the waiting room, a little girl with a pretty hat and a soft tuft of hair rushed over, gave Lina a big, snuggling hug and whispered, "Hi."
Babs waved and greeted her, "Hi, Lily! Happy Monday, sweetie."
Lily gave a quick finger wave to everyone and ran away.
Standing there and looking stunned, Lina answered with a faint smile, "I'll...give it a try."
After Babs and Lina planned their lunch meetup, Babs settled into her chair and stared with irritation at the calls waiting on her phone.
"You okay, Babs?"
She nodded and smirked at me. "Quite okay. First taste. First of many. Although, fuck, I dunno. It's Greg." She glanced around to make sure he wasn't in earshot. "He's the one. But what's next? I usually just...jump it. Do you think he'd be okay with that? You know him...what do I do?"
I set down my paperwork with a sense of wistful amusement, held my hands, and told Babs, "Well, I bet I could help you with that..."
=======
~~~~
"We, who lived but a short time, and who did not choose this life, became eternal friends. I hope once more to see you smile in our next life."
~~~~
Announcement
I actually, originally planned for this to be part of a trilogy with a short story bridging the narratives.
Next up would be "Runner-Runner".
Then the main story would continue in Drawing Dead and conclude in Bad Beat. If there's enough interest, I might see about continuing the storyline
Next up would be "Runner-Runner".
Then the main story would continue in Drawing Dead and conclude in Bad Beat. If there's enough interest, I might see about continuing the storyline
9
A bittersweet ending, a story unexpected, heralded by the fleetingness of time. May your pen never dry, and may the words feed from your hands. Wordsmith, I grant this title to you, who has made me feel an oft forgotten feeling, invisible in the moment and blinding in hindsight.
Y'know, I wrote the review thinking I'd found another to confer the title upon, and then I finished it, and went to go look at other works by the author, and I saw the name and pfp, and my very first thought was "Oh sh*t this is the same person isn't it"
Thank you very much :-)
@Webmage101 hahah
This was a really interesting read! I can't help but wonder if Greg remembers more than he let on xD
Saw it was finished(or at least, this arc) so gave it a shot. Turned out to have the worst kind of Plastic Memories style ending, where you're expecting a feelgood subversion of expectations for the whole story but then it dumps on you with exactly what it said you were getting at the end. Bet-Lina deserved better.
Plastic Memories did me dirty when I watched it all those years ago and I still think about it and get depressed from time to time. It's been 5 years since I watched it and it still hurts. When I took a moment and realized that the parallel here was what was making me feel so strongly about this ending, I had to comment about it. It's a powerful tool in the kit of an author because it's such a nasty gutpunch to actually kill off an identity even though similar works have built up a trend of subverting highly visible bad ends like this. That's where both this novel and Plastic Memories meets: they tell you the bad end from very early on and then, when you're hoping for something to plot device a happier ending, it just pushes the stake right through your heart.
Don't take this the wrong way, I enjoyed the story for what it was. I just happen to have an *extreme* dislike of this type of ending.
Major complaint out of the way, now I nitpick. I was surprised that only one bet happened despite being such a specific setup. Deb not even suspecting a bet for her conspiracy theories despite the mechanic being apparently a big player in history and even daily life(which again, outside the prologue, never really showed up) felt a little off and setting-blind.
It felt like the mechanic itself oscillated between being a key part of the makeup of the world they lived in and a secret that had to be kept or unspecified consequences might happen? They seemed to just forget about keeping Lina's room as it was sometime around when she starts bringing games for the waiting room. The argument can be made that she weighed her options and decided it was either worth it or decided to ignore the chance that she wasn't the real one(which seems likely considering the direction she took in the last couple chapters) but it would have still been addressed at some point even if only in internal monologue from Bet-Babs or John. Even unacknowledged, I feel that was a really strong turning point for Bet-Lina's character, and wish it got a little more attention.
But that also brings my original nitpick back: why was it necessary to keep it secret? Why not just tell Lina "oh you had a twin for a week because of a bet, sorry we messed with some of your stuff and also she lived there for a bit". Sure it would be weird but in a world where magical bets have existed for over 100 years you'd think people would have heard of stuff like that before. As she is someone who is clearly highly connected online they probably could have easily gotten in touch with Actual-Lina despite her trip, through steam or whatever. But they chose not to, to keep in line with secrecy for...some reason that I'm still not clear on.
The real answer, I'm sure, is that the betting was merely a vehicle for the story you wanted to tell and that it was never truly that important. I liked the concept though and wished you did more with it.
I don't comment much(this is only my second comment on a webnovel, ever) but in closing of this comment I would just like to say that I've read several of your stories now and I've enjoyed each in their own way.
No worries! I'm honored you left a comment and put so much thought into recounting your feelings and reactions. I know this story definitely wasn't going to be for everyone.
Believe me, when I came up with this concept, I fought myself tooth and nail to not make it a downer as much as possible. I was willing to break the concept and play with reality.
I used the dream sequences to come up with possible outs and ideas and things. It was a grueling creative process but I knew going in how it needed to end if I didn't want to cheat the rules I set.
I watch a lot of stuff by writers of the same mold as like Steven Moffatt and the happy ending where everyone is okay pulled out of nowhere always wore me down and this was quite a response to that in that "I'm not gonna cheat an emotional event by trying to take it back".
Another inspiration I had in mind was to take the concept of identity death and flip it on its head like, "Wait a minute, this person who is created from the overwrite of someone is person too...if we restore our original character and their personality then that will be really bad too". Star Trek: Voyager touched on this with their "Tuvix" episode.
I also agree, Bet-Lina deserves better. I would be the biggest cheerleader for her and I adore the character. And I will ultimately do more with her but for this story I didn't want to break my own rules like Doctor Who and other media do just to make something happy.
Especially from my perspective now, I think I like what I did with the ending because there are so many moments in time people share which end and it's sad but also you feel grateful they happened. I was especially in a rough place with family and parents who died and since died after being in hospice for a long time and gets into my writing as a person as I live my life. I don't have the words yet for a lot of my experiences but I'm working on it. I hoped to come up with something cool to say but still reflecting.
And believe me, I'm not a big fan of this sort of ending either but I wanted to play it as sincere to Lina and the setup as possible.
Deb missing the obvious was kinda me razzing certain types of conspiracy thinking where there's a myriad of crutches that are reached for and the most rational, Occam's Razor solution is missed. My co-writer also had a few thoughts on Deb but I forget.
So far as other bets, I worried that if I started tossing bets around all over the place then it could get lost. The story was meant to be a slice of life for these two, short-lived characters and their kinship.
So far as the world, it felt like once their fates were set then a bubble went around them so far as being under the influence of other bets. And the last chapter was also meant to show they left a lasting effect on the world around them, even though they're gone.
Probably a good analogy for how bets worked would be how magic presents in the Pixar film, Onward. It raises eyebrows and kids and young people experiment with it but ultimately people go on with their everyday lives and forget about magical crazy stuff.
So far as keeping Lina's room the exactly same, the handheld games came from somewhere deep in original Lina's closet so the implication was that, even though she is a collector, she knows what stuff other she wouldn't notice missing and just blame being forgetful. I know a lot of my old old video game handheld stuff is stashed away and there are plenty of things that feel like elves spirited them away.
For Lina it was like, it would be cool to let these forgotten games be played and other me wouldn't notice. And I think she assured Babs that it wouldn't be a problem? I will give a caveat that I wrote this story over many many months and keeping all the threads of what seemed like a cool character idea and what still made sense in the narrative took a lot of juggling. My co-writer might've even asked me this same sort of question and there miiiight be a small line by Lina or Babs.
So far as not telling Lina or other Babs there was also something I'd like to call "The Hand of the Betkeepers". Babs couldn't get in touch with her family and other communication avenues were stymied. It was kinda like, as I said, a bubble, it insulated the events of Greg and John's bet from influencing outside individuals except where the Betkeepers wanted them to. But yeah, it was also me trying to keep the story focused on the two main characters and their brief lives without too many distractions.
Thank you for reading and especially for commenting, I crave reactions where I get a lot of stuff to process and learn from as a storyteller. Have an awesome day!
Yeah, I get the narrative value of sticking to the idea of "this character will disappear by the end", and it really shows that you tried to keep the meat of the story as upbeat as possible without going too far into depressionville. I do feel like a better balance could have been achieved, but it turned out well enough. In particular, John only really getting a few lines of internal dialogue all at once after the reveal that Greg didn't even keep those memories sorta cut the grieving process a bit short, but perhaps I'm projecting.
I both dislike and understand the handwaved bet rules. As I said, the basic concept was interesting and I feel like more could have been done with it, and it sounds like you do have more planned in this universe so I'm looking forward to it. At the same time, the setup to this story could have been any number of things and the special circumstances of this world really didn't matter for where the story went. All that the story really needed was two things: a trigger, and a time limit. The betting mechanic worked for it but overall felt like overcomplicating the situation in a story that didn't particularly benefit from it, perhaps.
In this story the handwaving "works" because the particulars are not really that important. The bet mechanic is treated so lackadaisically that the characters even leave the consequences to mysterious entities just because there was no good reason to kick off this specific plot otherwise because they would never do this on purpose given the few concrete rules of the mechanic. Looking back, it was an incredibly awkward setup because the world rules and the main story that got attached to it sort of feel mismatched. At the end of the day, this story wasn't about Wagers that Magically Matter Most, it was about the two main characters and their brief lives as you said. I think the setting has it's place, but this story sort of squanders it's setting's potential, and the handwaving was only necessary because of the mismatch.
I hope this makes sense because i'm typing sleep deprived at this point trying to put it all together. Thanks for commenting back and you too have an awesome day!
I thought original Lina would get bet-Lina's memories. Especially with the rule that said they couldn't kill anyone and the triforce earring still being around after the whole change. Was a little disappointed but could see why you didn't go that route.
Still if you did go on with the series I think it would be fun to put that in. Maybe her memories are stuck in the triforce thing and she regains them when she gets it? Or she gets dreams of the events?
Regardless it was a great read!
Loved the story! (kind of reminded me of angel beats)
@banana113 I considered doing that. I have a lot of ideas for how Drawing Dead would go and they mainly center around John's mom, Beth, who made a certain bet a long time ago. The opening I have in mind for Drawing Dead is really cool. Also, I love Angel Beats. It definitely seeps into my writing.
Well I can’t wait to read it! Till then I’ll have to settle for giving your other works a spin!