A few days after all the Gravity Frame pilots went paintjob crazy, the Mechanic Chief and I managed to get another chimera unit assembled and battle-ready, bringing the ship’s total complement of active duty Frames to six. The captain then instituted a three-shift patrol rotation, with two-pilot groups taking eight-hour shifts flying search patterns around the ship and blasting away any Sarcophage that crossed the Absolute Lunar Defense Line. It was thus that our days settled into a nice, predictable routine.

We were still badly under-strength, but the Sarcophage hadn’t thrown any more cruisers our way and we’d been able to handle the small groups of frame-class units that we regularly encountered. In the long stretches of boredom in between enemy encounters, the two patrolling pilots would often get chatty… as would I.

On this particular patrol, Miette and I were paired up with the spunkier half of the Giacosa sisters, Sabina. We had just finished mopping up another small Sarcophage incursion and were settling back into our search pattern, so I decided it was as good a time as any to ask about something that had been on my mind.

“Hey Miette, have you ever been in love?” I murmured somewhat dreamily.

“Wh-“ Miette responded. “Where did THAT come from?”

“Ahahaha, sorry.” I giggled. “It’s just been on my mind lately. A friend of mine’s having a romance problem, and I’m wondering how to help.”

“A friend? Someone on the ship?” she asked, eyes lighting up eagerly at the prospect of fresh gossip.

“Ah, I can’t say! That’s classified information!” I responded quickly.

“Cmooooooon, Sveta!” Sabina moaned over the comms, making a pouty face. “Spill the beans! Who is it?”

I crossed my avatar’s arms in an X-shape. “BZZT! No way! I would never reveal a poor maiden’s forlorn heart so rudely!”

Although given how obviously infatuated Laria acts around the captain, someone else besides me must have picked up on it…

Miette stuck out her tongue. “FINE, keep your secrets. If you’re looking for love advice, I don’t have much to offer. I’ve never been down that road.”

“Never?” I asked warily.

Miette smiled. “I mean, I’ve had flings with plenty of people, for sure. Hookin’ up for some casual sex is a nice way of relieving stress for a soldier, ya know?”

Aha! Exactly what I told Laria about stress relief! Get it out of your system with a little midnight rendezvous!

“S-So,” I said, shifting my gaze around, “do you prefer guys or girls?”

“Both!” Miette said, grinning. “Whoever’s good in the sack is good with me!”

“Gah! You really are experienced!” I clasped my hand over my mouth in mock horror.

“Sure, sure. But none of those encounters went anywhere deeper, no pun intended.” Miette continued. "It’s not like I’m not interested in settling down with somebody someday, but it’s a hard thing for a soldier to do. I’ve seen a lot of romances end badly.”

“Oh.” I said softly. “B-Because you don’t know if your partner’s gonna be alive tomorrow?”

“Exactly.” she responded. “Death is a fact of life for a soldier. If you get too close to somebody, you just wind up hurtin’.”

“Hmm. How about you, Sabina? You feel the same way?” I asked.

“Psh, as if!" Sabina scoffed. "I don’t think I’m as DOUR as Miette about it. That outlook is damn gloomy! But to digress, I don’t have any romantic experience to speak of. I’m ace and all that.”

“Ace?”

“Oh I meant asexual and aromantic, not an ace pilot. Although I am one of those too! I’m a triple-ace! I desire only BATTLE and GLORY!” She nodded her head and clenched her fist to emphasize the point.

I laughed. “So you’re no good for advice either, huh?”

“Hmm, not really.” she responded. “You could ask my sister, though!”

“She’s got romantic experience?” I asked, surprised. It seemed a bit out-of-character for the shy, quiet Genevi.

“Loads of it!” Sabina exclaimed. “She was sweet on a girl back at the academy, Marie or Molly or something like that. Since then she must have had a half-dozen girlfriends! She’s even dating someone right now, a LIDAR technician who works in the CIC sphere.”

“Gah! I would have never imagined she was such a casanova!” I said in shock. “She seems so quiet…”

“Yeah, she gets that a lot.” Sabina said with a shrug. “I think it’s that sweet personality of hers that attracts the ladies. She’s like a cute puppy you just wanna spoil.”

“Hmm,” I said, tapping my chin in thought. “In that case, maybe she’ll be good for advice…”

“Ah,” Sabina interjected as if something had just occurred to her, “hang on. It’s true she does have a lot of romantic experience, but all her relationships ended in breakups too. She’s never found anything long-term.”

“So she can hook ‘em but she can’t keep ‘em, huh…” I said, rubbing my head.

“If Genevi ain’t gonna work out, how about you ask Maurice?” offered Miette.

“Maurice? Really?”

“Yeah, he’s married.” Miette said casually.

“MAURICE? MARRIED? He looks like such a playboy though…” I said, surprised.

“Well, given his demeanor I can see why you might think that.” Miette responded. “He’s been married for like thirty years, though. I think his husband works in the Politburo or something? It’s a long-distance relationship, apparently they’re only able to see each other when Maurice is on leave.”

“Gah, that sounds rough…”

“Sure sure, but a guy who can make a relationship work under those conditions has gotta have some useful romantic advice, yeah?” Miette said, crossing her arms and nodding.

“True!” I said happily. “Okay, I’ll ask Maurice next time I see him!”

Maurice, Maurice, Maurice! You are the last, best hope for the poor forlorn Radiolaria!

*****

Our patrol continued for several hours thereafter, with us idly chatting about romantic matters. At one point Miette began to recount her sexual escapades, which got INCREDIBLY awkward.

Doubly so for me. After all, here I was secretly crushing on her, yet how could a massive war machine like me possibly bring a human woman pleasure? Remote-control dildoes, maybe? Or that weird wire-tentacle thing Big Duo Inferno did to Alan Gabriel?

I imagined shouting YE GUILTY at Miette before going to town with wire-tentacles. Now there was an unpleasant mental image.

Well, I suppose Laria would have the same problem. I thought. I wonder if there’s any precedent for AI-human relationships in this world…

Just then, I was snapped away from my thoughts by a LIDAR ping at the edges of my perception. As I scanned the data, my metaphorical stomach dropped like a stone.

“Miette! Sabina!” I exclaimed, bringing up a visual representation of the ping onto both their cockpit monitors.

“Hooooly shit.” Miette whistled. “That’s huge.”

“Estimate at least three carrier-class vessels.” I confirmed.

“Enemy?” she asked, gripping my controls tightly.

“I don’t think so.” Sabina interjected. “The direction they’re coming from is inside the Absolute Line.”

“Reinforcements, then?” Miette said hopefully.

I sent the data back to Radiolaria and she directed us to investigate, with caution. She put the other four pilots on standby for launch just in case the ships were hostile. The two of us rocketed towards the huge ping, scouting ahead.

*****

About three minutes later, the LIDAR ping resolved into two arrowhead-shaped vessels, and one massive rectangular one. It was then that they radioed over IFF tags.

“Confirming friendlies.” I said with a sigh or relief. “The lead ship’s code identifies it as as SCCA Telesthesia, presently under escort by the SGFC Satyajit Ray and the SGFC Kaushik Ganguly.

“That’s damn peculiar.” Sabina muttered. “They sent three whole ships to reinforce us?”

“I don’t think so.” Miette replied. “The Telesthesia is a black ops ship run by the NKVD. I’ve run into her before.”

“N-NKVD?!” Sabina gasped. Miette just nodded grimly.

“Wh-What do the secret police want with US?” Sabina asked fearfully.

There was a long, awkward silence as both of them turned to stare at me.

“W-W-WHAAAAAAAT?!” I cried out. “I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”

“It’s probably not that you did anything,” Miette said solemnly, “but more that you exist in the first place.”

GAH! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THERE’S NO WAY I’M INTERESTING ENOUGH TO ATTRACT THE ATTENTION OF THE SECRET POLICE!!

Suddenly a comms signal popped up.

“T-Telesthesia is h-h-hailing.” I stuttered.

A video chat window popped up, showing a grim-looking woman with pink hair cropped in a bob cut. She was wearing a pitch-black suit and dark sunglasses… the very picture of a secret agent.

“Gravity Frame AI Sveta and her pilot, I presume?” she said matter-of-factly. “Greetings. I’m special agent Viktorya Valentina of the NKVD. I’ve come an awfully long way to meet you.” She smiled thinly.

GAAAAAAH! NOW THE MEN IN BLACK ARE AFTER ME TOO?!