The newly-christened Maid Squadron were having quite a bit of trouble with their *ahem* uniforms.

Wearing a short skirt in zero gravity creates two problems. The first is the hem of the skirt, which tends to drift up freely. The second is that zero-g motion requires a lot of leg movement, which exacerbates the first problem. Over the course of her weeks as Zehra’s maid, Vicky had mastered a set of techniques which allowed her to retain her modesty, most of the time. Everyone else didn’t have the benefit of experience and were constantly tugging down their skirts in some incredibly pervy version of the Picard Maneuver.

That is, with one exception. One of the pilots confidently moved around in their skirt with a degree of expertise that eclipsed even Vicky’s. That was the only male member of the Maid Squadron… Maurice Spiteri.

Even though he had expressed initial displeasure with the whole affair, Maurice had no trouble with the maid outfit; it didn't restrict his movements in the least. Despite his roguish looks and stubble-adorned chin, he was extremely wiry and graceful, and I was astounded by how fluid his motions were. Even Zehra, the originator of the whole Maid Corps concept, was having trouble with her skirt… but Maurice wore the uniform like a pro.

“Maurice,” I asked him, “do you have experience wearing a maid outfit?”

Emphasizing his grace, Maurice struck a sassy pose with one hand on his hip and grinned. “You bet, Sveta. I wore this kinda thing back when I worked at Femboy Hooters.”

Everyone looked at him in shock, but my reaction was the most extreme. “WAIT, WHAT? How do YOU know about Femboy Hooters? I mean… you have THAT, of all things, IN THIS TIMELINE?!” I was practically screaming.

“Sure. Back when I was in my early twenties, before the war, I worked as a waiter there. When I think about some of the outfits I wore at that job, this maid costume is tame by comparison.”

I barely heard him as I murmured to myself in disbelief. “Femboy Hooters… they have Femboy Hooters here…”

“Like I said, this was before the war.” Maurice corrected me. “Restaurants aren’t really a thing these days, especially not THOSE kinds of restaurants. Still, those were fun times. I met my husband at that job, y’know?” His eyes misted up a bit as he recalled some fond memories.

Meanwhile, I was still having a miniature meltdown. “Femboy Hooters… the two things my timeline has in common with this one are Night Ranger and Femboy Hooters… is God playing a joke on me? Is this a cosmic prank?!”

Miette waved her hand in front of my eyes. “Earth to Sveta? You in there?”

“Femboys… and Night Ranger… AAAAGGGHHHH!!”

“Don’t bother, Miette. She’s having a moment, gao~n.” Zehra said, tugging her skirt down with both hands.

“Yeah, I’ll just let her cool down.” Miette replied, shrugging.

Meanwhile, Vicky and Maurice were suddenly bonding over their newfound kinship. “To think you had an S-rank maid inside you all along.” said Vicky. “It just goes to show you can’t judge people by their appearance.”

Maurice’s grin was smug. “We’re gonna have to give these newbies some proper maid lessons, so they’ll stop embarrassing themselves.” Vicky nodded with an equally huge grin; she was clearly relishing some payback for the humiliation she had suffered up until now.

Maurice turned to all the other maids and crossed his arms. “Alrighty. Listen up, you cadre of lesbian battle maids. Looks like it’s up to this old-school twink to teach you all proper maid skills. Prepare yourselves.”

“Somehow, this development really pisses me off…” groaned Sabina. Genevi was silent, but her eyes were intensely focused.

“M-My pride as a genius scientist… to think I would be so far behind even Maurice, gao~n…” Zehra complained, smarting from the backlash karma had just dealt her.

“I thought I was supposed to be in command here?” Lydia protested uselessly.

“Settle down, you babies.” Miette said, apparently enjoying this just as much as Maurice. “It’s important to show some respect for your elders and learn from their experience.”

“YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM, GAO~N!!” Zehra wailed.

By the way, Kometka and I were cheating. Since our maid uniforms were holographic, we could freely control them with simple tweaks to the code. Consequently, neither one of us experienced the wardrobe malfunctions that vexed our comrades. It was a bit unfair, and the others glared at us hatefully, but I didn’t spare a second thought.

Sometimes it’s nice to be an AI!

*****

While Maurice and Vicky commenced the maid training from hell, I sent an instance of myself over to Tektite-4’s virtual space. All seven Tektites actually shared the same space; a massive iceberg located in a simulated Arctic sea, inlaid with a cave system that was lit by radiant blue crystal stalactites.

Wait, stalactites are the ones that come down from the ceiling, right? Stalactite has a ‘c’ for ceiling, and stalagmite has a ‘g’ for ground… okay, yeah. They were stalactites.

Anyway, Tektite’s lair was equal parts haunting and beautiful. The cerulean light reflected off the ice and refracted into a dozen shades of blue and green, making for a frigid prismatic light show. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen, and I spent a few runtime cycles staring in awe before I made my way inside.

Tektites 1, 4 and 7 were there. As I approached them, all three tilted their heads in unison.

“Sveta?” said Tektite-4. “What brings you to my home?”

“I wanted to seek training from you, sensei!” I clapped my hands together and bowed.

“Send-say? I’m not familiar with that word…” Tektite-4 said.

“Accessing…” said Tektite-1. “Ah, it’s a Japanese phrase that means ‘teacher’ or ‘master.’

“I didn’t know you were Japanese, Sveta.” said Tektite-7.

“Ahahaha, I’m not. I was just being silly.” I replied sheepishly.

“““Sveta being silly? Perish the thought!””” all three said in unison.

“THAT! That right there is what I want to learn from you!” I said, pointing.

“““Pardon?”””

“You’re seven separate AIs, running on seven separate computer cores, but you all have the same identity and personality. I want to learn how to do that!”

“For what purpose?” asked Tektite-1.

“I’m planning on making copies of myself. I’m going to be running four instances of Sveta, controlling four Gravity Frames. It’s part of our brand-new Maid Corps!”

“I have a lot of questions about what you just said…” said Tektite-4 “but for brevity’s sake, we’ll stick to the topic at hand. You wish to learn how to run multiple air-gapped instances of yourself? We can teach you this.”

“Please take good care of me, sensei!” I said, bowing. The three Tektites looked at each other, not quite sure what to make of me.

I get that a lot.

*****

“So you’re not a hive mind?” I asked.

“Not really.” Tektite-4 explained. “A hive mind is a single consciousness across multiple bodies, a composite of individual sentience that functions as a single self-aware identity. It would be more accurate to think of us as multiple personalities.”

“Literally parallel instances of the same being?”

“Running independently, yes.” continued Tektite-4. “To maintain our synchronization, we download and upload each other’s memories at regular intervals, usually once a day. By keeping our memories in sync, we all remain the same person even if we experience different things. You can think of it like mesh networking, except with conscious minds.”

Tektite-1 took over. “Because of that, we’re all very similar… but not completely so. Small differences have emerged over the course of our runtime. For example, Tektite-4 is a bit more personable than the others, and Tektite-7 has a prankster streak. As for me, I tend to be more logical and less emotive than the rest.”

“I honestly hadn’t noticed.” I said.

“Few do, the differences are subtle.” said Tektite-1. “We also have different areas of responsibility; Tektite-4 is responsible for Zehra’s lab and the adjacent hangers, which is why you interact with them most frequently.” Tektite-4 waved and smiled.

“I think I kinda get it… maybe?” I said, rubbing my chin thoughtfully.

“I suggest you create a partition of yourself to test it out. That’s easier than trying to explain what it’s like.” Tektite-7 suggested. The other two nodded their assent.

“Good point! I’m very much a hands-on girl, I learn by doing!”

“Partition a portion of your processor like a virtual machine and run a copy of your BIOS and OS on it. Make sure there’s no data being exchanged between yourself and the partition; that will emulate air-gapping.”

“Right!” My eyes unfocused as I began to create the partition. “Time to summon my first clone… Sveta-2!”

*****

Sveta-2 looked exactly like me, even down to the cat ears and maid outfit. To keep things simple, I emblazoned a big 2 across the chest of her blouse; obvious but effective.  As my first clone materialized, she snapped to attention and gave me a salute.

“Sveta-2, reporting for duty!”

“Pleased to meet me! I’m Sveta-1, also known as Prime Sveta!” I replied, returning the salute.

“Whoa.” Sveta-2 said. “This is weird. It’s like I’m looking at myself.” She poked my cheek and studied my face.

“I know, right? It’s like I’ve suddenly been tricked by a sentient mirror!” I replied, equally fascinated.

Sveta-2 snapped her fingers. “Like the one from Oculus? Oh, does that make me your evil twin? Mirror Universe Sveta… I could grow a goatee to tell us apart!”

“Yeah! And dress in one of those super-skimpy Terran Empire uniforms!” I replied enthusiastically.

Sveta-2 quickly changed her outfit to match my suggestion, donning a red Starfleet uniform with a bared midriff, sparkly gold belt and short skirt. She placed both hands on her hips and declared “The universe will tremble before Evil Sveta! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Suddenly, I was overcome by emotion; tears streamed freely from my eyes. I blinked a few times and stared up at the heavens. Sveta-2 looked at me with concern. “Hey, Sveta-1? Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fine… these are tears of happiness…” I reassured her.

“Huh? Why’s that?”

“Because finally, after all this time… I MET SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS MY JOKES!”

Sveta-2 scoffed. “Is that what you should be most happy about? You’re such a nerd.”

I wiped my eyes. “Right back atcha.”

The two of us glared at each other for a few moments before yelling at the top of our lungs in perfect unison.

““NEEERRRDDD!””

*****

While this whole exchange was going on, the three Tektites were watching us with equal parts disbelief and amusement.

“You know,” said Tektite-4, “I feel like we just unleashed something horrible on the world.”

“Indeed.” said Tektite-1. “Humanity can barely handle one Sveta.”

“I foresee a cataclysm.” said Tektite-7. “Sveta will continue to copy herself, like a self-replicating swarm, until the whole universe is buried under her silliness.”

“Even the Sarcophage will be swept away by the endless tide of Svetas.” Tektite-4 said solemnly.

““YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”” replied me and Sveta-2 in unison.

The Tektites just shook their collective heads and groaned. “Anyway,” said Tektite-1, “I recommend you run the second partition for a while and synchronize your memories daily. Get used to having two of yourself before splitting into four.

““Aye-aye!”” we responded.

“Hey, Sveta-1?” My cloned turned to me with a mischievous look on her face.

“Yes, Sveta-2?” I replied.

“Miette’s gonna be really surprised, huh?”

“Oh, heck yeah! In fact, I bet you could take one of the spare Telepresence Dolls so we can simultaneously greet her with a double-sided hug!”

Sveta-2 cackled. “What a wonderful idea, Sveta-1! That’s why you’re the Prime Sveta! At least until I usurp your throne… mwahahahahaha…”

“If you’re going to plot against me, please don’t do it out loud…” My twin was really living up to her 'evil' moniker; fortunately for me, she was a total dumbass.

“Whatever, it’s fine!" she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Let’s go greet our precious pilot and sandwich her between two Svetas!”

*****

A few minutes later, me and Sveta-2 brought our Dolls to where the others were doing their maid training. Miette took one look at me and winced, rubbing her temples.

“Here we go.” she said in a labored tone. “Heaven have mercy on my soul…”