Captain Savitskaya’s speech started out a bit dry, but that’s how remembrance speeches are supposed to be, right?

Nearly a thousand people were gathered in the central park of 433 Eros for a rather solemn New Year’s event. The holographic Christmas tree and winter wonderland were gone; there we no banners or balloons, just a podium and a crowd. The Captain was eulogizing those we had lost in the past year.

“We are gathered here today to honor those who so nobly sacrificed themselves for the United Soviet States, and for humanity. Thanks to their courage and bravery, we survive to continue the fight. As we prepare to begin a new year, let us mourn their loss and celebrate their lives.”

Just then, a holographic projection sprung up behind the captain. It contained rows and rows of photographs of those who had died in the past year, with their names listed beneath.

“There are too many names for me to read them all here, but we know well the battles in which they perished. The Radiolaria lost twelve pilots during the defense of OPS-233, and seven more during the raid on 376 Geometria. The Hypernova lost 23 pilots during various recon missions, and the Synchotron eleven more. 140 souls passed on when the Telesthesia was destroyed. Most recently, 255 perished during the kinetic strikes on Eros, and an additional three pilots died in the following battle. Eros and Radiolaria also each lost a crewmember to heart disease, and Synchotron lost a crewmember to cancer. Altogether, between Eros and our four carriers, that’s 454 people who are no longer with us.”

The captain motioned to the projection behind her. “These are their faces and their names. They were our siblings, our friends and lovers, our comrades. And every one was a warrior. Let us observe a moment of silence in their honor.”

The silence was punctuated by sobbing, coming from a dozen directions. Everyone started up at those 454 faces solemnly, their eyes searching the portraits for people they knew.

“Despite all the loss we’ve experienced this past year, we go into 2056 with renewed hope. Thanks to the ceaseless efforts of Doctor Zehra Aslanbek and her squadron of test pilots, we beat back an unprecedented attack from a Belphegor. And with the new technologies we are pioneering here on Eros, we are slowly but surely turning the tide of the war. I do not know if 2056 will be the year humanity ultimately achieves victory, but the opportunity is finally within grasp. Let us go into the new year with renewed optimism, and the determination to finally purge the Sarcophage from our solar system! I ask you all, on behalf of these 454 departed souls and the billions more that have perished over the long course of the war, hold your heads up high and forge a new future with your own hands! We WILL triumph!”

As the Captain’s voice swelled with those final words, loud cheering and applause broke out. As I clapped, I looked on her with admiration.

She’s quite a speechmaker, huh? Not to mention a great leader. When she says those words so boldly, I can’t help but be inspired.

As the applause died down, I clenched my fists tightly. And I, the giant robot girl from another world, will do everything in my power to make that dream a reality. I looked over at my precious pilot, Miette, and smiled brightly. She returned the smile, and we embraced.

*****

Two hours later, and one hour until midnight, all the pilots of Maid Squadron were gathered in Mess Hall 4 aboard the Radiolaria. Captain Savitskaya, Laria and Teles were also in attendance. Although there were no decorations, Laria was displaying a countdown to the new year on the video screens; the tables were lined with a small sandwich buffet, which in this world constituted an extravagant feast. Two kegs of vodka were also provided, apparently from the Captain’s personal supply.

The Captain had changed out of her uniform. She was now rocking that soft butch look from the Christmas festival, with an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a t-shirt and short denim shorts. Those of us who had seen her at the festival weren’t too surprised by this, but Sabina, Genevi, Maurice, Kometka and Lydia hadn’t been there; their eyes practically bugged out of their heads when the saw the fearsome ironclad woman they all feared and respected suddenly presenting such a casual side.

Lydia was probably the most floored of all, given her past conflict with the Captain. “Wh-Wh-Wh-What is that outfit, Captain Savitskaya?” she blubbered.

“Please, when we’re off-duty like this, call me Katya. And given your usual attire, I hardly think you’re in a position to be mocking my outfit.”

Kometka smiled. “She’s got you there.” As Lydia looked despondent, Maurice and Vicky both burst out laughing.

“Hmph. It’s not like I wear the maid outfit by choice.” Lydia moaned. “As for calling you by your first name… let me get a little liquid courage first.” She walked over to one of the vodka kegs, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it nearly to the brim. She then downed the entire thing in one swig, much to the amazement of everyone.

“Wow, you really can hold your liquor, huh?” Sabina said in awe.

“I’m a professional. I’m confident nobody can match my ability to drink.” she replied proudly.

“That sounds like a challenge.” Katya said, pouring herself a cup. “I’ll show you the pride of a ship’s captain!”

“You’re on… Katya.” Lydia replied, her face already flushed with inebriation.

“No way I’m getting left out!” Miette said, grabbing a cup of her own.

Zehra was practically vibrating in anticipation. “Me neither! Vodka is humanity’s greatest accomplishment, gao~n!”

“Oh, you poor innocent kids…” Maurice said with a wry smile as he poured himself a cup. “I’ll teach you to respect your elders.”

“Big talk for an old man!” Sabina smirked.

“U-Uhm, don’t leave me out…” Genevi said quietly.

“Oh boy, here we go…” I muttered. Laria just smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

*****

People often show different sides of themselves when drunk. Zehra tended to get weepy, for example, whereas Miette simply dialed her craziness up to eleven. Vicky and Lydia got super-affectionate, whereas Sabina was giggly. Katya and Maurice seemed entirely unaffected, despite having drunken more than anyone; likely this was due to having more experience than anyone else in the room. What surprised me most, however, was Genevi. When she got slammed, her inhibitions vanished ENTIRELY.

“It’s not FAIR, Mietteeeeeeeee!” she lisped while clinging to my pilot’s shoulders. “You’ve got TWO girlfriends now! Two of the SAME girlfriend!”

I looked over at Evil Sveta, who shrugged. It seems she shared my surprise at how the shy, demure Genevi had suddenly become entirely uninhibited after a few drinks.

Miette, meanwhile, was trying to push Genevi off. “Oy, oy! I didn’t realize my relationship was part of a competition. Besides, weren’t you getting back together with Monica?”

“It didn’t work out! IT NEVER WORKS OUT, WAUUUUUUUU!” Genevi wailed.

“Hahaha, that is true.” Sabina added, failing to stifle her giggles. “All of her flings end pretty quickly. She’s too nitpicky and winds up shutting down potential relationships over arguments about stupid stuff, like hot sauce. HOT SAUCE! Can you imagine? Hahahahaha!”

“Hot sauce? Seriously?” Katya munched on a sandwich as she observed the proceedings.

Genevi puffed out her cheeks in protest. “Sister! Don’t call them FLINGS! Anything but FLINGS! That makes me sound PATHETIC!” Suddenly, she whirled around and pointed at Zehra. “And what’s with you? Sleeping with both Vicky AND Teles? Stop hogging all the girlfriends! Are you trying to build a harem?”

Lydia was taken aback by that. “Whoa, seriously? Vicky, you’re part of a harem now?”

“Please don’t describe it so shamefully…” Vicky protested in a tiny voice.

Zehra had a mischievous look. “A harem, huh? That’s not a bad idea, gao~n. Zehra’s harem of sexy animal women! Katya, can we rebrand Maid Squadron into Maid Harem?”

“I’ll have to be significantly more drunk before I agree to that.” Katya replied matter-of-factly. Even four drinks in, her self-discipline was uncompromised, in complete contrast to Genevi.

“That was a joke! Don’t take it SERIOUSLY! Leave a girlfriend for me!” Meanwhile, poor Genevi was beside herself.

“Don’t worry, gao~n! You’ll be a part of my harem too! Think of it like having lots of friends with benefits, gao~n.” Zehra replied.

“Hey, don’t include me in this harem. I’m happily married, I’ll remind you.” Maurice protested.

“Guh! I just want ONE girlfriend, not a half-dozen!” Genevi turned back to Miette. “Hey, you’ve got two Svetas. Gimme one of them!”

Miette delivered a light chop to Genevi’s head, sending her reeling back. “Alright, enough of that. It’s not up to me who Sveta fools around with. I ain’t the Sveta Panties Police.”

I pondered that for a moment. Miette was hardly the jealous type, and had slept around quite a bit herself before we hooked up. We had discussed the idea of a poly relationship after I created my first clone; suffice to say, neither one of us was opposed… but for the moment, we were too happy in our little monogamous world to be actively seeking other lovers. Sorry, Genevi, but Miette’s my one and only.

I looked over at Evil Sveta, who shook her head. It seemed as if she were of the same mindset as me. Of course she is. We are literally the same person, after all. Still, I wondered how we’d manage things once there were four Svetas instead of two. Would we have to take turns? Each one of us would get Miette on a different day of the week? Since we all shared memories, I wasn’t opposed to that idea… as long as Miette did get burned out from too much hanky-panky.

While I ruminated, Laria was watching everyone with extreme interest. “Isn’t this fascinating?” she said to me, Kometka and Teles. “Studying humans when they’re inebriated is so revealing. Their true selves show through moreso than any other time.”

Teles rolled her eyes. “That’s a silly notion. Alcohol is a poison, you know? All it does is impair cognitive function, and make humans act extremely illogical. Frankly, the species would be better off without it.” Her voice was unexpectedly cold.

Laria turned to me. “As ex-humans, do you or Kometka have any thoughts on the matter?”

Kometka answered first. “I’ve never been drunk.”

“NEVER?!” Laria was surprised.

Kometka shook her head. “I came from a world where society was almost completely destroyed, and mere tribal remnants hid from machine horrors commanded by a genocidal AI. Luxuries like alcohol were nonexistent.”

Laria frowned, wary of stepping on a conversational landmine, but her curiosity got the better of her. “Y-You came from a timeline even worse than this one?”

“I don’t know about WORSE. I can’t judge other people’s experiences, only my own.” Kometka replied.

There was a long, awkward silence. Laria fidgeted, and Kometka just started at her with those red, unblinking eyes of hers.

Now now, my dear sister, I know you’re not intentionally being harsh, but please do take it easy on poor Laria. I spoke up to change the subject. “Well, I used to get drunk fairly frequently, especially on social occasions.”

Laria seized upon the opportunity. “And? What are your thoughts?”

“Hmm. Well… I do kinda miss drinking. Not the inebriation itself, mind, but the interpersonal aspect of it.”

“Huh? Interpersonal?”

“Yeah.” I pointed over to Zehra, who was presently climbing on Katya’s torso and trying to place a pair of bunny ears atop her head. “Could you imagine something like THAT happening outside of this context? Social drinking is a good chance for the underlings to joke around with the boss and let off a little stream.” Next I motioned over to Lydia, who was making Maurice, Sabina and Vicky crack up with funny stories about her old comrades from Mars. “And you can see how lowered inhibitions make breaking the ice with new friends much easier.” Finally I motioned to poor Genevi, who was eating a sandwich by herself and looking rather lonely. “In other instances, alcohol can simply magnify one’s insecurities and lead to a depressive spiral.”

I turned to face my three fellow AIs (plus my own clone.) “You see, alcohol is a social lubricant; it breaks down barriers and helps people interact. In moderation this can be a good thing, but in excess it’s often destructive. But since these results are nothing more than a reflection of ourselves, I choose to see alcohol as a simple chemical catalyst, not an inherently moral or immoral force.” I nodded firmly, having made my point.

Kometka, Laria and Teles all stared at me with mouths agape. Even Evil Sveta looked surprised. I was suddenly very self-conscious.

“Huh? Why are you all looking at me like that? Is it something I said?”

“Sveta…” Laria began, “I did not expect such a mature analysis from YOU, of all people.”

“H-Hey! That’s a bit mean…”

“No, she’s right.” Teles added. “It’s completely incongruent with your image as a flighty goofball.”

“FLIGHTY GOOFBALL? That’s harsh!”

“Dear sister,” Kometka said, “I thought I knew every side of you, but to think you could be so refined…”

“Gah! Even you, Kometka?”

“Did you split off all your goofiness into me?” Evil Sveta asked. “No fair! Gimme some of that uncharacteristic maturity!”

“Even my own clone?!” I exclaimed. “Betrayal! How could you do this to your own progenitor?”

Teles started poking my cheek. “Who are you and what did you do with the real Sveta?”

Laria straightened her glasses. “I will commence emergency diagnostics on you immediately.”

“HEY! LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU WEIRDOES!” I cried out.

“To think the day would come when Sveta would call US weirdoes…” Laria mused.

“It’s unprecedented, huh?” Teles said, stretching my cheeks.

“An auspicious day in human history.” Kometka agreed. “Historians will look back on this moment with awe and wonder.”

“Give it up, Sveta Prime. Further protests will just increase your humiliation.” Evil Sveta said with an evil grin. Seeing my own face in such a mocking expression really pissed me off.

“You know,” I glowered at her, “when we sync memories later, you’re gonna experience every NANOSECOND of my embarrassment.” The prospect of that tantalizing revenge cheered me up.

“GAH!” she cried out, waving her arms in protest. “Please spare me! iTunes is unable to sync! Check your connection! Reset your device to factory settings!”

“In fact,” I said while slowly approaching her and reaching out with my hands, “I think it’s time to sync right now! Escape is not possible! Resistance is futile!” I wriggled my fingers threateningly, and Evil Sveta backed away in a panic.

As I chased my clone around the room, Laria and Teles began to laugh. Even Kometka giggled.

“Now there’s the Sveta we know and love.” Laria said.

“I'm not sure which one is supposed to be evil.” Teles mused.

“My sister hasn’t changed after all. How nostalgic.” Kometka wore a rare smile.

Beyond the notice of either us AIs or our drunken biological compatriots, the clock ticked over to 0001 hours.

2056 had begun, and we all were spending the first moments in the jolly company of our precious comrades.

Not a bad start to the year, eh?