Hello everyone who still remembers this story - Lost here.

So my deadline came and went and there are still no new chapters. What the fuck? Is the story dead? Honestly, I don't know. Which is why I write this text here.

The short answer to most stuff following here is CoViD-19. Sadly, just before my deadline, it also got me. I more or less lived secluded on my own to prevent this from happening, yet it got me nonetheless. Luckily, the actual course of the disease was light and beside one really bad night, it came down to a dry cough that is still tormenting me. It's annoying and doesn't help, but it's harmless.
Not so luckily, I missed multiple "in person"-meetings as I had to enter quarantine and that also destroyed my deadline. The new dates are in two weeks and the end of April. Still, it made a lot of problems, stress, did cost quite a bit of money, etc. It sucks. And sadly, it also has its toll on my mental health and frame of mind.

To be fair, I probably shouldn't write the next few paragraphs so openly, but they are my limited way to respect those who still wait for the story. Hence, I'll be completely honest about my thoughts, plans, and the rest.

Right now, I'm planning to slowly get back to writing in 2,3 weeks. But I honestly don't know whether I should be going back to posting right away. Honestly, looking at my story and its development/statistics, it took a pretty big hit and is pretty much dead on some sites. The many (long) breaks became a massive problem with the story. Some were inevitable due to my private life, but activity and regularity are probably the most important things for a webnovel.

Speaking with other authors, the general consensus is that the intelligent option would be to drop the story, go back to the drawing board, and come up with a story better fitted for the bigger audiences. Write this one of as a loss of time and energy and go for the next swing... In fact, I already have the outline for that story on my computer. More LitRPG, less drama, less brooding, more gratification. Still, my thoughts always come back to this story, the later chapters and the developments I want to show.

I love this story. It's the story I want to tell. And as I'm clear enough on the point that my writing will never be enough to make a living out of it, I also want to continue telling this story...
Yet the thought of returning to this story as is something that fills my head with more negative thoughts. There are a million small things like the backlog chapters, the stats, or the like. But the biggest take-away for me is probably the beginning of the story.

I dislike how I lost the theme ("loneliness") of the first volume once the story arrived at the village. It makes the MC jumpy in his later actions, although they shouldn't feel like that. I dislike the descriptionless writing that makes the story feel like "just another poorly written fantasy isekai". It is in line with the idea of "reincarnated in a 08/15 anime MMO" but it makes for a bad read. I also dislike how the game system feels half-assed. Or rather how it is half-assed. I don't want it to become a story with clear numbers and levels, but skills like the fortress skill should feel like they make sense.
In short, I read a lot of newer comments in the early chapters about problems with the story and I agree with it. I have a long list of stuff I want to add and change to the first volume during a re-write. To get the story right. I wanted to do that when I finished later volumes, but right now, the start hurts the story visibly and I'm nowhere near the planned point.

Right now, thinking about going back to the story as is makes me unhappy. I love this story, I still want to tell this story, but I find it hard to go back and write the story...
So currently, I think about calling this story a failure. To go back to the drawing board, rework the beginning, get a small backlog of chapters, and restart the story.
Looking at my activity, restarting the story, "rushing" through the early chapters for visibility, before arriving at the same point once more probably wouldn't waste that much more time anyway (Hello, grumbler).

So, that's it.I probably shouldn't have written all that.
If I saw an author being that wishy-washy, I would probably stop investing my time and energy in it. In fact, I regularly drop translations of works that the original author dropped later.
What I can say is that I love the story, I love the theme and the characters. I love that it has more drama and less OPness than a lot of other stories.
In short, I probably just hate that I am the author for that story as my life destroyed any passable schedule.... :)

I don't know what will be. Maybe, the sun looks brighter in 3 weeks and I'll just throw out chapters on a whim. The next one is already half-written. Maybe, I'll start editing and rewriting the first Volume, adding some backlog, deleting the current story and throw out a new beginning.
I honestly don't know.
But I do think that I owe those who are still active and support this mess of a project at least that honesty.

Thanks for your support! =)
Lost