Nick didn't wake me up the next morning.

I mean, he did, because god forbid he ever do anything quietly. I didn't think it was possible to get dressed so noisily, but somehow he managed it. The zipper on that worn grey hoodie clanked itself together, his shorts thudded into place. I screwed my eyes tight and tried to ignore him. 

But he didn't actually try to wake me. For the past month that was how every morning started, with his rough voice grumbling at me to get out of bed. But not today. 

He finished getting ready, and I could feel him, standing at my bedside, like he was trying to decide whether to wake me or not. Hmm. The deal was that I would go to training with him until we got our test results, to make sure our competition was fair. But that didn't mean anything now, since we were stuck together for the rest of the semester anyway. So there was no need for me to come to training anymore, right?

Nick sighed, "Fuck, man."

"What?" I said.

"Jesus!" Nick reared back, "What the fuck? Were you awake the whole time?"

"Of course I was awake!" I said, "How was I supposed to sleep through that?"

"Why the fuck were you pretending to be asleep? Fucking creep," said Nick.

"Oh, I'm the creep?" I said, "Not the guy standing at my bedside watching me sleep?"

"Watching you lie there with your eyes closed, like a psycho," said Nick.

"Well excuse me," I said, "Maybe I don't want the first thing I see in the morning to be your stupid ugly face."

Nick shook his head, "Fuckin.... whatever, man. You coming to training or what?"

I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't really go back to sleep now. I was too angry. Besides, after a month of waking up this early, my body was used to the routine. Really I should be seizing the opportunity to spend some time in my room by myself for once. But... after last night, I wasn't sure I really wanted to be alone. 

"Alright, I'll go fuck myself I guess," Nick muttered, turning to the door.

"Oh my god, can you wait one second?" I groaned, "Yes, I'll come to training. But I'm bringing my phone."

"Don't forget your blankie," said Nick.

"Shut up," I said.

I did grab my blanket, though. It was cold out.

While Nick was running around and around in little circles or whatever, I thought about what happened last night. I still almost couldn't believe it. I had had sex. Basically. I had done sex stuff, at least. I was a sexual being now. I touched a penis and everything. And it was great! 

So that clinched it, right? I was gay.

"FUCK yeah!" someone yelled. I jumped. 

Down on the track, I saw Nick high five another athlete, presumably the guy who had just scared the hell out of me. Like Nick, the guy was tall and very fit, although maybe not quite as tall or fit as Nick, and he had a shock of almost snow-white hair. I had seen him at training before, but I didn't know his name. I didn't see any reason why I should learn it, either. Neither of them were looking my way, and I realised they must be celebrating some stupid sport thing.

"Fuck yeah!" yelled Nick. The two of them bumped chests. I scowled. 

Gay... maybe. I mean, it made sense, right? I had enjoyed playing with Nick's dick, at least to the extent that I could ignore the fact that it was Nick's. So... gay. It made sense. And it didn't feel completely wrong. 

I pulled my blanket tighter around myself. It really was very cold. 

Nick and his stupid blond jock friend were shoving each other around, laughing, and for the first time I wondered if maybe... maybe there was something going on there?

Because, okay, I had gone down on Nick, and that was gay. But Nick had let me do it, and that was pretty gay too. Right?

For some reason, the idea of Nick being gay felt a lot worse than the idea of me being gay. Because if he was gay, that meant the only reason he let me touch him was because... because I was a man. 

The blond guy smacked Nick on the ass.

I got up and shoved my blanket into my bag. This was stupid. I didn't need to be here, following Nick around. Nick wasn't in charge of what I did. Or... or who I was. 

Besides, I had a package coming today.