“Uh, hello?”

 

Snooze stood in front of the world simulacrum, tilting the side of her head toward the floating orb representing her world. She wasn’t sure if what she was doing was correct, but she had to try. She positioned her right ear so that it was directly aligned with the center of the planet, and plugged the ear on the other side with her index finger attempting to shut out other sounds.

 

“...is this thing on?”

 

The Book of Leaf had explained that it seemed as though her followers were trying to contact her, and so she’d immediately walked away from the pedestal and began this maneuver, trying desperately to latch on to some frequency or signal if she could.

 

“Hello? Hello! Hullooo!?”

 

Snooze hadn’t received any new abilities, or anything prompting her to “speak with Followers,” so she resigned to this mode of communication--shouting. It had always worked for her in the past. If she couldn’t get in touch with someone in the usual manner, then standing outside their house yelling for them usually did the trick.

 

From the corner of her eye she saw movement, and peered down as Odd stepped into view. The little starfish Archangel had a ‘scowl’ on its ‘face’ and its ‘arms’ on its ‘hips’ as it glared at the world simulacrum.

 

“Hey! Anyone there?!” the creature demanded in its piping, high voice. “What’s the big idea?! Answer her!”

 

“Helloo!?” Snooze continued, and her words were echoed by Odd immediately, the being doing its best to try to elicit a response.

 

“Don’t make me come down there!” Odd exclaimed.

 

Snooze thought for a moment. While fun and hilarious, this was a very foolish way to try to get a response. While typically she would have settled for that, she reminded herself that she had begun down a path of understanding. While she’d mostly meant to become more “learn-ed” in the ways of the multiverses and the celestial rules she was under the thumb of, it seemed to her in that moment that it should also include her own abilities.

 

She closed her eyes and thought about what she had available to her, when a thought struck her. She had four Followers. Rekvahn, Hal, Viz… and the planet itself. What if she could reach out to the world? Maybe that would sort this out a little bit better. She had something available to her--a new ability. What had it been called?

 

Planet Speaker, she suddenly remembered.

 

While she knew that the ability worked when she was on terra firma, she hadn’t actually tried to use it since she’d returned to her plane. 

 

Would there be any point in trying?

 

It had been a sort of passive ability when she’d been in the thick of the business in her world, but could it have capabilities outside of that? Could she attempt to contact the floating orb in front of her, or was it something that only truly worked when she was on its surface.

 

Maybe I’ll just try and see, she thought to herself. This way I can know for sure what the full magnitude of my power is.

 

In her mind’s eye she focused on Planet Speaker, and much like a puzzle piece sliding into the perfect spot, she felt a comfortable ‘click’ in her subconscious, and then a new sensation. It was strange. Her mind felt like it had a tingling… connection, almost like a rope made of something light like feathers. No, lighter even than that. It was as though there were a spider’s web wrapped around her--well, brain, for lack of a better term-- that reached out into the void beyond her in what she could definitely feel was a specific direction.

 

She turned her head and what felt like a cone of mental connection moved out into the void. She couldn’t see it, she just knew it was there. It seemed affixed to the center of her forehead like an invisible miner’s headlamp, and where it touched, she received an almost static-y white noise in response.

 

“This is odd,” she said.

 

“I’m Odd!” Odd returned angrily, glaring with its single eye into the void where Snooze had been looking. “Don’t even think about identity theft-ing me!”

 

“Oh, sorry Odd,” Snooze said to the little creature. “I meant that it was strange.”

 

“Yeah! Super strange! What’s up with that!?” the little creature demanded in its toddler voice. Snooze did not think that Odd actually knew what she’d been referring to, but was just contributing as a dutiful lackey might. The god turned back to her task, resigning to just ignore Odd until she could figure out what to do with it.

 

Snooze piloted the cone of connection from her forehead in various directions, the static whispering into her mind until she let it rest finally on the world simulacrum. The static lessened and she mentally tried to narrow the cone so that it only touched the planet without any overlap. It was similar to tuning a car radio, she felt like she could position it and ‘listen’ as the silence became more clear through the noise, until finally there were no aberrations in the frequency, and she felt as though she could use it.

 

Hello? She thought, trying to project it through the mental cone.

 

Hello, Snooze, came the response.

 

Woah, this is cool!

 

It is indeed. Thank you for answering my summons.

 

So, it was you who was trying to call me? Snooze asked, relaxing her posture. She felt as though she could see a shape of the voice in her mind. A blue blot that moved when the planet spoke to her, jumping and jagging like she’d seen audio tracks do in the old world.

 

I was merely testing out connection, but it appears as though it is much stronger than I thought.

 

Snooze thought for a moment, considering the bizarre experience of interacting with a planet. Her planet in fact. There was no actual tonal quality to the words the planet used, but it was very similar to the same as an inner monologue (as has been established) or the voice one hears when reading. Snooze bit her lip and looked at her hovering orb. It felt somehow foreign and at the same time--exceptional. It was familiar, like hearing the dial-up sound of a classic internet connection. Something about this effect gave Snooze an overwhelming sensation of nostalgia.

 

Is it normal for gods to interact with worlds like this?

 

Are you asking if this is unique? The planet responded.

 

Well, yes, I suppose, Snooze said. Is this a first? Or is this usual?

 

I do not know how usual it is, for I have never been anything but a world. Perhaps your Book of Leaf would have answers to that question? 

 

You know about the Book of Leaf? Snooze asked, genuinely surprised.

 

Snooze, her world said. I was within the unending depths of your mind for a long time. Ages. Aeons. I peered in, and we were connected for so long that your thoughts and mine were melded together in an amalgam, a confluence of connection, as two rivers emptying into the same basin, so were we intertwined. 

 

Snooze had to consider this carefully. They’d been… melded? That seemed odd. She figured that if that were the case she’d have an exceptional amount of knowledge of her world that she hadn’t already been privy to upon waking up. But she seemed largely ignorant of anything beyond what she already knew.

 

Did you… learn anything else from the experience? Snooze asked.

 

I learned many things from your mind, and saw that which you had experienced and done in your many years. I saw the steps you took to form me, and that which you sacrificed to make it so. I am grateful for this, even if you have never given me a proper name.

 

“Oh, right!” Snooze suddenly exclaimed aloud, startling Odd who had been dozing next to her as they looked out at the planet. Odd shot to its feet, and immediately snapped to its right, squinting with single-eyed-fury into the emptiness before turning the opposite way.

 

“Or is it left?!” Odd piped, doing likewise for that way.

 

Snooze shook her head and thought about what the world had just said. It definitely needed a proper name, but she’d never named a planet before, and didn’t know any others, so she wasn’t sure what she should call it. Pressing pause on her conversation for a moment, she turned back to the Book of Leaf and shouted toward it.

 

“Book!” she called, nodding toward the simulacrum. “What do gods typically name their planets?”

 

The display popped up then in response.

I WILL POPULATE A LIST OF THE MOST RECENT NAMES TO ENTER MY ARCHIVES:

White Cupid

Hubchin 384

Ceti Boda Ovtan e3

Sizenorkon Moon

Panurdan

Anox Sumvav VIII

Alpha Tafera Suilgania 3

Paerebus

Durlon

Vopix Cartan 12

Sonenia e2

馬の顔

Mercrog 234

Hardonia

Thryangolia IX

Стив

Delta S'ler Nibgolia 365

The desert planet of Farule 11

Eliru

C’lax 9

Aeriaanbula

Rempod Mazarius Prime

Ci‘us 372

La Vivlok Wonroid 213

The moon of Atan II

Carrborto 219

Betes Majestandia 9

Sidenenia 385

Robotik Umaran

Ariaburto 5

Tolerebus Coldesh

Sumlak Darknia 119

Intvis II

Ricardo Nightingale

DUUUUUUUUUUUURV

DO YOU REQUIRE MORE EXAMPLES?

 

 

Snooze frowned.

 

“No,” she said quietly. “All of those are stupid… except Ricardo Nightingale, that’s pretty dope.”

 

1. YES. THAT PARTICULAR NAME BELONGS TO A GOD WHO… WELL, LET’S JUST SAY YOU MIGHT GET ALONG.

 

“I don’t have TIME for that right now, Book!” Snooze exclaimed. “Stick to the script, don’t try to derail me. I need a name for my planet, and it looks like it's going to have to be an invention of my brilliant noggin. I just need something that really… hits, you know?”

 

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD DISCUSS THIS WITH THE WORLD ITSELF?

 

“Ah, I tried to do that before, and it just specified it wanted me to choose a name, so I think I am on my own. Unless you have any recommendations?”

 

I SUPPOSE IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT I THINK, AS IT IS NOT WITHIN MY PREROGATIVE TO REASON OVER NAMING CONVENTIONS.

 

“Yeah, okay Book!” Snooze sighed. “You sure had a LOT of opinions before, so let’s not be so quick to jump to the high ground of apathy.”

 

I DO NOT KNOW OF WHAT YOU ARE REFERRING. I BELIEVE YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO MISCHARACTERIZE ME.

 

“Uh, alright, so you don’t remember begging me not to name the world ‘Cecil?’ Seems like you had a pretty strong opinion on it then.”

 

THAT IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. I WAS NOT ATTEMPTING TO PERSUADE YOU, ONLY OFFERING AN OBSERVATION AS TO THE NATURE OF THE NAME AS FAR AS MY CONCERN WAS. YOU CAN NAME THE DAMN PLANET CECIL IF YOU WANT AND I WILL NOT BE AFFECTED IN THE LEAST.

 

“Good, ‘cuz I think I’m going to,” Snooze said, smiling. “Cecil von Book of Leaf.”

 

ALRIGHT, THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. DON’T DEIGN TO PERTURB ME, SNOOZE. SPITE IS A TERRIBLE HALLMARK TO SET FOR DECIDING NAMES FOR SENTIENT BEINGS.

 

That gave Snooze pause.

 

“Is the planet… sentient?”

 

OF COURSE. YOU ARE ABLE TO SPEAK WITH IT, ARE YOU NOT? IT OFFERS INTERACTIVE DIALOGUE AND LIKELY HAS OPINIONS OF ITS OWN.

 

“Oh, but isn’t that because it's, like… created?”

 

I AM HAVING TROUBLE FOLLOWING, SNOOZE. PLEASE PROVIDE MORE CONTEXT AND DETAIL TO YOUR STATEMENT.

 

“Okay, so…” she began. “I figured that it wasn’t necessarily aware or alive, because it is, after all, a planet.”

 

WHY WOULD IT BEING A PLANET PRECLUDE IT FROM SENTIENCE OR EXISTENCE AS A REAL AND WHOLE BEING?

 

“...because planets aren’t alive?” Snooze offered.

 

THAT IS A STRANGE AND PREPOSTEROUS ALLEGATION, SNOOZE. OF COURSE THE PLANET IS ALIVE. ALL PLANETS ARE ALIVE.

 

“What?!”

 

Snooze couldn’t see her own expression right now, but let us be clear: it was hilariously shocked.

 

PLANETS ARE ALIVE, SNOOZE. THEY ARE ONE OF THE HIGHER LIFE FORMS IN THE WHOLE OF THE COSMOS.

 

“Wait, wait, wait…” Snooze began. “That can’t be true. I’m FROM a planet, and it never spoke or did anything that would indicate it was capable of doing anything other than be a big chunk of rock, lava and water.”

 

PLANETS ARE THEIR OWN LIFEFORMS, SNOOZE. WHETHER YOU UNDERSTAND OR NOT, THIS IS THE TRUTH OF THE MULTIVERSE. 

 

“But, how?” Snooze wondered, feeling particularly stupid today. “Should we be able to speak to the planets then? Could my Meatlings speak to it?”

 

… 

 

The Book of Leaf was without text for the moment after the ellipsis, something Snooze had long since learned was its own version of a sigh. Finally, after a tremendous stretch of time, it repopulated the display in front of her.

 

IMAGINE THE ANT.

 

“Like, from the old world?”

 

THE VERY SAME. THINK OF HOW THE ANT INTERACTS WITH THE WORLD, AND WHAT IT CAN PERCEIVE.

 

“Not much beyond eat, gather, haul garbage back to the queen… right?”

 

PRECISELY. NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THE DIFFERENCE IN INTELLIGENCE WOULD BE BETWEEN THE AVERAGE HUMAN AND AN ANT?

 

“Pretty vast,” Snooze said, then smirked. “Unless we are talking about Dean H--”

 

WE ARE NOT. IN ANY CASE, A HUMAN IS INFINITELY SMARTER THAN AN ANT, AND OPERATES BEHIND A VEIL OF REALITY THAT AN ANT COULD NEVER HOPE TO PIERCE. HUMANS UNDERSTAND THEY DWELL IN A THREE-DIMENSIONAL SPACE, HAVE DIFFERENT NEEDS, DEVELOPING SILLY THINGS LIKE CALCULUS. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, A HUMAN UNDERSTANDS WHAT AN ANT IS--THOUGH AN ANT COULD NEVER HOPE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HUMANITY IS.

 

“I think I get it, so far,” Snooze said, tapping a finger to her chin. “We are so much smarter than ants that they could never get to that level.”

 

CORRECT. UNLIKELY IN ANY CASE.

 

It is important to note that while the two of them mused on the idea of the infinitesimally miniscule possibility of an ant developing higher intelligence to the point that it could rival a human mind, they were wrong. Or rather, mistaken. There had been such an ant that existed at one point. His name was Wallace, and he was a creature born with a very high intellect indeed, wondering often about the nature of his world and his place within it. 

Wallace could not speak with the other ants, for they were of a much baser frequency than he, but he didn’t have the articulated mandible, nor a flesh tongue enough to interact with humans. He tried finding other methods of communication, at one point attempting to relay what he thought of as the written word by eating through the foundation of a multitude of crops until they fell in a pattern… but he was unsuccessful.

Though he knew he was different from the other ants, he was unable to properly communicate with his own people, being of such an amplified mind, and though he tried, eventually, he died alone, surrounded by the labor of his life’s work. Which was then misunderstood by a farmer to be a message from space.

In any case, back to whatever it was they were talking about.

 

A PLANET IS TO HUMANS AS WHAT HUMANS ARE TO ANTS.

 

“Really?!” Snooze exclaimed, looking back over her shoulder at the floating orb. 

 

INDEED. THEY ARE OF SUCH A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE THAT HUMANS ONLY SEE THEM AS THE WORLD IN WHICH THEY MOVE. BUT THEY ARE SO MUCH MORE, AS YOU WILL HOPEFULLY, SOON DISCOVER.

 

Snooze tapped her chin some more in thought, and then turned back to the world simulacrum and focused on her Planet Speaking.

 

I think I’ve come up with a good name for you, she said to her world.

I await your allocation.

Snooze smiled, thinking about how smart a planet must be, and almost chuckled, thinking herself to be quite clever indeed to come up with such a perfect name.

 

Savvy, she said.

 

Uh… alright, I suppose.

 

You don’t like it? Snooze wondered, a little hurt.

No, it’s fine. Savvy is a wonderful name. I am Savvy. Sounds great. The planet said.

You hate it, Snooze said in an accusatory way. What about Cecil?

Ew. No, not Cecil. Savvy will work. I am just happy to have a name. Now…

Savvy paused her statement, as if building up to something suspenseful.

...what are we going to do about the… visitor?

Snooze frowned, staring hard at the simulacrum.

 

Visitor? What are you talking about?

The planet was quiet for a moment, then reentered Snooze’s mind with a very direct clarification.

The human. I believe he refers to himself as Twick?

Snooze’s frown grew even deeper.

What’s the issue?

Well, the human was not formed upon me. That which was keeping it shackled to my flesh is now gone. I cannot abide having such a creature crawling along in my valleys and mountains, nor swimming in my seas. What would you have done with such a beast?

“Oh,” Snooze said aloud, and glanced back at the Book of Leaf, and then turned back to the simulacrum.

I suppose send him back to his home?

That is… impossible. It is outside the realm of my abilities to send it back to where it comes from.

I see… Snooze said. I wonder if I can Banish him?

“That would be a very bad idea,” said a voice behind Snooze. The god wheeled around and stared into an unfamiliar face. 

By and large, it appeared to be female, and almost human herself. Tall and lean, with broad shoulders and shoulder-length hair that was of a gradient that resembled an oil-slick to Snooze. Iridescent greens and browns and oranges fading to black at the edges, with navy blue intermixed within the colors. She had a pale yellow face, and bright blue eyes. Atop her head, sticking out of the left side was a curled, wooden peg. Snooze could see she wore what struck her as a “business executive” outfit: a gray blazer with white trim over a black shirt with a plunging neckline. Below was a flawlessly starched black skirt. 

The strangest part of her attire was on her feet. Rather than heels or sensible shoes, the woman wore a pair of gigantic, blue boots. They seemed at least ten sizes too big and contrasted mightily against her slim legs. The tops of the boots stretched up to mid-calf, and the laces were undone and splayed messily around the ground. Snooze stared.

“Uh, hello,” she said, waving her hand slightly in greeting. “Why would it be a bad idea?”

“Because the human is no longer capable of returning to its home, as it has been evicted from there as well by the laws of the god that controls it.”

The woman took a few steps forward and flashed Snooze a smile full of sharp, white teeth. It would almost be considered beautiful if it hadn't been so… bitey.

“Oh, uh... that... sucks. For him,” Snooze stumbled, not sure what to make of this new arrival. No one had ever visited her on her plane before. The little god seemed to find her voice suddenly, and added, “who are you?”

 

The woman chuckled, a musical sound that was pleasant to hear and stuck her hand out to shake Snooze’s.

“I am Grotto,” she said. “Pleased to make your acquaintance. I am your new Chief Administrator.”