Still no word from Crystal King today, for some reason... Was it that hard for him to send a letter to their hotel telling them that he was still trying to figure out their request for an audience? Yes, they had prefaced that they were seeking his help in an upcoming battle that might decide the fate of the planet Earth. Yes, that was probably going to take a while to figure out a response to. But did he really not have the decency to give a formal “Hey I’m busy right now, sorry” message?

There were indeed several reasons why Bowsette had not kept in touch with this guy, and it was not because he was weak at combat.

Just as their hopes of a productive day were dashed and they were about to spend the rest of the afternoon laying in bed again, a Parakoopa jetted down from the sky and skidded to a stop right next to them. He was wearing goggles and had in his hands a letter inside a black envelope.

Black envelope...

“I gotta tell ya, this sure took a long time to get to you,” the Parakoopa said. “Letter for Lordess Bowsette!”

“And you are...?”

“Parakarry,” he said. “You might remember me. I helped defeat you way back when you had taken the Star Rod.”

“No recollection whatsoever,” Bowsette said.

“Ah, shucks. Well, since you don’t have an address and your whereabout were kept under wraps and this letter had been couriered over to the Toad Town Post Office through a rally of four scouts over a ten day journey, I’m sorry to deliver this to you so late. But as soon as I found out you were in Shiver City, I came as fast as I could. This thing’s apparently straight from an undisclosed location in Dark Land and marked ULTRA HIGH priority.”

“Dark Land! Give that to me!” Bowsette snatched the letter away from him and her hands shook. Whatever this was, it had to be, well, ultra important. And the timing...

Oh Brighton she hoped her children were okay.

“Thank you,” Peach said.

“And congrats on the wedding, you two.” he said. “Times might be tough right now but I’m rooting for you.”

Just as he was beginning to fly away, Peach raised her hand, and shouted, “Wait! How... How do you know all this stuff? How did you even find us?”

“Princess,” Parakarry said, wings still flapping as he hovered a few feet in the air. “The Postal Service knows everything.” And then he flew away.

Peach stared in stunned silence for a few moments while Bowsette stared at the letter in her hands.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Bowsette said. “And then we can read this... together...”

She was really nervous.

Inside some unassuming coffee shop, the two wives sat next to each other, both eating Mama Luigi Bagels and drinking Tough Coffees.

“...You know,” Peach said, continuing off some small talk conversation Bowsette was half-paying attention to. “I think I’m going to change my title to King after all. I’m a hundred percent serious. I don’t want to be married and still go by Princess. I’m literally the Queen, but I always thought I was too young for that title to have any resonance. So now, I think it does. But you’re the Queen, not me.”

“I prefer Lordess...” Bowsette replied.

“Ah, fine. Lordess it is. I make up the rules anyway.”

“I want to read this letter... But I’m really scared,” Bowsette said.

“That your kids might be in trouble?”

“That OUR kids might be in trouble.”

“Ah, um... I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe we should have discussed that before we got married,” said Bowsette. “Are you ready to be a stepmom like this?”

“Uhhhh...” Peach took a bite of her bagel and chewed it up. “I sure hope so. Um, as parents, then... I guess we ought to open up the letter now.”

“Yeah...”

Bowsette removed the seal, and read it:

“To Bowsette, Savior of the Waking World, Slayer of the Dreaming Dead:

“My name it Iggy Koopa, the Conqueror. I write this letter in the hopes that somehow, someone will get it to you. You told us to wait and to hide, to bide our time and strike in the outskirts. Thank you so much for this advice, as it has helped us hone our strategy to take back Dark Land from Morton Koopa and decimate his rule.

“Morton Jr., Bowser Jr., Lemmy, and I fight on, trying to liberate villages captured by the loyalist Koopa Troop and turning every location into a makeshift fort. Even when the Koopa Troop recaptures these places, our allies merely relocate to a new place. We never let their army stop to rest.

“Morton Jr. in particular has been very proactive in all of this. He was touched by your words about how important he was and has taken every care to destroy these foes that have turned our country into a warzone, while avoiding any trace of his presence. While I have acted as the leader, the Conqueror to rise up against  the evil King Koopa, Morton acts in the shadows, growing reputation as the masked hero Big Mouth Koopa, swooping into prisons and freeing those inside with great power.

“In all of this, we have spread the word of your heroism and your impending return to all we encounter. We tell them great tales of your daring rescue attempt at Chaos Castle, and the army you are building. You have become a folk hero, a legend that parents tell their children. I apologize if this puts too much pressure on you, but it has mobilized the populace against Morton and that will never be something to regret. If my father Bowser were still alive, he would commemorate your actions and bestow upon you a great many honored titles.

“Unfortunately, we have had some setbacks as well, and that is the reason I am writing this letter. Our main informants in Castle Koopa, my sister Wendy and my grandmother Kammy, have been discovered and captured by Morton himself. Because of our successes at freeing prisoners, he has began cursing high-priority targets and turning them into stone. There are statues littered all across Dark Land, of family and loved ones and allies... and it is tragic. We do not wish this upon anyone, but we also have no cure for it at this time. The only way to break the curse is to destroy the one who created it, as far as our dissident Magikoopas have been able to tell us.

“General Guy has also been captured. The Shy Guy Rebellion is over and we are the only remaining resistance force still fighting. We are still going strong, but our resources will not last forever. I plead with you, if you can, to please return soon so that we may join forces and bring peace to this land once and for all.

“I would also like to report on my two brothers who chose to join the Royal Army rather than dissent against their kin, Roy and Larry Koopa. They have been fast promoted to high-ranking positions in the military, and we have faced them in combat multiple times already. It pains me to say that this war has torn brother against brother, and so far nothing I have done has convinced them away.

“Morton Koopa is planning something big in his castle right now. We at first thought it was the ritual to bring himself back to life, but we have discerned that it was actually something even greater. However, we do not know what it is and our scouts have all been captured before reporting back to us on this. So we must warn that there is something brewing, some sort of danger, but we do not know what.

“That is all that I have to report. Bowsette, thank you for helping us on our quest and I hope to meet you again. Whatever I do, I will do it thinking about you, and about my father. I am entrusting this message with my most trusted Wiggler scout, and pray to Brighton that she can deliver it to you as quickly as possible.

“Hail Bowser,

“The Conqueror.”

Tears streamed down Bowsette’s face in rapid succession. “My childreeeeeeennnn.....”

Peach put her arm around her. “They’ll be okay! They’ll be okay,” she said. She was tearing up as well, but she was able to hold it all in, being the trained regal she was.

“But this letter... it was from several weeks ago... How are we going to know if they’re okay now? What if it’s too late? Bowser Jr. is too young for all of this....”

“We’ll be there for them! They’re just as strong as you, remember that. They have that same special royal blood coursing in their veins, and that’s how they’re going to win.”

“Well, actually... I have a story to tell about that,” Bowsette said. “It’s about my wives.”

Peach’s eyes started to sparkle. “Ah! So you’ll finally tell your new wife about your tragic backstory?”

“I promised you I would. It’s a bit of a long story, but--”

Right then, a huge, five-foot-tall Bumpty talked in. A female with a hideous-looking face and an extremely long beak, extremely plump and with an off-violet hue.

Peach and Bowsette both jumped, and then realized what this was.

“You... I have come to tell you that the Crystal King wishes to see you,” said the Bumpty.

“I... I... Uh, yeah,” Bowsette said. “Yeah, I’m ready. Lead the way.”

Was the Duplighost going to lead the way... like that?

Okay then.