Chapter 23 - Mecchen House Rebuilding (cont.)

Sumi visited me with Pussy in her arms. She asked quietly, “Good news?”

I glanced around the area before answering her. Tara gestured and spoke softly to Mami with her hands bending as though she were massaging a crumpled paper airplane into its proper shape. Mami waved a bit and nipped on the edge of her finger.

Keiko attended to clearing glass with an intent, nearly-overzealous sweep. She pressed and pressed, as though rowing against a strong current at sea. Ms. Ishida brushed her shoulder and gestured with a gentle, waving motion. Keiko soon relaxed her pace. Ms. Ishida had a set of photo albums at her feet.

Jamie crushed himself into the top of the couch where Hitomi lay slumbering. His soft features were compressed with a bit of red. He glanced at me and let his arms droop. He kept his chest a clear distance from the back of the couch.

Katsumi and Reiko were absent.

I shrugged. “Everyone is okay, it seems.”

Sumi touched shoulders with me. “Glad to hear. And how are you?”

I didn’t feel quite the same trepidation near her now. “I guess I’m okay. I’m more concerned with everyone else.”

Sumi focused on Pussy’s neck. “Sugar Plum left in a huff, and Reiko didn’t stay long after. Everyone else has been kinda quiet.”

I rubbed my hand along Pussy’s back. She gave me a curious glance but nothing more. “How about you?”

Sumi led her fingers up to Pussy’s head. “I dunno. Stunned… that pretty well captures it. If I believe all this, then I was made from the memory of an octopus who loved women. I have often wondered how things would go if I had a few more ‘fingers’. Might be fun.” She gave a quick, sly smile. I gave a little one in return.

Jamie widened his distance from Sumi, sliding against the couch. I went over to his side and folded my arms on top of it.

“And how are you?”

“Terrible…” He spoke in a low voice. “If Tara and Hitomi are right then you, Nathan, and… I… were all born girls.” He set his face. “Hitomi had no right to strip away even an illusion. It comforted me. I felt right as a boy. All this feels wrong. It itches like tight clothes.” He pressed his nails into his elbow for emphasis.

I rested my head on my folded arms. “So, what do we do?”

He stared at me. “No idea. You?”

I shook my head. “My only thought is we may need to make the best of this situation and make a …home here.” The prospect of calling this place home locked like gravel in my thoughts.

Jamie grunted and shook his head. “Our home was wiped out. Their home is gone too, in broken pieces after the storm.” He gestured around. Only Sumi was really listening. Akiko ran her hands along the back of the couch like a clawless cat.

I pressed Jamie on the shoulder. “But you’re not alone.”

He stared at me. “Really… I’d rather be alone. It’s what suits me. And look around… how good is being stuck together with everyone here?”

He gave a half-gesture to the isolated groups in the room. Keiko and Ms. Ishida. Tara and Mami. Us. And the others alone.

I pondered calling a house meeting to bring everyone together and give them some words of wisdom, but I didn’t feel very wise right then.

Akiko rubbed her head against my leg affectionately. I brushed her hair.

My hand now felt warm against her.

I looked at Jamie. “You are not alone. I’m not alone…” I spoke a little louder. “None of you are alone in this.” They all turned to look at me.

The dress that was once Ami lay alone on the far couch. I thought of Nana too. And Katsumi.

I turned to Jamie and said, “Excuse me…” With Akiko shadowing my steps, I made my way up to the third floor. I knocked on Katsumi’s door. Something fell over inside. I cautiously slid the door open and looked in.

Katsumi lay on the floor with her hands on her head. She rocked a little. I stood over by her. The room was a jumble. Figures lay on their sides. Everything was a mess and I was certain not all of it had been done by the storm. After all, the windows were undamaged.

I crouched beside Katsumi with Akiko leaning on my back.

Katsumi turned a notebook over in her hands and sniffled.

I posed a little. “Hi.” Akiko snuck under my legs to watch Katsumi, who crinkled a few papers in her hands as though she were strangling them.

After some time had passed, Katsumi asked, “Why did you say ‘You are beautiful’ to me? That was a stupid thing to say.” She released the papers from the captivity of her hands.

I settled close to her and responded honestly, “Not sure. It was the only thing that came to mind. I just wanted to say something.”

She tucked back a bit of her hair. “I see…” Katsumi stretched her hands. “Even though it was stupid, I… I dunno. There are worse things which could be the last words you hear.… thanks.” She looked at me without looking me in the eye.

“I’m glad it wasn’t the last words you heard.” I pressed my hands against my legs. “It’s nice to hear that helped. But I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t think anyone else is either.”

Katsumi rubbed her forehead. “A little voice inside me is screaming to leave and never come back. But there’s really nowhere I can imagine going which would make me feel better.”

I clenched my hands. I did entertain the thought for a moment as well. How many others were thinking the same? Was it fair to keep everyone together… much like Hitomi did?

And I thought of places which might help Katsumi. I could imagine only one.

It was worth a shot.

“I know a place.”

“Oh?” This time she met my eyes.   

“The shrine… under the cherry trees. It’s where you wanted to go.”

She turned away. “Not much point to that now. No blossoms left.”

Akiko nibbled on her own finger and watched the both of us.

I felt a lump in my pocket and realized I still had the artwork originals which she gave me. I countered, “Isn’t that sort of thing more about having fun than the actual blossoms themselves?”

Katsumi sighed. “But they’re probably still closed because of the storm. They may have even cancelled the events. Who wants to be the only person sitting there with muddy blossoms drying on the ground and bare trees above?”

I shrugged. “You can’t know for sure. It can’t hurt to check with Miki and call around.”

She frowned at me. “Do you even comprehend how I’m feeling right now?”

“Nope. Tell me.”

Katsumi folded her arms and glared ahead. “I don’t want to.”

“You want to be alone?”

She breathed on her folded arms. “I dunno… I want… it just feels like everything I know has been changed and there’s no way of going back.”

“Sounds a little like what you want to do when you turn boys into girls…”

She buried more of her head. I heard her muffled voice. “I like watching that… but now I don’t know if that’s just some strange leftover or intentional thing by Hitomi. Just like everything else. I feel like a copycat lie.”

I scooted over. “So where would you go if you left forever?”

She huffed into her legs. “I didn’t think quite that far. I sure as heck don’t want to go home and face the woman, or whatever, that Hitomi set up as my mother. It’s so…” She raised her hands gently with her fingers curled, as though ready to grab something. But she shook her head and plopped them down on her knees without anything more than a sigh.

Akiko pressed into my side. I leaned and offered the same words I did downstairs, “You’re not alone.”

She turned to look at me. “Oh? Meaning there are six other people in this place who are not really people but ideas or artifacts? Then plus one willing accomplice and one ‘person’ who completely fabricated and manipulated my life so her siblings could be happy little girls? If that’s the situation… I’d much rather…” She paused.

I wondered if she was thinking of the memory of when she first joined Mecchen House. Katsumi stood softly and set her papers down on the bed.

She took a long breath and continued, “What Hitomi did to me… can’t be fixed with kind gestures or words. I’m sorry but the very idea that you had a real life… that you were born a girl and you had a real mother… one that sounds pretty nice… it…” She set one hand on the bed and the other to her mouth.

I stood too and cautiously approached her. I opened my mouth to speak but the words felt weak and hollow. Instead, I reached into my pocket and came out with the folded papers Katsumi had given me.

I held them out ‘till she noticed what I was doing and turned to look at them. She looked me in the eye. Akiko sniffed my hand. I opened them like an unfurling, white paper flower and offered them to Katsumi.

She cleared her throat. “Do you want to… return them?” Her arms were slack.

I shook my head. “I just want to remind you of them. You made these.”

She covered her eyes and shook her head. “What does it matter?”

“Did you enjoy making them?”

She paused and then nodded. “Very much. The same with every bit of girl-making. But, again, what if that’s not mine?”

I thought of the girlish names she picked out before and how my reaction prompted her to slap me. I pondered on my next words a moment before saying, “Then you make it yours. You choose to do it because YOU want to.”

Akiko’s blood-ish eyes widened as she looked at both of us.

She sighed. “Sure. I’d love to but where are my choices and hers?… How do I tell them apart?”

I shrugged. “I can’t tell you that. Nor can Hitomi tell you or anyone else. Only you can figure that out for yourself.”

She revealed her green eyes from behind her hands. “Nice words but again… I’m stuck because ‘myself’ isn’t me anymore. How can I trust anything I think and feel?”

“Can we ever? We take for granted what we think we know. But now you know differently and you can choose.”

I knew, if Jamie had been in earshot, he would’ve glared me down for saying such a thing and also would’ve cited the movie I was channeling. But, for Katsumi, the words seemed to calm her, if only a little.

She sat on the bed. “Okay. If I can choose, then first… I still want to make boys into girls.” Katsumi pressed her hands together.

Nothing happened from her declaration. All seemed still.

Katsumi looked at the papers spread out in my hands. She accepted them and scrutinized them carefully. She scanned them and grimaced.

“The proportions aren’t quite right, and the eyes are a little too large.”

Hearing that from someone with an anime appearance, I couldn’t help but grin.

She traced the paper with her finger. “I think I’ll do a set with all three of you…” Her face curled in a Cheshire grin. “It’ll be the hiding forms of three girls. None of them realizing their true, female identities… as I use the power of my pen to tear away the illusion and reveal the startling reality!” She seized a pen lying on the floor and held it aloft like a tiny sword.

I smiled back at her as she dashed from the bed. Akiko clung to my side but watched Katsumi hop around the strewn objects looking for something in particular. She came upon a fresh notebook and went to the first page. She brushed the paper with her hand.

I leaned closer. “You gonna be okay?”

She turned. “I’m not gonna leave… for now. I don’t know if I really feel any better, but I’ll sketch a bit and clean up.”

I lingered. She tapped on the paper. “Thanks. I’ll be okay.”

Her attention went solely to the paper. Her pen sliced slowly over it, singing in low tones. Katsumi’s eyes half-closed, I guided Akiko out and shut the door behind me.