Hello! Let's just jump right into this update since it's gonna be a long one! (Right now, it's over 51k words!) (Most of it is in spoiler tags to make it easier to read and digest.)
Thoughts About the Book!
Initially, Book Three was supposed to be the shortest one thus far. It was supposed to have Momo kidnapped by the Mafia, then Servi going on a rampage to get her back. And yes, while that did happen, a lot of other things were added during the various stages of planning and writing. Let's go over them!
- The prologue wasn't planned. It was something I added to introduce the Mafia after writing chapters 1 through 3.
- Sakdu, the leader of the Mafia, wasn't always planned to be the Mafia's leader.
- Originally, he was just supposed to be a high-ranking officer.
- When he learned of Fisher Jin's location, Sakdu wanted revenge so much that he would have betrayed the Mafia, taking away a portion of their army by using Monotonia, which had been developed in secret.
- That means that Roger was always planned to have been the creator of it, and he was always planned to be the second in command.
- Old Man was meant to be there from the beginning, but his role was slightly different.
- He was still doing it all for his granddaughter, but she would have been living with him. Old Man would've snuck out at night to do the Mafia's work, and then come back in the morning as if nothing happened.
- In one of the original ideas for his ending, he would died by exhaustion because he couldn't keep up with the dual life style.
- Servi would've still healed his granddaughter.
- The letter he wrote to his granddaughter was mostly the same, except it detailed what he had done and hoped she could forgive him. Then he was to confess to killing her father to save her life.
- He also mentioned that he didn't regret not turning his son all those years ago because it meant he go to meet his beautiful granddaughter, and it ends with him wanting her to experience the world and all of the beautiful things it has to offer.
- Carrie was someone that was added in to be kind of like the Mafia's Momo.
- Servi would've met her around town, and that was to be her way into the Mafia. That didn't pan out because she found her invitation and the letter from someone else.
- It was the same with Old Man. Carrie had recruited him because she saw how he had a way with threats, and she liked that. The two of them were to join at the same time, and they were to be partners. That kind of stayed the same.
- Then I realized I wanted her to have more backstory, so I made that interlude.
- Fun fact: That interlude was one of the last things I wrote for this book.
- Servi would've met her around town, and that was to be her way into the Mafia. That didn't pan out because she found her invitation and the letter from someone else.
- Carmelo, Clarence, and the assassination chapter wasn't planned.
- I realized that Spirits were something that hadn't been at the fore front that much, so I wanted to remedy that and have a Superior Spirit show up. Thus, Clarence was born. She needed a summoner, so Carmelo was born.
- I wanted to show off his personality in a unique way, so I came up with the assassination contracts. I'm not sure if I made it clear, but the targets Servi killed, after the first one, were not the targets she was supposed to kill. He was using her to kill off his competition.
- During the part where Servi finally rescues her Momo, there wasn't going to be any singing.
- I wrote and rewrote it many times, trying to see if having it happen in complete silence would've been better, but I'm happy I went with them singing. I think it adds a good bit, and the song, which was just something of an afterthought, now really means something to the two of them. I think it's kinda cute they have a song.
- Sakdu's and Roger's torture
- I played around with their torture many, many, times, but I always wanted one of them to die via Monotonia. I eventually settled on having Sakdu overdose on Pink Monotonia. Servi forcing Roger to witness just how destructive it can be to his closest ally is probably the best revenge. That, and when Sakdu gives permission for Servi to torture Roger just so she can hurt him some more was deviously devilish.
- I also played around with having or not having that last dream sequence where Sakdu choses Servi and her punishments over his own family. I thought that was a fitting, horrible end for someone like Sakdu.
- Conversely, Roger died something tamely. I figured I could go somewhat simple for her.
- And this brings us to Carrie!
- I played around a ton in between letting her live or die. If she died, it'd just be the end of it, but if she lived, then I had another character to play around with. But what exactly could I do with her character? She's completely mentally broken, and she's having identity problems between being Carrie and Vali. She's just a whole can of mess.
- But I did make the choice to keep her alive, so that should tell you I have some plans involving her.
And now, I want to talk about the elephant in the room.
Chapters 8(?) 9, And 10.
Okay, I've gotten a lot of feedback about these chapters. Some feel they don't provide anything worthwhile, some say that they're showing what we already know about Servi, and some say it's all senseless violence and torture porn.
I want to talk about what I was trying to do. It probably just felt like one long block of sadness, and that was on purpose. It is supposed to mimic Servi's journey through the Mafia. She has nothing around her to give her joy and happiness except killing her enemies, and the book reflected that by not breaking up the depression. Well, it did so one time near the end of chapter 8, and that was something I added in after finishing everything. I thought that little daydream-like sequence was fitting for the story. It reinforced what Servi was fighting for, but at the same time, it was just that: a dream.
But the crux of the story is that it was each of the character's darkest and lowest points. Servi shrugged of Momo to fulfil her desire for murder and chaos, Itarr was forced to watch what her tampering accelerated in bringing about, and Momo, the victim of it all, was mentally tortured and threatened for days on end. There just wasn't any spot for me to put any humorous or funny side stories without disrupting the flow I was going for.
That's also why I didn't do anything to shorten or summarize it, which was what a few readers would have preferred.
In short, I wanted the readers to suffer along with these characters. I wanted the readers to get upset with Servi, I wanted them to feel for Momo. I kind of wanted them to be a bit hesitant to cheer for Servi because she started killing innocents, but at the same time, only Servi could save Momo, who was completely innocent.
For the record, I do fully understand everyone's complaints with these chapters. I just wanted to throw this out there so it doesn't seem like I'm ignoring my readers.
New Characters!
How did you like them?
Was Sakdu worthy of being a villain?
What about Roger?
Carrie was a pseudo-replacement for Momo for part of the book, so I wonder how many people thought she might have been promoted to a main character?
Old Man did a lot of horrible things to provide his granddaughter the medicine she needed. Did he go to far? He even had to resort to killing to pay for her medicine. He showed up near the end as a ghost, but do you think he should have made himself known when he was alive?
What about Emi, Lori, and Leigh? Those three were the unfortunate victims of Servi's and Old Man's first assignment, but as we learned a few parts ago, those three have used Servi's gift to buy a horse, wagon, and protection as they head for greener pastures. Who knows? They might show up again somewhere down the line...
His granddaughter only showed up at the very end, so there wasn't much to time to get acquainted with her. And it was the same with the woman looking after her. Any brief thoughts about Moko and Angie?
How did you all feel about Carmelo and Clarence? Carmelo had a reason for trying to usurp the Mafia because he needed its power and resources to save his home forest. He even managed to recreate Red Monotonia and enhance it.
Speaking of Monotonia, I suppose that pill could be considered a character as well since it was the whole reason the Mafia became as strong as it was. It's certainly an ugly thing.
And now that I think about it, the Mafia itself was its own character. Its reaches can't be understated because it has pawns and plots in Westera, Keywater, and Lando, and Servi still believes that what was at Arcton was all the Mafia had to offer. And now with a few officers / leaders, the Mafia has set its eyes on another continent.
And then we have the bodyguard. He was, by far, the toughest foe Servi has had to fight. And she came out victoriously, but only because it turned into a battle of attrition. Her immortality really saved her because she just getting walloped back and forth, dying tens of times. I have some notes about his past I have written down, so I might do a bit involving him. Maybe even a few short interludes where we follow his rise to power?
(HINT: Yeah, the bodyguard may or may not be pretty important... He was absolutely incredibly strong with hundreds of years of experience under his belt. In a sense, he was a 'Hero' in regards to how he saved entire countries and continents, and he was felled by a pissed-off girl with the soul of a Goddess who can't die. That has to have drastic consequences, right? Right?)
Old Characters!
I'd like to get to know your feelings on Servi, Itarr, and Momo, now that Book Three is over. Do you still feel the same way about them as you did when the Book started? Do we have any Servi fans that switched over to Team Momo? Or did Servi's sheer ruthlessness manage to win anyone over?
Other Stories?
A while back, I mentioned I had a few plans for other stories I wanted to write in addition to this one. I still kind of plan to do that, but I have hit a snag. You see, I was working on a revenge-isekai called True Demon Lord Training System.
- A class is 'isekaied' (is that a word?) when they are on a plane waiting for it to take them to Greece for a school trip.
- The class is summoned by the Goddess of Light as Heroes to defend the country of Cridia. Since they are valuable and powerful assets, they basically join the military and go on expeditions to become stronger through grinding dungeons or joining the guild.
- But there are multiple Goddesses of Light that have their own countries.
- There are also Demon Lords can summon heroes, but they are called Demonic Champions.
- Heroes and Demonic Champions are just terms that refer to summoned beings.
- The twist is that Goddesses of Light and Demon Lords are terms used by those who can use Holy Divine Energy and Dark Divine Energy, so a Demon Lord isn't necessarily someone evil. Conversely, a Goddess of Light isn't necessarily someone who is on the side of justice. It's just a title.
- It also means that there are multiple countries in the world the story takes place in, so there are quite a few summoned beings walking around. Some have been there longer than the others, and as the story goes, new people would have been summoned.
- Each Summoned Hero or Demonic Champion receives a Soul Crystal, which transforms into a weapon that reflects something deep within their soul.
- For example, one of the character's name is Lori, and she lives in a dojo, where she practices with spears. Her Soul Weapon is a spear.
- She has a sister Ann, who uses a katana, so her weapon is a katana.
- The main character's soul weapon is a gun because he just likes them.
- Having a gun isn't a crazy advantage because they exist in this world as treasures you can get from conquering a dungeon. Or you can get a gunsmith to make you one if you bring the material. And they don't use bullets, but they use a lot of MP.
- A Soul Weapon has their own weapon tree, and it can change into something else within that same category as long as the person has the necessary stats.
- For example, one of the character's name is Lori, and she lives in a dojo, where she practices with spears. Her Soul Weapon is a spear.
- The gimmick to this story is that everyone's soul has a potential that ranges from 1-Star to 5-Star. The more stars you have, the more stats you get from leveling up.
- Two of the characters turn out to have a 6-Star soul, which used to be something of a legend.
- The main character has a 0-Star soul, meaning that he will never receive any stats from leveling up, which means he won't ever be able to use the stronger forms of his Soul Weapon. He's pretty much as strong as he will ever get from the get-go. Even if he does have a gun, it'll get to the point where his bullets will do nothing, he won't have any abilities or skills, and he'll still have the same stats.
- Then some stuff happens, and since it is a revenge-isekai, the main character is screwed over by the Goddess and his class, and he swears he'll get his revenge. Some more stuff happens, and he gets access to the True Demon Lord Training System, which allows him to acquire stat points and unique abilities by filling out the system, which is separated into systems.
- There is a section that provides stats and unique abilities for selling and buy items, and making profits. - The Merchant System
- There is a section that provides boons and assistance by starting a small village and working up until you have an entire country - The Ruler System
- There's a section that keeps tracks of his crimes, like murder and theft- The Criminal System.
- There's a section that keeps track of people's faith in him - The Religion System.
- There's a section that focuses on slavery. Such skills include make those under Tyranny Control (Introduced in Chapter Two) stronger and faster. Can eventually allow the Beastfolk under Tyranny Control's command to evolve, so from an Ogre to an Oni, or from an Elf to a High Elf -- The Slavery System.
- And so on, and so on. There's a bunch of different systems that range from cooking, combat, sex, conquering dungeons, rising through the ranks of the guild, fishing, taming, hunting,
- It's all about progression. For example, if the MC takes up crafting, he can work to complete The Crafting System(which includes blacksmithing, enchanting, sewing, etc) which will improve the quality of his items, which he can sell to advance in The Merchant System, which provides him boons in regard to bartering.. The money he gets from there can be spent on either more materials, or he can go to a brothel and advance the The Sex System. Or like I said above, he could grab some food and start cooking, or start to save up money for a dungeon expedition, which can grant loot.
- It all works in a circle, and every little thing the MC does will help them in the long run.
- But still, it's not immediately overpowered because even if there are a lot of systems, he won't get stat points from all of them. Some are just gate ways to other challenges. And the stat gains he does get from them are often miniscule if they're not in a combat-related System. And for some, he might just get a few coins (Gold, Silver, Copper - Currency system)
- So completing something in the Dungeon Explorer System will grant 20 or so points to each stat. Doing something in cooking might add a few points to 1 or 2 points to STR.
- A 6-Star Hero starts off with 300 in each stat. A 0-Star Hero has 10.
- A 6-Star Hero gets an average of 60 stats per level, a 5-Star gets an average of 50, and so on.
- So completing something in the Dungeon Explorer System will grant 20 or so points to each stat. Doing something in cooking might add a few points to 1 or 2 points to STR.
- It's all about progression. For example, if the MC takes up crafting, he can work to complete The Crafting System(which includes blacksmithing, enchanting, sewing, etc) which will improve the quality of his items, which he can sell to advance in The Merchant System, which provides him boons in regard to bartering.. The money he gets from there can be spent on either more materials, or he can go to a brothel and advance the The Sex System. Or like I said above, he could grab some food and start cooking, or start to save up money for a dungeon expedition, which can grant loot.
- Oh, the TDLTS, hereby referred to as Tilde to keep it short, comes out in the form of a fairy that is so very weak. Her only purpose is to help the MC track and complete the training system, but if she can fight, if she wants to. It probably won't make much of a difference...
- I plan to make her rude and eccentric, with a bit of a snarky attitude combined with the fierceness of a lion.
- Some of the useful abilities
- Ability to acquire a mini-map in the top right of the MC's vision
- Ability to barter better, getting more money from selling an item and spending less when buying.
- Ability to use no items when crafting.
- Ability to craft gear at the highest level.
- Right now, it's Common, Uncommon, Rare, Epic, Legendary, and Divine class items.
- Ability to enchant items
- Common, Uncommon, Rare, Epic, Legendary, and Divine level enchantments.
- Ability to scan his surroundings
- Ability to analyze a person and see everything about them, like their name, level, HP number, MP number, skills, and abilities.
- Starting off, he will only see name, level, class, and HP and MP bar(but without numbers)
- Ability to gain Skill Points, which can be used to enhance an ability beyond its limit.
- I do plan on changing PoVs a good bit to explain what class 2-F is doing, and what troubles or problems they're causing or solving.
- Since the MC will be fairly weak for a while, the focus is on teamwork. For example, MC can only shoot a few bullets before running out of MP. If he misses, then he's screwed because he has to wait for his MP to refill. So he needs someone to take the brunt of the fight while he attacks and supports from the rear using his various guns and skills, which will eventually heal, buff, and debuff enemies. If it comes to it, he might have to switch weapons with his party members in order to effectively attack.
- Unlike The Story of a Girl & a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected, it will take quite a while for any OP-ness to show up for the MC. He'll have valuable resources that no one else has, but he's still weak. Just because he can change classes without going to a Class Changer doesn't mean he can defeat boss-level enemies with a single shot.
But here lies my problem. Right after I wrote the prologue for it, I started reading(I'm on Chapter 3 of it) a book called Failure Frame: I Became the Strongest and Annihilated Everything With Low-Level Spells. It's a revenge isekai, and our prologues are so very similar that it isn't even funny.
I will put this in a spoiler box. The spoilers I will talk about mainly concern the first quarter of the book. But the spoilers are easily guessed from reading the back of the book and just having general knowledge about revenge-isekai stories.
- Failure Frame starts with the class on a bus after a school trip.
- Mine is a plane, and there's a trip to Greece.
- The main character talks about how the other people around him are the main character and he's a side character.
- My character does the same.
- There's even an incident involving a bully stealing a book and main character standing up.
- Guess what? Mine has the same thing. Though maybe I should change it or a phone? or maybe a journal or something?
- There's a useless teacher in both of our prologues.
I was honestly shocked that I had thought up of something that was nearly the same. Even the Soul Rating thing is almost the same, but Failure Frame uses 'S-Class Hero' or 'A-Class Hero.' Granted, the process leading up to the betrayal is supposed to paint him as being pathetic and selfish for not going along with it (Pretty much, if he dies, the Goddess can use the energy released to summon another hero, who is 1000% assured to have at least a 1-Star Soul.) So he's technically bullied to death, and another hero is summoned, but he swears he'll come back and get revenge.
I definitely do not want to be called a plagiarist, so I'm gonna have to alter it quite a bit. Thankfully, it's just the prologue that's super uncomfortably similar, and again, I definitely didn't know about Failure Frame before I wrote my prologue.
The first chapter is different enough, I hope, and it changes from there. They still both strive to acquire power, but they do so in their own ways. One uses his unique skill, and the other uses a system that is designed to train future True Demon Lords. And as I said before, a Demon Lord is only someone who can use Dark Divine Energy, so don't expect him to rape and pillage everything he sees. At the same time, the MC isn't a pushover, and he's going to have to be ruthless and surround himself with ruthlessness because he's starting at the very, very, very bottom. And it's a long, long, long way to the top. And since the stat boosts will be smaller at the start, it just makes the road that much more difficult.
If you want to get a sneak peek of what I have, then the Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, and part of Chapter 3 are below.
Keep in mind that very little editing has gone into these early chapters!!! I'm just looking for general thoughts about the plot and how it progresses. Editing will come later once I have the tone I want locked down.
(I know it seems like a lot of content, but I want to get a bit of feedback on my ability to write in first person. I'd like to get some comments before I devote a substantial amount of effort in this story. All I really have written down is an outline of the first 8 chapters. But don't worry. The Story of a Girl & a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected will always be my main priority.)
If you want to read it, please visit this link. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/346136/true-demon-lord-training-system-very-rough-draft/
On that story's page, you can find a feedback chapter with my thoughts.
When's Book Four!?!?!?
Alright, I think a part of why Book Three might've been a bit rough to read was because of the uploading schedule. Once a week isn't the best because of how I write. And I think the same can be said if I upload two or three times a week, and that brings me to this.
I think part of my problem is that I'm taking the advice, 'show, don't tell' to heart. I very rarely 'tell' things, and I mainly focus on the 'showing.' That's why I'm over 700k words deep, and I'm only on Book Four. 'Showing' is also why Chapters 9 and 10 are the way they are, but I still think they're properly needed because I needed them to convey what I wanted to convey.
And that's why, for Book Four, I'm taking a different approach.
I'm taking a hiatus until it is fully written and edited. Then once that is done, I will just have straight daily uploads, (weekdays, so not Saturday or Sunday) until it's done.
And I know I said this before, but this shouldn't be that long. There's going to be two stories going on at the same time.
- Momo taking care of Servi while she is mentally healing.
- This is gonna be the majority of the Book. It's just cute, fluffy, adorable, slice of life stuff. You can expect Claire to show up quite a bit, but Dineria, Srassa, and the other characters from Book Two make an appearance.
- Fisher really, truly coming to terms with just how close he was to dying to Sakdu, meaning that his family was basically breathing in the face of death. He... he doesn't take it very well. He doesn't take it very well at all because the entire thing was his fault, including Momo's kidnapping, because of what he had done in the past.
- Chapters involving Fisher as the MC will be categorized as Interludes, and right now, they're about six or seven of them.
- But one of them is literally him talking to someone, and it won't be more than 2k words. I think the longest one right now is 6k words.
- Conversely, the last time I checked, the prologue was the longest overall at being over 28k words. And I swear I'm working on my chapter length.
- But one of them is literally him talking to someone, and it won't be more than 2k words. I think the longest one right now is 6k words.
- Chapters involving Fisher as the MC will be categorized as Interludes, and right now, they're about six or seven of them.
At the same time, I swear I'm working on saying more without actually writing more. I think I can afford to 'tell' just a little bit more.
Some readers think Fisher got off way to easily just because he had a family to take care of, but that's not true. Servi just didn't kill him because she truly believed he regretted all he had done. He convinced her of that with his actions, words, and plans to build a orphanage. But just saying sorry isn't enough. Karma will eventually catch up to him, and this is Karma catching up.
I'll say this because I don't think it's a spoiler, but very rarely will anyone get off without a punishment. That includes the main characters and side characters. If it does seem that nothing bad will happen, it just means that it isn't the right time for punishment to occur. Every one will get their comeuppance, it will just take time.
Conclusion!!!!
I was going to say I want to start uploads before Christmas stuff goes up, but there's a store near me that are already selling fake Christmas trees, so I can't do that. So, I want to start uploading before the year ends.
And since Book Five now a collection of side stories, I can probably knock those out pretty quickly.
Actually, I lied. The first Side Story of Book Five takes place probably 10 minutes after Book Four, but Book Four will just end on the perfect moment. And I didn't want to have two epilogues.
But everything after Book Five Chapter One (Prologue?) is all side stories that are all going to be fluffy.
Except one, of course, which brings me to something completely else that I want to do, which is Fanfiction Crossovers!!!
They'll be non-canon, of course, but what if I have a way ( I already do have a way that fits with the story, but because it's fanfiction, it's non-canon) to allow Servi, Momo, and Itarr to crossover into different worlds? The first one I have planned is a Goblin Slayer type thing. I have a decent way of going about that won't involve nerfing Servi to the ground, and I think I can tell a fun story. Book Five won't include it, but it'll lay down the foundation. That'll probably be its own story on scribblehub.
I also want to do one with Pokémon, but that involves a character that hasn't been introduced. Like, what if Servi, Momo, Itarr, the character that hasn't been introduced, and Feral were transported to the world of Pokémon? There won't be any killing of the Pokémon, so rest assured, you will not see a Pikachu sliced in half. Think of the Pokémon anime, and you're already there.
I have some other ideas that involve Danmachi (Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?) and Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody, but those are just in the bare concept stages, so I just have the basic idea and that's it.
Conclusion, Part Two!!!!!
And here we have it! The end of this update post. I know Book Three has had some ups and downs, but I do hope you've enjoyed it. And I hope you're looking forward to some Rest and Relaxation in Book Four! We all know our Servi, Momo, and Itarr need it after what they've been through. I'll be working hard to get it written, edited, and scheduled for upload!!!!
its 4:50 AM now
but i read it all...... totally worth it..... took me 8+ hours but still....
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I played around with their torture many, many, times
👀
you will not see a Pikachu sliced in half
After reading this I a vivid picture of what this would look like in my head and I am disturbed
Hi, I am a new reader for this series and I will tell you that you have done a very good job.
I effectivly be mad to Servi how low she had fallen and renamed the book 3 "The Week of Mad Dog's Hell" in my mind.
I fell both compassion and disdain for Itarr who had in one side totally deserved to be ignored and another side where she really pitifull to be the lonely V.I.P of Arcton's Genocide and don't be able to do anything against it.
I'm glad you like the story!
@RuggyRuggy yep because you are really at make your character with colorfull personnality, the SC who make only one apparence inclued.
And your story is grandiose in all the sens of the term I read some good novel in this site, but this is really in another level of quality, I find.
Servi's assassination targets-given that she got them from Carmelo, I'd say that she was killing the people she was supposed to since he gave her the contracts. It isn't the people the other mafia members would've wanted assassinated, but it would still be her killing the people in the contracts given to her. Overall not that important though since she basically killed everyone in the local mafia anyways.
Chapters 8, 9, and 10-so I did remember correctly that the constant depressing tone for that chapters was intentional to make readers feel like what Servi, Momo, and Itarr were going through. I don't agree that it was needed or a good idea, but it's been endlessly discussed already, so I'll leave it at that.
Sakdu was a PoS and so was Roger. They're decent enough as villains since you can see their motivations and reasoning even if you don't agree with it. They weren't just psycho chaotic evil. Personally I loathe Roger more than Sakdu because Roger created the evil that is Monotonia, and he was a healer who perverted his craft and used it to kill and torture many, many innocents. By comparison Sakdu is a more run of the mill evil b*stard motivated by revenge and not caring about collateral damage, though the cannibalism, torture, and maneating are outliers that make him stand out some.
Carrie-I could have seen it going with her ending up as a major character in the volume of the book didn't go the route of Servi going nuts and going rogue early instead of following through with her infiltration plan. Old man did go too far, though he was a lesser evil than a lot of other mafia people. Carrie will probably show up again, and possibly will find some way to reconcile her Vali and Carrie identities
Moko and Angie-I hope things go well for them. They may or may not show up again later, but probably will since they know about Servi's real power. They're some of the few people who do know about it and aren't hostile to/afraid of her. Maybe they'll just show up as a cameo a lot later (like some shows doing a little cut in of various people reacting to some huge event), but I do expect to see them again.
Carmelo and Clarence-C tier villains, starscream type backstabber villains trying to take control of the evil group for their own ends. He was surprisingly powerful all things considered, or rather Clarence was, and him managing to recreate and enhance the red monotonia is ominous since it means others could do the same.
Monotonia-least favorite thing of the book by far, including all the psycho Servi stuff and gratuitous torture and murder sprees. Mind control stuff is among the things I find most abhorrent in the world, and stuff like monotonia that does that and insidiously erodes or kills people's minds and identities is another thing I absolutely abhor. Only disappointment with Roger's death was he wasn't the one overdosed with monotonia and killed, but what happened with Sakdu and roger's spirit being broken by that is a decent substitute.
The bodyguard-yeah, his death is just another thing that will bring more high level attention to the area. It was already starting because of Parrel's death, and Servi's stunts in Arcton will draw even more attention. The bodyguard being killed will bring out old associates from his, whether they were his friends or enemies, and they'll be looking into what could have brought him down.
Servi, Itarr, Momo-pretty much about the same as before. Servi took a hit, but that was mostly psycho Servi rather than sane Servi, who is still much the same as before, but not emotionally manipulated anymore. Itarr is about the same, but it's nice to see her come clean and start interacting with Momo-Itarr isn't blameless of what happened, but she is innocent of negative intentions. Momo is maybe a bit better? She's making progress in being self reliant and determined and even if she's using Servi as a crutch to lean on to focus on to remain strong, she's making the effort herself. Basically they've all been through a crucible and are worse the wear for it, but aren't dead or completely lost.
"A class is 'isekaied' (is that a word?)" It basically is at the point. Even if not an officially recognized word most people will understand what you're trying to convey. Multiple goddesses of light and demon lords-are all the goddesses female and demon lords male? That seems to be a common trend for some reason
The potential story seems fairly standard for a revenge isekai story, though that doesn't mean it will inherently be bad or boring (though I'm not impressed by the proposed "slavery system" you mentioned). Others I've seen/read that are like it-Shield Hero (multiple summoned people, MC is "weak and useless" and backstabbed/kicked out, MC gets party members (buys slaves) to act as cannon fodder and attackers for him while he tanks, MC gets OP, the people who did the summoning are up to shady things and end up being enemies, etc), some isekai I don't remember the name of (gist-summoned class, MC useless crafter class, gets trapped in dungeon, eats monsters and makes guns, gets OP, gets other party/harem members but it's only after he's already become OP, then goes off on revenge journey and ends up saving world), I'm a spider, so what? (Summoned class, MC separated from others and trapped in dungeon as basic level 1 spider, becomes OP via skill and level grinding, summoners are corrupt and MC brings down the corrupt people behind it-somewhat for revenge, but main focus was ending the corruption), and a whole bunch of others.
Honestly you shouldn't feel too bad about the prologues being so similar by coincidence. A lot of those revenge isekai start much the same and it's only after they've got the revenge journey started that they start differing. I'll give the spoilered contents a read at a later point and give feedback on it.
Ah-something I thought of before posting the comment-even before reading I have a bit of advice you might consider, though it's might be personal preference. Don't make your character a complete hypocrite, people hate that.
A few examples I'm thinking of personally from stories that are similar isekai revenge novels are ones where the MC starts their revenge path or whatever and ends up as bad or worse than the people they hate and are getting revenge on but the book tries to portray them as being justified or fine. Like MC is now a monster and feels oppressed by humans hunting down, killing, enslaving, and eating monsters monsters for their own benefit-MC is indignant about this and goes to war with humans over it despite MC doing exactly the same things, both to other monsters and humans, and MC is gleeful about getting to massacre humans and eat them, including and especially the innocent ones who can't fight back like children and non-combatants, and those are only the ones they don't enslave themself. The book tries to play this as fine, or repaying evil with evil, but the MC is objectively worse than the people they're fighting and causes a lot more harm than them.
Different book-MC on revenge path, betrayed by people who were helping them. MC makes her own group and gets a bunch of people together before going and getting trapped in a dungeon for a while and then staying and screwing around for a few years even after she could have left. At some point her identity is erased and replaced with someone who makes psycho Servi look pleasant, and she's become a demon lord. When she gets back to her base, the people she abandoned are justifiably angry with her and ask why she abandoned them-they've been under constant attack by the group that betrayed the MC and the MC group's numbers have fallen a lot and taken a lot of casualties. MC responds to this by calling them weak and attacking some of the people-or rather going to attack them, but a harem member steps in and asks their only remaining family member (her grandpa, the one who was leading the group while the MC was missing) to back down and appreciate the MC for returning at all and that the Mc can make them much stronger if they do what she wants. He refuses and accurately says the Mc has betrayed all she stood for and built and is ungrateful for the help she got in getting this far since he was the one who did most of the heavy lifting in getting the organization started since it was his to begin with and the harem member then gleefully butchers him brutally and massacres all the remaining humans in the base, only sparing the people who had already turned into monsters/demons (who in turn bow down and worship the Mc and thank her for sparing them). MC is happy about her harem member's actions and is happy she's corrupted everything around her, and acknowledges she's made people around her worse, more evil, violent, and bloodthirsty than they were before. MC then goes onto to systematically hunt down and enslave or kill any remaining humans on the planet, despite her claims to only be going after people who would attack her and her having left various demon groups she tried and failed to recruit alone. She shows her "kindness" and that her "humanity" is still there and that she hasn't changed by threatening a group of humans who were hiding and unaffiliated with the MC or her enemies and telling them to submit to her or die. This scenario was explicitly called her being "kind" by her suck up underlings, and the book pushed hard that the MC was justified in doing what she was doing since the humans she was going after were either too weak to fight back or refused her "generosity" of being enslaved, despite the Mc having already killed half of the humans in the group she was attacking. I dropped the book at the point where the harem member killed her final remaining family member-the rest of the stuff was just skimming through chapters and seeing a few summaries, but I did confirm that stuff happened by reading those few parts myself since I couldn't believe the author was trying to justify that crap.
So a hiatus to finish book 4 before then posting it all daily until it's done? Could work decently, especially if you aren't depending on it and patreon type stuff to pay your bills.
As for Fisher and him getting off "light"-he hasn't really gotten off that lightly. His actions and past weigh on him every day, and that does bother him since he does have morals and regrets it. If Fisher didn't regret it, didn't care at all about it, and still got to have his family and happiness-then I'd say he got off lightly. I've seen a fair number of characters that are similar to Fisher and in his situation and the guilt is a serious weight for them-sometimes one they can't bear.
"There won't be any killing of the Pokémon, so rest assured, you will not see a Pikachu sliced in half."
Pfft, you've clearly never seen the pokemon adventures manga where that kind of thing happens all the time. It's pokemon, but pretty dark. Trainers get attacked during battles and often killed, and severe injuries are common. Pokemon are also often injured or killed.
Cheers for your thoughts and comments!
Multiple goddesses of light and demon lords-are all the goddesses female and demon lords male? That seems to be a common trend for some reason
I haven't quite decided yet. I might just have both male and female for the Gods and Goddesses of Light and Demon Lords. A nice even gender split.
As for OPness, I did dabble in doing something that makes him drastically overpowered, but I decided against it. Even though he has a gun, he's still in a videogame-like world where stats, levels, and skills matter. And guns are very loud, so that's another disadvantage. For example, it took him 6 shots to the side to kill a level 3 boar. I want group/ team work to be a core part because the MC can't grow through the normal route.
The potential story seems fairly standard for a revenge isekai story, though that doesn't mean it will inherently be bad or boring (though I'm not impressed by the proposed "slavery system" you mentioned).
I was trying to think of a way to make it more unique. One idea I did have was to have the MC being a servant of the Heroes that were summoned. One of them is a 0-Star, and that's the one the MC has to help, and they're fine with it. Then the 0-Star gets betrayed by their classmates / other heroes, and the MC is dragged along with them.
And another beginning I had was to just do the VRMMO route. Have it be fancy technology, something goes wrong, and they're transported to the universe of the game. Since their academy is basically number 1, I can have it be like they're testing the system out as a reward. If I do it that way, I can easier explain and go through the class system, leveling system, and title system, and we can get to the action quicker. Then all I need is quick Plot Convivence, and we're golden.
Really, I think the length of the intro / chapter 1 is what's getting me. I've read Reincarnated as a Slime and I'm a Spider, So What?, and they manage to get past the intro and into action pretty quickly. Reincarnated as a Sword was pretty slow for the first half, but I really liked how slow and in detail the author went before the sword's wielder showed up. Meanwhile, I'm just now getting to the guild / first real fight with a boar after 50k words. That's pretty much 2/3rd of a standard Light Novel, and the main gimmick isn't even activated. (It's been mentioned, but it's not currently in play.) If I can get to where I am now in less than half that, I'll be happy.
I don't want this new story to be as slow paced as The Story Of a Girl and a Goddess Whose Souls Became Interconnected. (Speaking of which, I'm definitely going to try to speed a few things up and tell a bit more rather than show. Expect Book Four to hopefully read a bit faster and be shorter.)
@RuggyRuggy If you want a gender neutral name for them-you could go with something like "The Deities of Light", "The Divinities of Light" (or "Light Divines/Divinities"), or "The Pantheon of Light", or even "The Lords of Light" (or "Light Lords") to mirror the Demon Lords thing
Something to keep in mind for the MC being stat gimped-eventually he'll reach a point where even stray attacks or area of effect damage from attacks not aimed at him could annihilate him in one shot, making him a huge liability, something that would get really old really fast. Lodestone/liability characters that can't contribute anything are usually strongly disliked, and it doesn't sound like the MC is a crafter class type thing or something else to make up for it and contribute in non-combat functions (I think, I may have missed it but it seemed like he was basically useless, has a gun, and has 0 opportunities for growth stat-wise or weapon-wise). Also for him being stat gimped-even if you want teamwork to be a priority, if he's too weak to contribute it makes it kind of seem like he isn't/can't help-if he can only take weak, slow (compared to high level arrows and projectile attacks/spells) potshots at enemies while his allies are zooming around doing stuff he may even accidentally hit one of them with his shooting (not that it would hurt them much/at all at that point). Even if he's "good at strategy" or something like that, if he literally cannot physically see or keep up with what's going on he's basically useless for coming up with plans or improvising on the fly-and also still runs the issue of "huge liability since could be killed by a single stray attack"
The ideas for uniqueness-the MC being a servant of the summoned heroes-meaning the Mc would be a native inhabitant of the world rather than a summoned one? Could be interesting, but could raise questions of "why is the Mc the MC? What makes them significant? Aside from luck/happenstance". Or the MC could be a supporting protagonist where they may be the viewpoint character, but they aren't actually the real main character/lead. VRMMO could work and would be a decent way to justify the RPG and system stuff, also for why the entire class was sent over instead of just a few people. Not actually that unique since it's a fairly common way for such isekai things to begin, but not a bad way to do it
Stray thought-might you want to make a second story and post the stuff in the spoilers in actual chapter sections there? It could just be a placeholder thing with something like (rough draft) in the title or whatnot
@FallingLeaf
Lodestone/liability characters that can't contribute anything are usually strongly disliked, and it doesn't sound like the MC is a crafter class type thing or something else to make up for it and contribute in non-combat functions (I think, I may have missed it but it seemed like he was basically useless, has a gun, and has 0 opportunities for growth stat-wise or weapon-wise).
Yeah, the MC be useless for anything that's level 5 and above until they start to progress through the training system, which will give them stats along with abilities and skills not given to anyone else. Right now, the MC starts to make progress on it in Chapter 4. They will have to eventually progress through the Crafting section of the training system to acquire certain abilities that will improve their crafting. They'll also get some very important stats along the way.
Stray thought-might you want to make a second story and post the stuff in the spoilers in actual chapter sections there? It could just be a placeholder thing with something like (rough draft) in the title or whatnot
Good Idea.
I definetly love that song...
95 of 100
Crossover with pokemon sounds great!