Chapter Hundred Thirteen

The Sacrifice

Part 2 of 3

 

 

The meeting with Lady Hinokuma, the Great Lady of Towa, felt eerily like a dream repeated.

Nekohiko had been in the exact same situation before -- standing in front of his potential ally, a Great Lord. Taking in the suggestions of the deal they would sign. Agreeing to everything because... really, why would Nekohiko disagree?

Suminoe had proofread the actual contracts between Nekohiko and Hinokuma and told Nekohiko there wasn't much to worry about. The contract would not demand anything that he couldn't give, or anything that would disadvantage the Empire.

Some points might be difficult for Nekohiko personally, but what did it matter compared to the glory of the Empire and his ascension to the Emerald Throne?

For example, some minor trade benefits for Towas. Or the spread of the network of the Towa Binders across the other Lands... More freedom on the battlefield when fighting foreign invasions. And lastly...

The engagement of Nekohiko to the Towa heiress.

To Iokirihime.

...

Oh yes, this was exactly as though a repeat of Nekohiko's meeting with Kazuragi a month prior. Exactly.

Not even like a recurring dream, but more of a nightmare.

And Nekohiko didn't even know what made this situation so bizarrely similar. Why? Why were all the Great Lords so obsessed with marrying their female relatives to him?

Was he that... desirable, really?

An Emperor, sure. But... wasn't the Usurper also the Emperor? Why not marry Kasuga or Iokirihime to him?

Why -- to Nekohiko?

Yet Suminoe stood beside him, secure and confident as ever, and Nekohiko didn't dare inquire. He was scared to even think too long before he nodded and agreed to everything Lady Hinokuma asked of him.

Taxes? Land disputes between Lordships? Some Binding rights and freedoms other Lordships didn't have?

Sure, why not.

Marriage?

"Of c-course," Nekohiko squeezed out, afraid to lift his eyes at the menacing figure of Lady Hinokuma before him.

The aura of distance and indifference that emanated from her gave him shivers. She was just so... imposing, so demanding with even the least of her gazes.

Like all Towa commanders, she had the atmosphere of military prowess, even superiority about her. Kazuragi also did, as Nagares tended to be. But between the Nagare militarism of defense and fiery passion to die for the glory of their country against the oncoming intruders, the Towa militarism had a different flavor.

The Towa armies were always the attacking force. Theirs were the invaders upon all other lands and territories. Towas evoked something deadly and cold. Downright cruel.

Especially when Lady Hinokuma wanted something from him.

Last time he and she had met, she had only been acquainting herself to him -- so she hadn't spared him much attention beyond polite interest. Now, she was focused on Nekohiko.

Like a predator or a general would be upon their target.

No surrender, only full defeat.

"Of course?" Hinokuma's cool voice cut. "Words mean little, Your Majesty. Signatures and seals do."

...indeed. Just so.

Nekohiko cleared his throat with difficulty, casting a sideways glance at Suminoe. Suminoe took Nekohiko's subtle interest to mean that he needed help in signing the documents and stepped closer to spread out a lengthy scroll of silk on the table between them, ready for signing.

But before Hinokuma put her own signature on the paper, she tilted her head and regarded Nekohiko from beneath her long, thick eyelashes.

As always with Towas, her eyelashes glistened with rime frost -- glittering crystals that only made her gaze that much more intimidating.

"Did your and Kazuragi's agreement have some other points added, compared to ours?"

Nekohiko blinked.

Huh?

Why would she need to know?

"When is your and the Nagare heiresses' engagement? When the wedding? How soon do you plan to consummate the marriage?" Hinokuma asked, never taking her eyes off him.

"I--"

--have no idea...

"Lady Kasuga is about five years old," Nekohiko said miserably.

"Nine." Hinokuma's eyes thinned, studying his reaction. She did not look very pleased with what she was seeing. "That said, it is too early to consummate a marriage and produce an Imperial heir, is it not? I assume the marriage would have to be postponed until she comes of age. No?"

"..."

I certainly hope so!

"By that time, my sister, Lady Iokirihime's age will be out of prime, though. So a bit unfair to wait to marry her, isn't it?"

Cold sweat beaded upon Nekohiko's forehead at these words.

"Besides, Lords Nagare have unleashed the Nagare seal in you, have they not?" Hinokuma's eyes flashed with distaste. "That is quite unfair, too. Doesn't His Majesty think so?"

"N-no. Yes, they did. B-but--"

Subtly, Hinokuma leaned away from the documents as though hesitating to sign.

"Is His Majesty favoriting the Nagare Lordship compared to all the others? Emperor Isaseri-hiko, on the contrary, seems quite fair in his favors to all the Lords..."

Isaseri-hiko?

The Usurper?

Nekohiko's heat rose in a flash. But he didn't need to worry.

He wasn't alone here.

"That is enough speculation, Lady Hinokuma," Suminoe told her coolly. "Nekohiko does not favor anyone. Neither do I."

Hinokuma's mood changed to a much more frigid one. "A member of House Hisome is not favoriting House Hisome?" Then, after all Suminoe did was give her a silent treatment, she spoke to Nekohiko again. "I hope His Majesty remembers that Lord Kazuragi had almost killed him in his rage tantrum?"

Nekohiko's fists shook with tension on his lap as he nodded stiffly.

The meeting sapped him of all energy. He only managed to breathe freer after he and Suminoe were done and could go back to their quarters in the Towa's icy castle.

Unlike the Nagare castle, this one was translucent and brilliant and almost blinding in its beauty. But similarly to the black glass of Nagare, it wafted of cold and hardness. Its walls of diamond-like crystals shifted from teal to pale blue, shimmering like the freshest of snows.

Too bad Nekohiko was too shaken to spare his attention to the beauties of Towa. Even the people in colorful, sparkly clothes he and Suminoe passed in the hallway or the melancholy music that came from the crowded rooms, didn't leave much impression on him.

He only saw Hinokuma's vicious face before him.

Only heard her sharp words.

Suminoe knew, and so he placated Nekohiko however much he could. At least he answered the questions that had bothered Nekohiko so.

"The Usurper's first and only interest in the Empire is House Hisome, and its Great Lady -- Takarashi," Suminoe said without any emotion. As though he wasn't talking about his blood-related sister at all. "Alas, Takarashi is not interested in being the Empress. Not anymore. The Usurper has many wives from the lower branches of the Great Houses or other noble families. But no heir. And no First Wife. Thus, Houses Towa and Hira and Nagare know they would have no chance in securing their path to the Emerald Throne that way --"

He kept describing how the branches of families worked and how the next in line to the Throne was supposed to be the Usurper's twice-removed cousin from a different branch. Intentionally missing Nekohiko as though Nekohiko wasn't the Usurper's literal nephew.

Yet Nekohiko only took note of two things.

One -- Takarashi, Morokata's splendid mother, wasn't interested in being Empress anymore.

Anymore?? When had she been interested in that? And what did that have to do with the Usurper?

And two -- Houses Towa, Hira, and Nagare, wanting to marry their daughters to the new Emperor.

With Iokirihime and Kasuga already engaged to him, did that imply--?

"Will Lord Okinaga want me to marry his daughter Kusuhi as well?" Nekohiko asked, feeling queasy.

Kusuhi was even younger than Kasuga. And Nekohiko had spent so much time with that little toddler girl when he had lived with Abihiko in the Adamantine Mountain...

It was just too icky to imagine, marrying her.

"Very likely. If House Hisome had any primary branch daughters, they would offer her to you as well. Alas, they only have Morokata."

Thank heavens for Morokata!

Nekohiko didn't want to have all four wives from the Great Houses! That would make such a huge... harem, and he didn't want to have even a tiny one!

"Your Holiness, I have one more question." Nekohiko stopped by the door to his and Abihiko's private quarters. Technically, there was only Nekohiko's room in the Towa castle, and Abihiko was here without any invitation. Solely as part of Nekohiko's entourage if Nekohiko even had one.

But for Nekohiko, it was already natural. Wherever he went, Abihiko would, too.

He had hated being in the Towa capital the last time, without Abihiko. He would never want that to repeat.

"How did you know that Lady Hinokuma would offer me her support so soon? Just a month ago, you predicted that she would."

Nekohiko had a lot to learn about how the Lords acted and why. So far, he trusted Suminoe's instincts. But he wanted to stop being so blind and gullible. He wanted to stand on his own, one day.

Suminoe nodded. "What you have to understand about how Lords operate, Nekohiko, is that they only start acting toward and for the Emperor when they feel pressured by another Lord's actions. Hinokuma offered you her help because Kazuragi did. In that, the Lords are awfully predictable. You displace one of them, forcing to lean toward you -- and you displace all of them. Kazuragi has a marriable heir. So does Hinokuma. When Kazuragi contacted you about it, it pushed Hinokuma into a defensive role.

"And knowing Towas, they do not like the defensive role. Especially against Nagares," Suminoe said pointedly. "After these two, Hira shall follow sooner or later. The Hisomes are always last. Hisomes are careful and only join in when the victory is inevitable. Thus, our only last goal is to tilt Hiras toward our side. Hiras are always harder to sway against the current reigning Emperor because of how dutiful and loyal Hiras are. But I am confident that your close relationship with Abihiko will help you in this."

Nekohiko's heart panged.

So Abihiko had always been nothing but a pawn in Suminoe's play to put Nekohiko on the Throne?

"For now, worry not. You did great." Suminoe allowed a shade of pride to seep through his usually-grim exterior. "Never allow the Lords to talk back to you the way Hinokuma did. You are their Emperor. It is time you began acting like one, too."

He wanted to turn away and go down the hall to his own quarters, but some vague concern clawing at Nekohiko's heart spurred him to move.

Surprising even himself, Nekohiko put a hand on Suminoe's shoulder, tugging him to stay.

How odd, he thought. He and I are almost the same height now. And when Abihiko stands next to him, he seems a bit taller than Suminoe.

In a couple of years, either of us would grow even further.

Why am I still so afraid and timid whenever he is around?

"Thank you, Your Holiness. I understand now. But... if Hinokuma joined in because of Kazuragi, and all the others would follow because of Hinokuma -- then how did you know that Kazuragi would offer me his army, in the first place? Back then, in autumn. You told me that soon the Lords would want to join their forces with me, and the Nagare army might be first. How? How did you know?"

Rather than turn around and face him, Suminoe merely stopped. His gaze never met Nekohiko's as he spoke.

"After Lord Yakabe's death at the Usurper's hands, what else did you think would happen?"

...

"Yes, the Usurper did a major mess-up with that one," Nekohiko whispered through force.

He didn't know if he wanted to laugh at such a bizarre coincidence that aided him so much, or weep.

In the hanging pause between them, Nekohiko could only trade oddly stirred breaths.

Suminoe turned his head, regarding Nekohiko in profile -- obliquely.

"Good night, Nekohiko."

When Nekohiko got into his rooms, softly closing the door behind him, he felt weak in the knees as though from vertigo. He slumped against the wall, then slid to the floor.

He found it hard to catch his breath or to think clearly.

The rooms were dark, all lights extinguished. The cold, wintery feel of the Towa castle and the watery and icy magic permeating these halls only added to the atmosphere of emptiness the rooms evoked.

Abihiko wasn't here now.

Because of Nekohiko's business in the meetings with Hinokuma, of which tonight's meeting was the third one -- Abihiko was too bored and idle in these rooms. He couldn't just sit back at home and wait for Nekohiko to return from his Imperial duties.

Abihiko wasn't the kind of person who would do that.

Most of the time, Abihiko just went about the glimmering city of Estuary Gate and enjoyed the sights and the stores and the betting arenas and card shops. Other times, he snuck out into the wings of the Towa castle where the Towa nobles hanged out. He knew some of them from Izumo, others -- from when the Towa delegates came to Hira castle for summits. All the gatherings and meetings of nobles inside the castle were just as interesting to him as gambling outside in the city.

The nobles partied and played games here, too. How could Abihiko refuse in joining them?

Before, Nekohiko never minded that.

But tonight... the absence of Abihiko in their room made him especially miserable.

Knowing that Abihiko was having fun somewhere else, surrounded by merry and beautiful and oblivious people... it only exacerbated his gloom.

Despondent, Nekohiko found his way to the window sill of their main room and sat there, looking out for Spirits knew how long.

There wasn't a true night in Estuary Gate

. The skies could not be seen from beneath such thick layers of the ocean waters above them. But the night still filtered down through all the waters, coloring the sea tide darker, more somber, more... menacing.

On it, the glow of jellyfish and the lanterns of the city were nothing short of constellations. If only the stars could have this myriad of shining blue and pink and turquoise and yellow that peppered the night under the sea in the window...

If only Nekohiko wasn't so alone watching them.

Abihiko's return blared in laughter and curses as the echoes of the Towa nobles he had partied with clashed in the hallway. Someone said a clearly flirtatious comment at Abihiko. A young woman. Another retorted by claiming to compete for Abihiko's favors -- this one, a young man.

Abihiko didn't respond to either, instead blabbering something to others in their loud company, and laughing all the way to the doors.

Nekohiko didn't care to greet him when the doors swung open and closed and he heard Abihiko's unsteady footsteps inside. The rooms were just as dark as when Nekohiko had found them -- to let him see the splendid city outside better.

Abihiko came to a halt when he ended up in a dark room. All of his merriment evaporated.

But not for long.

Quiet and smooth, he slunk closer until his arms weaved around Nekohiko's torso from the back. His chin lay atop Nekohiko's shoulder, and he took a deep sniff of Nekohiko's hair, pressing him harder against himself.

"I missed you so," he murmured into Nekohiko's neck.

And though Nekohiko had been sad just a moment ago, and bitter at Abihiko for being unable to wait for him here like a loyal spouse might do -- his heart thawed as soon as he heard Abihiko's warm voice.

As soon as he felt Abihiko's possessive touch. As soon as he realized that the only reason Abihiko was here in the first place -- was because of Nekohiko.

He had come here, for Nekohiko.

He hadn't needed to. But he'd come, nonetheless.

Mellow, Nekohiko leaned back into his heat -- as though melting. Yet not all of his worries dissipated. Some remained.

Specifically -- those he wanted to share.

"I want to go to Lady Hinokuma and open my Towa seal tonight," he said, grim.

Abihiko stilled. "Neko, but seal opening is rough and it will harm you."

"Not harm. Just... daze and subdued reactions. I have experienced it already, with the Hira seal being released. It's not a big deal," Nekohiko said. "But I might start spacing out and be out of my element for a while. I would need to get used to it being open, and Suminoe told me each new seal will bring a longer period of numbness."

With a sigh, Abihiko squeezed him in his arms. "Then why the hell, dummy. You want me to interact with a log of a boyfriend for a month? Why, thank you."

"I need it. And I need it now, while we're still here and not engaged in the open Civil War with the Usurper's forces." Nekohiko had never felt more decisive or correct in his choices. "I want you to take care of me in case... I lose track of my surroundings. I am afraid I might. And I need someone... to... look after me, while I recover from it."

He felt awkward asking about this. But he had no one else to ask or trust to, in this manner.

So he only hoped Abihiko would understand.

Abihiko studied his face, thoughtful. His fingers brushed gently through Nekohiko's hair, swiping it behind Nekohiko's ear.

Then without a single question more, he smiled.

"All right. If you need it, then I'll be there for you."

...

Nekohiko blinked hard and fast. He had not expected Abihiko to just... agree!

"Depending on how severe it is, I might end up kind of like a log for weeks," he whispered in horror. "Or a vegetable. Even I don't know how deeply I might blank out through it. The Hira seal had hit me hard compared to the Nagare seal."

"...You sound like you thought about it a lot. So I respect your wishes. You only asked me if I am ready to take care of you while you are getting used to it, and my answer is -- yes. Of course. Neko, if you have doubts about it--"

"I do not. I want the seal removed," Nekohiko said, solemn.

"--then, I am ready to do everything to help you get it."

Crooked, Abihiko's smile was so much more appealing from the sweetness of what he was saying. Nekohiko couldn't help but snuggle in and plant a tremulous kiss on those red, red lips.

Abihiko smelled of alcohol and some decadent pastries. Nekohiko winced but didn't break their kiss however much he hated the implications, and didn't say anything about it.

However, Abihiko noticed.

"Hey, I was having fun! Sitting in here for hours while you're gone is so bo-o-o-ring..." he groaned.

"Will it not be boring sitting with me while I am a vegetable?"

Slowly, Abihiko's teeth dug into his lip, as though teasing Nekohiko with the view.

"I said 'while you're gone', dummy. We will be together all through it. Or are you spacing out already and unaware of what you're even saying?"

...

Nekohiko wanted to argue. He wanted to say -- how is me becoming a log for weeks not 'being gone'? How can you be so confident, Abihiko? How can you say it won't be boring for you or not miserable to take care of me after I open the seal?

What makes you so sure it will work out?

Yet Abihiko's cloudless gaze was so easy to trust, Nekohiko couldn't bear to question him. Or his resolve.

It helped him with his own.

 

 

---

***

 

 

The winter went by in eerie silence and tranquility Nekohiko had never before known.

The Towa seal lifting had done something... so alien yet natural to his essence that he felt contradicting emotions. Sometimes a vague dread, other times -- apathy to the point of enlightenment.

If anything he felt nowadays could even be called "emotions". Because they weren't.

As he had expected before, the opening of the third Binding seal in him had put his mind into a sort of a trance, a mental fog he couldn't and didn't care to escape. Everything was subdued. Desires, feelings, thoughts.

Everything was... far away. He could only observe it with detachedness and sometimes wonder if he loved or hated it.

It hit him harder than the opening of the first, Nagare, seal. He hadn't even noticed changing after the Nagare seal, honestly. But with Hira one... he definitely had felt the unearthly indifference descending unto him.

He had not expected the third seal would incapacitate his emotional range to such an extent.

Because all this bizarre haze lasted him for more than three months.

The winter and the first weeks of Spring. His birthday...

Everything, gone. Like never there.

And he had been barely aware of it all.

 

 

---

***

 

 

The long months of his daze passed by in Nara, of all places. Because right before he and Abihiko had snuck out to see Hinokuma and ask her to lift her seal over Nekohiko -- the two of them had talked.

Once it hits you, I will take you out of Towa and to Lord Okinaga's castle, all right? Abihiko told him while they were gathering their things in the night, preparing to run for it after the seal opening.

Nekohiko just really didn't want to face Suminoe after it. He knew how Suminoe looked down on his decision to lift more seals. So he never mentioned it in front of the Head Priest and didn't want him to be aware he could do it behind his back like this...

Running away also sucked, but it was somehow better, in Nekohiko's turbulent mind.

He just didn't want to face Suminoe at that time. At all.

But neither did he want to face Okinaga or his family members.

When Abihiko had suggested they go and stay at Okinaga's while Nekohiko recovered after the seal, something in Nekohiko snapped.

Please don't, he told Abihiko. Don't take me to Okinaga.

I can't go to Okinaga. I can't see him or his little daughter right now.

Not after what I've been told by Suminoe about the potential marriages and agreements and schemes between me and the Great Lords.

Please.

"Well, do you want me to take you up north? To my own home?" Abihiko had asked him then, lighting up. "You could be safe there, too. What better place to stay in while you recover and heal?"

...

It was a good place to go to, Nekohiko thought, timid.

But at the same time... it wasn't. There would be people around. People Nekohiko knew and cared about. Abihiko's parents, Abihiko's other family members Nekohiko had never met...

If he and Abihiko married one day, would that not mean they would become Nekohiko's new relatives too? Was this his first chance to spend time with his new, potential family?

While being a vegetable?

"No," he had told Abihiko in the end. "I can't... go there. Not yet. Can you and I not stay somewhere else? Somewhere nobody knows who we are and nobody can find us?"

Including Suminoe. Or Okinaga. Or any of the other Lords and foes of ours.

Is there not such a place?

Nekohiko knew in his heart such a place did not exist.

Anywhere he could call his home would be something important to him, and therefore, easy to find. The Emerald Palace, Abihiko's homes, Izumo...

Nothing in the whole Empire that would have zero connection to him -- yet would, at the same time, offer a small and cozy and well-hidden place for him and Abihiko to stay in for several weeks.

Right?

And yet, such a heavenly place existed.

It was located on the Shinglers' Street, at the corner of the mansion alley, in a house owned by a very secluded and cranky old lady -- without any living relatives and friends.

An unlikely, unexpected place to go back to, for no reason. But because of this -- all the more reasonable.

After all, the two of them and the old lady had become somewhat used to each other during their short winter stay in Nara. Why throw such a fruitful relationship away, especially now that they, again, had nowhere to go without being found?

...

And so they did.

...

And now, they were here, long after the seal. Even if Nekohiko couldn't follow the passage of time, nowadays.

"It's still snowing," Abihiko's voice would at times reach him through the fog.

"There were tightrope dancers today in the market."

"The first spring birds woke me up this morning. Do you know that it's already spring, Neko?"

"It's so chilly, yet the icicles are dripping... I might have caught a cold while walking around. But don't you worry -- I won't come too close and infect you..."

...

Nekohiko's awareness was always a struggle. He hardly remembered how he and Abihiko had gotten here from the Towa Lordship or how they found their way back to this house.

A small, wooden house in dark colors. Unadorned, very simplistic. Its front and back porch were the only highlights due to the porches being long and wide enough to put tables out there and dine while peering into the small, unkempt garden.

In the garden, there were maple trees. Naked right now, bare... a bit ugly in their scraggliness.

But just knowing how bright and gorgeous they would be soon was enough to feel inspired. This garden would be like a tiny hidden treasure amidst an impersonal and gaudy city.

A quiet respite where the two youths were so oddly welcome.

Old Ema -- was the name of the lady who lived in this house. During their original stay here, she had refused to interact with Abihiko or Nekohiko too much. But she didn't refuse to let them stay.

She didn't putter for them, though, like many other older women would. She never bothered to cook for them or to clean for them or even to suggest she helped them out in any way. She only gave them her begrudging hums and grunts of appreciation when they did all these things -- for her.

And somehow, both Abihiko and Nekohiko liked her precisely for that.

For always being here and for letting them live beside her as though they were birds or small animals that had merely chanced upon her little hidden garden.

Abihiko liked her grumbling and her scornful attitude to how he offered her meals that he bought in the street stalls. He liked that she never thanked him or Nekohiko for fixing the house or helping around the garden.

He liked it that she gave him and Nekohiko stink-eye stares as though judging their very existence. Yet the fact that she peeked into the back porch where they tended to sit around, reading or playing table games -- as if she was worried they were gone and wanted to check they were still here, also pleased Abihiko greatly.

"You love it that we're here, don't you?" he winked at her whenever he found her looking, amused, at whatever the two of them were doing in her garden.

"Pffff, as if I have nothing better to do with my life," she mumbled, retreating back into her bedroom and stomping down the floor a little too hard to not be a show.

And Nekohiko liked her because... she and he seldom interacted.

She never infringed on his stuff, and he reciprocated.

What was not to like about her? A wonderful person -- the best he had ever known, actually.

So yes, he found it so natural for him and Abihiko to come back here and stay.

He rarely even perceived Old Ema's presence in the house after the seal's removal. Something about his focus scattered when he had to pay attention to any issue beyond his immediate sight.

He remembered the snowfall. A lot of it. He watched it through the open back porch door -- twirling silently in the melancholy purple dusk -- or falling, heavy and wet, all through the day. 

He remembered the chill and the crispness of his breath as it curled in silvery streams even inside the house, so cold the winter sometimes got. He remembered the oily-yellow gleam of sunrays dappling the ceiling of the room where he lay for hours, it seemed, without ever caring to rise.

He remembered the wetness of the melting snow after Abihiko forced him to go out and walk in the garden just to get Nekohiko's leg a bit of exercise. Nekohiko's shoes left tiny pools of thawing water on the floorboards, and Abihiko had to mop them up after he helped Nekohiko take them off.

The act itself felt... odd. Dim, Nekohiko acknowledged that he couldn't even remove his boots from his feet and Abihiko had to do it for him.

How many other simple tasks did Nekohiko struggle with?

Yet while he accepted the reality of such a frustrating existence while his mind was elsewhere, he could not muster care.

From that winter, Nekohiko also remembered the whisper of naked branches over the roof at night, the soft patter of bird feet over his lap, so still he sat in the porch at times, and above all --

-- he remembered Abihiko.

His voice, his face.

His scent.

His... proximity.

In the world of eerie blurs and lack of significance -- Abihiko's presence near him was like... light. Like fire.

The only thing Nekohiko could remotely focus on.

"...the prescribed procedures of the agricultural tax follow the guidelines as established by their districts and the Lordship under the governance of which..."

Abihiko read books to him.

Abihiko talked to him. Abihiko never really left him alone.

It must have been hard for him, though. Even within his inertia-ridden mind, Nekohiko saw that.

Because at times, when the shadows stretched particularly long and still over the twilight-swaddled room -- Nekohiko saw him hunker down beside the table.

As quiet and immobile as always, Nekohiko sat beside him, watching straight ahead in oblivious hypnosis. Abihiko had just now stopped telling him something else that had happened to him on the market street today when Abihiko was buying their meal baskets. Some funny anecdotes, simply to make the room less uncannily silent.

The unfinished bowls and cups and plates still stood on the table. But Abihiko was no longer eating or trying to feed Nekohiko through Nekohiko's usual recent indifference to food or drink...

And then, across the table, Nekohiko saw just how weary and pale Abihiko actually was.

How sapped of all life.

Worn out, Abihiko rested his forehead on his palm -- but not for long. It was as though he needed a tiny break. To perk himself up, to let himself take a deep, soothing breath.

When he lifted his face again, reaching out to take his chopsticks from over the bowl, he still seemed tired. But he forced a smile on his face nonetheless, picking a small mushroom from the plate and poking it at Nekohiko's lips.

"Now say 'aaaaah'," Abihiko drawled.

And though most of the time, Nekohiko found it so hard to work up attention or care to do anything while in this state, now... he couldn't help it.

His eyes felt scalding inside, yet he knew no tears showed. Slowly, he forced himself to attempt a smile.

It went hard, but something of it must have come across.

Abihiko's cheeks rosied up in an instant.

"See? I knew you'll like them. They are delicious, aren't they?"

I am not smiling because of the mushroom. I am smiling because of you, you... moron.

...

But even speaking was too hard to do sometimes during that period. So Nekohiko let it go.

Throughout those three and a half months that he was slowly recovering after the opening of the Towa seal, the things he remembered most about it were all those tiny nothings that Abihiko did for him, and how enormous they seemed to Nekohiko.

That, and all the myriads of ways in which Abihiko annoyed him, too.

And how much Nekohiko wanted to pay him back as soon as he got his mind and body back under control.

Oh, the things he would tell Abihiko. Oh, the headlocks he would do to him -- just you wait!

 

 

---

***

 

 

He realized that his mind cleared up enough when one mid-spring day, early in the afternoon, he suddenly could resurface from his daze. And smack Abihiko on the head.

The way he had wanted to do for so, so long.

The spring was in its budding bloom -- the fresh, balmy breeze, the scent of flowers under the maple trees in the garden. Even the dappled shadows seemed perfumed and redolent in the bird trills.

Like so many times during the winter, Abihiko was busy drawing idiotic nonsense on Nekohiko's face. A beard, a mustache, a deep and dramatic eye makeup.

Abihiko tended to do it to show Nekohiko off in the water mirror. It was... fun, Nekohiko supposed.

And it was downright innocent and cute, too.

But he still had wanted to smack Abihiko for it for so long, he couldn't miss a chance.

"Oww," Abihiko roared, instantly aggravated.

His eyes grew large and his brows knitted in mock-fury, but Nekohiko saw that under it all -- Abihiko was biting his lip in, as though keeping it from creeping upward in a smile.

With a scoff, Abihiko tried to gather the makeup palette Nekohiko's smack had thrown to the fresh grass beneath the porch steps. The way he acted, it was clear he was nervous. But he also didn't want to pressure Nekohiko or to make him uncomfortable.

"What do you want for dinner?" Abihiko asked him, shy. Afraid to believe this wasn't just a temporary relapse. "Bean paste buns? Mmm? Does that sound good?"

"Mmm."

Speaking too much might overwhelm him, so Nekohiko decided not to push it.

He was still so unsure about how his powers and mind worked. He was still only getting used to the new ones -- he couldn't even say if the Towa seal impacted his day-to-day self too much or not.

"All right." Abihiko finally gave him a long, inquiring look.

And then... the two of them just gazed at each other for a while. As though timid. As though only rediscovering each other after a long separation.

"You seem... better?" Abihiko started saying.

But Nekohiko was faster.

And he didn't even need that many words to say exactly what he needed.

He reached out for a needy hug, slowly pulling Abihiko toward himself. Only when he was safely nestled against Abihiko's chest and shoulders, breathing in the delirious, homey scent of Abihiko's skin, of his hair -- did he manage a few tiny words.

The only words that he had truly wanted to say, throughout his months-long daze.

"Thank you."

 

 

---

***

 

 

It was a full-on spring and the two of them were together again. The nightmare of Nekohiko's recovery had passed, and Abihiko said it hadn't even been that worrisome for him.

He had enjoyed it, he said. Nekohiko being so dizzy and dumb, it was adorable.

Nekohiko did not believe him, but oh well. Abihiko had a habit of being very evasive if Nekohiko thought about it more. Even back when they had broken up years ago, or had ever had a real argument -- Abihiko had always retreated and refused to face their problems directly.

Perhaps he had suffered through the lonely winter -- but now, one couldn't say that! Abihiko was all liveliness and his usual aggravating self.

"What did it feel like? Did you connect with the Towa Spirits or something?" Abihiko asked him when they were out in the streets, walking side by side to buy fruit.

"I think so, yeah. It felt very... peaceful," Nekohiko replied. "But honestly, it does not feel different at all now. Do I seem different compared to how I've been before the seal?"

As though mocking, Abihiko gave him a very thorough and critical look.

"Not really. I half expected you will be more handsome or at least taller, but you are just as small and girly as ever," he said with a crushing sigh.

...

"I thought I'd have better patience or tolerance for you after the Towa seal opened," Nekohiko blurted back. "After all, Towa method is all about apathy and calm. But noooooo. With you, no such thing."

Coy, Abihiko looped an arm around Nekohiko's shoulder and pulled him in, whispering in his ear.

"My enticing self can revive even wooden logs after three months of hibernation. You'll see, tonight."

Nekohiko wanted to struggle out of this glorified headlock, but he did feel oddly excited about Abihiko being so close and intimate with him now as he hadn't been in months. Nekohiko skewed his eyes at him.

"You never spoke to me like this while I was recovering. Never hugged me so fervently either. Why not? I might have come from hibernation sooner."

"Pfffff. Me, with a comatose vegetable? Wow, thanks. I do have principles--"

"No, you don't!"

Their smalltalk and banter only ended when they arrived at their destination. Not any fruit stall, but a very specific one. In Nara, where so many people lived, there were even foreigners working and trading -- plenty of them. And among those foreigners, there were people from over the Western Sea.

People who came from the Land of the Morning Dew¹Lol, actually, this is one of the poetic names for Korea in Japanese. So Nao is very likely at least from there, if not a Korean native..

Perhaps they had nothing in common with the Dark Sister Nao -- since they were hardworking and honest people, merely traders, not assassins. But they did share one very crucial thing with her.

Language.

A slight shiver passed through Nekohiko as he scrambled through his clothes to find the tiny piece of wood on which he had written down the words he wanted them to translate for him.

Those exact same words the Dark Sister Nao had spoken to him when she spared his life after taking Yakabe's.

It hadn't been easy to get those words. Not at all.

It had taken Nekohiko an open seal, three and a half months of heavy recovery afterward, and the casting of the Memory spell on himself to get these words out of his subconscious and onto this small tab of wood.

He didn't regret doing it all. Even if it proved meaningless in the end.

These words and the memory they were connected to -- were too important for him to ignore. He had to take care of this, whatever the cost.

"Excuse me?" He poked his head into the curtains leading to the stall's inner space. "Can I ask you a very quick question? A small thing I need to translate from the Morning Dew tongue? I will pay for your time!"

"Eh? Sure, sure -- come on in," the owner of the place, a thin, sickly man minding the cabbages, replied.

His thick accent only inspired Nekohiko more. He recognized the modulations of speech from when he had heard Nao speak a few times. She had a very similar lilt in her cadence.

This was the right person to ask.

He left Abihiko outside. Not because he didn't trust him, but only because the meaning of the words was so personal, so raw and brutal in his memory -- that he didn't want to show Abihiko just how nervous he was about this.

Even reliving the memory due to the Towa spell had taken a toll on him. He'd needed to extract the precise combination of foreign words from it, but he hadn't expected how painful it would be. He'd panted and shuddered and sweated through chills to get the words. The spell itself hadn't been as hard on him as the memory it contained --

The anguish.

The pain.

The desperation and crushing defeat and disbelief at seeing Yakabe's pristine features soiled with gurgles of blood coming out of his mouth and throat. To die such a gruesome death...

To be cradled afterward in the arms of one's lover as nothing but a lifeless corpse...

Ahhh, Nekohiko had to squeeze his eyes shut just from the chills he felt on his back.

Not even the full memory -- just a snippet of it made him feel like this.

"Can you read?" Nekohiko asked the man, not hoping for any affirmation. For most normal people in the Empire, literacy wasn't a thing. Binders were usually the only literate people around, and only then -- because they had to learn spell equations and diagrams.

Nekohiko ended up enunciating the words out loud, reading from his wooden tab. He wasn't very good at it even though he tried to approximate how Nao sounded when she had said this.

So it took him and the man quite a few long minutes of trying and failing... and trying again to arrive at something more or less conclusive. And once they did...

Once they did -- the world seemed to have tilted.

Nekohiko's heart fell. 

Deeper and darker and colder than it could handle.

...

...

...

"Can we please do this thing again?" he asked the man, refusing to believe what the man had translated to him just now. "Can we please redo it? I think you've gotten something wrong."

"Kind master, I am only telling you what you said in my native tongue," the man began helplessly.

Nekohiko's fists curled it, his nails digging into the flesh of his palms.

"Well, then you did something wrong!" he cried, beyond himself in blind anger. "You... mistranslated! You must have."

His temples throbbed painfully and his throat felt parched. He threw a dizzy look around, searching for the exit. "Abihiko," he called. "Abihiko...!"

The small confines of the fruit stall were suffocating him. He hadn't even fully recovered after his prolonged daze due to the Towa seal.

He was still a bit too weak and hesitant when he walked.

And now, this...

He almost felt as if fainting from anguish, so shattering the knowledge was about the meaning behind Nao's words.

Not that he hadn't suspected it.

Not that he hadn't, deep inside, known.

It was only that he refused to believe and refused to accept this.

No, please.

Please do not be true!

Strong, steady arms caught him in the middle of the room. Caught and held and propped him up so that Nekohiko could lean on them and not sway any longer, threatening to collapse on the littered, dirty floor.

"Neko?" Abihiko's voice came to him, soothing and reassuring. "I'm here. Everything is fine. All right?"

No, Nekohiko wanted to tell him.

Nothing is fine.

Not anymore.

"We are leaving Nara today and we are going to Izumo," Nekohiko told him hollowly, without any elaborations. "I need to see the Head Priest. Now."

"But Nek--"

"I cannot explain. I just need to see him first."

And hope he'll give me an explanation of his own.

He owes me one.

Not only me, but probably Abihiko as well. And Kazuragi -- most of all.

 

 

---

***

 

The Izumo was a bizarre sight in spring, this year. The poplar alley leading up to the Shrine, the fluttering ribbons and bells hanging off the branches, the splashing colorful banners in the air. The giggles and susurrus of the students' talk all around the courtyards and the covered wooden galleries.

It was as though coming back home.

But also not.

Because Nekohiko hadn't intended to come here like this, in the flurry of road dust that had hardly rubbed off him before he dashed up the mossy, stone steps of the Shrine path. Before he rushed under the enormous wooden gates, across the front square before the Shrine and down the familiar pathway through the galleries to the west.

He knew this road too well. He and Abihiko, both of them. This path led to the administrative buildings at the back of the Shrine grounds. Toward the Head Priest's office and quarters.

The place Nekohiko almost viewed as his own, at times.

The two of them wore travelers' clothes, and not the red garments of the Fifth Years' they were supposed to be. Thus, the guarding dummies and several Binding acolytes of the Shrine didn't recognize them for who they were -- the Wayfaring students of Izumo.

They tried to block their path toward the offices, but Nekohiko barely gave them his attention. He didn't even need to cast spells to get them out of his way. He tried, but Abihiko was faster.

One slash of Abihiko's hands, and the path before Nekohiko opened as the two rows of the guarding dummies were shoved aside.

Nekohiko glanced over his shoulder. Gods, Abihiko looked horrible, too. Dust-covered, grimy, with a thin shade of facial hair over his jawline from the furious two-ray ride he and Nekohiko had taken here on the costliest Bound steeds they could buy.

Nekohiko must have looked just as horribly, but that was no great deal for either. They had seen each other in far worse conditions during their Wayfaring, no?

"Get ahead. I'll hold them off," Abihiko slipped to him, and Nekohiko nodded.

"Don't take too long," Nekohiko replied.

And with that, he marched on -- past all the dummies and Binders who had dared to stand on his and Abihiko's path.

Right down the small garden with the camellia bushes surrounding the building, the mere sight of which evoked a wistful ache in Nekohiko's heart. Through the entrance and across the small corridor.

To the doors of the office Nekohiko had always been so scared to enter without knocking or asking permission for, in advance.

Not now.

Now, Nekohiko dashed the sliding doors open with both arms and stilled at the threshold, looking straight into the eyes of the man at the other end of the room.

Suminoe.

Appearing only slightly concerned with the commotion going on outside his office.

And somehow, not at all surprised.

"Nekohiko," Suminoe said instead of greeting.

...

Which was great, anyway. Nekohiko did not intend to greet him back either.

"You ordered Yakabe to be killed," Nekohiko told Suminoe -- not a question, not even an accusation.

Just a blind, ruthless fact.

And nothing else.

"As your Emperor and direct Superior, I demand an explanation as to why," Nekohiko added coldly.