Where Micah had been expecting to be taken to an extravagant mansion befitting of the owner’s elegant appearance, she was surprised to find herself winding through slums and underground passageways while following the lead of the woman who’d rescued her.
Circe hadn’t said anything more after introducing herself, and simply walked on towards whatever destination she had in mind. Paying heed to her threat from before, Micah didn’t see much other choice but to follow in silence as well.
But to think I’d meet ‘that’ Circe so soon after arriving in Regalia…
The name rang an immediate bell in Micah’s head when she heard it. After all, the brothers Altheon and Barnabel had made it painfully clear who their boss was, and how much they feared for their lives for betraying her in order to supply Micah with information and assistance.
The very same woman whose name appears in the title of their religion, the Disciples of Circe. That Circe. Really, it was strange to think that the supposed goddess of the most popular religion in the world was actually a human being. How many people were aware of that?
It didn’t really matter, she supposed. What was most important at this particular moment was what Circe’s intentions were. She wanted Micah to follow her to this place no matter what, to the point of killing two Heroes, bribing officials, and even threatening Micah herself. She just couldn’t wrap her head around what was so special about her it would drive a person to do such things.
In the end, Circe walked on for a while longer before eventually stopping in front of a gated door. Instead of entering it though, she stepped to one side and gestured for Micah to go. “After you~”
“What? Why?”
“Just go, just go~ I promise, it’s perfectly safe.”
“...” Micah was feeling more than a little suspicious towards her sudden strange behavior, but like everything concerning her relationship to this woman thus far, it didn’t seem like there was much choice. Hesitantly, Micah stepped forward and reached a hand out to grab the handle-
“Ah, sorry I lied. That gate is booby-trapped. If you touch it, you’ll die for sure.”
A fierce chill raced up Micah’s spine, and she quickly snapped her hand back. “W-What’s wrong with you?! Why would you do something like that?!”
Circe put a finger to her chin, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Something like… what exactly? Telling you to go first? Or maybe booby-trapping the gate in the first place?”
“Both!!”
“Ahhh… Well, if it’s why the door would be booby-trapped, then obviously it’d be to keep out intruders, right? I’m pretty sure even a normal ten-year-old could guess that much.”
“Hrrng…” A feeling of irritation different than she’d felt with Mariel began to well up within Micah at the woman’s cheeky reply.
That irritation turned into outright fury when Circe abruptly walked up to the gate and pulled it open without issue. “Not that it matters anyway, since I was lying in the first place.”
“Y-You-! Is your head alright?!”
Circe’s only response was to fall into light laughter as Micah jogged past the gate after her. The moment she set foot inside however, a feeling like she was stepping through a portal into another world washed over her, like she’d experienced back when she first arrived in Magi. Whatever had been on her mind up until moments ago had vanished as the interior of the hideout made itself known to her.
If this were to be Micah's new cell, there couldn't be a cage more opposite to the stark holding pen she'd been rescued from. Scented sconces littered the luxury suite, their thin smoke stacks snaking to the high ceiling where a stained glass skylight let the day warm the several lounges arrayed around a full table of fresh entreés and awaiting goblets next to their ornately engraved gold pitcher.
What’s more, the room was empty, making it appear larger than it was. The dark-skinned man that seemed to follow all of Circe’s orders had split off part way, so having just the two of them in such lavish surroundings made her feel like a VIP who’d just entered a five-star hotel room.
“Well don’t just stand there gawking, come inside.” Circe’s voice snapped her out of her trance, and her mouth that she only just realized had fallen open from the marvelous sight snapped shut. She turned to see the woman smirking at her, clearly more than approving of her reaction. “No need to be shy. You’ll have plenty of time to drink in the sights in the coming years.”
“C-Coming years?” Micah’s footsteps carried her closer, and she suddenly found herself hanging on the woman’s every word.
“Absolutely. I suppose it’s about time I made it clear why I brought you here, among other things.” Her healthy thighs, lean but with just the right amount of fat, settled into a couch situated on one side of a small table. She gestured for Micah to take the other one, and after a moment’s hesitation, she did so, shifting uncomfortably for a moment at her own inferior physique.
W-Well, this body is only ten years old, so I guess it’s kind of an unfair comparison to make… Still, even when I was seventeen on Earth, I couldn’t imagine looking like this in the future. Some people really do just get it better than others on the genetic lottery, huh...
“Two cups of tea, would you?”
For a moment, Micah wondered if she was talking to her, until a man dressed in white robes stepped into view. Though it was understandable since she hadn’t had [God’s Blessing] activated, it was still surprising to see that someone had actually been there at all. They had to have been standing stock still in someplace that wouldn’t be noticed easily by anyone entering the room. Was that intentional?
Without saying a word, the man walked over to a device that looked like a miniature stove and began to prepare tea. Micah had seen a similar process in her own home, the Church of Nor. With the use of mana crystals powered by specific types of magic, modern technology such as baths, fans and various types of lights were easily recreated in this world.
This type in particular was a stove powered by a mana crystal infused with heat magic—otherwise known as Heat Crystals. It looked like a newer model though, since it seemed the temperature was adjustable and there were all sorts of fancy knobs on it. It also looked like it was made specifically for preparing tea, since the kettle was already on it and there was an assortment of intricately-designed mugs neatly arranged nearby.
Due to what she can only assume was the high performance of the stove, the tea was finished very shortly and before she knew it the mugs were being placed in front of both her and Circe. With a single wave of her hand, the man bowed respectfully and exited the room through one of two doors leading to god-knows-where in this underground complex.
“Now then, where should I begin?” The woman brought the mug to her lips and showed no visible discomfort as she drank the steaming hot tea. “I suppose I should start with proper introductions first and foremost. Once again, my name is Circe. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”
Both her sudden polite tone and respectful bow of her head were off-puttingly different from how she’d been acting thus far. Micah didn’t know if she should be unsettled or comforted to see her acting like this, but she decided to return the greeting anyway with a bow of her own. “Y-Yeah. My name is Micah. Nice to meet you…”
“Indeed.” She raised her head and set the mug down, then crossed one leg over the other as she regarded Micah. “I’m sure you must have many questions. Ask me whatever you like, and I’ll answer to the best of my ability.”
“You... want me to ask?” Circe nodded, and Micah fell into thought as she pondered what she should ask.
Well no matter how she thought about it, there was only one obvious question to ask first. “Then, why did you save me?”
“I saved you because I wanted to,” Circe’s reply came almost immediately. “I’d heard a lot about you from my subordinates and wanted to meet you in person, but just as I was finalizing arrangements to have you brought to Regalia, I heard that you’d been arrested and were being brought here ahead of my plans.”
“So you saved me because it was convenient for you?”
“Well, yes and no.” Her gaze traveled to the side as a slight pout puffed out her cheeks a bit. Micah didn’t think the expression suited her mature, provocative demeanor. “It was convenient that you were being brought to Regalia, yes, but getting you acquitted required me to expend quite a few of my resources and also call in some old favors. It wasn’t ideal, but it was well worth the trouble to get you here.”
“But why? Why am I so important to you?” The questions were coming out rapid fire as Micah grew more and more impatient with every confusing answer from Circe.
“You’re asking me why?” She glanced back over to Micah, and a wide smirk tugged at the corners of her lips. “Because you interest me. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“...So in other words, you’re the type who just does whatever she wants on a whim.”
“Exactly~” The playful tone of her reply brought an unconscious shiver to Micah as she watched her take another sip of tea with a satisfied smile. “But are you really in a position to talk down to me like that? Haven’t you been doing the same thing all this time?”
“Ghh...!” Her comment was a direct stab to Micah’s pride. It seemed like a guess on Circe’s part more than anything, but her words were undoubtedly referencing what she’d said to Mariel back in the holding area.
“Weren’t you the one going on about how you’ll crush anyone who gets in your way, hm? It sounds to me like the two of us are rather similar, don’t you think?”
“Hell no!” Micah abruptly stood up and shouted at Circe. “I’m nothing like you! I don’t use others like toys to get what I want!”
“You don’t? Then what about those nuns you were living with?”
“W-What? What about them?! I never did anything bad to them!”
Circe set her mug down and met Micah’s gaze with an intensely cold stare of her own. “Don’t try to take the moral high ground here. How many years did you spend manipulating them into thinking you were just a normal child? How many false smiles did you put on to trick them? You completely took advantage of their love and affection for you and used it to further your own goals, right? You hypocrite.”
“Tch! You-!!” Never before had Micah experienced such intense hatred for an individual so quickly. It was like she knew exactly what buttons to push to anger her, all while sitting there calmly without a care.
Her words, her attitude, everything about her just pisses me off!!!
“What? Gonna kill me too?” She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms with a smile, completely unafraid of retaliation. “If you’re this angry from hearing all that, then you should already understand my point. We’re the same. I understand your feelings. I’m probably one of the only few who can.”
Hearing that pushed Micah’s already boiling anger right over the edge. “Shut the hell up!! Don’t act like you know anything. The only thing you understand is your own selfishness, you hedonistic bitch!!”
“Oh my, you really are riled up, aren’t you?” But again, her insults had absolutely no effect on Circe at all, which only served to irritate her further. “Did I strike that much of a nerve? I’m sorry if I offended you.” As composed as ever, she gestured for Micah to take a seat once again. “I just wanted you to understand why I’m so interested in you. Come on, sit back down so we can continue the discussion. You still have more questions, right?”
“...I don’t have anything more to say to you. I’m leaving.” Having thoroughly had enough of the woman’s bullshit, Micah headed for the entrance. But just as she went to put her hands on the door it suddenly opened, and in stepped the imposing figure of the dark-skinned man from before.
At such a close proximity, she caught a clear view of his grey eyes beneath his hood—dull and faded as if lacking any life at all—as they landed on her in mild surprise.
“Ah, Zahy,” Circe greeted warmly. The man immediately fell to one knee and lowered his head before her. “I trust you did what I asked?”
“Yes, Lady Circe. I disposed of the bodies outside of the city. No one will find them.”
“Wonderful. Then come join us. I was just about to explain to Micah here what the next five years will look like.”
“F-Five years?” Micah whirled around to face Circe as the man stood up, her head having cooled down somewhat from the change in topic and now filling with confusion again. “Wait, what do you mean, five years?”
“What do I mean? Well, I saved you didn’t I?” Micah did her best to smother any reaction to the smirk she sent her way. “Did you really think I wouldn’t want anything in return for that?”
“...No, I had a feeling that’s where this was going. You just took so long to get there.”
“Hm, well I do apologize for that. Then, I’ll just get to the main point right away.” Having realized that Micah wasn’t going to sit down, she instead stood from her seat and spread her arms out. “Join the Disciples of Circ-”
“Hell no.”
“Now now, at least let me finish.” Circe chuckled lightly at Micah’s blunt reply, completely unperturbed by her rejection.
Meanwhile, Micah’s fury was rising again. “No way! Are you crazy or something? Why the hell do I have to join your stupid cult? You know I grew up under the Kindness of Nor already!”
In response to her arguments, Circe merely waved them off. “It’s not a matter of faith, Micah. I’m not telling you to submit yourself to or worship me. I’m telling you to become a member of my organization.”
“Your organization?”
“That’s right. The Disciples of Circe is only a religious group on its face. The real organization lies underneath it all. Our operations aren’t exactly legal though, so it’s necessary to have a cover in place.”
“What? So your cult is just a front for something else?” Circe nodded, and despite her grievances, Micah’s curiosity was piqued. “A front for… what exactly?”
“For things people are too afraid of the law to admit they want. We represent the corrupt underbelly of society, the sublime shadow that lurks beneath the surface, yet looms over the world all at once. When the people’s governments fail them and established systems deny them of their justice, they come to us—to me—for help.”
She turned her back to them and wrapped her arms around herself as she continued. “A helping hand to some, and a knife in the back to others. The benevolent guide to those lost in the dark, and the watchful protectors of-”
“Cut the crap already. I doubt even you believe half of that stuff yourself,” Micah said, putting an abrupt end to her spiel. Circe whirled around again as she laughed to herself, like a child having fun messing around. The innocence in it once again left Micah feeling disconcerted.
“You got me. Really, it’s amazing what some people will believe if you just dress up your words a little. But no matter what anyone says, a criminal enterprise is just a criminal enterprise. And I want you to be a part of it too.”
“That’s fine and all, but my answer is still no.”
“Ehh~ Even towards your rescuer to whom you now owe a debt equal to your life? Where do you think you’d be in a few days if I hadn’t saved you? I even went as far as to cover your tracks so that no one would find out you killed somebody. But to think there existed this kind of person that wouldn’t even say ‘thanks’ when faced with that sort of situation…~”
Micah’s shoulders hitched, and she turned her face to the side bitterly. “Geh… So that’s the angle you’re taking...”
“Mm-hm!” Her words were firm as she stepped towards Micah and leaned down to hold both of her shoulders, easing them back down. “But I don’t need your thanks. You just need to become my left hand. Someone who directly works under me and follows only my orders. In exchange, you’ll live here with me in this safehouse where no one will find you, and you’ll have the full protection of the organization. Also…”
Her hands gently touched the scarf around her neck, and her expression changed into something Micah couldn’t identify as her eyes ran down its length. “You’re interested in gaining power, right? Enough power to crush anyone and anything that gets in your way. Agree to do everything I say, and I promise that power will be yours.”
“That… power…” Micah breathed the words out, captivated by the woman’s words. Somewhere in the back of her mind she could tell that this method of taking on a disarming attitude while appealing to her desires was more than likely exactly how Circe drafted most people into her “organization”, but no matter how she thought about it the offer—and the benefits that came with that offer—were simply too good to refuse.
She didn’t yet know how true they were, but if Circe’s claims could be trusted then it was safe to say she’d found her ticket to boosting [God’s Blessing] even further, and also obtained a safe place to cultivate it without worries. “...F-Fine. I accept your terms.”
Circe’s smile widened as her eyes narrowed, and a feeling like she’d just made a deal with the devil washed over her like ice water as the woman’s hand moved up to gently stroke her head. “Good girl. I’ll make sure to treat you well, as my most treasured possession.”
“Don’t touch me.” Micah quickly slapped her hand away and took a step back, now suddenly more alert and on guard. “And don’t go spouting all that crap about possessions or whatever. Look, let’s just get one thing straight—you’re crazy if you think I’m going to just blindly follow any order of yours.”
“Ah, how cold~ Fine, be that way.” Circe took her reply in stride and moved to stand in front of both her and the dark-skinned man. With a bright smile, she addressed them both. “Then, I look forward to working with you in the future Micah, my Angel Left Hand, and Zaheer, my Reaper Right Hand~ I do hope you’ll get along from now on as my loyal lieutenants.”
“I understand, Lady Circe. I shall carry out your will for as long as I am able,” the man, Zaheer apparently, answered resolutely.
With the way the mood was going, Micah felt she needed to say something too. “Er, right. As long as it’s nothing unreasonable… I’ll hear out your requests.”
“Fufu~ Wonderful. Here’s to the future then.” Circe reached out to take both her and Zaheer’s hands, then bring them together along with hers. Her own hand felt noticeably small compared to Zaheer’s much larger one, but she didn’t resist.
In fact, she remembered something she forgot to say before, and while dreading the idea of saying it aloud she turned her face away as her cheeks flushed slightly. “O-Oh, and… one other thing. Back then, at the prison… you really did save me, so, um, y-you know… thanks, and all that.”
“...” She knew something was immediately wrong when Circe gave no immediate reply. Just as she peeked one eye to see what her expression looked like-
“AHHHH~ What a little cutie you are, Micah!”
“Mmph-?!” She suddenly found herself smushed into the woman’s sizable bust. As an incredible softness enveloped her head, she struggled to find air as Circe squeezed her body tightly.
“Who would’ve thought you could make an expression like that! Aww, does the idea of thanking me make you get all shy~? Hey hey, it’s alright to call me Big Sister, you know? I’d love to have a little sister as cute as you-”
“Mmm-PWAH!! H-Hell no! And get the hell off me!” After activating [God’s Blessing] Micah was finally able to separate her face from Circe, but the woman’s bear hug only got tighter. She used one hand to grab at her arms from behind while the other pushed against Circe’s cheek to keep her from rubbing it against her. “Gah, damn it you’re gross! Who’d want to be your little sister, you freak?! I said get. off. MEEEEE!!!”
Oh no! Deadly Onee-san!
Originally, I wasn't planning on reading this story until more chapters were completed. However, after reading the first chapter and seeing how little views this story has, I decided to continue reading a little bit earlier than I usually would. I also decided to leave this little essay review thing of my thoughts, concerns, and expectations of Micah Ever After so far.
The overall quality of this story is much higher than those you see in other light novels and stories on this website. This includes all the basics like plot, setting, and characters. This also includes all the more complex components of writing a story such as world building, pacing, execution, description, and writing level. You even avoid falling into the common pitfalls and tropes that LN-style stories like this one tend to have. I don't really have anything in particular to say about these topics, so I'll just say that you are doing a really good job so far.
Instead, I'll be focusing this essay review on some specific components of your story, namely Micah, Micah's relationship with other characters, and other characters' relationship with Micah.
“I made a promise; that for the sake of the one I want to protect most in the world, I’ll crush anyone who gets in my way.”
Finding Yuu is the main driving force behind a majority of Micah's thoughts and actions. It's been proven many times throughout the story. From her plans to dispose of the heroes to her selling herself to a criminal organization for power, Micah shows that she won't let anything get in her way to finding Yuu. Her ruthlessness and determination to find her younger brother are prominent parts of what define Micah. Yet, as of this chapter, I believe that her recent actions and behaviors are a little bit of a stretch. Regardless, I don't think this is a flaw in your writing. Let me explain with an event that occurred in a previous chapter.
It was a little jarring seeing her kill Miriam with such hate. Even though it "filled her with such rage" and "she would make them pay," murdering someone in cold blood is not something a normal high school student can do without some sort of mental struggle or psychological repercussions. And, based on Micah's thoughts after the act, killing Miriam is of no consequence to her psychologically. Even though occurrences like this frequently pop up in light novels, I tend to ignore it for the most part. But, that doesn't mean I like seeing it. It's bad writing. If many people would stop eating beef if that meant killing the cow with your own hands, then those same people would be troubled killing a person. Other than her obsession with her Yuu, nothing really indicated that Micah was so abnormal that she would have no trouble committing such an act as murder Thankfully, you address this issue immediately at the start of Extra Chapter 1 with the backstory about Mikasa's older brother. You did a good job in explaining her extreme action with future exposition. Her murder, which would never believably happen with a "normal" girl like Micah, is now suddenly believable because of a revelation of a traumatic experience. This shows to me how aware and how careful you are in the development of your characters.
Which is why I expect to see more backstory on Mikasa in future chapters. Right now, there are three things important things about Mikasa that I know: her absolutely most precious person is her younger brother Yuu, her older brother left her to die to save himself, and her obsession with Yuu mixed with her desperate impatience led to her death. These three things, as well as her experiences in her second life, are enough to explain some of the more extreme parts of her character such as her killing of Miriam or her plans to leave behind her second family. However, none of these three experiences explain why Micah has feelings of complete apathy to almost everything, or why Micah's default is extreme violence, or even why Micah would kill Mariel simply for "analyzing" her. Micah's current cruel disposition is a little far-fetched to me. Yet, I don't see this as a flaw in the story. If this story was completed without this issue being addressed, it would be a disappointment from me. I know for sure that you are a better writer than that. Because, if you weren't aware of this problem, you would have never brought up Micah's regrets in the first place. You would have never emphasized Micah's apathy to Mariel's demise. I can't know for sure, but it's probably safe for me to assume that you plan on explaining more of the reasoning behind Micah's current behavior in future chapters.
It was strange. Even after getting to know the nuns, she still couldn’t bring herself to say she was really attached to them. She sympathized with their plight and definitely felt a close connection to them, but her feelings never went farther than one would feel for characters in a novel. Try as she might to accept them as her new family, she still could never get the idea out of her mind that these people were from a world completely alien to her. They weren’t “real” to her. Sometimes, they hardly even felt human.
This paragraph, which describes 2 year old Micah's feelings about her nun family, is a brief description of one of the more interesting parts of the story for me. To me, some of the best potential in isekai and reincarnation stories is the potential for drama that comes with having memories of a previous life. In Micah's case, it is the potential for drama that comes with having to adjust to a new family. Usually what occurs in light novels with at least decent writing is that the reincarnated individual struggles to accept their new family at first but slowly comes to accept them after being treated with continuous love. Micah views not just her nun family, but also her world and the people around it as "not real." Although it's only my speculation, this belief that everyone is "alien" seems to be one of the factors preventing her from forming a closer relationship with other people. In fact, the only other person in the story she addresses as a "friend" in her second life is Aurelia. And the very reason they become friends is because Aurelia directly combats Micah's belief of the world being fake. Aurelia even directly says that "this isn't some novel," giving her the respect she needs for Micah to accept her as a person. This "the world is fake" mindset is very unique. In fact, I've only seen one other work of fiction explore the main character having a similar mindset like this. I hope this mindset is further explored in future chapters.
Of course, after spending a long time being treated with unconditional love, you can't help but to start caring for the other person, even a little. Even someone like Micah, who sees everyone in her new world as "not real," can't help but start caring a little bit for her new family. She even shows desperation at her near-death with the demon, desperation for once centering around someone else other than her little brother. After this event, it seems only natural that the space in her heart for the nuns would progressively start growing bigger as the story goes on.
Which makes it especially confusing for me when she seemingly returns to not caring about them. After Micah is detained and forced to leave Halloway without even getting the chance to say goodbye, there's a brief description of her thoughts on the nuns she left behind. It basically sums up to "regrettable, but maybe a blessing in disguise." This is described with no emotional attachment at all. Based on the events of the demon encounter, this is almost the exact opposite of what I thought her reaction would be like. I can guess two possible explanations for this discrepancy. The first is that, for some reason or another, her relationship with the nuns regressed to the apathy it used to be. The second is that Micah still cares for her nun parents and is simply repressing her feelings by pretending to not care. Because of her final conversation with Mariel, I'm more inclined to believe it's the latter. I look forward to seeing how this discrepancy is addressed.
And lately I’ve been experiencing these… horrible thoughts about you. Thoughts like, ‘This girl isn’t my child’, or ‘This girl isn’t human’. Thoughts that I hate myself for even having, but just can’t control when I’m around you.
Like all reincarnated individuals, Micah is an abnormal child. In most other reincarnation stories where the protagonist becomes a child, they are treated as a prodigy or a genius. It is simply accepted without really much thought. This is one of the two stories that I read where the reincarnated protagonist is treated as an irregularity and abnormality. I like how the response of people to Micah's abnormal capabilities is fear, and I really like how her mom nun is one of those people. Bernadetta, who loved Micah with all her heart and was the only one who accepted her when the rest of the nuns didn't want to at the beginning, was also the only one who reacted negatively to discovering Micah's abnormality at the banquet. It is a very interesting conflict that could have big repercussions on the story moving forward.
This is probably my only big issue with this story so far. Nothing was really done with it. Although Bernadetta distancing herself from Micah was described several times, nothing else happened. We see how it affected Bernadetta and her thoughts on it at the end of the extra chapter, but Micah gives no indication that it affected her relationship with Bernadetta. I believe that Micah Ever After would've benefited from an additional chapter. It should have taken place between the Chapters 6 and 7. The content could have been on anything, whether plot heavy or slightly filler like Chapter 4. In this hypothetical chapter, it would have explored the change in relationship between Micah and the nuns, especially Bernadetta. Micah said that the nuns managed to worm their way right into her heart. This hypothetical chapter would've been a perfect way to show the readers how that space in her heart for the nuns was affected by the events of the banquet, as well as hint any future changes in their relationship. This hypothetical chapter would also have been a better way to justify her attitude towards the nuns during her trip to Regalia that I discussed in a previous paragraph. If Micah's relationship with them deteriorated, then this hypothetical chapter would have been a good time to detail the deterioration. If Micah repressed her feelings by pretending not to care, then this hypothetical chapter would have been a good time to explain why she's repressing her feelings for reasons such as guilt. Finally, this hypothetical chapter could have been used to make the shock of Chapter 7 even greater.
"I promise from the bottom of my heart, nothing’s gonna stop you.”
I think I'll about wrap up here. I wrote quite a bit more than I was expecting to write. I hope you get something out of these long blocks of text. Now, I'll give my final closing thoughts. I believe that Micah Ever After is a promising story that deserves a lot more readers. I enjoyed reading it so far, and I hope to read more in the near future.
@areader99 Alright, so this is WAY overdue. But instead of wasting time with needless excuses, I'll just get right into my reply.
You might call this an exaggeration, but I was almost brought to tears reading this the first time. I'll save the thanks for the end, otherwise I'll just be thanking you over and over after each sentence. But just... wow.
Firstly, I have to say I completely disagree with your praise towards my ability to world build. Magi is probably one of the most simplistic worlds you'd ever see in a web novel. Despite it's unoriginal geography, I don't even have a proper map in my head, and am mostly just making up locations as I please based on what I feel would be relevant for any particular moment, though I do try and at least keep track of what I've already made so as to avoid contradicting myself.
Still, you give me far too much credit. While I do pride myself on things like plot and characters, I'm average at best when it comes to most of everything else. I even have a friend help me with describing some of the locations since that's my biggest weakness.
Now, as for my intentions with things like the nuns and Micah's mentality, I can't say I thought of things in as detailed a way as you have. You caught a lot of things I wanted to convey, and surprised me by expounding on them more and in better ways than I did in the story.
Also, I agree that the drama with Bernadetta is still unresolved. Actually, chapter 7 was originally going to focus entirely on Bernadetta and Micah's relationship in the years following the banquet, but I ultimately decided against it. Still, I am fully-aware of that lack of resolution, and though I can't guarantee any major story implications right now, I can definitely confirm that this isn't the last time we'll see the nuns, and Micah and Bernadetta's relationship will be addressed again in the future.
As for Micah's current attitude, you're completely right on that as well. I'll be honest and say that I actually didn't notice how jarring her actions were until I read your review. Even with what's currently known about her so far, it's still a stretch to go from her past actions and attitude before leaving Halloway to the way she's acted in recent chapters. Thankfully, all of the planning I've put into the timeline has yielded (what I feel is) a perfect explanation that I went ahead and addressed in another extra chapter that I plan to upload along with chapter 11, focusing on another point in Mikasa's past.
At first I planned to slot it between chapters 6 and 7 along with another extra chapter focusing on Bernadetta's growing suspicions of Micah, but I decided against that as well. I already knew that the issue wouldn't be resolved now because of Micah's abrupt departure, so I figured it was best to play the long game. As for the extra chapter I have prepared, I think it would actually be better slotted between chapter 10 and the yet-unfinished chapter 11, as another use of future exposition to explain her extreme actions. That's the best way to go about it, as far as I can tell.
In any case, I'll try to be more careful with Micah's development and making sure I'm aware of exactly how she comes across from a reader's perspective. I won't go as far as to say that I can fulfill all of your wishes, but I'll do my best to create a story that satisfies people for the most part, myself included.
So, as for my own final closing thoughts: Thank you for this. I really, really appreciate receiving lengthy comments like this, because it helps me see new perspectives of my own writing and get a better grasp on it. I can absolutely guarantee that the story has gotten better thanks to you.
@Flashwolf96
To be honest, world building is one of the aspects of a story that I pay the least attention to. My personal rating scale for world building goes something like this: abysmally bad (1), good (2-9), exceptionally noticeably good (10). I tend to not really notice world building or count it as a positive and negative unless it's a very, very significant part of the story like in Ascendance of a Bookworm. So, I can't really add anything else about this topic. It's good that you know your own shortcomings when it comes to world building because I definitely wouldn't be able to tell you.
In terms of everything else, I wouldn't say that I am giving you too much credit. Since this was written in a light novel format, it's only natural to compare it to other web and light novels. And a lot of them are just bad. Many of them have at least one fatal flaw, and the overall writing quality is pretty rough. Most authors of these are amateur writers and some of them write in their non-native language, so I'm not saying as a personal attack against them. But, you can tell that many web novels are written by amateur writers when the story's summary is better than the actual novel, or when the plot feels like it's made up on the spot, or when no one finds it weird when a 3 year old girl from the boonies discusses mercantile theory and the economic situation of the neighboring kingdom , or when the writing feels like it can't use diction more advanced than "therefore" without relying on a thesaurus. Taking into consideration the typical web novel, even at my most critical, I cannot say that you are just "average at best."
Of course, I don't pay attention to everything. Just like with your world building observation, there might be some things that I didn't notice or think about. As you can probably tell by the 100 paragraphs I wrote on the characters and the 1 paragraph I wrote on literally everything else, I pay attention to character development the most. I think you did good on that regard.
The last paragraphs of my comment (mainly around that chapter 6.5) were actually rushed. I actually wanted to write more about that whole Bernadetta thing. But, by that point, I had already been writing for while and I just wanted to go to sleep. I cut it short, and now I don't remember what I was thinking about back then anymore. Whoops.
Anyway, I'm glad that you were able to get something out of this comment review thing that I wrote. I most likely will not be leaving comments of this length in the future (seriously it took me like 3 hours to write), and I might not comment on future chapters till later (I like reading in bursts), but I will definitely still be reading. See you (maybe) soon!
Oh so that's circe's goal? Well, some heavy criminal enterprise is a bit different to what I thought she was up to, but oh well. And I wonder if she's looking for an heir?
I hope micah will get some more training in magic, too, while she's there
As well as sending a message to her nun family!
Wow, I really wasn't expecting you to just binge everything like that while leaving your thoughts as you go. Seriously, thank you so much for taking enough of an interest in my story to do that. Of course, that also goes for anyone else who's done it even without commenting. Really, I'm grateful.
Well, my dopamine levels are sufficiently high right now, so I suppose instead of taking a break I'll jump right into working on the next chapter. I can't guarantee a fast upload though, unfortunately.
@Flashwolf96 take your time, nyaa :3 dont rush yourself just because I found your story and thoroughly enjoyed it. One thing that was really interesting is these intervals of dangerous activity from micah and the world - i was not expecting micah to be just 10 by the end of reading, although I'm guessing there's the next time skip to go now :3
@nekomimi also it's always awkward commenting on older series I'm reading I'm warring with my desire to comment on what's cool or interesting vs not wanting to drop a bunch of comments that might be annoying given that part of the story is written :3 glad you enjoyed them
@nekomimi Oh please, I can't imagine most authors won't want to hear praise for their story. But in my case I just really like to see that kind of hard proof that there are people out there besides me who actually like what I'm writing and find it interesting. That kind of validation - while not necessarily something I need in order to keep this story going, since I promised myself I wouldn't drop this - goes a long way to keeping me motivated to do more.
Sooo yeah. Comment away. Anytime, any chapter. As soon as I realized you were leaving your thoughts as you went along, I kept staring at the notification bell over and over, smiling like a dork the whole time while waiting for the next one.
@Flashwolf96 awwww I'm glad it made you happy! I've enjoyed your story a bunch and while I have been around some sites with authors who don't like comments they consider inane, other authors sometimes beg people to comment (which is fair imo) so I do try to comment on most chapters :3