Yu Jian went out to go window shopping. He never had much to do on Tuesday nights, and figured he might as well. There was this old antique store, one with a cracked window and signs hanging all over it with old red and gold letters. In the window was an innumerable amount of knick knacks, lucky cat statues with waving paws, zodiac animals, old instruments, pottery, and postcards.

One thing really stood out to him. It was a grayish box with a jade pendant inside. It was green and white, carved with a sea horse of all things…Yu Jian shrugged and stepped inside, the bells on the door ringing.

An old man turned a wary eye and grunted in greeting.

Yu Jian grunted back. He went to the window and dug out the box. On the lid was yellowed paper that had been taped on, that read; Do not open, cursed object. Yu Jian was the impatient sort and didn’t read it at all before flipped open the lid.

“Watch it, brat!” grumbled the shopkeeper, “Don’t you read the label?”

Yu Jian cocked his head. “What the heck are you talking about, gramps? I avoid reading as much as humanly possible. I just was gonna take a closer look. It won’t hurt anything and I swear I’ll be careful.”

That old man angrily got up from his chair, stamping a cane over the ground in a hobble as he said,

“No, fool! Close the lid and put it away. Whatever you do, don’t touch it. That item has a very powerful spell put on it. Unfortunately I -cough- forget I set it on the windowsill until now.”

Yu Jian rolled his eyes and felt a vein throbbing in annoyance on his forehead. Is this old call shopkeeper? His Mom used to call him a fool five times a day, why did he need to hear it from this guy too?!

“Don’t you know how business works?” Yu Jiang stated dryly. “If I like it then good for you, I’ll buy it and help keep this old place runnin’. I’m not gonna break it or anything. And if you wanted customers to leave it be, you should’ve put a sign on it.”

Lifting his hand, Yu Jian grinned. “I’m gonna touch it now~”

That old man was about to have an aneurysm.

“You damned idiot!” he shouted.

Yu Jian realized he would have to look at the jade quick before he got hit in the head with a cane. He picked up the seahorse jade out of the box, and in the next moment his fingers were zapped like the discharge of static.

“Ouch!” a few drops of blood went into the jade.

Yu Jian widened his eyes. A sort of sparkling light flared from the jade, and pretty soon all of Yu Jian’s surroundings were spinning horribly. The old man rushing towards him turned into a splotch of color that disappeared. Everything tilted and spun like he was on an ultra-fast merry go round.

“I’m gonna be sick!” is the last thing Yu Jian thought before blacking out.

If only he took the time to read the box label…

…

The next time Yu Jian opened his eyes, some guy in front of him looked so afraid they about pissed themselves, then ran away screaming.

Yu Jian’s head was still spinning. First thing’s first, he leaned over and puked.

“Phew, that’s better,” he muttered, glancing his eyes everywhere.

Well, not what he expected.

Yu Jian blinked, then rubbed his face. In front of him was a perfect version of architecture in ancient times. Stone lantern statues, wooden floored hallways, red and black roof tiles, a preened garden. People. Men and women, frightened and pointing at him. They were all wearing those ancient kinds of clothes, simple hemp and layered robes with hair up in topknots.

Yu Jian stood up with alarm and almost fell back over. “No! This must be a movie set.”

“Look at that young lad’s strange clothes!”

“His hair is horrific…is he an escaped criminal*? And how did this brat get in here from the pond?”

“…where’s Master of the Guards?! Fetch him right away!”

Yu Jian was stunned and waved his hands at all of them.

“No, no, no. Guys, you’ve got it all wrong. I didn’t audition for this. Or if this is one of those elaborate prank television episodes, you can stop now. I don’t need the money for participating. Actually, doing this without my consent can be a criminal offense. I’ll sue you. Really! …where’s the camera’s huh?”

One of the women gasped. “What’s he spouting? He must be insane…”

Yu Jian swallowed. Not only were these guys non-responsive, but a lot of the servants weren’t that good-looking. Anyone would know that was blasphemy on a television show where you gotta have everyone at least average looks or better.

This was the undeniable truth. Yu Jian had to face the facts; He’d been thrown into the past like all those dumb transmigration novels. No iPhones! No cars! No more cheap TV dramas!

“Nooo!” he cried, turning his face up to the sky to heighten the dramatic effect. Ah, but suddenly Yu Jian had some insight. “Right, oh, I know! This must be why that gramps kept telling me not to touch the box...shit.”

Said old man was currently grinding his teeth in anger back in his shop. 

Aiya, another customer of his had been yeeted into another unknown world...at least they weren’t cursed to death like the last two. 

…

Back to the matter at hand.

If Yu Jian could just find the jade, he can feed it more blood or whatever the heck that cursed item needs, then it’ll take him back to his modern world. He took a step to turn around and search the pond when he heard a resounding ‘CRACK—’.

Yu Jian looked at his feet. Underneath his left shoe was the seahorse jade. It had broken into at least fifty billion and one pieces.

“Oh fuck…t-this can’t be…du*k tape. Does anyone have du*k tape?!”

Amarathia

Hello for anyone who reads. I am writing this as a light-hearted comedy on the side compared to all the other more plot-heavy works I'm doing. Something I like to write while literally eating popcorn.