---We’re at now now---

*rumble* *whinnying*

“Secure the monastery!” “Check the walls!” “Search all buildings!”

The big double doors at the other end of the cathedral had already been smashed to splinters and even parts of the walls beside them were gone. So in the fading daylight it’s easy to see all the metal the newcomers are wearing as they and their horses pile up outside.

Geesh, medieval traffic jam. Bet these are the knights in shining armor gang. Ugh. Getting too old for this shit.

“Oh well, more for the slaughter.” I sigh and turn towards the entrance, then walk past the altar and step in front of the pedestal I arrived on. “Hey! Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film! We're closed! Come back tomorrow!”

Only fair to give them a chance to wise up and fuck off.

*stampede*

My words don't seem to register though as dozens of armored medievals charge into this ruined cathedral. Just as quickly, a few start throwing up after discovering the carnage around them. One even slips and falls into a puddle of blood and gore.

What is this, a Tide ad? But, damn, those are some fancy duds they've got on.

Most of the newcomers wear a mix of plate and chain mail, helmets with hinged visors, and kite shields.  Wielding swords, spears or maces.  A few even have crossbows.

Hmm… No one’s in full plate though. Would that put this place in the 13th century, european history wise? Maybe 14th? Not sure. Been a long time since I was interested in medieval stuff.

Several are much more lightly armored. These carry a bow, staff or wand instead.

All have a surcoat on. With a gold rose stitched into the center of a white field. The white kite shields have the yellow flower painted on instead of stitched.

The bucket head with the fanciest, even has wings on his helmet, armor is acting downright frantic as he looks about and shouts.

“Brother! Oracle! Where are you?!”

I yell in reply.

“Oi! Does it look like anyone survived?!”

Sweep my magic swords slowly across the chamber, pointing at the debris and gore. The girls are far enough behind me that they are hidden, behind the altar, by the rubble and shadows.

Bucket head points his longsword at me.

“Who are you?! Did you do this?!” The walking toaster seems upset.

Queue, uh, Knight 2.

“Be careful captain! He has a powerful aura.” Aura? What are you, a hippie? “We cannot treat him lightly!”

Hmm… Holy symbol looking medallion thing, mace, ah, bet he’s a fantasy cleric guy.

“Sorry tin can!” Hehe, tin can. “When I got here the only ones left were the demons and their dates! Don't worry though. Those girls were definitely enjoying themselves!”

Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Hurl, hurl.

“You, bastard!” Well that's rude. “How dare you pollute their virtue with your filth!” Knight 1 be getting testy. “I will carve the truth out of your soul!”

Captain tin can starts stomping towards me across the slimy filthy floor.

“You wanna go?” Swing my blades about. “Okay, bring it on!”

Fantasy cleric guy steps in front of Knight 1.

Hey, don’t be a duel blocker. I was about to have a cool action scene.

“Please sire! Stop! What if he is the hero?” Eh? Oh, yeah, right. “Look at his hands! We know those swords. The Divine Blade of Sanriel, Sanctity. Brought here for the hero to wield. And the other is the Infernal Sword of Urnithun, Tormentor!” A bunch of their posse gasp. “Anyone who can hold both must-”

“Can we get this moving?!” I interrupt, impatiently, twirling the swords around more. “I've got people to kill and you are fucking with my schedule!”

“Uh... What?”

Is all captain tin can manages.

Good lord. No wonder the demons are winning. Honestly though? I'm probably gonna die. Feel totally wiped. Can barely stand. Body feels, uh, hollow?

Tin can’s squad looks pretty tired but they are holding those swords, spears, etc… like they know how to use them. Couple of them are even saying some magic sounding shit and have glowing circles floating by them.

Huh. If I die, can I go home? Would really like to hug my wife and kids again. Hell, I'll even pet the dog.

Give mister fancy pants the crazy eye.

“Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?” Gotta love the classics. Even though my storm of magic nitro feels more like a breeze now? Bet I can still take a few of them with me. “Let’s do this thin-eh?!”

“Stop!” A woman screams.

Miss complains-a-lot, barely covered by bloody rags, is suddenly in front of me. Standing tall with arms and legs spread. Well, tall for her. She barely reaches my chest. Posing like her body will protect me from their blades. Shield me from their spells.

But… Why are you facing them instead of me? Are you defending me? Christ, woman. I tortured you. Over and over again. Why…

“Avi!” Tin can freezes. “You're alive! Thank the goddess!” More gasps from the posse.

Tin can's crew gets loud. 

“Oracle!” “She lives!” “There is hope!” “Princess!”

Princess? Shit. Isn't princess killing generally frowned upon? Wouldn't want to get in trouble with the fuzz. Might get a ticket.

Another knight, a lightly armored one with a staff, wizard in a can, speaks.

“Oracle Avalina! What happened? Did the ritual succeed?”

The knights spread out. Clearly trying to flank me. Only see the back of her head but easy elf seems to be staring straight at captain tin can.

“Theo…” A shudder travels from her head to her toes. “I… failed. This is all my fault. Duke Airnett, the Grey Sage, everyone. All of them, dead, because of me!” The last bit comes out as a pained scream.

Tin can ain't buying it though.

“No Avi! Please do not say such things.” He's reassuring her. “It cannot be your-”

“I failed!” Wow. Nice scream. Good volume and projection. “And I deserved too!” Ugh. Rant alert. “Believed I was serving the goddess!” Fancy pants had started to walk forward but this froze him again. “Schemed to steal a holy ritual. Emptied the royal treasury while the people starve. Some forced to sell their children to survive.” Holds up her palms while shaking all over. “Even killed a boy with these filthy hands.”

Case solved. Book 'er Danno.

Knight 1’s face looks anguished.

“Avi... Stop.”

But pointy ears ain’t done.

“All to steal another boy.” Someone’s feeling a might bit confessy. And those knees be looking shaky. “Taking a child from his family. From everyone who loves him. And for what?” Drops to her leg elbows. “Fight, kill, die, for our war?” Seems to be talking to herself as much as tin can. “That was not faith. That was fear! Was lust! Arrogance!” Shaking her head. “But I was wrong. So those who followed me paid the price, for my sins!”

Captain tin can is speechless, but fantasy cleric guy isn't.

“Oracle. Is that,” points, “the hero?”

Whoa there buddy. “That” has feelings you know.

Easy elf shakily gets back on her feet.

“He is not the hero, but he is of the hero.” Of the hero? “And I have wronged him.” Uh oh. Let's see how the boyfriend handles this. “I must atone for my sacrilege. My heresy.” Why do I suddenly have a bad feeling about this? “So, I… have bound myself to him.” Bound?

Tin can is steaming.

“No Avi! I will not allow this!”

Hmm… Okay, I give up. What the fuck is going on?

“It is t-too late Theo. I a-am s-sorry.” Kowtowing to him now? Damn, even banged up that is a nice ass. Big, but not too big. “I am already his s-slave.” Say what now, miss stutterer? Eh? Why are you showing them your hand? “I have already bound myself to him.” Uh, no, you didn't. That spell didn’t do anything, right?

Wait, where did this tattoo on my hand come from?

…

That bitch! Is this isekai slave magic? Bet this is isekai slave magic. Mother. Fucker!

About to run two blades up sneaky slut's butt when “Theo,” screams and falls to his knees.

Wait. Shit. Is this netorare? Did I miss some of the tags on the doujinshi? And what the fuck would I want a slave for? Duh. Of course there's “that.” But this banged up used car has way too many miles on her.

Hehe. Banged up.

“Oracle Avalina.” Gandork speaks up while also eyeing captain tin can. “You know neither the king nor the pope will accept this.”

Cool, they got a pope? We’re on a mission from god, type pope?

Wizard in a can’s words perk captain tin can right up and he jumps back to his feet.

“Th-that is right! We will force this beast to release you.”

Hey, his helmet's off now. Dude. This “Theo” ain't a bad looker. And, for some reason, that pisses me off. But, wow, that is a pathetically desperate look on his face.

Ugh. Is this the planet of the drama llamas? Dude, your whatever love interest is broken. NTR’d by demon dick. Find someone else to pine over.

Are you suffering from chronic bitch dependency, captain? Sigh. Tin can, bitch dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends. Your health. And scary enough, even your money. It's a disease, Theo-

Easy elf interrupts my boondock’s flashback with a plea.

“Theo! I do not want you to die too!” Spreads her arms again. In the twilight I can just make out the tattoo on her left hand. Matching mine. “He has Urnithun's sword? He took it after beating the demon lord to death, with his bare hands!”

Well, with a bare arm, uh, technically his bare arm but, please. You’ve been reunited. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.

Oh yeah, and I'm still naked. Bet the censors are freaking the fuck out. Are they blurring my wiener?

“Impossible.” Gandork mutters, shocked.

Hey, it's big but it's not “that” big.

What? Of course that’s the first thing I checked. Wouldn’t you? Gotta confirm the new worm. And praise Jesus this isn’t a gender bender stor-eh? Wha? He was talking about another thing? Oh. Whoops. Sorry, my bad.

And elfy's on her knees again. Seriously, this bitch should start making exercise videos. Isekaing to the oldies.

“Urnithun knew about the ritual and corrupted it. He was waiting for the hero, to kill him.” Princess hides her face with her arms and laughs. “Hehe. But the demon lord failed too! He could not imagine the monster that was coming.”

“That,” then “beast,” and now “monster?” You people are mean.

“Corrupted? How?”

Ugh. Come on fantasy cleric guy. Think about it. I just got here and know what she means. Don't be a douche.

Demon raper’s other victims appear out of the shadows behind me, walking around the pedestal to join, “Avi.” Lining up on both sides of her as she stands up again.

Uh, did I miss some sort of signal?  And why is princess spreading her legs?

“By defiling us!”

Pulling off the tattered rags exposes the abused state of her body. The other girls do the same.

No. Not like this.

I see the knights in not so shining armor anymore react with pity. But also recoil in disgust.

Tin can barely squeaks out.

“Avi… No…”

But elfy doesn’t stop.

“They made us their playthings! Filled us with demon seed! We are cursed!” By the end she’s screeching. “Become sows for breeding monsters!”

The girls collapse together in a sobbing heap with the half-elf.  Desperately seeking comfort like frightened children in the dark.  Which the princess gives.  Looking like a saintess, a shepherd, tending to her scared flock.

Fuck. This is too much.

Can feel my rage fade. I still don’t like her. Don’t forgive her. But the hate is gone. The need is gone.

Maybe it's because she defended me. Even though I hurt her so much. Maybe it's that air of serenity she now has. Despite the hell she’s been in. Maybe because of how revolted her supposed rescuers are now acting. Making me think that Avi has lost everything.

Just like me.

I lay my blades down and pick up the fallen rags. Draping them back over the women to cover the condition of their bodies as best I can.

*exhale*

Yeah, I’m done. Have to rethink this.

Look to the heavens. Outside, the sun has finished setting. Some knights now have floating balls of light next to them, so there is just enough to see with. Through holes in the roof I see a sky full of stars.

“I do not care!” Tin can’s shout startles me. “I have always loved you Avi! I still want you to be my wife!”

Holy shit, too soon dude. Christ, give them some space. Some time to process what's happened.

Fantasy cleric guy puts his hand on tin can's shoulder while wizard in a can replies.

“Sire Airnett. You may not care, but your house does. Your king does. Your church does. Even your people do.” Hey. She was gangraped. Didn't die. What the fuck is wrong with you people? “This is a tragedy that even the goddess must be crying over but with your brother gone? Your grace, you are the duke now. You cannot wed one who has been sullied. Nor can you associate with-”

“I know that!” Tin can interrupts, yelling back at him. But that's the last he manages. He's finally spent. Shoulders sag. “This is not over, but we cannot decide things now. I am… tired.” Turns to his posse. “Setup camp and cleanse the bodies of our friends and comrades. Purify the demons.” He points a finger at me. “Setup a tent for that too. Send a report by wing. The king, pope and lord general must all be told.”

*swoosh*

My instincts scream “MOVE” at me again and I slide left. Just missing a dagger thrust at my neck. Grab the wrist holding it, twist, spin, and throw the backstabber forward. Bat lady flies by.

Oh, oops, forgot about her.

Slutty demon lands face first halfway between the knights and girls. Shakily, she stands back up and growls at me.

“Vilesh's tits! What are you?! Even with [Deep Shroud] you still saw me! How?!” She is so livid, spittle is flying out of her mouth.

But Theo looks like he’s been struck with a revelation.

“A succubus! Now things are starting to make sense.” Tin can’s face gains an evil smile. “Bind her. We will begin the interrogation immediately.”

Uh, yeah, girl? That's a “you gonna get raped” look. Hey. Tin can. Isn't the “love of your life,” like, right here?

The lady with the tail turns to face fancy pants.

“You think I'm going to let vermin like you touch me?" She takes up the same spread arms and legs pose easy elf took earlier. "I am a greater being than those cows you rut with. My pride remains intact!"

“[T̷̨̺͓͇̞͋͛͒̓͝r̶̭̩͖͚͗̔̋͋̚͜u̴̡̺̙̟̗͋́̈́̈́̈́e̵̝̟̘͉̠̊̽͆̌͝ ̷̻̫͕̲̻̓̓͐͝͠Ḍ̵̡̮͕̫̇͂͛̉̆ȩ̴̖̥͍̰͆̉̄́̚a̸̡͚̩̜̯̔̓̉͋̕t̷̬͉̪͈͕͂̊̇̇̽h̸̛̬̭͕̤͎͌̔̉͝]”

*fruuzh*

“Aaiiyyee!!!”

As her hands meet in a clap, arcane words ignite blue flames. That quickly cover her body. Slutty demon’s screaming, a lot, and we all get a front row seat to a woman burning to death.

Huh, she smells like burnt bacon.

Embers from her charcoaling corpse float up into the air.

---

Airnett, Nigelle (male, human, tourinese)

• Former Duke of Tourin
  • Duchy of Esheoran
• Famous swordsman
• Theovald Airnett's older brother
• Deceased?

Airnett, Theovald (male, human, tourinese)

• Duke of Tourin
  • Duchy of Esheoran
• Nigelle Airnett's younger brother
• Royal Knight Captain
  • Order of the White Rose
• “Knight 1, Tin can, Captain tin can, Fancy pants, Theo”

Angelles, Avalina Faphyri (female, elf-human, tourinese)

• Princess
  • Kingdom of Tourin
• Oracle of Metia
• Bound Slave
• “Avi, Easy elf, Elfy”

Apenstoe, Regohn (male, human, tourinese)

• Friend and subordinate of Theovald Airnett
• Royal Knight Vice Captain
  • Order of the White Rose

Chavorat, Tibbott (male, human, tourinese)

• Friend and subordinate of Theovald Airnett
• Royal Knight
  • Order of the White Rose
• Fire Mage
• “Wizard in a can, Gandork”

Enflow, Erwalt (male, human, tourinese)

• Friend and subordinate of Theovald Airnett
• Royal Knight
  • Order of the White Rose
• Cleric of Metia
• “Knight 2, Fantasy cleric guy”

Noseul, Dradus (male, human, tourinese)

• the Grey Sage
• Famous wizard
• Deceased?

Zuzzoros, Khirsa (female, demon, drasritorn)

• "Slutty demon, Bat lady, Succubus"
• Deceased?