---D-Day+178, Goridine 21st, Thursday Night---

---Chenghai, North---

*knead* *clipclop* *rub* *clakclak* *squeeze* *thunthun*

“Ahh♡…” “Ooh♡…” “Feelsh sho guud♡…”

Late at night, a city is the same most anywhere. Eastern or western. Modern or medieval. Dark roads, closed businesses, quiet homes. And in this part of town, not a street light in sight. Clouds have rolled in so even moonlight is missing.

*clipclop* *clakclak* *thunthun*

Horseshoes, wheels and hooved feet sound down cobbled streets as we leave the upper class neighborhoods of the great clans behind. Through shadows I see the standard of living drop the further away we get. The siheyuan, courtyard homes, become smaller and simpler. Apartment buildings lower and in greater disrepair.  Their construction, more and more haphazard. 

*barkbark*

Here and there, dogs do their best to keep ax murderers away from their families. Elsewhere, cats do their best to murder their families. Rats and mice skitter to and fro. The occasional hand, horse, bird or lizard pulled cart crosses our path. In a hurry to deliver this or that.

*spread* *bend*

“Jon♡…” “Prince♡…”

Drivers get their lanterns swinging by doing quick u-ies or hard turns down sidestreets and backstreets. Having enough sense to know that a large escorted caravan making its way through Chenghai at this late hour? Is something they should steer well clear of.

"Ung♡" "Aht♡"

Twelve large wood box wagons plus dozens of guards and servants are traveling with my harem. But none of the carriages belong to the Lian clan. Nor do the men and women in and around them.

*twist*

Each oversized coach is pulled by a Lubei. Rhino looking brown six-legged lizard monsters eight to ten feet high at the shoulders. Slower than a horse but with ridiculous strength and stamina. Attendants have been contracted through local caravaneers. Escorts through the Biaoju¹Adventurers Guild. Disciples of the Beyulongong²North Jade Dragon Palace sect. Largest sect in Yangxu accompany us too. Though Lurch³Methil Alre Heiris Qinxin, Grandmaster Alchemist, Elf Eunuch, Head of Danshao club, Core Elder of Beyulongong sect, Huaqi(Qi Realization) daoist, thank god, isn't here.

"Guh♡"

Why are we sneaking out in the middle of the night? Because I want to avoid even more trouble. Got a message that my golems and skellies are waiting in a smugglers cove north of town. So we are finally leaving for the capital. Off to meet Little Li’s daddio⁴Royal Emperor of the Imperial Kingdom of Yangxu.

*clakclak*

Now Ipra is a fantasy world. Despite the lack of storage magic⁵Would have made it one of my cheats if I had known there wasn't any. Yes, I'm still bitter about it. So even though most⁶Around one in a thousand humans have "usable" amounts of mana/qi can't cast a spell? They've seen or heard of someone who can. Seen or even fought monsters. But the undead? That's a bridge too far for most folks. Including those in charge.

Unlife isn't divine or infernal. It's a third power that's considered an abomination by the other two. So while I could get away with it around Stormgarde? Because I was in charge and kept my undead in line. Elsewhere is a very different story.

Meaning if I march my skellies into town? There's probably gonna be a fight. At least my living shadows and ghosts can hide pretty easily. No can do with material undead.

So we are going out to meet them instead. Hauling enough supplies and provisions for the couple week trip to the capital. Including a fortune's worth in silver taels(yinding) and qi crystals(qijing). Lili⁷Name: Lilias Barton | Jon's Harem: 1st Concubine | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 5’8” | Age: 31 | Eyes: Hazel | Hair: Brown(Long Straight) | Skin: Fair | Face: Triangle | Breasts: E-cup(Bell) | Body: Bottom Hourglass(Curvy) | Butt: Square(Large) | Profession: Noblewoman(Iron) | Magic School: Earth(bsc) | Weapon: Dagger(int) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Clari Barton(daughter) | Formerly: Lilias Gilend(Born), Lilias Sothea(Widowed) | Nicknames: Lili, Secretary-wife cashed in all the promissory notes⁸From selling properties and assets around Stormgarde and Raelera she could.

"Wouldn't it be easier to keep the iou’s since they are just paper?" I asked last night with the hot, naked, sweaty and sticky milf in my arms.

"Yes, my magnificent lord." She dreamily replies and releases another satisfied sigh. "Sadly, the longer they are kept? The more likely the merchant houses would not honor them."

Odd, and shouldn’t we be able to use paper money instead? Pretty sure ancient china had benjamins. Guess fantasy china doesn't.

"AHHNNN♡"

*squirt*

On my right side, Red⁹Name: Edelys Barton | Jon's Harem: 1st Wife | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Tourinese | Height: 6’2” | Age: 23 | Eyes: Hazel | Hair: Red(Short Curly) | Skin: Fair | Face: Rectangle | Breasts: DD-cup(Athletic) | Body: Rectangular(Firm) | Butt: Square(Tight) | Pregnant: 20 weeks(2nd trimester) | Profession: Noble Knight(Steel) | Magic School: Fire(adv) | Weapon: Longsword(adv), Lance(adv), Crossbow(int) | Daoist: Juqi(Qi Gathering) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Status: Alote Barton(Girlfriend) | Formerly: Edelys Gilend, Knight Vice Captain(Black Hart) | Nicknames: Red, Knight-Wife, Edel cums. Knight-wife's honey soaking the cushions under her. While to my left, Lula¹⁰Name: Luliene Chastel | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Ukuxhan | Height: 5’2” | Age: 27 | Eyes: Green | Hair: Black(Short Braided) | Skin: Brown | Face: Oval | Breasts: G-cup(Bell) | Body: Hourglass(Thick) | Butt: Heart(Large) | Pregnant: 12 weeks(2nd trimester) | Profession: Godbeast Priestess(Copper) | Magic School: Earth(bsc), Dark(bsc) | Weapon: Dagger(int), Sling(int) | Daoist: Lianti(Body Refining) Chuqi(Early-stage) | Formerly: Lulinu Embiid, Royal Princess(Imkoni), Sex-slave(Brothel), Slave-wife(Hammond Chastel) | Nicknames: Lula, Mocha momma, Chocolate angel is on the edge but hasn't yet. Mocha momma's eyes are rolled up and fluttering as her tongue hangs out. Both are in their second trimesters. Though Edelys is almost to the third. Being twenty weeks into the Ipran humans’ thirty-two week long pregnancies. While Luliene is at the start of the second, only twelve weeks.

And I'm not fucking or fingering their flooded gardens. Nor using my tongue. Just taking full advantage of every pregnant woman's greatest weakness.

Footrubs.

Two pairs of feet are in my lap. Receiving warmup twists, arch rubs, toe bends, foot spreads and heel squeezes that mercilessly molest those toesies. Tingling and shorting out their brains.

Back home I had humped a few pregos. And once they started inflating? Massages would make them happier than gold-diggers at a lottery winners convention. But their achilles heel, literally, was always the feet.

"UHNNG♡"

*fzzhhh*

Thar she blows! Hehe. Put some time and effort into it and any chick with a bun in the oven can be reduced to a panting piddling pleasure puddle.

"Page."

*flip*

These bigger carriages are intended for long haul caravans. Able to hold a lot more people and cargo than others we've been in. Meaning only two are needed to carry my nineteen strong harem and I comfortably. Four more for the servants and guards. While the remaining six? Stuffed with treasure and supplies.

I bought, just about, every “large” wagon in town. At least what was for sale. Sale? Yeah, right, way overpaid but was in a hurry to get the hell out of dodge. Can feel my golems and undead are close. Looking forward to having more of me nearby again.

Yes, I know that sounds weird. Fuck off.

After a short detour to get my caddies, skellies, and warbots. We'll be on the royal highway that connects Chenghai and Beiguang, the capital. A well traveled, patrolled and maintained road with plenty of villages and towns. So this should be a pretty boring trip.

With china girl and some sect disciples coming with? We shouldn't be harassed or barred. So, fingers crossed, this will be an easy ride.

"Page."

Using this time to catch up on my reading. As in alchemy reading. But my hands are busy with knocked up feetsies.

"Un, dashi¹¹Great Master."

*flip*

Fortunately I've got lots of helping hands ready and willing. Apparently it's Ji's¹²Name: Ji Ping Tiang | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Yanese | Height: 5’6” | Age: 19 | Eyes: Amber | Hair: Very Long Straight Pinned | Skin: Pale | Face: Oblong | Breasts: D-cup(Archtypal) | Body: Hourglass(Slim) | Butt: Round(Small) | Profession: Imperial Princess(Bronze) | Spirit Root: Fire(single) | Weapon: Dao/Sabre(adv), Longbow(adv) | Daoist: Zhuji(Foundation Establishment) Houqi(Late-stage) | Status: Royal Princess(Yangxu), Li Zexi Tiang(Sister) | Nicknames: Big Ji, Old Ji, Older sister, Chan Ji turn to hold the book. Li's¹³Name: Li Zexi Tiang | Jon's Harem: Mistress | Gender: Female | Race: Human | Culture: Yanese | Height: 5’3” | Age: 16 | Eyes: Brown | Hair: Black(Very Long Straight Pinned) | Skin: White | Face: Oval | Nose: Button | Breasts: C-cup(Close set) | Body: Hourglass(Slim) | Butt: Round(Small) | Profession: Imperial Princess(Bronze) | Spirit Root: Fire/Fire/Water(triple) | Weapon: Jian/Sword(int), Longbow(int) | Daoist: Juqi(Qi Gathering) Zhongqi(Middle-stage) | Status: Royal Princess(Yangxu), Ji Ping Tiang(Sister), Lady of Bright Deportment(Mother) | Nicknames: Little Li, Young Li, Younger sister, China girl, Chinese princess, Xiao Li older sister is on her knees, between my knees, watching me read. Turning the page whenever I'm ready.

And, for the record, reading yanese¹⁴Fantasy Chinese is a much bigger pain than speaking it. Holy shit. The column right to left nonsense was bad enough. Thousands of characters a nightmare to memorize. But where's the fucking punctuation?!

Find myself mentally thanking Angeltits¹⁵Goddess that mistakenly abducted John Barton instead of his son due to corrupted summoning ritual. Gave John three cheats. Super Senses, Bullet Time, and Recovery Magic again for whatever she did to my brain to make [Recovery Magic] usable. Has made learning languages so much easier than it used to be. Christ, the hell that was high school Spanish. Rolling those fucking R's nearly turned me into a serial killer.

The book is another loaner from Lurch. This one reviews hundreds of ingredients. Grades and tiers of recipes. And their interrelationships.

Like in many xianxia stories. Alchemy(Dandao) is very important to cultivators, uh, daoists. Following the Immortal Way(Xiandao) is difficult and even the smallest mistakes can fuck up your progress.

On top of the typical healing potion type stuff. Daoist alchemists can make ointments(yaogao), elixirs(danyao) and pills(yaowan) that cleanse impurities, improve comprehension, enhance regeneration, etc, etc… Even pushing you through a breakthrough to the next realm.

Like that dickless elf did, with a pill, while I was on the treasure ship. Pushing me from Juqi(Qi Gathering) to Zhuji(Foundation Establishment). And making me fuck my entire harem, nearly, to death.

Asshole.

So, yeah, alchemists are pretty much worth their weight in spirit stones(lingshi). Even bottom of the barrel types are very well compensated. Meaning if I can get halfway decent with it?

Solid gold mansion here I come.

Yes, I'm stupid rich already. But a big chunk of that was spent at the auction house and buying this caravan. Though worst of all? There's nothing coming in. Got no income. Nein dinero. Nada revenue. Negative EBITDA.

Unless I want to end up a door greeter at Isekaimart? Better start bringing home the bacon. But, hey, things are looking up. Can already make nianji gaoshen ceng gaode yaowan. Mmhm, I'm kind of a big deal.

Wha?

Oh, shit, sorry. Um… uh…

Alchemy has shipu(recipes). Hehe, still giggle over that word. Is it shit? Is it poo? Don't know, let's call it "shipu." Ahem, which are divided into grades(nianji). Qima, gaoshen, jingshen, diqiu and tiankong. Elementary, profound, spirit, earth and heaven.

And the result is divided into tiers(ceng). Dide, gaode and dingbu. Low, high and peak.

I can make profound grade high tier pills. So I'm already better than average. Which is ridiculous progress for an alchemist(danshi) in just two months. Most take decades before advancing to the next grade.

Well, duh, of course I'm cheating. Though not in the usual protagonist way. I've got one of the top pill-pushers in all of Luyan¹⁶fantasy china teaching me. Showing all his tips, tricks and connections. I'm like Pablo Escobar's apprentice. 

The eunuch elf is even teaching Wuhuo(Five Flames). An alchemical art with techniques to create and control fire using qi. No, that doesn't make me Pyro¹⁷https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUhOnX8qt3I from Team Fortress. Five Flames is all about creating and controlling cauldron fires. Their size, temp, spread, etc…

Oh, crap, sorry again. Time. Yeah, time. There's a rule of thumb with, hehe, shipu. An elementary recipe will take hours to prepare/cook. Profound will take days. Spirit? Weeks. Earth? Months. And, finally, heaven grade? Years.

Plus the most valuable pill, elixir and ointment shipu, stop it, tap into your cultivation during cooking. So if you try to make a top earth grade pill but you're not a Body Transcender? If you're super lucky you'll end up with a low tier. Meaning only some of its intended effects will occur and there's lots of impurities. Normally it just fails. Turning into useless mush. Roll a natural one though?

Kaboom!

"Page."

*flip*

The wagon tilts to the right as we turn onto one of the main streets. Wider, a bit more traffic, and less concerned with us being here. There's even some street walkers, night watchmen and street lights. Before long reaching Chenghai's Black Turtle Gate.

"Make way!" The gate captain yells. After our lead driver slips some coins into his hands. Our line of wagons, lizards and horses passing through the huge red brick wall unmolested and uninspected. 

Soon disappearing into the dark shrouded hills beyond.

Flashback to my days spent in Yangxu's¹⁸Luyan successor state largest port. Tormentor¹⁹demon blade grumbles over getting shot. Sanctity²⁰holy swordsnickers about the orgies. Hehe, had an auction house scene and met an actual xianxia protagonist. With his own harem even. The boys would have loved it. 

Sigh…

On the road again.