I was up even before my alarm went off. Like I had with Ross, every aspect of how this could go down was playing through my head, making it hard to sleep. I biked over to the coffee shop early to get some coffee and food before Megan showed up. Bagel in hand, I sat down at the booth most in the corner. She arrived like clockwork at ten and sat down across from me.

Neither of us wanted to talk, so we just sat quietly waiting for the other to begin. Before too long I couldn't handle it and spoke.

"I shouldn't have said what I did. It was impulsive and hurtful and--"

"You were right," she butted in.

"I... I was?" I was taken aback. I hadn't planned for the "she agrees with you" scenario.

"I projected myself onto you. I blamed you for things that aren't your fault. I.... I'm sorry."

She gave me a heartfelt half-smile which I returned. I took a sip of my coffee to make a small move at breaking the tension.

"How is Lily?" she asked.

"She's uh..." that was a good question. I'd not really talked with her much since the Saturday after it all went down. "She's... she's doing okay... You should reach out. You guys did tennis together right? She might appreciate a familiar face."

"I will..." now she took a sip of coffee.

"Oh! There's this Valentine’s Day party that the club is throwing next Friday. You're totally invited, anyone is really."

I was flustered, but happy, "Wow! I'll be there."

"Great!" then she seemed to chuckle, "It’s called... uh... The Valentines Gay Bash."

I was bringing the coffee up to take another sip and I was thankful I hadn't made it all the way, because I instantly snorted out of laughter. I looked up at Megan who was also beginning to break down at the hilarity of the name.

"I'm the president of the club, but believe me... I was not responsible for naming it!" she said fighting back a laugh.

Once we got past the giggles, we chatted a bit more and headed our separate ways.

Saturday evening my parents demanded that we watch a "classic movie" on Netflix, which I begrudgingly enjoyed. Sunday, I slept in, focused on my homework, and raided YouTube for unwatched videos. I stumbled across a photography channel, and got hooked. Since the facility I'd dropped the hobby entirely. Maybe it was time to pick it back up again...

Monday went by. I ate with the gang at lunch. We were a little more talkative than usual. I was able to make Lily and Kai laugh at least. Sadie kept a straight face throughout, but I wasn't discouraged. Monday afternoon I checked the schedule at the store. Ross had shifts that dodged mine entirely. Consequently, the other cashier on at the same time I was, was this dude named Jeff. Jeff's okay I guess.

The week went by. On Thursday I saw Megan and Lily chatting. Lily seemed happy enough and I flashed Megan a smile.

Thursday rolled around, and I decided I'd had enough of Jeff. I wrote down a note for Ross and slipped it in his locker at the store.

Ross,
I messed up. And you're right. Sometimes I'm sorry isn't good enough. Sometimes one should know better than to do something that needed an apology in the first place. I should know better. I can't imagine what's going through your head. Just know that you're a solid cashier and an even better friend. I miss shooting laser guns and I can't handle Jeff any longer.

~Amelia

P.S.
There's a party going on this Friday and you're welcome to come. They're great people, and I think you'd have fun. Be advised... They're really gay.

I didn't know how things would go with Ross, but at bare minimum I wanted him to be happy.

Friday rolled around. I got home and decided to... fancy-up. It'd been more than three months since I finished my transition and over six since I had started. The details of what I was wearing every day, what I looked like, what I sounded like... It was all so casual now. Most days I didn't think about how feminine a shirt was, I just wore the shirt. This party however, had me spiraling into the details. I wanted to put some effort into "looking good" but I had no real reference for what that was. Sure, I'd seen girls at parties, knew how they dressed and looked. But I didn't know what looking good meant to me. I glanced at the three skirts I owned, took a deep breath, and rolled my eyes while I grabbed one off the hanger.

During everyday life, I didn't try. I always prided myself on the fact that after putting in 10% effort I could get at least one complement, since 0% was my baseline. Today, I decided to push the limits... you know, like 40% effort. That's four times my regular maximum effort!

I picked out what I was going to wear and then I sat down in front of the mirror. I closed my eyes and did my best to recall everything that Sarah had done before the going away party. Then I opened my eyes, and focused. As the theme of the party was Valentines (sans the gay) I decided to go red and black.

I did my best to apply the scattered makeup memories and ended up with some okay eye definition, and red lips that ended up way more pronounced than I had meant to. Unfortunately, I was running out of time, and starting over wasn't going to be an option.

I pulled on a red halter top, tucked it into the black skirt, and wore some matching red converse. It wasn't chic, but it wasn't drab either. Since it was still February (albeit a mild one), I tossed on a black leather jacket to keep warm. Still insecure about skirts, and because I was riding my bike to the party, I had slipped shorts on underneath the skirt. It let me feel loads more comfortable without sacrificing the look that I'd put some effort into.

I rode over to Megan's house and locked up my bike outside. Apparently, her parents were away on a Valentine's day retreat, so the party was arguably the wildest thing I'd seen in my life. Regular parties are one thing, gay parties are a whole different world, I soon found out. Unbeknownst to me upon invite, was the presence of vast amounts of alcohol.

I hovered in the doorway for a while, scoping everything out. Eventually Megan came over and greeted me. I didn't smell any alcohol on her breath, but that wasn't saying too much. She did seem very sharp and capable.

"Amelia! You look... hot!" she almost screamed.

"Thanks..." I'd be lying if I said I wasn't blushing.

After a minute or two of chatting she had other people to greet and directed me towards the "refreshments" as she called them. I then understood why the plan was for me to sleep over.

Before I jumped off the deep end, I said hi to the couple of people that I knew. The refreshments were up against the wall, in the corner opposite me. Also, this room had all the dancers. As much as I wanted to get the goods, I'd already put in 40% effort that night and the thought of my introverted self making it all the way across the dance floor entirely sober had me almost shaking. Before long, I swallowed up the courage and made my way through.

The thing about this kind of party was that anything goes as far as who will make a pass at you. After I'd just started to half-heartedly fist pump my way across the room there was a girl giving me googly eyes. About halfway through a guy attempted to dancer closer and closer until he was practically on top of me. I improvised a quick move where I spun him around and while he drunkenly regained his balance I dashed for the corner of the room. I'd done some stressful things lately, and while this wasn't at the top of my list, it was inching its way up there.

After my last foray into alcohol was straight vodka, I decided to go for the punch. It tasted mildly better, and was almost as strong. I was about to head back over and nurse the single cup, but upon looking at the crowd of dancers I downed it and refilled before setting sail.

After all the tumultuity of what I'd been through with Lily, (and since I was still hoping to win her over) my one rule of the night was to stay away from any compromising situations, romantic or otherwise.

I had a middling amount of fun as I made my way back through the crowd, and I could already start to feel the punch hit me. It was much stronger than anticipated.

About half an hour passed and I had explored Megan's first floor as thoroughly as one might at a party. I'd also made it through my second cup of punch, and could feel myself really loosening up as I moved onto my third. I'd made it back to the front of the house when I nearly fell over out of surprise.

Ross was standing in the doorway. My brain hit panic mode. I was in no state to talk to him, much less try and mend the things between us. Panic hit me even harder when I called out his name.

He instantly looked like he regretted coming. Fortunately, it dawned on me that my hidden weapon was nearby. I knew that I was already too far gone to make any productive conversation with Ross, but what if I wasn't the one who talked with him... I looked around, and grabbed Megan by the arm, dragging her over to him.

"Ross, this is Megan. Megan... Ross," I shouted over the music, "He's amazing and I work with him at the store, and she's amazing and it’s her party!" I made sure they shook hands before making my exit. "If you two will excuse me... I have a prior engagement, with the restroom." I gave them both a big (drunken) smile and wandered up the stairs to the bathroom. I did coincidentally need to pee, but I also wanted a way out of embarrassing myself.

I made my way out of the bathroom as someone else was making their way out of an adjacent door. We were each facing the opposite way and bumped into each other. I with a little more effort than her, knocking the door she was closing back open. I drunkenly whirled to face her, and for the second time that night I was shocked by who was in front of me. It was Lily.

I was so surprised to see her (and drunk) that at that point, I'm fairly sure I just stared at her open mouthed. In addition to my own state, I could tell by the way that she had trouble regaining her balance that Lily was far from sober. She was leaning heavily against the door frame and absent mindedly tugging at the hem of her bright red dress.

Words starting coming out of my mouth before I could really make sure what they were, as often is the case with alcohol.

"How did you get here?" I asked, slurring my speech just a bit.

"Megan invited me... told me the punch would take the edge off."

I giggled, "That it does."

Over the next few minutes, it was apparent how plastered the two of us actually were.

"Lily... you know that I love you right?" at that point, I was slurring my words quite heavily, as was she.

"Hmm.... Well you know I'm still mad at you, right?"

"And you should be! I was a cheating jerk... Twice!"

For practically first timers and severe lightweights, we had hit the point where the words we were saying were very charged, and yet we said them almost in a happy daze.

"Yeah... that's not cool. And like... I wanna forgive you, but I also don't..."

"I know... I'm not even sure I forgive me."

"But you know what?" she said, "Megan forgave you. She said maybe I should too." As she was talking, she was leaning in closer to me. By the end she had lost her balance and practically fell onto me, causing me to nearly fall over. I helped her catch her balance. We then assisted each other as the two of us hobbled over to the bed, and sat down facing the other.

"Well, either way Lil... I'll still love you."

Then she smiled at me, "I'll love you too." Lily leaned in until we were millimeters apart.

"But you have to promise!... You won't kiss anyone except me."

I looked into her eyes, "I promise! I promise I promise I promise I promise!"

She smiled, and our lips met. Never in a million years did I think that this was how the evening would go, much less that Lily would forgive me so quickly.

As we kissed, we drunkenly toppled onto our sides, but that didn't slow us down. This was different than it had been with anyone else. We kissed fast and hard. With most of the past kisses I'd had, it was to forget. These were to remember. Soon, we were frantically tearing off each others' clothes. Her dress fell around her waist, and my shirt and skirt were across the room. Lily's arms were wrapped around me, and mine around her. I practically pulled her on top of me. That only made us giggle before things intensified. Part of me wondered what was in store... Would this be the first time I'd go all the way as girl? The thought excited and intrigued me.

After we'd been in the room for a couple of minutes we heard a large amount of excited and nervous screams from down stairs. Someone ran up the stairs and stumbled into the room. We'd neglected to even close the door, but whoever walked in treated it as though it was something they saw everyday.

"Westchester decisions just got emailed in!" said the partier before bumbling back down the stairs.

Lily and I looked at each other in absolute shock. College had been the furthest thing from either of our minds. She instantly pulled back.

"We look together okay?"

I nodded with approval. We both scavenged for our phones and pulled up the unread email.

"3... 2... 1..." I counted down.

I opened the email and skimmed it so quickly I didn't absorb any of the information. I started again from the top.

Amelia Baker,
We are pleased to inform you that we have accepted your application. Welcome to the next class of Winchester students.

I shrieked in delight, but then I looked over at Lily's expression. She looked like the wind had been knocked out of her in the worst way. Without missing a beat, I hugged her tight. She was still shocked, but it soon gave way to tears.

She collapsed into me. I held her while she let it out. The roller coaster of the past 60 seconds was sobering me up, and I continued to hold her tight. Another few minutes went by and she eased up.

"You have to go okay!" she said to me, "You can't say no..."

Now it was my turn to let out a few tears. She was telling me not to choose her over the school. The dream had always been Winchester together, but she was saying that right now she wanted me to choose it over her.

That night, we slumped onto the bed and fell asleep in each other’s arms.