Thinking :

"You know, I hate myself."

These are the thoughts that I've fervently entertained for a long time now. Although I know there's no standard when it comes to humans, my apprehension of this world isn't the same as the majority of them. I often wonder why I feel like nothing is happening the way I want it to. The dream never ends, the impression of not belonging to this universe has already crossed his mind several times.

A quote that I like when my thoughts get dark: "It's not a sign of good mental health to be well adapted to a sick society." It helps me to calm down, to feel less strange, in short, I've often been told that life isn't black or white.

Accordingly, you could say that I'm trying to survive, to follow. As best I can. Feeling bad about yourself isn't pleasant every day.

This year I'm entering college, despite the fact that I don't have many or almost no friends, I manage to live easily. Unfortunately I don't manage to weave a deep relationship with the can that I've, although I try a little more every day. It doesn't work very well for tell you everything.

Today, I'll give a gift to Clark, maybe she can chat a little more with me in the future ...

I often do that, I made fun of myself for being so simple-minded. By helping in this way I hoped to be as helpful as possible, to be more easily accepted by everyone. Because people around me often see me as a circus animal or an unusual attraction. I don't really understand what are the reasons for these bad eyes. But knowing that the vision that I see life was a color totally different from theirs I don't blame them too much for that.

At least, I didn't give a damn about everything in the end, because being used to solitude and confinement taught me that I should only count on myself. Then little by little I became a kind of generalized otaku, hobbies like reading light novel, manga or playing video games became my everyday activities.

Sometimes, I wondered how I should feel if I had had a family from the start.

Maybe I'll have been in better shape than now?

The family would have been a big emotional support in my everyday life. To tell the truth, I never knew my parents, from what I was told, they died a few months after my birth in a car accident.

So, I was placed in an orphanage, I lived there for about 10 years until a good day, I'm told that an aunt will welcome me at her home. It's rare for a child of my age to be adopted, moreover if he is as special as me…

To tell the truth, this aunt didn't look to have her age, she had beautiful medium length black hair and delicate features, a real beauty that could easily be confused with a goddess, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to think so. In addition she treat everyone tenderly and with respect, she's kind and likes to take care of others. For this reason, anyone crossing her path loved it, whether it be men or women, but may not be in exactly the same way.

Because of this, I've often wondered why me? Why did she decide to help a desperate case like me? By asking her the question she replied :

"Because you're you! You've to accept who you're. Even if you don't believe it yourself, I believe it." She replied. Then she added:

"You know me, I love you as you're, even if tomorrow you suddenly change, I'll always love you." At that moment, I cried every tear my body for the 2nd time in my life, the stoic and emotionless facade that I've been striving to make appear for a long time was shattered by this one sentence. The tenderness it gave me has in a way allowed me to assert myself more and more every day.

It sort of filled the voids in my dizzy heart. Sorrow and loneliness were then gradually replaced by love and joy.

Unfortunately everything will come to an end sooner or later… After a year of life filled with euphoria, she completely disappeared from the surface of the earth, suddenly my heart ached, although she left me inherited from all these possession. The sadness and anger I felt was endless. The shadows gradually regain my heart while I sank in melancholy and regret.

All the emotions I felt during my past have resurfaced, the repressed pain has never disappeared. The emotional container that my aunt had made for me had just disintegrated little by little and at the end, broke. I seemed to understand that the reality was irrational and not lenient.

In anticipation of this, his aunt hoping to put his ideas in order, wrote him a last letter:

My dear Peark,

Today's an unhappy day, I know it myself since if you receive this letter one day ... Despite everything, the difficulty felt at this moment shouldn't tarnish your soul with bad feelings. After all, I'm watching you from up there, I want to continue to admire the beautiful smiles that you can do so well. Stay as you're, I'll always love you, you were like my son. Know that you were the lighthouse who lit up my life. After all maybe we'll meet again soon? Who knows ?

                                         Your dear aunt.

                                     ~~×~~

Peark House :

"POWERFUL BLOW"

"Hurgh" Something jumped violently on my stomach, it hurts! I had however left the door closed ... Why this big cat must be so big, in addition you can open the doors now? If you want croquettes, I gave them to you last night!

This cat's nevertheless intelligent, to get to open a locked door, not bad. Maybe I should've thought about having her do an IQ test ... ummm. Wait, wait… I don't have a cat ?!

"Oh, you finally wake up Peark?" Said a voice with an extremely mocking tone, this way pleasant tone as the sound of a bell recognizable among all, posted next to my bed. The one who woke me up from the sandman is none other than ...

"Mabel ..." I say in an exasperated tone, I really need a respite ... In truth, I'm more confused than anything else, how's it that she's at my house ?! I shook my head thinking that I was still dreaming…

"Ohhh, don't go sleep back again kay ~" she said vehemently, before placing her fist on her flat palm with a "pon".

Turning around where the voice came from, I swallowed, I clearly saw hell literally! Wearing a cruel smile on his face which was clearly the bearer of a certain death, she going to begin to jump on me again. ... Frrr ... The chills go up in my spine ... I almost died young, thank my god for allowing me to stay alive !

"Okay, I've made the lunch, go down quickly." She said happily while turning to the door, but some things were wrong.

"Say, how did you manage to get into my house ?" Did I ask before she fled, I don't remember giving her the keys to my house or even my room? Wait ... don't tell me she has broke the door? Seriously ?!

Maybe by perceiving my puzzled face with a slight touch of concern, she ended up answering my question.

"Ah, that? Easy, you remember when you lost your keys a week ago, right? Well, well, I had a double made so that I could get in easily!" she answers with a smile almost touching these ears, without even an ounce of regret or embarrassment. Okay ~ I call the police.

Ara, was it you ?! Do you know that I struggled for a whole week!

"Go hurry, lunch will get cold." Mabel nodded with satisfaction, feigning my dazed face and finally leaving room.

                                           ~~×~~

School / Classroom :

Looking back on this morning, I still feel embarrassed, although I've known Mabel since my childhood, it was quite special. The fact that she broke into my house to assault me ​​while I slept ... Yeah special. It's literally unreasonable.

When I think about it, my cheeks were slightly tinged with pink during the meal and the more she approached me to ask me if I was going well, the more my cheeks turned to vermilion. Of course, I was glad she was so worried about me. But maybe instinct outweighed reason?

Mabel, she's the same age as me, she's the only real friend I've in this world. Besides, she's the only one I really know since my childhood, even after the disappearance of aunt, she was always by my side. She's my beacon lighting my way although strewn with pitfalls, I'm happy that she's always by my side to guide me.

"Oh but what do we see there? Could it not be the smelly gnome?"

The wicked classic is back?

The whole class laughed at this statement and absolutely everyone looked at me like I was really a smelly gnome. Whether it's the boys or even girls. The only one who remained emotionless at what he just said was Mabel. She keep her face austere without showing her bubbling emotions. Of course, she wasn't without emotion, I know more than anyone that she held back so as not to cause unnecessary trouble. Am i useless?

Anyway, the speech that poses no problem to anyone belongs to Yasha. He's one of the most influential people in the class, even worse he's one of the presidents of it. And guess who's least popular? Yes, Yes. It's me.

Yasha's very popular for her dreamlike appearance with Venetian blonde hair and well-formed facial features and with a well-sculpted body. His deep blue eyes like the ocean are as sharp as those of a hawk. Behind this dreams apparence, we've his personality, on the contrary, which leaves something to be desired, he's simply egocentric, perfidious and despicable.

Well, why does no one come to my rescue? Very simple, nobody wants to help me with, nobody in this school does want to put Yasha as official opponent.

"Oh, the pig still expressionless, that's fine! Watch out for yourself on the stairs if you don't watch where you're going you might fall." He barks.

I narrowed my eyes and looked at him surreptitiously, before returning to an emotionless face. Usually, I ignore them as much as possible, so that I can be left alone, unfortunately it doesn't always work, besides, nobody reacted to his comments ?!

Did he really threaten me ?! It is unreasonable! There is such pain in the ass.

"Oh, don't worry about Peark because he's always careful when he goes down the stairs, right?" Mabel replied in a resolute and almost indisputable tone with a deadly look, then she turned to me and winked at me.

I just shrugged and continued to dive into long thought without a tail or head. I wonder, this look, she already killed someone ...?

                                              ~~×~~

Present :

"Argh…!" Why am I here ?! I'm not supposed to be going to school on right now? I only vaguely remember this morning and yet ...

If, I'm present in this mysterious place, does that mean that I'm dead? The time may have come for Aunt and I to meet again. Although, I don't like this situation you've to pull yourself together, otherwise you get nothing.

The tenderness that I felt from both of you, I'll never forget. Thank you Mabel, thank you my aunt.