“Jesus, Fofa,” Carla said, grinning broadly, “I can’t believe you stood up to them like that.”

They were hanging out by her car just before school started. Carla was sitting on the hood, but Ester was just leaning up against it. She actually felt relaxed for the first time in days.

“It’s thanks to you,” she insisted, “You were right. I needed to learn how to take care of myself.”

“Yeah, now you’re starting to sound like someone I can call my sister with pride.”

Ester laughed.

“So,” Carla continued, “How are things at ‘home’?”

Ester shrugged and replied, “I’d like to get out of there once in a while.”

“If you give me the address I can come rescue you from time to time. Anything to get away from mom and dad.”

“Do you mean that?” Ester asked.

“Yeah! Think about it. We could do all sorts of stuff!”

“Like… what? Go shopping?”

Carla shrugged.

“If you want,” she said, “I mean, I’ve got enough clothes, but you’re more of a girly girl than I am. But I was thinking I could take you to get a tattoo instead.”

“Now I know you’re fucking with me.”

“No, really!” Carla insisted, “I can’t because mom and dad would literally kill me, but there’s nothing stopping you.”

“I could never,” Ester replied, but she couldn’t fight a smile.

“We could go this Saturday.”

“No, we couldn’t,” Ester said, frowning, “I thought you’d heard. I’m going on a date on Saturday.”

“A date?”

“With a boy. Phil Silvers. Do know him?”

“No, but I’m bringing you a bigger knife.”

Ester shoved her, and Carla slid off the hood of her car.

“That’s really not necessary,” she insisted, “But thank you.”

Carla grabbed her bag and gestured for Ester to follow. Ester did, but frowned. She hated the thought of having to go through the rest of the day without talking to Carla.

But when Carla turned to smile at Ester, Ester’s stomach turned. Carla didn’t know the whole truth. She was lying to her sister, and it hurt Ester to do.

“Hey,” Ester said quietly when they entered the building, “I have to know… if it were possible for me to turn back to a boy… would you still want that? Even though we get along so much better now?”

Carla frowned and didn’t answer right away.

“Well,” she said, when they stopped at her locker, “It doesn’t really matter, does it? There’s no point in living in the make-believe world, Ester. You’re going to have to come to terms with this eventually.”

Ester scowled.

“I’m sorry,” Carla said, pulling her books from her locker, “It’s hard for me too. But we’re going to get through this together, alright?”

She gave Ester a little punch in the shoulder. Ester smiled and rubbed the spot where she’d been hit.

“Yeah, alright,” she said, “I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“Besides, you like being a girl, right?”

“I do.”

“Then focus on that, okay?”

“God, you are such an older sibling. You know that, right? Stop babying me.”

She stuck her tongue out at Carla.

“Fighting words, sis,” Carla replied, narrowing her eyes, “I have a reputation around here to keep.”

Ester just chuckled and said goodbye. As she walked off, though, her smile faded. It was obvious Carla wanted her brother back, even if she wasn’t willing to say it out loud.

Class dragged on like always. Carla must have really been rubbing off on Ester, because this felt like a waste of time. She wanted out of here.

Despite that, lunch arrived way too fast. Ester considered finding Carla again, but she was already sitting with her own friends and probably didn’t want her baby sister hanging off of her. She might have found room with Rose and her friends, but she was going to have to face April again eventually.

“Hey girls,” Ester said, squeezing in between two of them, “And you, Dave. Sorry.”

“I get it all the time,” Dave mumbled.

“You look better,” Duela noted.

“I feel better,” Ester lied, “I’m not gonna let things I can’t control get me down.”

April smiled at her, and Ester smiled weakly in return before looking away.

“So…” someone said slowly, “I hear you’re going on a date this weekend?”

“With Phil Silvers, yeah,” Ester replied, fidgeting, “Why? Have you heard anything about him?”

She shrugged and answered, “Not really. Kind of keeps to himself.”

Ester nodded and let the conversation die. April was watching her, but Ester didn’t want to want to look at her. They locked eyes briefly. Ester broke it immediately. Out of the corner of her eye, Ester could see the look of hurt on April’s face.

She didn’t have an appetite anymore.

“You okay, Ester?” someone asked.

“I’m fine!” she snapped.

“Relax, Estella!” Duela cried, “We’re on your side, remember?”

Ester’s face was burning.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “I don’t mean it. I’m just dealing with a lot, that’s all.”

But they were looking at her with apprehension. Ester groaned and forced herself to eat her sandwich. The rest of the table started to fidget uncomfortably.

“Have you picked out what you’re going to wear on Saturday?” someone asked.

“No,” Ester replied, and left it at that.

What was she doing? They were trying their hardest and she was leaving them to do all the heavy lifting. She couldn’t carry her own weight at all.

Jimmy and Leon had warned her. Eventually, people would get fed up with her. Maybe they had been right.

“You’re deep in thought, Ester,” Duela said, “Don’t you remember rule number one of being a girl? We’re all in this together. You have to trust us if you need our help.”

She was right, of course. Ester could see that. Not trusting her friends was hurting them as much as it was hurting her. But she couldn’t tell them the truth without outing April. And that would destroy her. Could they even forgive April?

Could Ester?

“I promise that I just need time,” she said, trying to convince herself most of all, “You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this.”

“You really haven’t been listening,” Duela insisted, folding her arms, “I don’t know what they taught you over in ‘the Boys,’ but friends are supposed to help each other out. At least tell us how we can distract you from it for a while.”

Ester thought.

“Um… April said that you wanted to teach me to skate?”

Duela’s face lit up. Ester glanced at April, who was smiling softly. The rest of the table snickered.

“Yes! Oh yes!” Duela cried, practically hopping to her feet, “You are going to love it.”

Ester chuckled.

“You free Sunday?” she asked.

Duela nodded feverishly.

Ester headed back to her locker after lunch to grab her chemistry books. She felt someone’s eyes on her before she realized who it was. When she turned to face Anton, Ester sighed.

“Eli…”

“That’s not my name,” she chided him, “Call me Ester like everyone else. Unless you really are no better than Leon.”

Anton winced.

“I just want to talk to you… Ester.”

“When will you get it through your thick skull…?”

She trailed off, then rolled her eyes and gestured for him to come closer.

Anton didn’t even want to look at her now. His eyes kept darting around, from her hair to her tight jeans to her face to her now impossible-to-ignore breasts. He gulped and finally looked Ester in the eye. She folded her arms and leaned up against the lockers.

It was probably a good thing Ester had been dressing down for the past few days. The sight of her in a dress might have fried his little brain. Hard to believe that she once had so much respect for this guy.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I want to apologize,” he muttered, “I’m sorry that I didn’t defend you when you needed me. It’s been eating me up inside for weeks. I… I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did, Anton.”

“I know. And I’m so, so sorry.”

He seemed genuine. Ester couldn’t look at his face without feeling sorry for him, at least. She cursed under her breath and looked away.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, “I’m not one of the Boys anymore. We don’t have anything in common.”

“I’m not hanging out with the Boys anymore,” he insisted, “I’ve been very alone for a while. I just want to know that you don’t hate me.”

Ester gave him a sad look.

“You don’t hate me, do you?” he asked.

“We can’t be friends, Anton,” she insisted.

“Why not? Tell me about yourself.”

A warning bell rang and other students starts milling toward their next class. Neither Ester nor Anton moved. Ester sighed.

“I’m a girl now, Anton. Learning to be a girl has been most of my life recently. So far, my only hobbies seem to be shopping and fighting for my life. Except a friend of mine is going to teach me to skateboard this weekend.”

“That’s… cool,” Anton said.

“Why are you really here?” Ester asked, “I don’t believe that you want to pretend that nothing has changed between us.”

“Ester… everything about you is different from who you were! You’re going on a date with a boy this weekend!”

“Yeah. I told you, I’m a different person, Anton.”

Anton sighed and admitted, “I feel like I’m losing the most important person in my life, El— Ester. And it’s my fault for not standing up for you.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Ester replied, slamming her locker closed.

Her heart ached, though. He blamed himself for losing her. Ester blamed herself for being a burden on her friends. And Anton was every bit as afraid of losing Ester as she was of losing her friends.

More softly, she said, “Don’t worry about it, Anton. I don’t blame you. And I’m sorry for ignoring you. But this is who I am now and I’m not going back to being Eli. I can’t, and I don’t want to.”

Anton looked like he was about to cry.

“I can live with that,” he said, “But I still want to be your friend. You mean too much to me for this to just forget about you.”

The bell rang again, signaling that they were both late for class. Ester sighed and shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I wish I could have heard that that three weeks ago. But honestly? I kind of want to just retire my old life. Please respect that.”

“You can’t be serious!” Anton cried, “We were friends for years! Why don’t you think this is important to me?!”

“I don’t care!” Ester snapped.

She regretted it as soon as it was out of her mouth, but it was too late. Anton’s expression fell, and then hardened. He turned and started walking away.

Ester reached out a hand to call after him, but shut her mouth. That had hurt, and it probably hurt him more than it had hurt her. But it was probably for the best.

When Ester got home, both Isaac and Stephanie were already there. April was as surprised to see her parents as Ester was. They said hello to their actual daughter and turned to Ester.

“Since you’ve got your first date tomorrow,” Stephanie said, “We thought we’d treat you to a shopping trip and help you pick out something appropriate to wear.”

“Oh… okay,” Ester replied, cringing a little, “If you want.”

They didn’t bring her to the mall, but to a regular department store. Stephanie took her to find a casual dress and some nice makeup while Isaac picked up some other supplies. Ester felt a little awkward having her surrogate mother handing her dresses to try on, but Stephanie seemed to better understand what was appropriate for a date than Ester did.

“I’m actually kind of nervous,” Ester admitted when they got in line to pay.

“That’s normal, honey,” Stephanie insisted, patting her softly on the back.

On the way home, though, they pulled into a restaurant parking lot.

“We might as well get some food,” Isaac told Ester, “I sent April a message. She’s able to feed herself for the night.”

Ester grunted and followed them out of the car. She didn’t say anything as they took their seats and received their menus. Stephanie and Isaac talked quietly to each other while Ester played on her phone.

“I need to make a call,” Isaac announced suddenly and stood up.

Once he was gone, Stephanie cleared her throat and told Ester, “There are a couple of things we need to talk about before you go on your date.”

Ester nodded, but didn’t take her eyes off of her phone.

“First off, don’t let him touch you, even if it’s something that seems innocent like holding your hand. That’ll just embolden him and you need him to respect your independence before anything else. Second…”

Ester was only half listening, but after a few minutes Stephanie grabbed her hand that was resting on the table and Ester looked over.

“Ester,” she said softly, “I know you’re going through a lot right now. The important thing is that you know we’re here for you if you need to talk about anything.”

“I’m fine,” Ester whined, “I just need some space, okay?”

Stephanie frowned, just a little, but nodded. Isaac returned to the table and sat down. Almost immediately, Stephanie mumbled something about needing to call April and walked out as their drinks arrived.

“Hey, Ester,” Isaac said once they were alone, “How are you doing, kiddo?”

“Did you plan this?” Ester asked, scowling.

Isaac looked away, clearly embarrassed.

“Yes, we did,” he admitted, “We wanted to talk to you but didn’t want you to feel cornered if we ganged up on you. We’re just worried for you, that’s all.”

Stephanie returned and sat down, looking at Isaac expectantly.

“Look,” Ester said, sitting up straight, “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. But you two are already doing so much for me. You don’t have to do more. I’m already enough of a burden as it is.”

“Ester, no,” Stephanie insisted, “Parents are supposed to take care of children when they’re struggling.”

“We’d feel a lot better if you weren’t keeping your struggle to yourself,” Isaac added.

“Really,” Ester assured them, “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll get used to this.”

“We don’t want you to get used to it, we want you to be happy.”

Ester shrugged.