Thankfully our contact lives relatively close to the train station, letting us dive through the shadows of our usual route before taking an extra turn into a different alleyway.

“A bit later than usual, but I can’t complain with results, Twin Tails~”

A gravelly voice slinks from the darkest depths of the alley before she reveals herself, clad in a black mask and a somehow even darker hooded robe that completely erases her figure.

“I’d tell you to cut the ‘Twin Tails’ crap,” I begin, hands on my hips, “but if it hasn’t stopped you after all these years, I might as well be complaining to a brick wall.”

Cat and I saunter into the shadows, my partner taking a seat against the wall while I approach the dark figure. My stance is firm and maybe just a bit too stiff, but I definitely don’t feel like loosening up right now.

“C’mon, we’re all friends here, what’s wrong with a friendly codename between business partners?” she muses with what I can only assume is a smirk under the face mask. Her eyes say it all.

“That’s just it, Blue, we’re business partners. This is a business. Plus, the less of a name we have, the safer we are.” I begin to open my belt and pull out our spoils, handing them to Blue as she snickers and examines each carefully before stowing them away into her cloak.

“I dunno, I kinda like it…” Cat adds as they reach into their belt and toss me the necklace they nabbed before returning to glancing away and playing with their hair.

I can’t help but sigh. It’s two against one, even if I’m only concerned about our safety. Oh well. A muffled chuckle slithers out from behind Blue’s mask as she reaches into her cloak and hands us our pay.

“Ain’t a bad haul you’ve got. Books are a bit hard to get a good price on, but the watch will go for a hell of a price. And that necklace? Something that pretty’ll be a hot item.” And with a dramatic toss of their cloak that whaps me in the face, they depart into the shadows once more.

Turning around, I see Cat sigh. “Yeah, it was real pretty, wasn’t it…”

 

Offering Cat a hand once more, they pull themselves up, holding my hand for an extra moment as I sigh to match her. 

“Is it really so much trouble to give that necklace up?” I prod, looking to them with a tired, concerned face. “Would you even wear something like that? Pretty sure the folks back home would trust us even less seeing you wear something that fancy and girly.”

They wince, their grip on my hand tightening for but a moment before they let go completely. Crap. Did I say something wrong? They look even more defeated than before.

“...Sorry, I didn’t--”

“No. No, you’re right. It’d just cause us more trouble…”

I feel my own heart sink as they cut me off. God, I hate seeing them like this. It doesn’t help that their words hit something in my chest that’s been nagging at me for a while now, but I’d really prefer to just ignore any of that until we’re in a comfortable position. My hand instinctively reaches up for their shoulder opposite to me, pulling them in as I force a smile.

“And there won’t be any more trouble to cause once we’ve settled in. Come on, I’ll make you some tea once we get back.”

My hand had already slipped down to take theirs as they perked up. I wouldn’t call myself a master tea brewer, but Cat certainly loved when I made a kettle for us. Our journey home resumes, now a few hundred bucks richer. Blue is probably underpaying us for how much she implies she makes, but she’s the only blackmarket figure we trust enough to do business with. Darting down a few alleys more, we quickly find ourselves at the train once again. We buy our tickets and fall into our seats, a lot more disheveled than we were the last time we were here. Almost simultaneously, Cat and I reach up to touch our own faces, groaning at how we’ll need to clean ourselves up once we’re back. I’m sure I could go a few days without shaving, but I don’t want to. We might be actual criminals, but I do not want to look like the ugly mugshots we see on wanted posters. Hell, I don’t even want to see my face on a good day, let alone now with how unkempt I must look.

“You want to shower first once we’re back?” I ask, looking up at Cat as I begin to slouch down in my seat.

“Yeah… Honestly, if we really want to save up, we should start showering together to save on the water bill.” They chuckle at themselves, only to look down and see me looking away with a red glow on my face. “O-oh, umm, sorry, didn’t mean to embarrass you, I was just joking…”

“No, it’s fine, I get it, I get the joke. Hah. Aha. Hmm…”

My hand creeps up to my face, holding onto my cheek. I hope they don’t think they’re making me uncomfortable, but I also don’t want them knowing that I’m flustered.

 

Why do I feel this way?! It just doesn’t add up. There’s no way we could work like that. We’re two guys, it just… It doesn’t make sense for us. I’m not sure what makes sense for us, honestly. I try not to think about stuff like my sexuality and stuff. It’s not just because that’s how I tend to deal with things, but I just don’t know what to do with thoughts like that. Nothing feels right. All these labels and not a single one of them means anything to me, and I’m not sure if that’s because they really don’t or if there’s something wrong with me.

Alright that’s enough. All thinking about this does is stress me out, and we have enough to be stressed about. It’s only then that I realized I’d been wrapped around Cat’s arm the whole time I was thinking. Dammit. I release immediately, Cat chuckling at me before they pat my shoulder.

“Hey Fox…“ my partner begins shifting around in their seat with their hands in their lap, “Could we… I dunno, talk?”

Fear immediately stops my heart as if a  hand is gripping it like a stress ball. Talk? Like talk talk? I can barely talk to myself about things like that, let alone with…

“T-talk? What do you mean?” is all that slips out of my mouth. That’s right, I can’t talk about these things with myself, but maybe I can with Cat.

“Y’know. Just. Talk, I guess.” They look down at my slouching body before I sit myself back up and they continue. “Last time we really talked was when I asked you to use they/them for me instead of he/him. It’s been a long time since then…”

They’re right, that was years and years ago. I still don’t fully get why they asked me to, but somehow I feel I should understand. Either way, they’re they/them now. It’s not something for me to question. 

“Yeah… Maybe we should talk. I’ve had a lot on my mind for some time now, and I’m not really sure how to process it all alone.”

Cat offers me a gentle smile. Oh dammit. I feel the blush returning to my face, but I don’t want to look away. In the two decades we’ve known each other, it’s always that smile. The kind that really lets you know someone cares about you and wants to look out for you. I wish I could give them the same, but it feels like I don’t have the energy to smile much anymore. They place their hand over mine and nod at me.

“I’ll help you out then. I’m sure it’ll help me out too. Along with some tea, of course.” 

And with their giggle, we find ourselves sitting silently on the train ride home once more. Unfortunately, our return to Railsent Village is not met with a warm reception. As we get off the train we see the last man we want to encounter.

“And what are you two boys doing  returning from the city this late at night?”

His voice is old and rickety, yet has a stern strength to it. His words coil around my spine with an uncomfortable chill, though I’m not sure why. Considering we’ve had to deal with the bastards in blue before, he’s really nothing compared to them. 

“G-good evening, Harold…” Cat attempts to greet him, only for him to shoot back.

“That’s Mr. Railson to you, boy.” 

Bastard. The way he phrased that makes my blood boil. The old man stood taller than us, even at his old age, grey hair standing short atop his head before flowing down to his silver beard that was just large enough to be respectable. If you could really respect someone by their beard that is.

I step in front of Cat as they seem to falter. “Mr. Railson, we have a friend in Monorise City who’s basically nocturnal. We just went to go visit her.” 

I want to reach down for Cat’s hand, but I know that would probably just aggravate the old man. A The old carpenter levels a powerful and stern glare our way.

“...Alright, but I better not see them coming off that train any time soon. You’re bringing enough trouble here just by being around, we don’t need your city crooks running rampant in our small town.”

Well, he isn’t wrong about the crook part, but I’m not about to admit that. While he has no real reason to doubt us, in his mind he has even less reason to trust us in the first place. He starts to walk away without giving us a chance to say anything more. We know the sound of his stomping all too well since arriving in Railsent, powerful steps, yet not loud, as to not wake anybody up. “What a prick…” I mutter under my breath before shaking my head and feeling Cat’s hand on my shoulder. “Right, right. We’ve just got to keep moving forward. As long as people like him don’t get in the way.”

The trip home is without issue, though, calling this place home is incident in itself. Dark, rotting wood all stacked together, decades of wear and tear clear as the moon all over its structure. Cat opens the door for me and we walk in together. The door will, hopefully, stay closed afterwards. Right away, I get the kettle out and begin preparing some tea for the two of us.

“Earl Grey, jasmine, or mint?”

Cat ponders my question as they undo their belt and place it on the empty kitchen counter. “Jasmine. It’s definitely a jasmine night.”

I nod, almost feeling a smile rise out of me before it dies completely. It does feel nice, this life at home with Cat. It’s the kind of routine I want to settle down to after all these years of struggling. If only life would let the struggling subside. We’re stuck in this crappy house in a crappy town and we can’t enjoy ourselves at all. But at least we have each other. And tea.

 

Cat knows well enough by now that they should be able to grab a quick shower by the time the tea has cooled just right. As shitty as I look, I’ll probably wait to shower another time. Being self conscious is bad enough in these tight clothes, let alone completely nude. With that in mind though, I step away as the water is heating up to get changed. I toss my belt next to Cat’s before finding my way to my room and tossing it all off, throwing on my sleep wear. I know Cat doesn’t wear anything to sleep, but at the very least, I go to their room and find something casual and comfy to wear in their pile of clothes. Honestly, I really wish I could wear the stuff Cat does. It just looks… Erm… My mind really tries to avoid the word “cute” and so do I. Instead I settle for… Nice. It looks nice. Unfortunately, my parents were pretty big folk, not always in a height sense, but in the way that makes me want to undo my genes like they’re chopsticks.

A high pitched whistle screams from the dining area. Dammit. Grabbing something quick, I rush to the bathroom, closing my eyes as I open the door and place Cat’s clothes on the counter next to the sink, then swiftly retreating to tend to the tea. I take the kettle and place it on our table in the center, moving back to get the tea and pouring the leaves into a steeper. The whole process is really calming, and it reminds me of better days back home with mom, before things turned sour with her. I might not think of her fondly, but I want to cherish what good memories I have left. Reminiscing seems to pass the time well enough anyways. Lost in reverie, I pour the tea into our cups just as Cat exits the bathroom.

“Wow, that was quicker than your usual quick,” I quip, looking over at them with my arm resting on the back of my chair.

They reply with a giggle before walking up and taking a seat with me. “The tea’s calling for me, and I just can’t resist its alluring song~”

“Well, don’t start a duet just yet, unless you want to burn your tongue.”

We chuckle at each other. This is nice. I can almost forget about all my worries like this.

“That’s what I get for rushing into love so quickly…”

 

Picking up my tea cup, I blow over the top of it before looking over at Cat. “So… Talking, huh?”

Cat does much the same, wanting their tea to cool down as fast as possible. “Yeah… Talking.”

We both sit there for a moment, staring at our cups before simultaneously looking up at one another.

“...What’s been on your mind anyways? We both know we’re pretty unhappy, but I’m not sure if we’re on exactly the same page,” I start, placing my arms on the table and holding my elbows in each hand.

“Ah… Well, y’know. A lot.” They take their cup and begin to blow on it while their other hand rhythmically taps their fingers on the table, though in a more anxious way. “Obviously our situation isn’t great, but we probably feel the same about that.” I give them a nod as they place their cup back on the table, leaning back and hugging their arms. “Honestly… I’m mostly worried about you.”

My head tilts quizzically in response. “Me? What, have you noticed something’s wrong with me?”

“No! No no… It’s not that there’s something wrong with you.” They pause for an anxious moment before finally taking their cup, blowing and taking their first sip, their mood at least improving from that. “I… I think there’s something wrong with me. And that’s why I’m worried about you.”

“Now I’m confused. Please, elaborate. Letting it out will help us both, I think.” That’s rich coming from me, but it’s probably true.

“Right… Well, I’d only noticed it somewhat recently, but… I feel there’s a disconnect between us. I can’t explain it, but it feels like something changed since we were younger.”

Their words sting in a way I can’t explain, but they continue. “I dunno… It felt like, before, we understood each other on a fundamental level, even since the moment we met on that beach so long ago. It felt like we understood what the other felt, like we were the same in the way we struggled.”

I’m brought back to the dream from just a few hours ago. It was so vivid… Did things feel differently from how they do now? I try to focus on it… Maybe. Maybe they did. I think back to the moment we chose our names. Something drew us together then. But… I still feel that now, don’t I? Perhaps Cat isn’t completely wrong, but the feeling is still there. It’s just so incredibly dulled. It must have started after… Mom…

“Fox? Are you okay?”
“Huh?! O-oh. Oh yeah, sorry. You got me thinking too.” I reach up and wipe my brow as Cat continues to sip at their tea. Right, I should have mine too.

“What are you thinking about then? That was spurred by me talking at least.”

I finally reach down and have some tea. “I’m thinking about how you’re right, but also… Don’t take this the wrong way, but wrong? Or maybe we feel differently.”
Their eyes go wide and they cock their head. “ Wrong? Differently?”

“Yeah,” I say, sipping then putting my cup back down. “About that connection. I’ve been having dreams lately, really vivid dreams about our past. Tonight, I woke up seeing our first meeting, and… It does feel like I felt what you’re talking about. But it feels like it’s still there. It’s just a dulled feeling. Tempered by… Everything that’s happened. I don’t think I ever told you specifically what happened with my mom, but…”

 

A shake of their head stops me. “You don’t have to talk about it. I think I understand. I’m still worried, I want things to get better not just for us, but between us, and… I’m worried about if those things will ever happen.”

I offer a nod to them, in solidarity. “...I don’t think we should worry about us getting better between each other. We’re all we’ve had for how many years now? We’ll be okay.” 

I slide my hand across the table and into the center, where Cat’s moves to rest atop mine as they smile. This is the kinda stuff that got us bullied in school, but it feels like we need it right now. Feeling their hand holding mine… I should be embarrassed, but if I just push that aside… What an odd feeling. Not even a full feeling, like a feeling of something I’m on the cusp of feeling.

“Well, we’re not all we have now at least.”

Their half smile half smirk gets in my head as I let out an amused breath. “Oh, you mean Zee? I mean… Yeah… Can’t say we’d be as well off as we are without them. As well off as living in a crappy shack can count.”

“They’re like the only person here who doesn’t feel pressured to treat us like crap! More than that, it’s like they really want to look out for us.”

We spend a moment in silence before looking up at each others’ faces. Oh. At the same time, we each mutter to each other, “You don’t… Are you…? No… You too…?”

All those very words out of our mouths, spoken in unison. We can’t help but laugh, lowering my head closer to the table while Cat throws theirs back.

“We both have a crush on them?” I ask, knowing the answer full well, “Oh god, how is this gonna work… I mean, I can’t blame you, they’re really wonderful, but… Still!”

Cat just laughs some more before calming down and taking a sip of their tea. “Hey, you never know! I heard of these things called ‘polycules’, y’know? We just both have to catch their attention, th-that is, as long as you’re okay with me…”

They’ve lost me. “Poly-what nows? W-with you? Err, that’s a pretty loaded question considering our history…”

“No no no!” They raise their hands up in front of themselves defensively as they elaborate. “No no, like, we don’t have to all date for it to be a polycule! We can! But it’s more like, Zee would date us both if we’re more comfortable with that.”

“A-ah, right, I see what you mean…” 

Dodged a bullet there, Fox. Not about to open up that ‘I have feelings I can only interpret as wanting to date my best friend and I don’t know how to feel or process said feelings’ can of worms. With a sigh and a slight smile, I down what’s left of my tea and stand up. 

“Anyways, even if things are still crap, it’s nice to talk it out with you. I miss when we could just.. Relax like this. Speaking of…”

Waltzing around the table, I offer them my hand again, to which they respond by finishing off their tea as well (still a bit too hot as evident by their face) before taking my hand and standing up.

“What, are you gonna offer me a spot next to you in bed?”

They jest, but goddammit, things like this keep prodding at that can of worms. “Absolutely not. I’m tired as hell, go to bed.”

We chuckle at each other before following my advice, wandering off to our rooms (Cat already taking their shirt off before they’re even through their door) and finding our beds. I think we’ll rest easier tonight. Going from 8 hours of sleep in the day to 4 in the day and 4 at night has been a change that’ll take time, but it’s slowly working itself out. With a last glance out the window at the setting moon, I wonder why it made me so upset, and why I feel less upset now. I don’t wonder for long, though, not as the night catches up to me and my eyes drift downwards slowly…