I followed Shinobu down a wooden staircase trying my hardest not to put pressure on my injured leg the pain seared with every excruciating step. Shinobu was humming a cheerful tune as she skipped from step to step.
“Hey, Shinobu answer me something.”
“Eat first, questions later.”
“Why are you dressed as a Nun?”
“Why don’t you do what you’re told?”
“Fine forget I said anything, how much further I’m starving”
“Oh only two more flights of stairs, or is it three I don’t remember.”
After what felt like an eternity, we arrived at the bottom of the winding staircase Shinobu pushed the door open and I was greeted with an arresting sight. It was a great hall with eight wooden tables stretching from one side to the other most were filled with a combination of nuns and children.
Honestly speaking some of the nun’s where still children themselves and Shinobu couldn’t have been much older either.
“Hey, Caroline!” Shinobu said to one of the nun’s manning the food station.
“Good evening, Head Sister Shinobu, How may I help you?”
“Come on Caroline, call me Shinobu’s it’s fine”
“What’s on the menu tonight?” Shinobu said.
“Potato and Rabbit stew, You know the regular”
“Eh? I hate Rabbit stew, and that’s the fifth day in a row,” Shinobu said.
Shinobu slumped her shoulders and let out a mournful sigh, Eating the same food every day means nothing to me I’d just be happy to quell my starving stomach.
“Oh the dog lady is finally awake, How are you?” Caroline said.
“Nothing a full stomach and a bottle of sake wouldn’t fix,” I said.
“Sake? What’s that?”Caroline answered.
Oh, Christ, they don’t have sake in this forsaken world the hell hounds were bad enough but you’re telling me I can't’ even drink my sorrows away like I did back home. This might be a whole new level of hell.
“I’m going to call you Miss Dog Lady alright?” Caroline said.
“I have a name, and it’s Mari use It or stop talking to me.”
“Oh, my apologies dog la…I mean Miss Mari.” Caroline said.
“Could you please tell me what this sake thing is?”
“Yeah, I’d like to know too,” Shinobu added.
“Sake is a type of drink where I come from, people drink it when they’re stressed.”
“Oh so it’s like a medicine,” Caroline said.
“That’s one way of looking at it I guess,” I said.
“So why are we stuck eating rabbit stew when you butchered six of those hell hounds, they had plenty of meat on their bones why not skin and cook the bastards?” I asked.
A blank expression fell over Caroline’s face as if I had just uttered the single dumbest question to ever be asked in the history of stupid questions. She continued to stare at me in stunned silence frankly it was insulting.
“Did you seriously just ask that?” Shinobu snickered.
“Yeah, that was dumb, like really, really dumb,” Caroline said.
“Like I’m embarrassed for you,” Caroline said.
“What it was a legitimate question.”
“Oh no you do have amnesia, don’t you?” Shinobu said.
“Yeah sure, whatever, probably,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll tell you why what you said was dumb,” Caroline said.
“Hellhound meat is highly poisonous to humans.” Caroline said
“What?” I said.
“
Yeah, it’ll rot a hole right through your stomach.” Caroline said
“What a horrible way to die,” Shinobu said.
Come to think of it I know nothing about this world, it’s culture or food I’m completely in the dark about it all, I should quiz Shinobu or Caroline later on. Perhaps I should feign ignorance or run with the lost memory sob story.
“Anyhow that’s enough chatter, you two must be starving.”
“Starving is an understatement sister,” Shinobu said.
“Well here you go two piping hot bowls of rabbit stew,” Caroline said.
Caroline handed two bowls of the brown watery stew it looked disgusting and smelt even worse but choosing between a full stomach or a hungry one was a simple decision. “Thanks, Caroline,” I said taking the hot bowl in my hands.
“My pleasure” Caroline answered smiling vibrantly at both Shinobu and me, “Well let’s go find ourselves a seat,” Shinobu said already tasting the rabbit stew. I nodded and followed Shinobu to one of the tables seated to the far left of the hall.
The table was empty save for Shinobu and me. I scooped up a mouthful of the rabbit stew blew on it to cool it down and forced it into my mouth, the meat was thick with an earthy taste. Whatever Caroline had spiced it with was balancing it out nicely and making it palatable.
My body acting on its own scoffed down spoonful after spoonful until my bowl was empty with some residue clinging to the bottom. Shinobu was eating her food at a snail's pace making her displeasure known with each reluctant bite.
“Hey, Shinobu can I ask you a question?” I said.
“Shoot,” Shinobu said wiping some stew from her lips.
“I want you to tell me everything about this world,” I said
“Come again?” Shinobu answered.
“Sorry I forgot my manners, Tell me everything, please,” I asked again.
"Okay..." Shinobu said puzzled.
Why not just say it's alcohol
They’re nuns. . .
@Subspace-zero
nuns are known for making delicious alcoholic drinks
Apparently the grammar is bad? Idk if you corrected the mistakes or the way I read just made it so that I didn't see them but I'm pretty curious, is this your first language?
I also feel the need to point out that you can use other words for dialogue besides "said" and "asked."
For example, "Scoffed" "Questioned" "Muttered" "Uttered" "Hissed" "Yelled" "Cried" "Pleaded"
If someone repeats after another person you could say they "Echoed" what this person said.
You also don't need to add those words every single time someone says something. You can just write it in such a way that we will understand who is speaking.
https://gyazo.com/713f46bbaef07ba2e06f467748ec790f
Just a small example. ^^^
________
I glance towards her as she raises a small napkin to her mouth.
"Hey.. Shinobu, can I ask you a question?" 'I've decided...'
"Hmm?" She turned my way and raised an eyebrow. "Shoot," She responds, as she wipes some remnants of stew from her mouth.
'I've yet to be in this world for a day and I already almost died..'
'First thing's first, I need information..' "I want you to tell me everything there is to know about this world."
"E-Eeh?" Her eyes widen slightly in surprise, almost dropping the tissue in her hand. "Come again?" she responded after composing herself slightly.
"O-oh, I'm sorry, I forgot my manners." I apologized, looking into her eyes with resolve.. "I can't remember much right now and I think you're the only one who can help me..." I paused, considering my next words... 'She's my only source of information right now' "Could you please tell me where I am and about this land's customs?" I finished off, my tone equally pleading yet determined.
'Information first and I'll contemplate everything else later..'
"Uhm, alright..?" Shinobu uttered somewhat unsure, most likely still surprised from the suddenness of the situation...
'I won't die a meaningless and forgotten death.. Not again..'
________
Something like that ^^
I honestly really like your story though and even if I brought up what I think could be better with the dialogue It's fine for me the way it is!
Thank you for the feedback and im glad you enjoy the story
God damn HanaSerpent, you are a damn good writer
Will all the characters be like that? The goddess is annoying enough, then come shinobu with similarly characteristics then boom another similarity from Caroline.
No the characters will not all be like that, sorry you find them annoying.
@RimuThighHighs There is a problem with the description. You have named your main character here as Mari and in the description we have nun's name.
@GodofWar No that's accurate they're the same person we just haven't gotten to the point where they change their name
Grammar got even worse along with the layout, I hope you'll fix it all in the future but for now I'll stop here
Is the archetype of characters in this webnovel just needlessly Rude?
@RimuThighHighs
Hi Author,
The way Mari speak is just weird. It's so street like, almost feels like she is not a civilized member of society at all.
I think you should avoid using words like "bastard", or street words.
Mari need to speak properly. Unless you are intentionally trying to make Mari gangster or something, otherwise, her thoughts and the way she speaks need to change.