Chapter 3: Return Part 1
"Xiao Chen! Come downstairs and eat your breakfast!" A voice called out to Lu Chen from downstairs.
"Ughh." Lu Chen groaned as he woke up. Huh? His eyes turned wide as he realized. I'm waking up? I didn't die?! Confusion filled his mind.
The only thing he remembered was lying in his own pool of blood as he watched Long Shen and Liu Fei Fei. He looked around and noticed this wasn't his original bedroom.
Lu Chen walked towards the mirror in the corner of the room. He stared and noticed his face was covered by god awfully long hair! Lu Chen's mouth gaped open. It was wide enough for someone to put an apple in it.
He knew who was in the reflection.
It was him, but a different him. To be more specific, Lu Chen was looking at his younger self.
Am I really in the past? Lu Chen's eyes widened as he double-checked himself in the mirror. He couldn't believe it. But he had to. This was how he looked at his 18-year-old self.
Still in shock by the sudden situation he was currently placed in, Lu Chen didn't realize his mother had called for him again.
"Xiao Chen! Come downstairs! Your breakfast is going to get cold!" Her voice was filled with anger and annoyance.
Lu Chen snapped out of his shock. It couldn't be. He rushed down the stairs as fast as possible. He was hoping what he heard was not an illusion.
And when he got downstairs, tears began to form in his eyes as he saw the people he wanted to see most were there.
Walking into the dining room, he saw his father reading the newspaper and his brothers chatting at the table.
"Xiao Chen, you should have come down sooner!" A woman who looked to be in her mid-30s walked out of the kitchen. She gave off a warm and comfy aura toward others.
But as Lu Chen's mother, Zhang Wenling, said this, she noticed her son with tears in her eyes. Zhang Wenling's eyes widened, "Xiao Chen, what's wrong?! Why are you crying."
It's true. Lu Chen wiped his tears away, "Nothing, mom. I had something in my eyes." He couldn't tell her how happy he was to see her alive. Not just her but his entire family.
He remembered it all. His father was killed in a car accident. Then his mother killed herself out of grief. And then his brothers disappeared mysteriously, one by one.
Each one was picked off too soon. But Zhang Wenling and the rest were alive and living right in Lu Chen's eyes.
"Lu Chen, you looked like you got hoodwinked by someone. Go wash your face." One of the boys jokingly said. The person was Lu Chen's second brother, Lu Hao.
He was in his early 20s and had unkempt black hair. But he had a handsome face. Everything together gave him a wild and carefree aura.
Turning his head to Lu Hao, Lu Chen knew his annoying remark was only playful. Lu Hao always cleaned up the messes he caused.
"Ok, second brother." Lu Chen said warmly.
Lu Hao's eyes widened. Did the sun rise in the opposite direction today?! Whenever he teased his brother, he would always retort back. This was too unusual.
He walked up to Lu Chen and placed his hand on his forehead, "You good, little bro? Did you eat something weird before you went to bed?"
"..." Forgot he was such an ass. Lu Chen was going to retort, but another voice interrupted him,
"Lu Hao, stop teasing Lu Chen!"
Lu Aotian, Lu Chen's eldest brother, interrupted the two. If there were any words to describe him, it would be; a mature role model. His looks were the opposite of Lu Hao, prim and proper. What was more, he had the same handsome aura as Lu Hao.
He turned to Lu Chen, "And Xiao Chen, go clean yourself up. I can still see drool stains around your mouth!"
"Yes, sir." The two said in unison.
So what's up with this?
He starts to
Starts to what? Or is it not supposed to be there?
I never thought that your grammar is bad. Like you said, you realised your errors after reading your own work again.
Now I'm sure it's more of your poor proofreading abilities and habits.
You should work on that side of your writing, even before submission of the chapter in scribblehub. The old ones have plenty of this kind of mistakes, missing words and sentences, or repeated sentences/words that shouldn't be there. Punctuation are missing a lot on your original too but here, I see that you work on it and made it better, but there are still plenty of it around such as this:
One of the boys said jokingly to Lu Chen (Missing full stop or incomplete sentence)
This may seem nitpicking of small errors but if most stories here (even those with bad grammar) have hardly this problem, I wouldn't have notice it on this story easily.
It has never been grammar that is your main issue. It's all this. I read the other chapters. And it's happening again on those future chapters too, making this hardly different than the original in terms of readers to read.
Your stories have a big potential (read up to chp 30+) but it's these things that make it unpleasant to read. I don't wish to discourage you, but since I never commented on the original and you decided to improve, it's fair I can do something to a story I like, right?
Good job now we just need the Author to read this
@Novellover Probably won't. Not even switching on their notification (even an acknowledgement they read is good enough) and only reply to their latest chapter comments.
I stop following ages ago seeing that this had happened. An author who ignores any feedback isn't worth reading to me.
Huh, I can't believe I'm dealing with this. But oh well:
First of all HecaRyou, I do have my notifications on and look at what my readers are commenting on. Just because I don't reply to what my readers are saying, doesn't mean that I don't look at what readers had said in past chapters. Let's get this first out of the way first.
Second of all, to all my readers, I don't need to reply to every single comment. Like do you think that authors have time to write comments for every comment of their readers said? Of course, they don't. I cannot say for all other authors. But for me, I just need to see it and that's it. If your one of the people that need the author to comment on every comment you write, then I can't say anything to that.
Third, to claim that I don't look at what my readers say is a really interesting one. Sure, yes I do ignore some feedback; but that's regarding the plot of the story. The reason for this is the fact the readers are questioning an idea that is currently in the present chapter, yet said idea could tie into another point occurring in future chapters. I understand why readers will start to question as they don't know what the author is thinking or planning about. I just let my writing do the explaining (FYI, also I feel if I say anything, then I might spoil it.) In addition, there are some feedbacks that aren't significant or beneficial (Like trying to force their idea down my throat.) (Explained in Chapter 84)
I don't mind feedback like this. ^w^
For what you said in the beginning, I already looked at it and have seen and dealt with the problem. Of course, even if it's a rewrite, I'm still going to make mistakes as I am human. But I consistently grow from it and my writing is becoming more refined.
@placeintime
I apologise for my assumptions in regards to your notification and replies. That was terrible on my part.
However, do take note that I do not criticise any part of your story at all. (I even said I like it up there). And I am well aware of not sharing everything of the story because all stories I have that expectation that information is never presented to us fully. I read it far without any problems (ignoring the errors) before the rewrite.
Thus, I have different expectations only in one aspect when I saw this. Because it is a rewrite, I am expecting far fewer errors covered up and more thoroughly checking before posting. Again, it was never grammar that was bad. It was just missing stuff and incomplete sentences.
Nevertheless, I'm sorry for my mistake. It was in my interest to see you working hard and improve and not to discourage you.