- Dwarven Settlement, Calidus, Sens Estate Private Training Facility and Dojo - Rose's POV -
[K-Karen wins.] - Lolianne
[...!] - Everyone
[Wait! Rose!] - Malaise
I couldn't do it. My mind, filled with images of Karen's hate-filled eyes deflated my attacks so that they had no impact, my dodges to her counterattacks far too late to actually be effective in return. My brain, only seeing the worst of everything before me, basically shut down as I lost in a spectacular fashion and my subsequent flight from the room filling my mind with illusionary, mocking laughter that I was sure those startled eyes contained.
- Dwarven Settlement, Calidus, Random Nearby Alleyway - Rose's POV -
[Hah... Now what?] - Rose
[...] - No-one
[Yeah... that's what I thought too...] - Rose
Sighing again for what felt like the hundredth time I struggled with what I was supposed to do now. I'd lost. Now, that by itself wasn't a terrible thing; Karen had actually almost always won against me in our previous lives, her skill as a martial artist was far beyond mine, after all. No, what was terrible was HOW I'd lost. I'd lost so spectacularly because I didn't try. I'd gone into the fight with my emotions still raw from the night before and as a result I'd been paralyzed by my own indecision, my own doubt. And even worse was I'd done this to myself, it was a result of my own choice.
[Hah... I can kind of see why Wrath hates me so much to be honest...] - Rose
[...] - No-one
Wallowing in my self-pity I found my mood plummeting even more as I sank even more into my growing understanding of the hatred that Wrath had for me. I deserved it, didn't I? Even after she'd finally called a truce I'd gone and done this almost immediately after. Is it really that difficult to change? I'd made up my mind, hadn't I?
Despite that however, the thought that Karen hated me tore apart any semblance of confidence I had left. The thought that she might never forgive me for what I'd done was eating my insides like a disease. And the silence that accompanied my outward musings just solidified those negative feelings even more. The distant sounds of people passing were the only thing to break the quiet as I slumped against the stone wall of some out-of-the-way house. Through the gap, I could even see passing pedestrians as they went by in complete ignorance of my presence. I was alone, again.
[Hah... should I head ba-] - Rose
[Rose! Rose there you are!] - Karen
[K-Karen what are you do- <slap>] - Rose
Sighing once more as I struggled upright from my sprawled position I finally decided to head back to the rest of the group. No matter how much I wanted to continue my pity party I couldn't let the friends I'd made here worry about me forever. Gulping silently as I attempted to wet the lips that had dried from anxiety I froze in place when a familiar voice broke through my stupor.
Panicking that the subject of my self-doubt was now directly in front of me I tried to retreat in a rush while I was freaking out both internally and externally. My question about her sudden appearance was halted by a sharp pain in my left cheek followed by a slimy hug.
[Don't EVER do that again! Do you know how worried we were?!? How worried I was?!?] - Karen
[B-But I-] - Rose
[No! You promise me right now that you'll never run away like that again!] - Karen
[I-I... I promise.] - Rose
Finishing her tight embrace my Slimegirl roughly grabbed me by the shoulders, her sharp gaze making me flinch as she rightly yelled at me for what I'd done. Even so, I was still confused as to her reaction, shouldn't she hate me? I betrayed her, right? Regardless of my doubts however her insistent gaze allowed no refusal as I was forced to promise to never run away like that again. Her satisfied nod was both charming and confusing as hell.
[Good. Now that that's settled what the hell were you thinking?!?] - Karen
[I-B-But I- Don't you hate me for what I did?] - Rose
[Hate you? You bastard! <smack!>] - Karen
[Oof!] - Rose
[I don't hate you for something that minor! Are you a fucking idiot?!?] - Karen
[I-Idiot?] - Rose
[What else would you call someone that confesses that they love you but then says that they can't be together right then huh?!?] - Karen
And so came that question, the one I was dreading. After what I'd done last night I deserved that accusatory look in her eyes but somehow it didn't reflect blame, instead only worry dwelt in her gaze. That worry however was quickly replaced by an intense anger as I asked a question that had been bouncing around in my brain ever since this morning, one that I truly didn't want to be answered but was unable to stop from escaping my lips.
Her response, however, surprised even me. Despite my years of friendship with her I would never have expected being punched in the face for asking that sort of question and for a moment I despaired at the thought that what I was truly terrified of had actually come to pass. That despair only lasted a moment however as she wrote off the events of last night as "minor". Staring at my ex-girlfriend in shock I wasn't able to respond coherently as she lay into me once again. Although the feeling she was giving off wasn't exactly matching what I'd expected in this event so I wasn't sure how to react. Gulping nervously I asked the only question I could.
[So you're not angry?] - Rose
[Angry? Fuck that I'm livid! I worked up my courage to finally confess to you and you pull that bullshit, at first I didn't know what to think and after finally coming to terms with it I just wanted to beat your face in and hopefully hammer some sense into that brain of yours and what happens when I get the chance to do that?!? You fucking roll over like a dead fish!] - Karen
[K-Karen I-] - Rose
[Do you believe in what you said last night?] - Karen
[H-Huh?] - Rose
[Do YOU believe in what you said last night? That it's better for us to take this thing slowly?] - Karen
Did I? After hearing her view on what had happened it all clicked. Her frequent glances at me today as well as the stand-offish way she'd interacted with me. At the time I'd thought it could only be because of her hating me for breaking her heart. And while that had been partially correct it hadn't been hatred that she'd been directing towards me just pure unadulterated anger. And I'd reacted to that justified anger by giving up, of course she'd be angry.
Which brought us to whether I still believed what I'd said last night was the right call. To be honest, I wasn't sure, all of my instincts were screaming at me to take it back and jump into her beautiful slimy arms but that part where my heart existed resisted that impulse. We needed to take this one step at a time, years of repressed feelings on my side and whatever existed in Karen's heart on her side needed to be unravelled first. I couldn't allow unresolved problems blowing up in our faces down the line because we jumped into something now. So, hardening my heart, I nodded.
[Yes. All I ever wanted as Austin was to somehow win you back, despite the impossibility of that scenario it was everything to me. And if you'd offered me that chance in my previous life I would have immediately jumped in with both feet without thinking. But, I'm not Austin. Austin died on that day and while I still feel for you as strongly as I ever have we both need to accept that I am not him.] - Rose
[Hah.... I see.] - Karen
[Karen?] - Rose
[You know, you're right, I still haven't fully accepted that you're no longer Austin. Despite not being attracted to your previous self I still was attached to that old you. I think- hah... I think I projected your current body on top of your previous one and acted as if nothing had changed despite everything being different.] - Karen
A wave of anxiety washed through me anew as Karen closed her brilliant violet eyes silently, my mind working overtime to figure out if I'd thrown away my one chance to take back a potential mistake. What she said next however floored me. Staring me straight in the eyes Karen finally let me know how she felt, what was going on in her mind. And, when she was done she looked at me with the most vulnerable expression I'd ever seen on her in both this life and the last, her own anxiety clear as she worked up the courage to ask me the question that must have been plaguing her since last night.
[Promise that we'll work this out.] - Karen
[I promise.] - Rose
[Okay... now let's get back to the group, everyone was worried when you ran out. Idiot.] - Karen
Exhausted from our emotional discussion we both made our way back to the manor I'd run from, our sudden appearance from the dark passageway only garnering a few passing glances from the unrelated city folk. My heart however was calm even now as I felt reassured that we'd at least taken a large step forward towards our eventual goal, one which I was sure was just around the corner.
Ty for the update
Should I understand for this chapter's speech and previous chapter's, that your MC has really chosen completely abandon her previous self?
Although I don't like personally, I can't blame it, considering current circumstances
She has, completely understandable considering how horrible her previous life was.
@TheMangaGod
When I said "current circumstances", I dont mean MC's specifically
It exists thousands of isekai reincarnation stories, or called in another world, but his/her body transformed someway, turning in every respect, a completely different person. Gender bending, although interesting, is just one more tag
The key point is, firstly, almost always the MC in these stories hate his/her previous life, detaching from the begining the idea, even just hipothetical to return. Your MC itself is an example
But it has exceptions, people although all experienced things, is determined to get back in home
The matter is, even if the transformed or reincarnated character find a way to return to Earth, and the correct age (some stories character get in a past or future Earth)
Would can s/he recover his/her previous life?
As long I've seen, imposible
All seen body changed characters that finally get to return to Earth, either use some magic or technology to hid their "new features" and/or have no option but create a new identity, with the risk to be discovered some day
@Irina_Akashira That’s definitely another aspect as well. In a previous chapter Rose rejects offhand returning to her previous world and this resolution is just a further example of that. Throughout the story she’s more and more been abandoning her previous, completely irretrievable life since it’s both impossible to go back to and not what she wants. Also it’s my personal opinion that if this sort of thing happened to you then you should probably give up on having a normal life entirely
@Irina_Akashira As a side note I love your analysis comments!
@TheMangaGod
I don't remember a specific chapter where your MC "rejects offhand returning to her previous world"
And about be "impossible to go back", both in this story and others with a similar setting, I think that we should differentiate, although be complicated most time, between different types.
Personally I consider 4 types, and they can be mixed:
a) be "really impossible" for any reason. Most usual, the previous world was destroyed, some stupid matter about world or soul balance, or travels just work in a direction. Most times proclaimed for kidnappers/gods/summoners, and most of them they are lying so "heroes" focus in mission
Not known good example
b) Almost imposible. Most usual some version of multiverse theory. Some even the MC was to find some way to travel to another world, s/he has no way to know where is his/her original world
Example: "The Laid-back Life in Another World of the Ex-Hero Candidate Who Turned out to be a Cheat from Level 2"
c) Simply it hasn't been invented/created a mean to get back, and the summoners in these stories haven't taken the trouble to get . Why should they do it, if the "heroes" are simply cannon fodder against their enemies? Some stories, the character creates him/herself the way to return
Examples: "Arifureta", and likely "The Magic in this Other World is Too Far Behind!"
d) Simply it isn't convenient. Afer all, even if you was to find some way to return, if you have turned literally in a different person, it will be imposible recover his/her previous life. And most of these stories, the "original" is "officially dead"
So why should you take the bother to return in a previous world where you will need to create a new identity and never will be recognized for your previous self, when you already have an identity and stable life in this new world
Examples: Almost all reincarnation stories
And a side point, in some stories is revealed some point, that the memories that MC thought to be of a previous world, be in fact fake/copied memories taken from some other person, resulting to be a native of that world, with maniplated memories
Example: Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka?
Or even some times the character discover to be a clone/copy of some earthling, as part of some god's experiment or entertainment
Example; Evil God Average
So even if the character was to get the chance to return, it would be "2" of the same person
@Irina_Akashira it was a fairly early chapter, I believe it happened almost immediately after Karen first joins up with Rose. It's been a while so I'm not sure exactly which chapter. As for this story I'd say the one that fits the most is definitely Example D. As we've seen from Lao Shi it is possible to travel through dimensions so realistically the only thing holding Rose back is becoming powerful enough to do that kind of thing. As of now she has shown little to no interest in returning I doubt I'll incorporate that into the story later. Possibly, but I doubt it.
The way I view it is if people can cross one way then they can go both ways, now whether there is a person that knows the way of doing that is another story altogether.
@TheMangaGod
As you have implied, it seems quite unlikely that you can just travel in a direction
The weird point, at least for me, is that at the beginning of the story, you commented about summoned people, and many time they don't believe the curch of light, but you have never commented if it have been some case where a summoned have wished to return, and MC's country have tried to help them
The only way that I can see to incorporate this matter to the future in the story, would be if MC and firends and/or family were to help some unwilling summoned heroes to return home (or similar)
And I haven't asked for MC return. After all, as I said the "d" type cases aren't convenient. Austin is dead in Earth and Rose has an identity in this world
The only story I can remember with at least a bit similar setting, where the reincarnated MC returns to Earth, was that MC couldn't live in her "current world" anymore (no details for spoiler) so when some summoned people returned to Earth, she went with them, and they helped her to create a new identity
Pd: If you curious, here the link, machine translation
https://ncode-syosetu-com.translate.goog/n9963cz?_x_tr_sl=ja&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=nui,sc
@Irina_Akashira I’ll give it a look, as for other summoned heroes… no comment
I mean she even expressed dysphoria¹ towards her old body and name, in the middle of the tournament arc..
Though that seems to have been dropped by the author (I'm obviously not up to date).
¹Something I really liked as that aspect of gender bender is rarely explored.
@Haefey It’s something I planned to introduce slowly over the course of the story rather than coming at it strong right off the bat. It’ll happen more throughout until Rose finally confronts those feelings. She’s gradually doing so however as you can see from how she views herself currently
@Haefey
"dysphoria"
It has been a while from last time I heard this concept, and as you said is rarely explored
Although it would can be used in almost all gender bender stories, and likely most body-swap, transformation or modified body stories