“And in summary… your verdict is Hell,” God spoke casually as he cleaned his nails.

My fists tightened at those words, my fingers biting into my skin.

It wasn’t fair. Life was so unfair.

 

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so surprised to discover that God was actually a hard-right conservative religious zealot. 

As it was according to the literal text of the ancient rulebook, homosexuality, sodomy, and all of those controversial LGBT topics were classified as automatic tickets to Hell. I was promptly informed of this indisputable fact shortly after arriving here in the afterlife. However, I had really thought that Heaven would have modernized slightly by now.

I had poured all my faith during my dying moments hoping that God wouldn’t be so… binary.

I’m transgender.

I died because I tried to stop my friend from committing suicide on the train tracks, but instead we both fell down into the path of a speeding train.

I hate the idea of just becoming a statistic. It frustrates me more than anything that people only see that I’m transgender, so I’m not remembered as anything else. Does nothing else in my life matter? What about all the things I achieved, and all the people I loved?

 

“To be honest,” God broke my monologue of thoughts, “I don’t have anything against you personally. It’s just that rules are rules.”

He shrugged as he stood up from his throne.

“Did you know that I don’t actually make the rules?” God continued as he walked towards a long gallery of paintings that lined the infinite hall of this heavenly chamber.

“It makes it a huge pain in the neck for me, y’know? It’s annoying as hell to constantly make Heaven and Earth appear and function like the way believers think it will.”

His feet stopped at the first painting, and he tapped on the glass cover while looking at me.

“You like anime, so you should be able recognize this poster.”

“KonoSuba: God’s Blessing on this Wonderful World?” I responded hesitantly, quite lost on how the conversation about the judgement of my soul had suddenly derailed to talking about popular Japanese isekai anime. Was God an otaku? Somehow, the imagery didn’t quite seem to match up.

“That world is real. And it’s also my responsibility to manage that universe too.”

“But it’s just a fictional anime,” I retorted, feeling quite skeptical of what I was being told.

That particular series was not even a remotely realistic anime, and it was full of sleazy and and trope-filled characters. It was a harem anime as well, and I was always bothered by how artificially all the female characters acted. Women don’t actually behave like Megumin or Dustiness Ford Lalatina in reality, and the setting of that world was clearly something imagined by young otaku men to fulfill their 2D fantasies.

“Yet people believe in it, so it exists, and it’s God’s job to turn Faith into reality,” God answered.

At that point God pointed his finger towards me, his aura menacing and heavy.

“You come from Earth, and the beliefs of the majority of your people dictate that you will go to Hell, so that is the fate you shall receive.”

An ominous pentagram and summoning circle suddenly started forming underneath my feet.

Instinctively, I began backpedaling, but quickly found that I was trapped inside of an invisible wall.

I looked back up towards God in the midst of my plight, but my eyes were mostly blank.

I guess, in the end, I couldn’t win against the whole world. Should I be surprised?

Honestly… I only felt empty.

 

+ + +

 

“Just kidding.”

Suddenly the pentagram of red light disappeared from around me.

With a devious smile so calculating that you wouldn’t believe that God could do it, he spoke once more.

“Allow me to propose a deal. I’m sure you will find it to be very favorable to you.”

He paused for a short second for dramatic effect.

“Please reincarnate as one of my women if you don’t want to go to Hell.”

 

With a snap of his fingers, suddenly the scenery of the throne room changed and we were teleported into a room packed full with statues.

However… it wasn’t a room full of ordinary statues.

Rather, it was a room full of beautiful life-like naked women — or “statues” so speak — perfectly proportioned and covered with real human skin. All of them were mounted on pedestals and frozen in time and space. The disturbing part was that I was almost positive all of these statues were in fact real human bodies.

I shivered at the sight of this chamber.

It was beyond disturbing… definitely creepy.

It kind of reminded me of otaku galge figurine collections, except this was with real human beings.

I think if I were an ordinary male, it’s possible that I might have found this scene arousing.

However, I’m not attracted to women at all. I guess you could call it a side effect of my transgender status.

Honestly, I was just more disturbed than anything else by the fact that God had a room like this somewhere up in Heaven.

“There’s no souls inside them,” God said, as if sensing my thoughts. “So it’s okay to objectify them if you want.”

He pointed at one of the statues.

This one had enormous breasts the size of watermelons, jade-like skin, and a figure that was far too sexualized no matter how you looked at it.

Basically, it was the body of a porn star.

“I think this one would suit you well. I think this one is the holy sex princess of the Magic Kingdom of Nyalorolothop. I haven’t been able to fill that role in ages, and she’s a critical character to the story, so it’d help me out a ton if you’d just reincarnate as her.”

I was rendered completely speechless.

“You’ve always wanted to be born as a woman, right? Then you should be perfectly happy!”

“Uuh…”

I was half-paralyzed, and my tongue felt completely tied.

Was this some kind of sick idea of a sleazy joke?

“Do you have some kind of problem with this model?” God tilted his head quizzically.

I coughed to clear my throat, trying to be as polite as possible.

" ...It's just that... there's no way I'd want boobs that big..."

God's head instantly snapped around like a bullet. I thought he looked angry for a split second, but I think I must have imagined it because the next moment he was back to being cordial and conversational.

“They all have big breasts,” God maintained dryly.

“Who’d want to look at a female protagonist with a pancake chest?” he muttered.

His gaze softened as he returned to a coaxing tone of voice.

“Oh, come on, it'd look good on you. I'm sure you'd be really popular and loved by everyone, and normally you’d never get a chance to get your heart’s deepest desire fulfilled just like that! I can give you lots of cheats too!”

“...I really don’t think...” I tried to protest weakly.

“Oh, don’t be shy!” God waved his hands and all of sudden, I started to feel my chest expanding as large jugs of flesh began to grow underneath my clothes without my consent.

Wait, what?!

“Everybody loves large chests! Who doesn’t love big oppai?!” God began to talk passionately.

Nearly instantly, my face flushed bright pink as I clutched my rapidly tightening shirt with my hand.

It took me a few seconds to process this, but then the realization hit me like a bulldozer.

 

God was a pervert.

I thought I was imagining it at first, but there was no other explanation.

It was definitely a fetish.

God definitely had a fetish.

Oh my god, what did I even stumble upon?

 

“Oh, here’s another good model!” God gestured at another naked female body.

“I think tsunderes go really well with long legs, so I think this one might even look even better on you! Just make sure you remember to leave a tad of skin showing underneath the skirt when you wear thigh-high socks. I must say, Zettai Ryouiki truly is the best fashion statement of the the 21st Century! Make sure you don’t forget!”

And that was basically the point when I couldn't hold it back anymore.

I exploded right then and there and punched God in the face.

Yeah...

Probably not the smartest thing, given that he was God and everything, but my fists were moving before I could even think to stop myself.

Perhaps even more surprisingly, my punch actually landed right on target.

God buckled over instantly and clutched his nose while yelping in pain. His nostrils slowly started dribbling blood as he recoiled from my sudden assault. Tissues seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and there God was, nursing a bloody nose right in front of me.

I froze in place after I my punch connected with its target.

Wait what?! That wasn’t supposed to hit.

I thought God would turn transparent or that he would dodge it effortlessly, since well… he’s God.

"W-wait, are you okay? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

However, God slowly raised his head. When I finally got a good glimpse of his eyes…

God... looked furious.

Dangerous. Spite-filled with vengeance.

Suddenly, he started laughing ominously, almost like a madman.

“You don’t want big boobs? You dare refuse a deal with God? Yet you still have the guts to offend my taste for beauty and say you still want to be a woman?”

A savage glint raged in God’s eyes.

“Fine, I will grant you your wish. But you will regret this. You will pay the price for striking divinity.”

He whispered coldly as a pentagram of red light formed around me again.

“Enjoy your new life.” Sarcasm oozed from his words. “I’m sure you’ll find it lots of fun.”

And then everything in my vision went dark.

∎